Is labour really that bad?

[sas94]

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I'm petrified of pain, needles, hospitals you name it !

I'm really worried about the labour already, and I've been hearing absolute nightmare stories of people giving birth. I'm just super worried

@LucyLocketsPocket

Just go for an epidural is my advice.

Terrible advice.

I had the syntocin drip and only gas and air. If I can do it, you can do it.

You forget too

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I’m sorry you’ve heard horror stories … this Is my experience of birth (I have 3 DC’s).
Labour is an odd state to be in - yes it can feel intense and it can be tiring but the contractions only ever last for about a minute and then you get a break to regroup before the next one. When things are going well in labour it’s common to go into yourself a bit and become less aware of what’s going on around you. Time can behave differently too - in all my labours an hour has felt much shorter - it’s like time travel and a bit spooky!😂

Each time I’ve given birth it’s got progressively easier mainly because I became less and less fearful of the process. I’d say trust your body - you are perfectly designed as a woman to do this but you need to try to believe in yourself and know you can do it. Don’t be afraid of asking for pain relief if you need it - I found gas and air was bloody brilliant with birth 2 and 3 - made me high as a kite in a good way! I had an epidural with birth number one as it was a loooong labour. Once I’d had it I couldn’t feel any pain anymore but it made me feel rather disconnected from the process and I didn’t like having it put in much.
I consider that I have quite a low pain threshold- I cry when I stub my toe or when I get a bad paper cut but labour’s not like that. For me it’s more like intense period cramps combined with running a long race. Each contraction being a hill you have to climb. The hills get more intense as the labour progresses. It hurts but not in a sharp pointy way it’s more like a strenuous effort that builds into a wave can take your breath away and make you groan at the effort of it. The pushing stage is a bit surreal - your body wants to push but you get this ring of fire feeling like you are doing the biggest poo ever! There is a moment when you kind of have to commit to it and push on through it but once you do you’ll get your beautiful baby and all the pain vanishes in an instant.

If I were you I’d have a think now about what environment would make you feel most comfortable and secure. If you hate hospitals and have a regular uncomplicated pregnancy you may want to consider a home birth. If you do end up giving birth on a labour ward or birthing centre there is a lot you can do to make the environment optimal (dimming lights / using essential oils / having your own music / bringing your own pillow etc).

Good luck to you and please try not to worry - you’ve got this! 😊

@Pebbledashery

Don't try and be a pain killer free martyr. Gas and air are your friends too. No point worrying about it now too much and enjoy your pregnancy.. You still have 30 weeks.. Labour will still be there at the end of it.. Nobody goes into childbirth not feeling scared and thinking they can't/can do it. Your body is equipped to deal with it, that's why you're growing a baby inside you..because you're body is capable of it.. Just like it's capable of childbirth. I understand your fear, but it's going to happen whatever way you look at it.. Just do whatever gets you through it at the time.

🙌🏼

Of course it's not that bad. If it was, people would never have more than one child.
That's not to say it's a barrel of laughs, but it's bearable.

Yes it's fucking horrific. My epidural didn't take. My large headed baby was back to back and I had to have an early induction because my waters went early, the drip I'm told makes it worse.
Take as many drugs as you are offered and don't think it's a matter of pride to do it without, maybe you can 'do it without' so what, why would you? If you were having an operation or other medical procedure would you decline the pain relief? No. This grin and bear it thing is not the case in other countries where it's accepted it's a significant medical event and the pain should be treated accordingly. If men had to give birth I can only imagine the plethora of options they would be given to make it more tolerable.

