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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Is labour really that bad?

109 replies

sas94 · 18/07/2021 22:23

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I'm petrified of pain, needles, hospitals you name it !

I'm really worried about the labour already, and I've been hearing absolute nightmare stories of people giving birth. I'm just super worried

OP posts:
MimiDaisy11 · 18/07/2021 22:33

Painkillers are your friends! I had an epidural and it made the pain go away. I’d definitely recommend it.

Firstbornunicorn · 18/07/2021 22:34

Yeah…it’s painful, but it’s ok. I think this is something to discuss with your midwife, but would a homebirth be more suitable for you?

KitKatKong · 18/07/2021 22:35

I'd recommend Hypnobirthing. My birth didn't go to plan but the Hypnobirthing tools helped me to stay calm and feel as in control as I could. I worried a lot during my pregnancy and wish I hadn't- it's a magical time so enjoy hearing and feeling your little one and thinking about when you will first meet him/her.

Original poster
sas94 · 18/07/2021 22:35

@Firstbornunicorn

Yeah…it’s painful, but it’s ok. I think this is something to discuss with your midwife, but would a homebirth be more suitable for you?

I've never actually thought about a home birth. I'd be worried incase something went wrong. I'm just a bag of nerves!!

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Original poster
sas94 · 18/07/2021 22:36

@MimiDaisy11

Painkillers are your friends! I had an epidural and it made the pain go away. I’d definitely recommend it.

Very true!! The thought of doing it without is horrible!

OP posts:
Mountainviews · 18/07/2021 22:36

Yeah it is. Take the painkillers and be firm about it, I ended up with a pain killer free birth because I wasn't assertive enough in my decision.

LucyLocketsPocket · 18/07/2021 22:36

Just go for an epidural is my advice.

Original poster
sas94 · 18/07/2021 22:37

@KitKatKong

I'd recommend Hypnobirthing. My birth didn't go to plan but the Hypnobirthing tools helped me to stay calm and feel as in control as I could. I worried a lot during my pregnancy and wish I hadn't- it's a magical time so enjoy hearing and feeling your little one and thinking about when you will first meet him/her.

Thank you il definitely look into this. I really need some tools to just calm down in general so I especially need them in birth! X

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BeHappyAndSmile · 18/07/2021 22:37

I always said I'd prepare for a 3 day labour but hope for a 3 hour one. Same as you I was terrified of the pain, reading horror stories, making myself feel sick with worry about how bad it would be etc. As it turned out I had the 3 day labour (yay!) and at the time it was hard but no where near as hard as I'd built it up to be. There is pain relief available and although you are scared of needles etc now, when you really need it you won't give a fuck. The thought of an epidural terrified me, gave me actual palpitations and kept me up at night but when it came to having it the process didn't even cross my mind. You've got 30 weeks (give or take) to mentally prepare and you will be amazing. You'll cope better than you could ever imagine and even if you do end up having an experience different to what you'd hoped there is support available to help you through. Good luck.

MimiDaisy11 · 18/07/2021 22:39

Surely if you’re worried about pain then a home birth isn’t for you. As you can’t get much pain relief.

blinkthreetimes · 18/07/2021 22:39

How long is a piece of string.

My friend who has a low pain tolerance found labour a breeze.

I have a ridiculously high pain tolerance and demanded an epidural at 3cm.

Just go into it well informed and aware of your options and chances are you’ll be fine

Original poster
sas94 · 18/07/2021 22:39

@BeHappyAndSmile

I always said I'd prepare for a 3 day labour but hope for a 3 hour one. Same as you I was terrified of the pain, reading horror stories, making myself feel sick with worry about how bad it would be etc. As it turned out I had the 3 day labour (yay!) and at the time it was hard but no where near as hard as I'd built it up to be. There is pain relief available and although you are scared of needles etc now, when you really need it you won't give a fuck. The thought of an epidural terrified me, gave me actual palpitations and kept me up at night but when it came to having it the process didn't even cross my mind. You've got 30 weeks (give or take) to mentally prepare and you will be amazing. You'll cope better than you could ever imagine and even if you do end up having an experience different to what you'd hoped there is support available to help you through. Good luck.

Thank you for this ❤ I'm so glad yours went okay! I know it will all be worth it in the end so I just have to keep thinking of that!

