C or V?

[dillinger]

I have a son who is nearly 2, my labour with him was long - I wanted a homebirth and after 2 days of labour at home I was transferred to hospital, he was back to back and stuck. I then had an epidural and was taken to theatre, ended up with keilands forceps being used, I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear. I remember being stitched for 45 minutes but didnt think anything of it - and I healed well.

Im now almost 6 months pregnant and at my booking in appointment the midwife mentioned that a c section may be discussed with me by my consultant further on in the pregnancy but that there was no reason why I shouldnt be able to have my baby vaginally at home as I wanted.

My second appointment was with a different midwife who wasnt supportive at all and said I should have a c section or end up faecal incontinant. This was a huge shock. I asked if that would mean further c sections with subsequent children etc and she said why would I want to try a vaginal after having a c section?! She wasnt friendly and couldnt get me out of her office soon enough it felt. She was brushing off my comments and questions and made me feel that my even thinking of trying vaginally makes me crap

I was upset and met with the midwife 'manager' from my hospital who said there was no reason why I couldnt have baby at home etc and she would make an appointment to see my consultant sooner.

I saw my consultant who said there was a 10% of another 3rd degree tear, and a slight chance within that 10% of further complications, so basically the odds were looking ok. She also said that there was nothing to suggest that this baby would get stuck (while the midwife said the baby prob would) and that if anything the labour would be longer as my uterus would know what its doing etc so to speak! She also said that now we 'know' that a baby CAN pass through my pelvis so that shouldnt be a worry. She said that I prob wouldnt be offered a c section either due to how well Id healed etc.

I left feeling a bit better but what the other midwife said has stuck with me. Im not enjoying this pregnancy much because Im so worried and I dont know what to do for the best. My partner says that if the consultant was worried about that trauma again then she wouldve said, nevermind agree to support me with a home birth and I guess hes right but it still bothers me. Ive changed midwives so I dont have to worry about her turning up on the big day and causing me stress - Im sure shes a nice person but she didnt offer the support I needed.

I know a lot can change between now and then but I just dont know what to do. I dont personally see that opting/pushing to get a c section and having major surgery is better for me than the slight risk of a tear. If I have to have a c section then fair enough but I dont want to pick that option. I sometimes think that either way I'll feel like Ive made the wrong decision. I dont live near family so would have to look after my 2 year old and a newborn by myself after the 2 weeks paternity leave and that causes concern if Ive just had surgery.

I want to try for vaginally at home but does that make me selfish?

Sorry for the long post but Im all over the place. x

fabulous !!! you sound so much more settled and positive , now hopefully you can enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnany . well done to your DH .

Thanks, Im trying to be. Bit worried about the crowning sensation though, sounds pretty nasty...

crowning can be painful, but as the tissues stretch, you can feel a burning/ stinging. perineal massage can help you prepare for the sensation... a nice controlled descent and not pushing too hard can help give everything time to stretch adequately.

once you have crowned it is all over bar the shouting pretty much, so you can welcome that sensation as you will know your baby is nearly here

Yes, tis me once again...

Bit disheartened today as Ive just got back from a midwife appointment, where Im measuring 39 weeks when Im 36. The midwife is going to contact me soon with a scan date.

Now I know that the measurements cant always be taken 'too' seriously which is why the scan will take place but after our conversation today Im a bit concerned. The midwife says I have to wait and see if Im allowed (!) to try for a homebirth, but if baby is big then I might be told that I can try for a vaginal in hospital, or be offered a c section. If the homebirth option is completely out of the window then Im now sure if trying for a vaginal in hosp would be an option - I dont want to be rushed, and if this baby is big then surely that puts me at a greater risk of yet more intervention like last time, also as my height came into conversation today (5' 3"). So its almost like Ive come full circle, Im wondering if I shouldve just opted for a c section in the first place!

So midwives on here - Im aware of my rights etc but what I need now is some impartial advice - I feel that you dont always get it from your 'own' midwife so to speak, so what in your experience would you suggest re. previous 3rd degree and (possibly) big baby?

I know I just need to wait now and see what the outcome of the scan is but thought Id seek some advice. Thanks

the size of the baby should not preclude a homebirth.. look back at homebirth.org.uk and aims.org for back up on this

i measured 3 weeks ahead and had a perfectly average sized baby! palpation and even scanning are not exact sciences.. your bump might have dropped next week if baby starts to engage...

size of the baby is only one of the factors that might lead to tearing, speed of delivery and position and if the baby has a hand up by their face for example

I got sent to the hospital from a mw check as I was measuring 3 weeks big. Got to the hospital, and they remeasured before scanning. Exactly what it was supposed to be - DS had just shuffled round.

