I do NOT want to give birth again, I do NOT, I do NOT, I do NOT

[FillyjonkisCALM]

(I am sorry if I am scaring first timers, I just need to get this off my chest. So please click on a "how many nappies do I need" thread or something.)

I do NOT like the pain. It is not bloody "special" pain as far as I am concerned. It is JUST PAIN. Pain is NOT GOOD. Drugs are inadequate. I don't WANT to squeeze something the size of a cantaloupe melon out of my fanjo, I want a nice general anaethetic and to wake up, oooh, once the baby has learnt to sleep.

I have a week or three to go and I am vaguely panicking.

And yes I have tried sodding TENS...

I don't want to put anyone off here, I am feeling bad but I am actually bloody terrified-and this is number 3, btw...

(awaits possible telling off)

oh and I don't want to breastfeed. I WILL but I don't want to. I want to get this baby out and then go and BE BY MYSELF and not huge for about a week.

(I feel better now)

filly, filly , filly..... breathe !!

you can have

TENS

water

massage

gas and air

meptid/ pethidine

diamorphine

epidural if there is time

or a combo of the above

yes, it will hurt, but you have done it twice , and you know that the pain ends,and you get a baby at the end of it.

do some inspirational reading ( ina may )

some visualisation

accept it will hurt, but don;t fight it

quicker labours are more intense as you do not have lots of time for your own endorphins to kick in

but over faster !!

you will be fine, you will do it, you can do it

yes people suggesting gas and air

of COURSE I do gas and air

I am not a complete numpty

Actually I usually end up on pethadine also .

God the idea of opening up like a flower is terrifying.

ask hospital about mobile epidural

i PROMISE!

i first gave birth around 15 years ago and have talked to a lot of women about epidural during which time i continued to suck on that ear -warping puke inducing gas..

my experience of epidural was amazing. they did what they termed a 'spinal' first which just took away some pain but to be frank i was more than happy with that - it was just like you kind of 'imagined' labour before you had it . it hurt but not like lying on a bed of burning coals..

then they said ok we will put the epidural meds in now and at this stage i did nearly faint but that was fine...

then the delivery proceeded - i was numb from below boobs to fanjo - no more seriously - so so so nice. i kept laughing and saying OMG i am in labour. The MOST interesting part about giving birth with epidural is that you get looked after. I chatted with the midwife had b/p checked - baby checked but only one internal - have a head wipe lay down sit up talk you through it. It the same hospital and during a very fast and frightening delivery 3 years before the midwife barely set foot in the room. My baby was born fast ( i always believe that my agony made me FORCE him out too quickly) and ended up with a few problems ( now resolved) for which i will always blame myslef.

I honestly think epidural -FOLLOWING- natural delivery is so mind blowing - ...

gosh paula I could probably knit through that then, couldn't I?

(oh lulu, I asked about a mobile epidural with ds, the mw laughed and said "oh they don't do fancy things like that round here )

I had a normal epidural from a skilled anesthetist who kept me topped up rather than the weakened solution you can self administer. Could move my feet and at the pushing stage could almost get to my knees. Walked to the bath afterwards and left promptly the next morning.

oh and Paula my hetoine agrees with me!

hmm, re the pethadine mine weren't especially drowsy or dopey, tbh. They were bloody noisy, and latched on immediately after birth.

am trying to remember how it went exactly, but I THINK both times I had the pethadine in latent phase labour (this lasts a few days with me each time, then a very fast active stage)

Paula - your post is really interesting because it's something I've always wondered... if you have an epidural for second or subsequent babies after having a natural delivery first time round, do you think it's probably quite a different experience, because you KNOW how bloody painful birth is?
I had an epidural for dd2 but that was a c section, sandwiched between two vaginal births, dd1 and ds, without epi. I definitely found the epidural pain free, but I do wonder whether I would have felt a bit cheated of knowing what birth is like if I hadnt done it the natural way first.

TBH, if you can stay at home as long as you can bear it, staying active, mobile, vocalising, and have a bath if you need one etc..by the time you get to hospital , should be good to go !! or stay at home

if hospital scoff at mobile epi, then think carefully as there are issues with epi e.g increase in need for instrumental delivery, and CFM, drip and catheter, all of which restrict your movement ....

i thikn heated and PYBF have had wonderful experiences though!

alfiesbabe yes you hit the nail on the head

i would say the only -very very minor and slightly warped - downside is that you dont have the horror story - omg what hell i went through - story with regard to the birth

i am GLAD i know what hell birth is but for that reason i would gladly PAY for an epidural next time!

