Why does it have to hurt!?!

[SuddenlyScared]

I'm ready to be laughed at here (I KNOW this is a stupid question) but I am due to have my baby quite soon and what I want to know is, why does it have to hurt? I don't mean in the philosophical sense of course, more that with the availability of drugs and especially epidurals, why is it STILL so bad!!? Can you not just insist on an epidural relatively early on? Or is this just a desperate hope of mine? Does it hurt because people try to do it without drugs, or wait for as long as they can? I know this is naive but ... I AM suddenly quite scared!

Yes, it hurts like hell.

No, you do not always cope with the pain or forget it.

Remember that every birth is different and what works for one woman may not work for you. You may well find that you can cope with the pain and it's the most wonderful experience of your life. That's great. You may well find that you are screaming for an epidural after a few hours. That is also great.

If you don't want it to hurt, you can have pain relief. (It might not work that well, but that's the same with any kind of pain relief for anything.) Giving birth is not a competition, it is not an endurance test, and it is not - or at least it shouldn't be - reflective of any kind of ideology. Do what works for you and forget everything else. Don't make one birth plan - make several to account for what might happen. Find out everything you can about every option. There are no right or wrong answers.

I speak as someone who found birth terrifying to the point of having PTSD afterwards. Don't fall into the trap that I fell into of believing that how you give birth is somehow a reflection of you and your sterling personal courage. It isn't.

Krang is spot on. Just don't be afraid to do what you want to do, whether it is to have an epidural to deal with the pain (and yes it IS pain!), or to keep moving, or whatever seems to float your boat. For pg #1 I kept thinking of a friend of mine who had her 1st dc just weeks earlier, did it with no pain releif and it was over in 5 hours. As it was, my labour was 28 hours, i was in serious pain for a good 6-8 hours before I had the epi, at which point I didn't give a DAMN whether the labour was slowed down or not, it was progressing so slowly anyway and I so needed a break. I actually fell asleep, and woke a few hours later ready to have a go at it again. Pg #2, I was very happy to have the epi as soon as I felt that severe pain starting again, even though I was progressing so much more quickly. Labour was 5 hours, so things not slowed down THAT much...
Keep an open mind, don't feel you have to be any kind of nature hero, trust your instinct and don't be afraid to make your needs known! Good luck, you'll be fine!

I had an epi, it gave me chance to rest. Had an assisted birth forceps and ventouse and was cut. I had her at 6.29 in the morning and was out by 1pm (discharged myself)

'It is the price humanity has paid for walking upright and high intelligence - small hips, large heads!'

exactly.

I thought the same things. I do wonder how people can experience childbirth and think that God has the power to actually alter physical realities! However, you will get through it, don't you worry.

Applauds krang

It hurts because it's powerful and dare I say it enlightening. I'd do it again in a flash. The feeling of the moment of actual birth was amazing. Such a high. I was shaking like a leaf for hours afterwards.

The shock of those first couple of weeks though, that I would not repeat!

I was terrified before i had my ds but listened to natal hypnotherapy cd's to try calm myself down and train myself to learn to relax instead of being scared and tensing up. I don't think they took away the pain (although i've heard for some people they do)- mt baby was back to back so lots of backache but they helped me to relax my body through each contraction and helped me to focus, i think this helped me to progress quicker (labour was about 6 hrs) and therefore i was in pain for less time iyswim. I managed on gas and air and although did request pethedine at one point when i was just getting tired of coping with the pain rather than not being able to coap with it, it was too late to have it and then once i could push i felt a lot more in control and strangely really enjoyed the pushing as i felt it was nearly over and i was just excited about meeting my lo. Anyway i'm no expert but would say the thunks i personally felt most helpfull were staying as relaxed as possible, keeping mobile and upright, i walked then knelt, and really concentratung on breathing, oh and the one thing i couldn't have managed without were the back rubs from dh! I kept telling myself 'i've just coped with the last contraction and i'm still here so i can cope with the next one too' and before i knew it i was holding my baby - without doubt the best moment of my life! It hurts but not constantly, you do get a break between contractions until transition which is very short lived and then after that you can just push then it's all over

I had to have pethidine and then an epidural because of complications. I wasn't given a choice. The epidural numbed me physically so I didn't physically feel my baby being born. The pethidine numbed me emotionally so I didn't feel any emotion when the mw put my baby into my arms. The pain I feel in my heart and stomach every time I think about missing out on those things far outweighs any of the physical pain they saved me.