V... doesn't make you selfish. If you can afford it get a doula to support you Doula UK

I love homebirths. You go for it honey. There is no reason why your second baby should be back to back.

I really hope you get the birth that you want.

Oh and I always measured 7 weeks ahead of myself so I wasn't any larger with the DTs than the singletons.

Hi Dillinger, Here's some info on 3rd degree tears and tips on how to avoid them next time. Well done for writing and making sure the nasty midwife won't be attending your homebirth. I really wouldn't worry about measuring too big, especially just after palpation. If you think the scan would stress you out, I would decline it. You just need to relax now and continue with your plans for a homebirth. I'm sure it'll be fab. Good luck!

Thanks for these replies. The consultant that I will be seeing on monday is the same one I have seen previously, so if I can get her support then I'll try not to worry about the midwife. Im quite sure my bump has dropped so like you say - if I was to be measured now then it might be a different story!

It feels like Im being bullied, I really dont like the midwife that Ive been seeing.

I am worried though that if Im told at the scan that baby is big then Im just making problems for myself if I try to go ahead vaginally. The midwife Ive been seeing says that the midwives wont support me with a homebirth if I have a big baby.

I think I'll make some notes to take with me.

Thanks everyone x

you know... unless you have a particularly small pelvis (and I'll be buggered if I can remember the name for the condition) I'm not sure why they are worried about it being a large baby. A recent client was told she would have a large baby and need a c-birth. She went into labour spontaneously and gave birth to a wee 6lber! My third baby was going to be "massive" and I would need a c-birth. She was 7lbs 1oz and born vaginally.

I tend to think that the larger babies are easier to birth vaginally because they can really push against the cervix which helps with dilation. But that is not a scientific study, simply my own observations.

I hope you get the birth that you want. Do look at AIMS and go with your information.

Ive asked my doula to come to the consultant appointment, shes spoken to others on the subject so she 'knows whats what' so hopefully thay extra support will be useful.

Off subject - Im 37 weeks on friday and would like to visit my family (220 miles away) for one night over sat/sun this weekend. Otherwise it'll be a fair bit longer until I see them. Anyway would anyone advise against this or do you think itd be ok? Would I take my whole bag of stuff with me or a 'basic' bag of my notes and stuff for baby if he/she decides to arrive? I obv wouldnt leave it any later after this weekend. I had my son at 39 weeks.

Dp is a bit concerned - he just phoned in a bit of a flap and said 'shouldnt we wait until we've seen the consultant first?' So I was like - 'but we have to see the consultant on mon either way, and I obv dont want to do this any later'.

If its recommended I stay at home then fair enough but Im only talking a couple of days.

Thanks

As long as the traveling and visiting won't tire you totally, i'd say go for it and make the most of your free time at the moment. Take your notes and a basic bag of stuff for you and the baby just in case.

It'll take your mind off waiting to see the consultant on Monday and it'll be great to see your family. You'll be able to talk about everything to them (so much better than on the phone) which will be a huge support and put you in a good/positive place in your mind.

Thanks for your reply, thats how I was thinking too. I should make the most of it while I can!

Got my appointment this afternoon, Im pretty nervous. After being told various information Im not sure who I can 'believe' any more. I know Im really emotional etc right now with my due date being near but Im tempted to just give in and have a c section. I just wish someone could help me as I dont believe my midwives have my interests at heart but then I dont know if thats just everything being blurred by me you know?

I know scare tactics can be used - like at my first appointment but how do I distinguish between those, and honest concerned comments? The dating scans etc arent that accurate but obv I dont know that until Ive had the baby! I dont want a vaginal in hospital so I guess it'll have to be a homebirth or a c section. I dont know Im so bloody confused, guess I'll know soon enough.

Sorry for rambly post. I dont want to do this anymore

oh dear

i think as you approach your due date, if you have had a traumatic time previously, it does start to play on your mind more.

c.s might seem like a good option now, bear in mind how you might feel 6 months down the line, and if you plan anymore children....

will you feel sorry that you did not have a go at homebirth if you go for an elective? do you think you will regret it?

it is a big jump from homebirth to elective c.s......

did you look into a doula in the end?

is your DH supportive?

you have to do what is right for you and your family

what is your gut feeling?

Im having to go for tests for gestational diabetes, and so think I'll be having the baby in hosp either way. Was a bit upset at first but I just want baby and me to be safe and so Im starting to feel more used to the idea.

I know I found it hard to deal with ds' birth but I managed to, and I now know that our safety is the most important thing so even if I have the baby in hospital I will deal with that too. Maybe last time was quite a shock because it was so unexpected etc whereas if its planned that I'll go into hosp then its easier to come to terms with. A homebirth was what I wanted but I now think its really in my interests to be in a hospital.

