C or V?

[dillinger]

I have a son who is nearly 2, my labour with him was long - I wanted a homebirth and after 2 days of labour at home I was transferred to hospital, he was back to back and stuck. I then had an epidural and was taken to theatre, ended up with keilands forceps being used, I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear. I remember being stitched for 45 minutes but didnt think anything of it - and I healed well.

Im now almost 6 months pregnant and at my booking in appointment the midwife mentioned that a c section may be discussed with me by my consultant further on in the pregnancy but that there was no reason why I shouldnt be able to have my baby vaginally at home as I wanted.

My second appointment was with a different midwife who wasnt supportive at all and said I should have a c section or end up faecal incontinant. This was a huge shock. I asked if that would mean further c sections with subsequent children etc and she said why would I want to try a vaginal after having a c section?! She wasnt friendly and couldnt get me out of her office soon enough it felt. She was brushing off my comments and questions and made me feel that my even thinking of trying vaginally makes me crap

I was upset and met with the midwife 'manager' from my hospital who said there was no reason why I couldnt have baby at home etc and she would make an appointment to see my consultant sooner.

I saw my consultant who said there was a 10% of another 3rd degree tear, and a slight chance within that 10% of further complications, so basically the odds were looking ok. She also said that there was nothing to suggest that this baby would get stuck (while the midwife said the baby prob would) and that if anything the labour would be longer as my uterus would know what its doing etc so to speak! She also said that now we 'know' that a baby CAN pass through my pelvis so that shouldnt be a worry. She said that I prob wouldnt be offered a c section either due to how well Id healed etc.

I left feeling a bit better but what the other midwife said has stuck with me. Im not enjoying this pregnancy much because Im so worried and I dont know what to do for the best. My partner says that if the consultant was worried about that trauma again then she wouldve said, nevermind agree to support me with a home birth and I guess hes right but it still bothers me. Ive changed midwives so I dont have to worry about her turning up on the big day and causing me stress - Im sure shes a nice person but she didnt offer the support I needed.

I know a lot can change between now and then but I just dont know what to do. I dont personally see that opting/pushing to get a c section and having major surgery is better for me than the slight risk of a tear. If I have to have a c section then fair enough but I dont want to pick that option. I sometimes think that either way I'll feel like Ive made the wrong decision. I dont live near family so would have to look after my 2 year old and a newborn by myself after the 2 weeks paternity leave and that causes concern if Ive just had surgery.

I want to try for vaginally at home but does that make me selfish?

Sorry for the long post but Im all over the place. x

I havent been offered an elective c section, when I saw the consultant I expressed my concerns and asked if that would be the 'best' option for me to take, but my consultant said that she didnt think it was really necessary. Im happy to be in hospital for the birth, a paediatrician will be present also, so Ive been told.

I was more concerned with what to do in the event of a prolapse. I dont have the support that I would require after a c section either unfortunately, so will go with the consultant on this. Id hope if they thought c section was the best option for me then they wouldve made that clear. I also saw my gp this morning and talked through things with him, hes comfortable with me having a vaginal birth too so Im just hoping now.

Lulumama - thanks for the tips, I can be at the hosp in a few minutes, and obv sooner if I call an ambulance, I think if its strong contractions that cause me to go into hosp then dp will take me, but if its my waters that go first I will see how I am and then decide how Im going to get in.

Tbh I dont even want to talk to my mum right now, shes always been v unsupportive, I feel a bit daft to have expected any support from her but I thought anything regarding the baby would be a different matter. She'll only say she hasnt got the money anyway, and when she came up to 'help' me when I had ds she was useless, I was knackered and was clearing up after her and my sister, and when I got teary about things she'd just have a go at me! So maybe Im best without the stress she brings.

Thanks for your posts, all I can ask now is for some 'easier' labour vibes!

Hey dillinger, in a second labour it's much less likely you'll have to deliver a back to back baby, as the first baby has created more space for no 2 to get into the right position for delivery.

It was something i was concerned about with DS. On the big day he was back to back, but turned into a better position about an hour before delivery. My friend who was a midwife said it didn't matter what position a baby was in during the last few days, as they can move into another position right up until you are about to give birth.

You are going to do brilliantly. I can just imagine you posting in a couple of weeks time when you've met your beautiful new baby, saying how everything went well. And you'll have forgotten all that's on your mind right now.

Im so scared now, Im terrified I'll have a 3rd degree tear again, I might want an epidural but if I do then I might need forceps etc again, if I dont have an epidural then what if I cant cope with the pain? Im so worried, Im still getting upset most evenings. I know I coped with the pain last time (got to 7cms at home before I was taken in) but what if its so much worse this time?

I know I cant know whats coming, I think thats what makes me so anxious. I know a certain amount of nerves is normal but I dont know if Im beyond that.

Dp says that once the pains kicked in last time I was a different person, strong and coped within myself. Im hoping that will be the case again, all this waiting around is a nightmare.

you can cope

you have coped

you will cope again

you need to do some positive visualisation and affirmation

there are more pain relief options available to you than epidural

there is gas & air, water, TENS, massage, opiates

your labour is likely to be quicker as it is a second labour

you need to try really hard to set aside some time every day to think about hte birth and to get to grips with the anxiety

yes, epidural can make an instrumental delivery more likely....perhpas discuss options like if mobile epidural is offered rrthat than total block that leaves you immobile

all fours position is good to open up pelvis and to take pressure off the perineum

try not to let the anxiety take over

Thankyou, Im feeling a bit better today, a bit more positive. I think the sunny weather is helping!

With my head full of anxiety I think I almost forgot about all the other options available, and Im the type of person that cant bear to 'not know' whats going to happen, I really want to be able to know how things are going to go so I can prepare but of course thats not possible.

