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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Why does it have to hurt!?!

115 replies

SuddenlyScared · 13/12/2007 14:28

I'm ready to be laughed at here (I KNOW this is a stupid question) but I am due to have my baby quite soon and what I want to know is, why does it have to hurt? I don't mean in the philosophical sense of course, more that with the availability of drugs and especially epidurals, why is it STILL so bad!!? Can you not just insist on an epidural relatively early on? Or is this just a desperate hope of mine? Does it hurt because people try to do it without drugs, or wait for as long as they can? I know this is naive but ... I AM suddenly quite scared!

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mindalina · 13/12/2007 14:29

It won't hurt - gas and air is a wonderful thing

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 13/12/2007 14:29

I did it without drugs and honestlty enjoyed it

All in the mind I say

mindalina · 13/12/2007 14:30

Seriously though, I was terrified of the pain so I bought lots of books by people like Sheila Kitzinger and Grantly Dick-Read who all maintain it doesnt have to hurt, which relaxed me a lot in the run up to labour. Then when it came to the actual labour they gave me gas and air and I don't remember much at all...

coldtits · 13/12/2007 14:31

no, it hurts because it hurts, but it is not like being injured, it is not that sort of pain.

You WILL cope, you are BUILT to cope with it.

It is the price humanity has paid for walking upright and high intelligence - small hips, large heads!

coldtits · 13/12/2007 14:31

The gas and air is great.

Habbibu · 13/12/2007 14:33

Gas and air very good. I think, though would like someone with experience to back this up, that epidurals can slow down the process a bit. Weirdly, though I delivered a very big baby, the only thing I remember with any squeamishness is the feeling of the canula in my hand...

sparklyjen · 13/12/2007 14:33

Gas and air is horrible. Go for an early epidural, the only thing I regret about my birth is waiting so long to have one. I would be a lot happier about the experience if I hadn't had to endure what I did.

Epidurals etc do, of course, have their down sides but for me it did a lot more good than harm.

ElfPolarBear · 13/12/2007 14:33

From my wealth of experiend (one baby, 8 mo ) I can say it will hurt but you will cope. I would rather go through childbirth again than have the infected appendix I had recently that I rated a 5 pain-wise on a scale of 1-10 where 10 is childbirth. For me, the worst part of 'pain' is, what's wrong with me? and is this ever going to end? with childbirth you know the answers (sort of)! Pain relief is there if you need it, TENS can help a lot and allows you to feel in control.

pud1 · 13/12/2007 14:34

i must admit i watched portland babies the other week and asked myself the same question. there was a women who had opted for a " painfree" birth. she was given an epidural at about 3 cm dialated and kept it topped up. she had so little feeling that the midwife had to tell her to push. in my pre pregnant state i would have thought this was pathetic, but at 32 weeks with my first i am wondering if this is not the way forward

sparklyjen · 13/12/2007 14:34

My epidural did slow down the progress but this wasn't a problem, it gave me a chance to rest before starting to push.

SleighlyMadSanta · 13/12/2007 14:34

An epidural isn't the be all and end all.

It can make the chances of an instrumental delivery higher for which you will need an episotomy for which you will need at least 2 weeks of soreness.

After an epidural you will have to stay in hospital for 24hrs+ whereas without you could be out in 6hrs.

You will not get an epidural until you are in active labour (3cm+ I think). The you may have to wait an hour for an anethsthatist.

I gave birth to DTDs w/o pain relief. This was not my intention but meant that I knew I could do it without for DD3. Doing without an epidural is not just about not having pain relief it is about being able to 'feel' your baby being born - and it is not all pain.

Those are the reasons that many people elect not to have an epidural. But there is nothing wrong with those that do want an epidural. It is just personal preference

imdreamingofawhiteKITTYmas · 13/12/2007 14:36

With my first baby my waters broke and I went and got checked out told cervix was completely closed and to go home, on way home started having pains so went back in was told I was only 1cm and it would be hours yet. Was told I could either be admitted to a ward and DP go home or we both went home. As I was in agony they said I could lie in the labour room with the gas and air until morning as I was making too much noise and would wake everyone else. Needless to say I started making pushing noises and was told not to as I wasn't dilated enough until they had a look and I was fully dilated, no time for any drugs so only had gas and air.

Second time was a homebirth so only gas and air, was quick too.

So in answer to your question it was too late for me to have pain relief (I remember begging for an epidural or a section at one point).

I'm not going to lie it hurts like you would not believe but you get through it and afterwards you have a baby and it's the best feeling in the world. Labour is only a tiny part of it.

I'm pregnant with number 3 and am still terrified of labour but I know it will be over with quick and I'll have a baby.

SleighlyMadSanta · 13/12/2007 14:36

Yes an epidural can slow down the process indirectly.
Epidural = flat on your back
Flat on your back = slow labour

pud1 · 13/12/2007 14:36

i have also started to read Stand and deliver ( author unknown ) and at the point were i read that it is possible to orgasm during birth i felt like burning the effing mumbo jumbo

mindalina · 13/12/2007 14:38

Oh yes I did have an epidural as well later in the day, which I would agree slowed things down and is probably why DS ended up being delivered by ventouse. I think I could have managed without the epidural, TBH, but when they offered it I was tired and confused and it seemed like a really good idea.