OP posts:
MimiDaisy11 · 18/07/2021 22:40

Sorry cross post

Pebbledashery · 18/07/2021 22:40

Don't try and be a pain killer free martyr. Gas and air are your friends too.
No point worrying about it now too much and enjoy your pregnancy.. You still have 30 weeks.. Labour will still be there at the end of it.. Nobody goes into childbirth not feeling scared and thinking they can't/can do it. Your body is equipped to deal with it, that's why you're growing a baby inside you..because you're body is capable of it.. Just like it's capable of childbirth.
I understand your fear, but it's going to happen whatever way you look at it.. Just do whatever gets you through it at the time.

Original poster
sas94 · 18/07/2021 22:40

@Mountainviews

Yeah it is. Take the painkillers and be firm about it, I ended up with a pain killer free birth because I wasn't assertive enough in my decision.

Is it something you tell them before hand? Or just at the time? I'd definitely want pain killers!

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Northernlurker · 18/07/2021 22:40

It's not nice but it's a different sort of pain, it has a purpose which pain doesn't usually. Discuss it with your midwife and take all the pain relief you need. No medals for going without!

Pebbledashery · 18/07/2021 22:41

You can also put it in your birth plan and your midwife can put it in your notes too.

ShowOfHands · 18/07/2021 22:42

Nobody can tell you what it will be like for you. Almost certainly yes, it will be painful but I can't tell you how painful or how you'll manage. Instead of worrying about the unknown, could you make a plan for things which you might like to happen. So think about where you'll give birth, what drugs you think you will be happy with, if you'd like to be in water, if you're interested in hypnobirthing, who you want with you and so on and so forth.

My first was nothing like a textbook tells you. There was no break between contractions and no peak to them. They also lasted 2 mins which is quite long tbh. I'd not imagined it would be as tough as it was and hadn't considered pain relief properly during pregnancy so I just felt baffled and overwhelmed. My second wasn't painful really, more uncomfortable. You just don't know but you can draw up a loose plan with a good focus on support and what's important to you.

Thack · 18/07/2021 22:42

I had a quick labour, only gas and air and as it was making me sleepy and baby was not happy, they took it from me.
I delivered without pain relief and so did a friend of mine on a quick labour.

I remember that it hurt, but I'd do it again and so would she!
My point... It's not always bad. I imagined it would be worse, hence why I thought the first contractions were constipation pains.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 18/07/2021 22:42

Yes it’s fucking horrific- an epidural with my second helped!
Look I didn’t rip, tear- nothing “bad” happened in my deliveries but yes if I’d had a gun I would have shot my self through the pain BUT within 30mins I was up out of bed, my c section friends weren’t so lucky. Everyone talks negatively about a vaginal birth but keep telling yourself women before you and after you get through it and you will too.

LouNatics · 18/07/2021 22:43

For some it is, for some it isn’t. You can’t tell in advance which it will be, which I appreciate is really hard. I dealt with my fear by reading as much as I could about the scary stuff, that’s not necessarily a good thing but I felt like I’d faced it down and I would be OK.

I was OK, labour was fine, and I never needed needles or hospitals. If I had, I think it would also have been OK.

After my first, I looked forward to labour each time and still count them as some of the best days of my life.

Mykittensmittens · 18/07/2021 22:43

I had a 72 hour back to back labour, then next DC 3 hours with gas and air but stitches.

I’d do it again tomorrow. In fact I’d quite LIKE to do it again, feeling more empowered and knowing what’s coming.

Would it be mad of me to say I’m actually a tad jealous of people pregnant and about to give birth? Too late for another for me now, but I’d love the experience again (no more DC though!).

So if I say I wish I was facing what you are in light of the above, would that help?

AliMonkey · 18/07/2021 22:43

It's rarely pain-free but just ramp up the painkillers if you need them - gas and air was enough for one of mine, epidural needed for the other. But you will get through it and may surprise yourself. I coped with pain of giving birth much better than similar level of pain following an accident as mentally I was better prepared and also knew there was a definite end point.

H8theW8 · 18/07/2021 22:43

In my experience it was nowhere near as bad as I imagined it to be! I spent so long worrying about being in unimaginable pain but when it came to it (yes it hurts, but) it was nothing in comparison to what my imagination had conjured up!

Mountainviews · 18/07/2021 22:44

Tell your midwife before labour, when you go into the ward, and during if you have too!

My mistake was being offered options, like: "we could give you pain killers or we can see if a bath speeds it up." "We could.. or we can break you water instead." On and on until baby was born. I wanted baby out quickly so chose the other options. I was too young and naive to say DO BOTH! Grin