I have a son who is nearly 2, my labour with him was long - I wanted a homebirth and after 2 days of labour at home I was transferred to hospital, he was back to back and stuck. I then had an epidural and was taken to theatre, ended up with keilands forceps being used, I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear. I remember being stitched for 45 minutes but didnt think anything of it - and I healed well.
Im now almost 6 months pregnant and at my booking in appointment the midwife mentioned that a c section may be discussed with me by my consultant further on in the pregnancy but that there was no reason why I shouldnt be able to have my baby vaginally at home as I wanted.
My second appointment was with a different midwife who wasnt supportive at all and said I should have a c section or end up faecal incontinant. This was a huge shock. I asked if that would mean further c sections with subsequent children etc and she said why would I want to try a vaginal after having a c section?! She wasnt friendly and couldnt get me out of her office soon enough it felt. She was brushing off my comments and questions and made me feel that my even thinking of trying vaginally makes me crap
I was upset and met with the midwife 'manager' from my hospital who said there was no reason why I couldnt have baby at home etc and she would make an appointment to see my consultant sooner.
I saw my consultant who said there was a 10% of another 3rd degree tear, and a slight chance within that 10% of further complications, so basically the odds were looking ok. She also said that there was nothing to suggest that this baby would get stuck (while the midwife said the baby prob would) and that if anything the labour would be longer as my uterus would know what its doing etc so to speak! She also said that now we 'know' that a baby CAN pass through my pelvis so that shouldnt be a worry. She said that I prob wouldnt be offered a c section either due to how well Id healed etc.
I left feeling a bit better but what the other midwife said has stuck with me. Im not enjoying this pregnancy much because Im so worried and I dont know what to do for the best. My partner says that if the consultant was worried about that trauma again then she wouldve said, nevermind agree to support me with a home birth and I guess hes right but it still bothers me. Ive changed midwives so I dont have to worry about her turning up on the big day and causing me stress - Im sure shes a nice person but she didnt offer the support I needed.
I know a lot can change between now and then but I just dont know what to do. I dont personally see that opting/pushing to get a c section and having major surgery is better for me than the slight risk of a tear. If I have to have a c section then fair enough but I dont want to pick that option. I sometimes think that either way I'll feel like Ive made the wrong decision. I dont live near family so would have to look after my 2 year old and a newborn by myself after the 2 weeks paternity leave and that causes concern if Ive just had surgery.
I want to try for vaginally at home but does that make me selfish?
Sorry for the long post but Im all over the place. x