Just give yourself a chance to do it naturally and then work your way through the options as camilla laid them out. You can endure far more than you give yourself credit for. There is also no shame is taking every painkiller and intervention offered to you.

G&A is fab though. I'd swap it for wine actually

good post krang
you may find you're fine without pain relief or you may want some. Either way you will cope

It is so hard to describe labour pain and everyone's experience is so different, but you do tend to get two camps: the people who had horrific pain and felt wildly out of control, and the people who say yes it bloody hurt but it was a 'productive' pain and it was all right (with a bit of gas and air maybe).
You just don't know what camp you are going to be in, but I suppose the best thing to do is to try and get the baby in a great position for labour, since the screaming, terrible type of pain might be associated with an OP baby (though in my case OP didn't mean more pain, there was a thread about it recently and I'm not unique).
And read up on non-drug pain relief, don't dismiss it because it seems unlikely that it'll work (ime a lot of women do this) because enough people say it does, and if it works for you, you will be elated. If it doesn't there are options, and if you do have an epidural, try and stay lying on your left side rather than your back - flat on your back is about the worst position to labour in!
Hope it goes well!

I once heard childbirth described as the most painful thing you will ever experience in your life, that you would gladly do again right away. I think that about covers it!

I had horrendous pain (OP baby, 48-hour labour, epidural after 42 hours of Tens/G&A neither of which really helped me) but DS is worth every second and I am willing to go through it all again someday.

I would consider having an epidural again as it was such a relief from such a long period of pain, but would delay it as long as possible. I feel like 42 hours was long enough and hopefully next time by that point the baby will have arrived!

The wonderful thing about living in the UK in 2007, is that generally, we have a choice as to what pain relief we have during labour.

You probably won't know what pain relief, if any, you'll want in labour, until it's underway - the best laid plans and all that......

My advice, for what it's worth, would be to keep an open mind and go with the flow when it happens. At this stage you don't know how you'll cope with the pain, or whether your labour will last 30 mins or 30 hours.

Do what you feel is right at the time, and be thankful that you are giving birht in the 21st century!!

Best of luck!!!

( And for the record, I had an epidural when I was 6 cms dilated, after over 24 hours of on / off labour, and it was heavenly. Did end up with a forceps delivery and epi though, but DS and I were just fine. I'd do it again tomorrow)

I've had one epidural and one completely pain relief-free birth. The epidural speeded and then slowed things. It was wonderful to have, but by the time I had it I'd been contracting for 2 days and had made it to 3cm. Worse, for most of that time I didn't realise they were contractions, so lay around instead of keeping moving, which I did through minor contractions previous to my second labour which no doubt speeded and eased labour considerably. In that labour I was fine, really fine, until 9cm. It got very, very painful after that, but it was always just this side of manageable. I was switching between feeling awful agony and amazing empowerment by the minute. I'm really glad I did it without pain relief. (I'll admit it was not a long labour).

I'll also add that as much as the epidural was a blessed relief in my first labour, it did disorientate me that the sensation of 'working' you get with the contractions had been switched off. For me, labour pain really was a 'productive' pain.

I was more concerned about being in distress than being in pain. The pain is like period pain; it's the use of a muscle, but you don't have the same control over it as the pain you might suffer running a marathon. In a normal birth, it starts off very light and gathers in intensity gradually. It is made easier by a relaxed, tranquil state of mind such as you might have if you were confident that everything was happening as it should. It is made worse by fear and tension, or by something going wrong.