At last someone who feels like I do, I'm incubating my third now and all thats keeping me going is the minute he/she pops out I will shout "thank F* I don't have to go through that again"

Everyone and their dog says "oh you are SO lucky 2 1/2 hour labour, I was in labour for 105 hours" fast labours hurt like hell, theres no let up in contractions, one finishes the next one starts straight away, no time to get your breathe back, people ask "do you have a labour dance?" "no I'm half way up the wall screaming in pain begging DP to make it stop, shoot me or something" I'm pathetic in labour. I pulled the headboard off the bed the last time. I had a sore jaw for days afterwards from biting so hard on the gas and air pipe. "You might feel a stretching sensation as the baby crowns" whats that about "You might feel like you are being torn in two, your fanjo ripped apart"

But (for any first timers who are still reading) once that baby is out it's the best feeling ever (probably because the pain has gone)

Just get through it Filly any way you can

Yeah it's a weird thing isnt it? If i was to have number 4 which I won't, as mine are all a respectable age now and I wouldnt do it all again, but IF i did, I think i'd book an epidural. But I think that's cos I know I can do it without! Sounds very strange in a way, but you know what i mean!

yes sweetkitty
that 'lucky you' at least it was quick

errrrr no - it was pure pure torture - not 5 seconds between unending agony to get your breath

dp is white as a sheet and grief stricken after seeing me pleading with him with my eyes to end the hell...

but there is another way................

My third was definately my best birth even though I can remember thinking 'oh why have I put myself through this %$(&^£$"!!!'
The best thing I found for getting me through labour was focusing on the baby. Once you've done it once you know it won't last forever - I know you should know this the first time as well but I don't think logic really comes into it so I just kept thinking 'this will be over soon and the baby will be here' oh yes and 'and that's one more contraction I will never have to have again'

Good Luck!

Filly, I know this might not help you at all, but do remember every labour is so different...with first I thought it was o.k., with 2. it was a breeze for most of it and if I had ys first, I would only have 1 child now, not 3, lol....

Try to go inot it with an open mind, you just never know what you can expect. You have done it before and obviously have had a not so good and very painful experience, and whilst no one can make any promises, there is a good chance that the next time will be nothing like your previous experience!

oh yes re quick labours

both times I have asked for an epidural, both times I have been told that there is no point, as by the time the anaethetist arrives and sets up the drip and so on, the baby will be there.

It is pure bloody torture because there IS no break between contractions-so an hour and a half or whatever or pure bloody pain, followed by a ripping senstaion, followed by another 10 minutes of agony.

Also, following such a delivery, one's fanjo is not normally as happy as it might be, so there is that to deal with also...

(god I hope no first timers ARE lurking here. Birth is about whale muzak and deep breathing, lalala)

Ahh Filly, I feel for you as I am too pregnant with #3 and totally shitting it ! I'm actually trying to not even think about labour til much closer to the time so I don't know why I am here

FWIW. DD1's labour was 28 hours with contractions every 2 minutes lasting 1 minute for pretty much that whole period of time, G&A (just as paula describes, bloody awful), Pethadine and finally Epidural. Epidural was amazing as I could go to sleep, I think I actually slept from about 1am until 6am which was bliss. However, I ended up having a ventouse delivery as I could not feel a thing from Epidural, I couldn't scoot myself up the bed etc and when it came to having a shower afterwards I could barely walk to the bathroom.

DD2 however, was all over and done with in 4 hours pretty much. Again had awful G&A (made me vomit) and an epidural but epidural failed and I felt every last bit of pain from every last contraction. That was the most intense 4 hours of my life.

I have decided I wont be having an epidural this time, simply because the last one failed and I was expecting to be asleep within about half an hour of it being administered and boy was I shocked that I wasn't.

Does induction really ensure an epidural?..... Hmmm. (Currently 40+4)

Look - sorry to say this but isn't life just.... like that? It's pretty much the rule that you don't get something good without putting out for it first.

And children are the biggest joy and reward in life - so you're obviously going to have to suffer BIG TIME.

You're just going to have to suck it up.

(PS - I've got three and have spent..... oh, about 60 hours in ACTIVE labour as first and third labours were terrifically long. I was watching a tv programme the other day - some paramedics rescuing a woman who'd been crushed by a car. They were showing her lying there groaning, in agony and the thought went through my mind - I've been there, I've experienced that much pain in labour. I spent a moment feeling quite shocked and then put it behind me)

I'm really glad I had an epi the first time because it made it all seem so bloody easy and I wouldn't have had a second child if I'd known what it's like without

However I do feel there is another child in me somewhere, possibly another fast, fast labour a la Ds2, which is as you all describe, no let up etc etc and deep shock really afterwards...I didn't stop shaking for a long time...

But I don't want an epi because I think it made me sick after Ds1, and I don't want a CS, because it's harder to recover from, and basically well I think I'll adopt.

uyou need a focus for your pain - magnum of fizz at the end of the bed might do it? Or maybe slugging it whilst in labour

Have a CS - you lie back reading Heat while the hired help give birth for you