@Paripale

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I’m sorry you’ve heard horror stories … this Is my experience of birth (I have 3 DC’s). Labour is an odd state to be in - yes it can feel intense and it can be tiring but the contractions only ever last for about a minute and then you get a break to regroup before the next one. When things are going well in labour it’s common to go into yourself a bit and become less aware of what’s going on around you. Time can behave differently too - in all my labours an hour has felt much shorter - it’s like time travel and a bit spooky!😂

Each time I’ve given birth it’s got progressively easier mainly because I became less and less fearful of the process. I’d say trust your body - you are perfectly designed as a woman to do this but you need to try to believe in yourself and know you can do it. Don’t be afraid of asking for pain relief if you need it - I found gas and air was bloody brilliant with birth 2 and 3 - made me high as a kite in a good way! I had an epidural with birth number one as it was a loooong labour. Once I’d had it I couldn’t feel any pain anymore but it made me feel rather disconnected from the process and I didn’t like having it put in much.
I consider that I have quite a low pain threshold- I cry when I stub my toe or when I get a bad paper cut but labour’s not like that. For me it’s more like intense period cramps combined with running a long race. Each contraction being a hill you have to climb. The hills get more intense as the labour progresses. It hurts but not in a sharp pointy way it’s more like a strenuous effort that builds into a wave can take your breath away and make you groan at the effort of it. The pushing stage is a bit surreal - your body wants to push but you get this ring of fire feeling like you are doing the biggest poo ever! There is a moment when you kind of have to commit to it and push on through it but once you do you’ll get your beautiful baby and all the pain vanishes in an instant.

If I were you I’d have a think now about what environment would make you feel most comfortable and secure. If you hate hospitals and have a regular uncomplicated pregnancy you may want to consider a home birth. If you do end up giving birth on a labour ward or birthing centre there is a lot you can do to make the environment optimal (dimming lights / using essential oils / having your own music / bringing your own pillow etc).

Good luck to you and please try not to worry - you’ve got this! 😊

What a fab reply!

I felt the same OP. I spent 8 months worrying and could barely sleep with the anxiety etc. I am super claustrophobic and my fear was being trapped/strapped down or my legs not working with an epidural. I almost made myself ill worrying about it. However, somewhere in the last few weeks before the birth something shifted in me and my mind somehow prepared for the birth. I didn't feel the fear I had had throughout. In the end I had the most amazing birth. I know I was very lucky. It was less than 4 hours from first twinge to birth and I had just a bit of gas and air. Stood up for the whole thing. I did drink a hell of a lot of raspberry leaf tea in the last few months so maybe that helped! So please do try not to worry, the body is an amazing thing and somehow your mind prepares just as your body does.

HORRIBLE and I would never do it again. Afterward wasn't great either. With the degree 4 tear, pooping was near impossible. I also had engorged boobs. AWFUL.

Everyone is different though.

No it really isn't always a horror story. Women do love to roll their sleeves up and tell you everything you never wanted to know as soon as they know you're pregnant! Er thanks Nicola from Accounts, I've only met you once but you just had to tell me all about your bits in the queue for lunch cheers....

I've had wonderful, calm births with no drama or complications whatsoever and I don’t march around telling everyone because it's no one else's business really. I'm also sure I'd be accused of being a hippy (I'm not) as well as some kind of freak (probably but I think I'm normal ) But if you want positive stories you will find plenty, just don't expect them to be shouted about as much.

Yes, your body was designed for childbirth. But whoever came up with the design was an absolute fucking moron!

Research different forms of pain relief and make sure you/your birthing parter stand firm on the day about your choices.

do you want brutal honesty or to be pacified?

I can do either 🤣

Yes it is that bad.

I think the main thing to do is try and manage the anxiety/fear and do whatever makes you feel the safest. That will be different for all of us! I did an amazing hypnobirthing class and they talked about the fear/pain cycle - the more fearful you are, the more pain you will feel and then the more fearful you become and so it continues. So have a think about what might help you specifically to feel at your calmest/safest. I read the Positive Birth Company book a few weeks before my birth and it was really helpful! Some people feel most comfortable at home, but I actually was happiest in the hospital where I knew it was OK if the baby arrived. I had 3 days of labour at home going from 1-5cm with paracetamol/TENS machine and by day 3 had decided I would get an epidural as soon as I got admitted. Turns out as soon as I got admitted I instantly relaxed, and the pain dropped like 50%! Ended up having a lovely water birth with gas and air and oddly loved every second of it. I can't wait to do it again!

See how your labour plays out and take the pain relief if you feel you need it at the time.