Women who opt for an epidural sometimes get a very much pain-free birth, but as with any medical procedure there can be side effects and things can go wrong. That's why I opted not to have a needle in my back. My cousin in USA had 3 epidurals; the first two were very successful but the third only worked down one side and she couldn't walk after it for a couple of days. I didn't want to risk that, and i wanted to have more control.

I had an epidural for both births and had seven hour and five hour labours respectively. The epidural may have slowed things down, but that was speedy enough for me. I loved giving birth and I didn't require any intervention - I could feel the contractions, they just weren't painful. I had both babies in France and many of my French friends had a similar experience (although with varying lengths of labour). They don't do gas and air in France - an epidural is your only pain relief option. You also don't get much choice on position either - flat on your back appears to be fairly standard. I wouldn't knock it though - I had great time and if I was pregnant with a third I'd be checking back in to St Vincent de Paul in Paris like a shot!

Ooh, it hurt like hell and i was a hysterical screamer, and would do it all again tommorow!
I had gas and air and pethidine (i think).
Honestly, you get through it, you know its a natural process, you know its ouchy and you just do it.
I was more scared of the unknown and it added to the hysterical part.
I decided I wanted an epidural 1 push from ds's head popping out because 'I didn't like this anymore' (of course was refused).
Its crazy and great at the same time, an experience you'll never forget!

I love a good thread about the horror and pain of birth, lets just scare the wits out of all those poor old first time mums reading this. I did one without hypnobirthing and one with. I know which one I'd do again.

I have had two quick labours - 4 hours with ds1 and 2.75 hours with ds2.

Both were painful, but too quick to have anything other than my TENS machine and gas and air (which should be available in every pub).

No doubt the length of my labours influences my views, but I really, really don't think it is the most painful thing I have ever experienced.

I would rather give birth 50 times over than have another migraine - something I experienced only during my first pregnancy I(and never since). They were the most painful and shocking experiences in my life.

I know it's easy for me to say, but don't be scared. I ended up with an epidural after I was still only at 3 cms . Dd was op and I was in a lot of pain. Once the epidural was in the pain just went away and I really started to enjoy it . Would definately do it again as I have forgotten the initial pain! People say to drink lots of rasberry leaf tea as it apparently tones your uterus in preparation for labour supposedly giving a shorter labour and less need for pain relief, only to be used from 37 weeks though .

I was still only dilated 3cms after a couple of days it is supposed to say! Good luck.

Oh boy, why is it that these 'reassuring' threads always scare the b'jesus out of me...?

Sarah (36 weeks and more terrified with each passing minute)

Get a doula

They don't call it "labor" because it's easy.

I've had two wonderful births without pain relief. There is something about pushing your body beyond what you think you can cope with that is so empowering (IMO)

If you are questioning when to have an epidural, you will know when. If you decide you need one than get one. Everyone's birth experience is so different. You may be in pain at 3cm and need one. You may not feel too much pain until you're closer to 7 cm and decide that you're almost there and not get one.

SparklyJen, I felt the same. It didn't feel like 'positive' pain, it just felt as you say, soul destroying. I didn't think I was coping at all, everyone said 'Oh you are coping so well' when in fact I was in a place I had never been and never wanted to be again. So much so that when the baby was finally born, I didn't want to touch it, I was in complete shock, and bleeding like a tap, and thought I was going to die - everything suddenly stopped, I gave up in a way. I felt like I'd been killed.
I am still trying hard to work through those feelings, with the flashbacks etc. that I have to somehow suppress to get on with my life at the moment. But I have not forgotten and though I adore babies and would love to have more, the idea of going into labour again and facing that experience is something I cannot contemplate for now, if ever.
After my epidural-birth, I would have happily done it again a week later really. I am grateful for that as it meant I had another child.