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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Why does it have to hurt!?!

115 replies

SuddenlyScared · 13/12/2007 14:28

I'm ready to be laughed at here (I KNOW this is a stupid question) but I am due to have my baby quite soon and what I want to know is, why does it have to hurt? I don't mean in the philosophical sense of course, more that with the availability of drugs and especially epidurals, why is it STILL so bad!!? Can you not just insist on an epidural relatively early on? Or is this just a desperate hope of mine? Does it hurt because people try to do it without drugs, or wait for as long as they can? I know this is naive but ... I AM suddenly quite scared!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

camillathechicken · 14/12/2007 09:36

birth trauma thread I urge anyone who has been affected by any degree of birth truama to get in touch with one of the organisations linked to there... also, to consider having a link{http://www.doula.org.uk\doula} to support you through subsequent pregnancies and births.

camillathechicken · 14/12/2007 09:37

/link{http://www.doula.org.uk\doula}

camillathechicken · 14/12/2007 09:37

aaaaaargh ! www.doula.org.uk

theprecious · 14/12/2007 09:47

try hypnobirthing! It doesn't take the pain away but means you don't go loopy with it. I did 12hours of syntoncion drip with no pain relief. And I am a wuss! Ended up with a bloody CS as ds hadn't read my birth plan (little bugger).

The pain isn't like any other pain tho. I can remember now that it was agony - and it was - but I'd do it again in a flash.

(sorry haven't read whole thread)

rachaelsanta · 14/12/2007 09:55

I've had four babies, the first was horrible cos I was really scared, took control of the rest, and though it was painful, it was the most amazing, empowering and satisfying thing EVER. Get a Doula, she will help you take control of your birth, and control is power and power is strength. Panic and fear cause pain.

I'd rather give birth than have a filling.

Oh yeah, and gas and air made me sick !

spinspinsugar · 14/12/2007 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ninedragons · 14/12/2007 10:21

Incredibly stupid question, but is the G&A you get in labour the same stuff you get at the dentist? i.e. just laughing gas?

sparklyjen · 14/12/2007 10:46

TwinklyfLightAttendant - Thanks for adding that, it's good to know someone understands how I feel. I'm really scared about getting pregnant again in case I can't get an epidural for some reason (like labour being too quick or getting stuck in a lift or a traffic jam!). I'd love more children but I don't know if I can.

rachaelsanta · 14/12/2007 10:52

Traumatic labours cause post traumatic stress disorder which needs to be treated. It's a horrible burden to carry forever, camillathechicken is right, seek help. If you're living in fear of anything, it's not good.

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 14/12/2007 11:16

SparklyJen, I feel just the same - love to have more children but, well...

I think it's unlikely I could have an epidural next time as my labour was far too fast this time. Only 3 hours really from start to finish. There was no time to transfer, I kept asking.
Maybe an elective would be Ok, else I will just have to do some serious trainging in order to stop myself panicking - I think that had a lot to do with it, just the whole fear of being out of control. There must be another way...

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 14/12/2007 11:17

sorry training, meaning hypnobirth, or something...

rachaelsanta · 14/12/2007 11:19

One word - doula!

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 14/12/2007 11:32

Thanks for the links, Lulu - have favourited both the pages from the other thread

Rachael, I had a doula - she was in her training phase, and had never attended another birth except her own. I hate to say it but she wasn't very helpful it wasn't her fault. She tried her best, I was kind of beyond it I suppose.

rachaelsanta · 14/12/2007 12:30

Oh no! That's a dreadful shame, and a blight on the name and reputation of doulas everywhere!

I'm very sorry to hear that you were let down.

An experienced and recommended doula then.....

Original poster

SuddenlyScared · 14/12/2007 13:44

Wow, thanks everybody! Just logged back on and read through the messages. It sounds like it's best to hold out on the heavy duty pain relief as far as possible. Maybe I'll surprise myself (although I somehow doubt it since during a recent bout of indigestion I thought I was going to die - where was the gas and air then)! Thanks for the responses though - I am busy summoning up more courage and thinking positive thoughts!

OP posts:

ElfPolarBear · 14/12/2007 14:35

you will be fine
Before the birth I read all this 'it's a different type of pain' stuff and thought it was a load of rubbish, but it is true

ElfPolarBear · 14/12/2007 14:36

sorry, that doesn't mean don't go for pain relief if you want it!
I comforted myself in late pregnancy with the thought that most women who have one baby go on to have another.

orangina · 14/12/2007 14:59

My final advice (for what it's worth).... don't be afraid to have an epidural! I remember thinking beforehand "oooh, not sure I want a needle in my back". After God knows how many hours of labour and hardly progressing (which was totally disillusioning, it took me something like 15 hours to go from 1cm to 3cm....that's when I slightly lost it... ), I would have taken a sledgehammer to the head if it was offered to me. Whatever feels right for you, don't worry about what other people may or may not have done, just listen to your own body and your own experience that you're having.

micegg · 14/12/2007 16:25

Everyone has different experiences and perceptions of pain. I have a friend who felt nothing worse than perod pain whereas I found it torture. It doesn't have to be painful. You can take the drugs and epidural and why not. Just do your research and keep an open mind on the day. I think there is far too much pressure on women to have a drug free birth which is worn as a badge of honour afterwards in a way we would never expect from any other painful event. I had an epidural for my first baby and plan on keeping my options open this time. I am going to read up on other techniques which I didnt do last time but utimately if I felt the way I did last time I would have an epidural again. The only downside was the invasive monitoring and slowing the labour down. I am hoping to be more relaxed this time as I know what to expect but ask me again in 3.5 months time!

minspugs · 14/12/2007 18:11

ive had both my dds with no epidural, and used g&a. to be honest its not the contractions that i find bad, yes they hurt like hell but its bareable (with g&a). the worst bit for me is the head coming out hence why i demand pethidine when i realise its about to happen. i also started shouting for an epidural with dd2 as i did not want to feel the head crowning. luckily the mw said no and she was born very quickly not long after. im pregnant with dd3 and do occassionally think that a pain free labour would be nice but i like the fact that i can be up on my feet fairly quickly after and give birth in an upright position which definitly makes things easier. plus i have a massive phobia of having an iv in my hand each to there own though.

boHOHOhemianbint · 14/12/2007 18:17

I reckon the more scared and therefore tense you are, the harder it is.

I did hypnobirthing, it was great!

micegg · 14/12/2007 20:45

I quite fancy trying hypnobirthing. Did you go on a course or just use a CD? I cant really commit to a course so want to do the CD version. Can you recommend any?

sparklyjen · 14/12/2007 21:00

"I reckon the more scared and therefore tense you are, the harder it is."

This is probably true but you cannot dismiss women's bad pain experiences so simply. I was not scared at all, hospitals don't frighten me and I felt happy with my midwife and choice of birth partner (my mum). The only think that frightened me was the pain.

Bauble99 · 14/12/2007 21:08

Very good point, sparklyjen.

fluffyslippers · 14/12/2007 21:52

I wasn't keen on an epidural and opted for water birth and used gas & air, after 9 hours and no progression I had an epidural - IT WAS FANTASTIC!
If there is ever a next time I will have an epidural as soon as is physically possible!!!

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