HowTheGibbonStoleChristmas · 13/12/2007 14:38

Self hypnosis really can work wonders

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 13/12/2007 14:39

Mm. Good question!

I had an epi with my first, and remember the whole thing being pretty easy. Trouble was I couldn't feel to push, so it felt a bit farcical - I had been scared too but afterwards felt like I'd cheated.
Second time, no time for pain relief, 3 hours, not even gas - it was shocking and traumatic, but afterwards I felt very proud. It is not something I think I would wish to avoid iyswim...it's natural, not an illness, just birth. It's meant to hurt. So I am glad I had the experience, I feel 'raised up' by it.
Saying that I am very reluctant to ever go through that again...planning an elective next time

Christmaxbear · 13/12/2007 14:41

As far as I'm concerned an early epidural is a receipe for disaster - if you are keen to have a normal birth. If you are happy to accept drugs to speed up labour, continuous monitoring, much increased likelyhood of an instrumental delivery or a caesarian section then you may consider this to be a good option. Of course if you do need forceps you already have an epidural so should not feel too much at the time, and do you really want to be aware of things when you are in a very unglamourous position with several people you don't know? Give me normal birth with gas and air anyday.

chipkid · 13/12/2007 14:44

something to do with adam and eve. God gave woman pain in childbirth as a punishment for eating that bloody apple from the bloody forbidden tree

camillathechicken · 13/12/2007 14:45

it is a different type of pain to any other, it is pain with a purpose, each contraction , each minute that passes brings your baby a little bit nearer

there are soooo many options for pain relief

nothing

TENS

gas & air

breathing excercises

hypnobirthing

water

massage

aromatherpay

diamorphine, pethidine, meptid

epidural

or a combination of them

there are pros and cons, particularly to chemical pain relief, and epidural in particular takes your birth into a more medicalised route

worth finding out about your options and what will work for you

being scared is fine, it is making you explore your feelings around the birth

if i could live one day of my life again, it would be giving birth to my DD and the incredible feeling of pushing her out.. the elation and adrenalin rush afterwards was amazing

if you do decide to opt for an epidural, it is best to have one when you are in established labour , 3- 4 cm, and if it is one that enables you to move, rather than a total block, then that is helpful

Sam100 · 13/12/2007 14:46

It does not have to hurt - but sometimes it does. A lot depends on how the baby is lying - if it is posterior (baby's back next to your back) then it can be more uncomfortable as the womb is working hard to get the baby turned around into the right position for delivery, but the baby's head is not pressing on the cervix in the most effective way to enable this.

There is some good stuff on the net about Optimum Foetal Positioning, worth a read. I did not know anything about this when I had dd1 - she was back to back, long labour, very painful - had an epidual which then lead to very slow labour and not very good pushing. Next time round, bit more clued up - labour was much shorter - did not rule out drugs and epidural but as it turned out did not need them as i had very easy water birth. I am not a brave pain embracing tree hugger - was ready to take whatever was on offer when needed, just didn't need it.

Don't be scared! Birth is an overwhelming experience - but not in a bad way - the more you can "let go" and trust your body to do what it needs to do, the more comfortable and in control you can feel. But equally you do not have to be a martyr - if it really hurts then take whats on offer!

funnypeCOOLYULEiar · 13/12/2007 14:46

It isn't always awful - the imagining was almost the worst bit for me. And if you can manage without too many drugs, imo & ime, you may find your body is capable of more than you realise.

ds (first) - gas & air - about 10 mins of feeling I couldn't cope (transition) otherwise in control
dd (second) - forgot to ask for pain relief - felt in complete control, not saying it didn't smart, mind you

Oh, and before kids, I would have totally agreed with you - who would choose a 'drug free filing'? What this celebration of pain about? But read around the subject, and am really glad I tried things before going down the drugs route

sparklyjen · 13/12/2007 14:46

Before I had my epidural I was in terrifying agony, completely confused and disorientated and feeling sick and hysterical because of the gas and air.

Once I had it I was calm, confident, in control and able to enjoy the rest of the birth.

sparklyjen · 13/12/2007 14:51

"it is a different type of pain to any other, it is pain with a purpose, each contraction , each minute that passes brings your baby a little bit nearer"

Completely disagree with this, from my own experience the opposite is true - I found the pain terrifying, confusing and soul destroying, not positive in any sense.

MaeWestYeMerryGentlemen · 13/12/2007 14:58

I think it's fairly normal to be scared at this stage - and a lot of it is down to the fac that you are going into the unknown.

I had my first baby last year, preparing for a homebirth, lots of yoga, self-hynosis, the lot. People commented on how calm I seemed.....

...but I was still scared! So in the last couple of weeks I sort of put it out of my mind, and concentrated on getting through each day and trying not to think of the due date looming up.

And when I did go into labour, I managed to cope. Yes it did hurt, and at one point hurt a lot and I felt like the contractions were constant and that I couldn't go on. BUT I had a fantastically supportive midwife, DH and my mum all standing by. And somehow, just as I thought I couldn't do it, somehow I was, and then I had a lovely slippery, wriggly baby in my arms.

So get the information you need, keep an open mind about pain relief, and you will get through it... honest