Why does it have to hurt!?!

[SuddenlyScared]

I'm ready to be laughed at here (I KNOW this is a stupid question) but I am due to have my baby quite soon and what I want to know is, why does it have to hurt? I don't mean in the philosophical sense of course, more that with the availability of drugs and especially epidurals, why is it STILL so bad!!? Can you not just insist on an epidural relatively early on? Or is this just a desperate hope of mine? Does it hurt because people try to do it without drugs, or wait for as long as they can? I know this is naive but ... I AM suddenly quite scared!

no matter who i speak to there was always a cord wrapped round neck, lost heartbeat, nearly had ceasarian -OMG moment and i think there is an increasing industry wrapped around a womans control and experience in labour.

the v. truth of it all is that the OMG moments coupled with doctors in green masks and aprons telling you what you hav to do.

midwives too busy to take much time and with an ( IME) overarching air of "its only birth dear"

the feeling once in hospital that you have to fit in with staff rotas etc. the piss poor choice " well mrs custy you can have your baby now but we have no staff, however if we give you some drugs we can wait til morning and lots of people will be able to help you"

bull shit. thats not a choice its ADMIN

i think the reality is that there is little choice once the medical profession get involved.

i will advise my daughter to take much drugs epidural straight away.

i will advise my daugher that she doesnt have to have a vaginal exam or a breast exam.

no one advised me this was a choice " sit back in your paper gown spread your legs and let me stick my hand up you theres a dear"

i will advice my daughter that she doesn;t hav to hav students looking at her private bits and/or giving her vaginal pessaries when they dont know what they are doing.

I listened to a hypnobirthing cd,did yoga and researched and prepared myself as much as possible but when it came to the day - the baby was back to back (op?) and after 9 hrs of contractions i was screaming for an epidural! I had one but it practically stopped labour and in the end had to have an emergency c.section as baby was getting distressed.

the midwife at the time said that your experience of birth will rely on 3 factors - the position of the baby - your pelvis shape and the position you are in to give birth (i think that's right - i was on a lot of drugs by the time she was telling me this) so to be honest I don't think it is always a case of mind over matter. being in labour for 19 hours with a baby in back to back position compared to being in labour for 3 hours with a baby that is perfectly positioned (for example)is going to result in a vastly different experience of chilbirth for the mother and result in different choices of pain relief imo.

It's an extreme period pain which is why we get them I reckon. Sorts of conditions us to it. It's not pain like having your leg sawn off (well I wouldn't know but I'm guessing). Easy said but if you can stay fairly relaxed and breath and have lots of gas and air then you could get throught it relatively pain free.

I didn´t want to give impression that mind over matter works every time earlier.. I know women for whom that could never have worked. But in an uncomplicated situstion (and I did suffer interventions - not completely unassisted births) I believe thinking positively does help enormously.

custardo, why do u object to internal examinations?

very frustrated - sorry if i gave the impression that i was directing my comments at you.

i was speaking about a general impression i get around childbirth that mind over matter works all the time when in my experience it didn't and i was thinking positively.

Ooh I hated the internal examinations, not something I have an 'issue' with at all but I found them incredibly painful - I think (?) I had to have some done though as was induced and progressing slowly. The thing that annoyed me was that I asked the midwife why it hurt so much and she implied I must have 'psychological issues' about internal exams that were causing me to tense up - not the case at all! I am completely at ease with all of that kind of thing, don't bat an eye at smears, internal scans etc, but in my v. pregnant SPD state it just HURT.

Agree completely with posters who say it varies enormously BTW. I have a high pain threshold (eg I practise martial arts when not pregnant and am always the one who gets demonstrated on; have had broken foot with no treatment for six weeks; etc) and a positive attitude and really did not expect to have to have all the pain relief I did, but in my particular situation I needed it eventually and was v. glad it was available. My friend, who was v. scared of birth, had perfectly positioned baby 3 pounds lighter than mine and a lovely 6 hour water birth and didn't need anything beyond gas and air. Great for her, but also great for me that the help was available when I needed it.

Do people have lots of internals then usually? I think the only time I got one was after my waters broke and the midwife came round to check me out (and gave me a bloody sweep without asking which I didn't want!).

i object on the grounds that i dont like other peoples fingers up my vagina.

robin3, lucky you for your labour pain being no worse than period pain... my labour pains were worse than I could possibly have imagined.... and I never thought it was going to be a walk in the park. It was PAIN pure and simple, and extreme, and unrelenting. And after it went on for hours, while I sucked the g&a, I was finally told that I was 3cm dilated, and that I was doing well.
Cue gigantic sense of humour failure, and I lost it. The midwives practically made me have an epidural, and I have NEVER been so grateful for ANYTHING in my life.
It's different for everyone.
And I second custy's dislike of people taking control when you haven't asked them.

I've done it twice (no drugs) and to be honest it hurts like hell, it was my worst nightmare and during my first labour it was so bad that I was sure I was going to die...The second time was nearly as painful but I handled it alot better as I knew I'd be ok. Yes, some people may only experince period type pain, but that's unusual. I made the mistake of listening to those people and ended up in a complete state of panic.

What I'm trying to say is it IS really bad, but it has a purpose, to bring your beautiful baby into the world. Do what you have to do, drugs/no drugs. If you don't have anything it'll hurt, best to be prepared, but you'll be ok.

As for the drug/no drug debate, I choose the drug free approach to minimize the chances of intervention and possible risks to the baby. It's a v personal decision that I don't regret, but I know it would have been easier with drugs.

oh yes, listen to the hynpobirthing cds and get your partner on board. Mine talked me through my contractions and I could NOT have done it without him. If he goes on the course / reads the book too then he'll know what to say.

And get a Tens machine. I didn't as was planning a waterbirth but with my waters breaking early I wasn't allowed one.

I'm not going to talk about how much it hurts, because from what I can understand this is wildly different for each woman, and seems to depend on a lot of things, many of which you can't control.
But I will say this: reading MN beforehand was a massive help for me and really prepared me. Things would have been much harder without all the info I got from the hours reading MN messages. As just one example, I had it firmly in my head that transition and crowning would hurt, and you know, they did! but the fact that I was prepared for that helped so so much.

I object to internal examinations because I think they can have a disruptive effect on the progress of labour.

Vets know this - they wouldn't go sticking their fingers into the birth canals of other mammals in the early stage of labour because they know it would disrupt the delicate hormonal dance of birth and result in dysfunctional labours. Animals are left well alone during birth (unless they're struggling)for good reason. We're mammals too and midwives and doctors should remember this and give us a bit of privacy!

I think someone earlier said that the OP (me!) was asking why you couldn't just go straight for drugs and save the pain, which is exactly right, I was! But having read all these really helpful messages I realise that that isn't always possible or in any case the best option. I do feel a lot more relaxed about it, all this information really helps - thank you! A friend told me that the scariest thing for her was thinking that it hurt much much more than it should do and therefore that something must be going really wrong - and she would, inevitably die! Hopefully I won't make that mistake at least!