I guess I cant really do much right now apart from trying to stay as calm as possible, and see where things take me once Im in the hospital. Im hoping I'll feel able to 'settle in' quite soon, as arriving at the hosp is a bit of a concern.

Just wish it would all happen now so I can get on with it!

Maybe I'll be a bit luckier this time and be home again in a couple of hours

Due today but havent had any signs, I think maybe I was spoilt with ds being 5 days early lol

Im trying to keep calm but Im very scared, I think Im more scared now than I was the first time - I was v confident about my first labour but now that I can remind myself just how much things went the opposite way, Im pretty worried!

Im telling myself that Ive done it before, and that I should think of the end result but still.... that just brings more worries in case anything is wrong with the baby. Im now concerned I might go over 'too' far, even though I know Ive got until 42 weeks.

What I dont want is that awful panicky feeling when youre woken in the night by contractions, Id love a day labour but I think its more common to start during the night,maybe Im wrong. Wanted to go for a decent walk today but weather has been awful so maybe tomorrow. Had a curry last night but they never have 'that' effect on me, was going to try the sex but couldnt be bothered

Excuse the rambling, Im a wreck now most evenings.

i am sorry you are feeling liek this

i wish i was round the corner and could come and spend some face to face time soothing you and reassuring you

you can overthink things , and when you are in labour, you need to let go of logic and let your body take over

have you been trying the relaxation / visualisations ?

half an hour a day of quiet, preferably dark time, to imagine the birth is helpful, and talking to your baby

yes, second tiem, you know what you are letting yourself in for, but at the end of it, you know you can cope, because you have done

go into it like you would go into battle, strong, focused, eye on the prize... ! you are strong and capable and need to remind yourself of this !

the fact you have not had a prem labour must also mean the polyhydramnios is not too severe, which is a good thing, yes?

chin up, chuck, won;t be long

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Thankyou for your lovely posts. I know once things kick in I wont (hopefully) be thinking negative thoughts as I know I need to concentrate, its the waiting around. Ive had enough now, I hate not knowing how things are going to go.

I have been trying to relax, and also the visualisations - I can remember the layout of the maternity wing to some extent etc so trying to familiarise myself with that, and also how things may go so they might enable me to cope, kinda what I did when I had my driving test last month! I think it definately helped then.

I didnt think that about the polyhydramnios, so maybe thats something more positive to focus on for now.

Thankyou

you are welcome

i had similar situation with my second pregnancy, i spent the whole time obsesssing about the birth

i had an em c.s first time, and was going for a VBAC, and i used to go and see the consultant and beg him to tell me what to do to ensure a vaginal delivery. and i cried a lot at the end of the day, i had a beautiful baby girl, on her due date , perfectly normal vaginal delivery , no intervention. super duper ! so it is possible for second time round to be totally different , positive and uplifiting

how are you doing?

Still no signs at the moment! Im getting a bit fed up with people telling me 'oh you should try this to bring the baby on' etc To be honest I dont see whats wrong with letting nature take its course for the time being - if baby isnt here by this weekend then I may try a few things then, but right now Im enjoying making the most of things. I have to see the midwife on fri so may ask for a sweep. Im sure hosp wouldve said something if they werent ok with things, and Im happy with movements, etc.

Its making me worry a bit really - like its a big deal that baby isnt here yet, and that I should be doing everything to get baby out.

Thankyou for asking

i had an elective c section and it was the right decision for me... it was very stress free and i was walking around a few hours post birth... i very much recommend to anyone who does not think v birth is right for them

dillinger, you are right to let nature take it's course, baby will come when he/she is ready.. a sweep at 41 + can be helpful though... if you fancy, sex can help ripen the cervix

Tried that too, was v difficult lol Will keep trying with that one!

Have had what feels like a really achey pelvis for days now, bit like that feeling when youve 'done too much' eg at the gym. Like Ive pulled a muscle or something.

might well be that hte baby is settling down nice and deep into the pelvis ready for the off!

you are doing really well, and you will be absolutely fine

keep going with the affirmations and positive visualisations too x

Ahh ok then, just didnt remember feeling like this when I was carrying ds. Some mornings I wake up feeling a bit 'stiff' around my pelvis area but is better once Ive loosened up.

Im hoping something happens before friday, I shouldve planned a night out or something lol

definitely have plans and errands, and don;t just wait.

i had a list of things i wanted to do before DD arrived, the last thing was a haircut for DS. an hour after his hair cut, i had a hind water leak , and woke up in labour the next morning...

Haha when I was carrying ds we went out for a meal, really enjoyed it and so booked a table for the following weds. Started getting niggles on the monday, and ds arrived on the weds, around the time that I wouldve been getting ready to go out lol

I dont actually know what I can plan to do! Dh has the car and I wouldnt know where to drive anyway plus concerned about waters going while Im out, and things are v tight this month. Have been cleaning tho

Have had some strong twinges this afternoon though so at least thats something

cleaning is good

baking also good

cooking something for the freezer too.. big batches of bolognese or chilli or sausage casserole.. then when you are too tired to cook after the birth, you have lots of lovely homecooked food ready to heat up

i did lots of vege lasagne, divided it into portions and froze them all individually.. got ready prepared meditterenean veg from asda and ready made cheese sauce !

or just lying down and watching a DVD with your son

we like twinges!! do you have any raspberry leaf tea? lots of that with honey is good, keeps you hydrated and eneergised and also tones your uterus...

Yes Ive been drinking a fair bit of raspberry leaf tea! Down to my last two teabags so will need to send dp into town sharpish!

From sounds of things it was your baby's position not your anatomy that was the problem, so no, it doesn't make you selfish.
My mum had three day labour ending in forceps with me - I was back to back, and then four hour unassisted labour with my sister two years later.

Oh god what if I have to be induced?