Irritated by birth considered to be an ‘experience’

[French2020]

I gave birth 10 weeks ago. I was overdue and induced for reduced movement so the labour was medicalised and ended in a forceps birth in theatre. It has taken me up until around 8 weeks to feel mostly normal and the recovery was hard, though thankfully I haven’t been left with horrific injuries. But during pregnancy I was under a ‘continuity of care team’ and their social media is full of ‘positive birth experiences.’ I was led to believe instrumental births are rate when in fact for first time births this is not the case. I wish I had been better prepared and all this talk of birth as being a magical experience is frankly unrealistic and unhelpful.

The think is it’s not all bollocks. Everyone has different experiences. I went epidural for birth 1 and was bloody awful. Took natural route birth 2 and it was much better. And I used some of the techniques I learned in my nct class.

Blaming NCT is daft. Problems happen. Women have different experiences.

It's an experience. Definitely not magical. I found it traumatic and my birth was pretty short and straightforward. The pain was horrific. I personally don't think it's helpful to frame it as some sort of magical experience when for many many women this is really not the case. There is so much bullshit flying around about childbirth and having babies. Much of it coming from the professionals you should be able to rely on.

I'd describe it as a major life event.

My first birth was a hospital water birth. On paper - lovely.
I still found it fucking horrendous 😂

But i disagree you can't improve your chances if low risk of having a better birth. Being educated on what interventions you'll allow, knowing the risks of doing something vs not etc.

Out of my friends, everyone who was induced due to being 'late' ended in emcs!! The ones of us who didn't get induced had no interventions. We were all 'low' risk.

However equally, you could be low risk and then something could happen you can't control like pre-eclampsia that makes you high risk.

No point beating yourself up over it.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Its all bollox. I went for an epidural for my birth because I'm a nurse and I know damned well how it goes. There is nothing magical or great about it its just constant agony for hours on end. Why would anyone fall for all that stuff. Just as well I did as he got stuck and my birth involved cutting me wide open, ventouse, prolapse and god knows what. I'd have had PTSD had I not gone for the epidural.

I'm really sorry your labour and birth were so difficult, but as a nurse surely you also know that plenty of babies are born with minimal or no trauma. Yes, always pain but many, many women manage that pain and deliver quite smoothly.

I didn't fall for anything - I knew it was possible to give birth w/o interventions. I didn't have constant agony for hours on end. Sure my toes were curling somewhat when I arrived at hosp with DS2, but I was coping, and with the amazing support from the midwife and my sister and by body being fortunately built the way it is and my DS being ready and in the right position, it probably was the text book labour and birth.

I am sure I am not special.

My "experience" was crap. Lockdown, wasn't allowed in the hospital until they decided to finally check if I was in "active labour". I was already 6 centimeters. Then the baby was stuck and 6 hours of pushing later, they decided a doctor was needed. Episiotomy, ventouse, lots of blood loss.

After my first dc I felt exactly like you OP. I did all the hypnobirthing etc and it just didn’t ‘work’. Ended up with loads of interventions. My second birth was super easy on paper and very quick. However it was unbelievably painful! But then it was over and I look back on the experience fondly strangely.

I think the whole hypnobirthing/natural is best thing just makes mothers feel crap, and social media is largely to blame. I think there’s a real class element also - all these white pretty middle class mothers posting about their drug free births. It’s a bit nauseating really, given that if something had gone wrong they are lucky enough to live in a country where first class medical help is available.

@GoodnessTruthBeauty

The magical part is getting your baby at the end, the rest was most definitely an endurance test, decidedly less than magical and I have have given birth 3 times. I think a panel of about 15 mothers should be available for questions from pregnant women and not just medical staff or natural birth mystics. Then we would be much better prepared for what to expect.

Brilliant idea xx

I gave birth for the second time in December and it was exactly the same as yours OP. Induction and forceps. Absolutely horrendous although a much shorter process than the first (which was also induction).
I remember going in to hospital with my first full of romantic ideas of how wonderful and amazing it was going to be. I put on a full face of make up, curled my hair- the reality of course was far different. I think I'd pictured myself panting delicately while someone dabbed my brow. What a silly girl I was!
I was left largely alone by the midwives and in agony, cold and vomiting with every contraction. Aside from being given the induction drugs I didn't see anyone until I was pushing. I cried, screamed and shat myself. I was in shock for years afterwards and felt lied to by all the women around me- no one prepared me for what birth truly involves.
Second time around, at least I approached the matter fully aware. I had no birthing 'plan' simply a mantra of I'll just get through it one way or another and I'll have all the drugs I can.
Second time it all happened very quickly after being induced although I was horrified to hear the word forceps, and protested as much as I could through a pethidine fog.
It took about 12 weeks for me to feel even slightly normal and for my vagina to stop feeling like someone had driven an artic-lorry through it.
Despite all that,as many women will agree, it's all worth it when you are passed your lovely little baby. The ultimate reward.
But I do agree, there should be more honestly. It all fees like one big cover up!

I concur, during delivery I wanted to die I asked the midwifes to kill me the pain was horrific. It was too late for a epidural, I don't know how I got away with a straight forward birth with no tearing. After she came out I passed out I have very limited memory of the birthing experience except pain.