If I opt for a c section it'll be for what I believe are the best reasons, I dont think I'll regret it at all.

I feel a bit crap but its not just me I have to think of, need to keep telling myself it doesnt make me a failure.

Thanks for all of your help, no doubt I'll be back again with something else!

Also at the scan they think the baby seems average size for dates (so hoping to try for a vaginal in hosp, I know I was scared of that before but Im hoping I can make it a positive experience), however they are concerned about the amount of fluid I am carrying.

I know that some women can just carry 'more' fluid sometimes and that its nothing to worry about, however the consultant wants me to have the baby in hospital as they want the baby to be checked straight away for various other conditions that could be the reason for my carrying a large amount of fluid.

Does anyone have any knowledge of this? Im afraid I dont remember any of the names but one was to do with something in the throat.

Im unsure as to where I stand - I dont want to put my baby under any risks and in that respect if it is one of these conditions then I am better off being in hospital. Part of me worries that theyre just doing the 37 weeks onwards scaremongering. I know baby will have to be checked by a paediatrician straight away, so that any necessary procedures can be carried out as soon as, and in that respect even though I know I could get to the hosp, if I had the baby in hosp I wouldnt need to wait around.

Any thoughts please? I was all for a homebirth while I thought I was low risk but now Im not sure I am. I just want to do the right thing.

I had a glucose tolerence test last weds, I have another consultant appointment this weds to discuss results of that.

Thanks

is there an indication you have polyhydramnios?

that can be something to do with the baby not being able to swallow the fluid, IIRC.

often with polyhydramnios you go into early labour as the pressure of fluid on the cervix means that that pregnancy cannot last full term, but you are almost full term now, no?

if there are genuine concerns for the health of the baby then yes, you should be in hospital

i think if you leave an appointment with a consultant unsure of the situation, then you need to speak to him again, or discuss notes with the MW so that you truly understand, you cannot make a decision without having the facts properly explained.

Thankyou. I think I just wanted to be reassured that this would be a 'valid' reason for having a hospital birth, iyswim. I do believe the concerns are genuine, I am 38 and half weeks so maybe anytime now then!

I have a midwife appointment tomorrow so will make sure I have full understanding, and again at my consultant appt.

Thankyou so much for all of your help, feels like Im doing the right thing now and hopefully means I can just concentrate on preparing myself for the big day.

I do have polyhydramnios and theyre worried about cord prolapse. Im told to go into hosp as soon as my waters break.

Im petrified now, Ive got less than a week to go. Im as prepared as I can be but every other night or so Im in hysterics with worry. Im so scared. Baby is back to back and Im worried things will go the same way they did the first time. Im worried if baby gets stuck and I havent had an epidural then I'll have an emergency c section and miss everything. On the other hand Im worried if I DO have an epidural then I'll end up with forceps etc again.

A friend of ours is going to come to ours and look after my son but Im worried about that too. Ive made notes and we've had friend round to show him where everything is etc, my son knows him and they get on but I think its just me being hormonal and worrying about everything. I asked my mum today if she could come up so then she could look after ds (she doesnt work so home all week) as I was worried, we'd pay travel fare but she said that she 'couldnt just drop everything' and 'was sure Id be fine'. She doesnt know whats been said at consultant appointments. So Im upset about that, I dont know what kind of situation I have to be in before I get any support from her. I wouldnt have asked if I wasnt desperate. Im disappointed.

I know I dont have a lot of choice now, baby might be here within the week, Im just incredibly anxious that Im not going to cope this time. Can I deliver back to back? What happens if my waters go first and I do have a cord prolapse? Ive been told Id have to push the cord back up but Im assuming Id have to be dilated to some extent to do that and therefor hoping Id already be contracting in hospital by then? How would I know if Id pushed it back 'enough'?

Sorry for long post and questions, Im having the worst time right now.

it;s lulumama here !!

ok, should your waters break , get to hospital double quick, i would query with your MW if you should call 999.

if a loop of cord is washed down in front of the baby;s head, then yes, definitely call 999 , get on the floor, head and chest on the floor, bottom right up high in the air to alleviate any pressure wait.

re back to back.. lots of women deliver OP babies perfectly well, i am one of them!! don;t lie on your back, and try to stay up and mobile and listen to your body.. your baby could well turn in labour. mine did not, but she was delivered in 3 1/4 hours... and she was my first proper labour as i had c.s first time.

tell your mum exactly what is going on, then she will understand that you need her!

i wish i lived closer, i;d be round like a shot

oh dillinger, no advice I am afraid as have had 2 electives but just wanted to send my best wishes

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