Also, ultimately whatever happens it is just a couple of days of your life...a small element of the pregnancy and a miniscule part of being a parent ❤

I actually really enjoyed giving birth! My three were not very long and uncomplicated.

Two things I didn't know before my first:

Yes there is pain but it's not like pain when you hurt yourself and something is not working is it should. It is supposed to hurt so it's a productive pain instead of indication of something wrong.

Tearing is often not a big deal. It tears up the back towards your bum so it doesn't hurt at the time, it just feels a bit hot. And the stitches are not comfortable but if you heal well it's not that bad.

@Nat6999

I recommend an epidural & if they mention induction ask how favourable your cervix is, if it isn't favourable demand a C section, nothing worse than labouring for hours, being exhausted & then having to cope with a section.

I second this. That was my experience and wishes I’d known better. I had a feeling things weren’t going to progress well as everyone kept making comments about the baby being high up but I stupidly continued with the induction. I went through 2 rounds of it over a few days, went into labour and then ended up with an emergency c section as baby was still up high.

Not as bad compared to my expectations no. I wouldn't assume you'll need all the pain relief under the sun and do your research about what each potential intervention will lead to do you're informed. The birth choices study helped me opt for a home birth which I didn't get as baby surprised me very early.

Yes it's awful but it's worth it.

Hypnobirthing is great if you are feeling nervous. I did a course with my third and did find it really helpful particularly as with the first two I had really smooth pregnancies and with the third it was a lot rockier. So hypnobirthing practice (listening over and over again to the meditation) helped. I also had a super fun play list for labour and listened to it most days in the lead up to labour. I didnt use it in labour as It was all pretty fast but afterwards if DD was upset I could play one of the tunes and she would chill out.

Often not.Over the years I have met a number of women who have had quick births, including a woman who nearly dropped a first baby into the loo, in the mistaken belief it was a bit of constipation.

I certainly wasn't one of the lucky ones that just felt a bit of pressure and I have a lot of negative feelings about my 2nd birth but it certainly wasn't horrific.
It depends what helps calm you...you can research every thing and listen to 100 Labour stories or go a more hypnobirthing route where some companies encourage you to not listen to any negative stories.

I expected the pain but I didn't expect how poor I was at dealing with the transition phase. I wanted to be one of those zen mums who just breathed the baby out but realistically I was like someone on one born screaming the place down telling everyone I was going to die. I personally have a theory that its your bodies natural reaction to a big event, everyone has different levels of adrenaline etc released and you don't really have control of yourself.

If I could have a third I would be a lot kinder to let myself have an epidural. I was so determined to not have one both times as there is vague information about it messing up breastfeeding. The first time I had a post birth spinal block for a tear repair and he fed a dream and second birth was just normal delivery and stiched up episiotomy in the room and he never ever latched (literally tried everything and had been a prev experienced breastfeeding mum). I still made enough milk for triplets and was able to pump for him so I should have just had the epidural as he didn't even feed anyway.

Fwiw the epidural actually saved my baby. I was having hyperstimulation from the induction drugs, too many contractions, too strong and too frequent. Baby was in distress every time I contracted (I was getting 10 secs break between each one) and consultants were flying in and out the room giving me concerned looks about the readout.

First thing is that I stopped them and asked them to speak TO me not ABOUT me. I asked them what was going on, explained I wasn't a moron and that I can understand a chart readout and understand odds when it comes to outcomes. They started talking to me more.

After discussing it I got the epidural and immediately the pain went, baby calmed down too as I was able to move the way I wanted to and things got better and he was born a while after no issues.

So lessons learnt are make sure they communicate. I was on my own which I think helped as they took pity on me a bit (this was pre covid). Don't persevere if things don't look right. Ive since read hyperstimulation is a leading cause of cerebral palsy so of I'd forced myself to carry on for another few hours things many have been very different.

Congrats on your pregnancy OP try not to worry about the birth, and don’t listen to scare stories.

I have had two DS’ both of them by without the need for pain relief, no gas & air. I coped a lot better than I thought I would, my birth plan was very flexible I was open to pain relief should I have needed it.

As long as you are ok & baby arrives safely it doesn’t matter, if you have no pain relief or everything on offer. Good luck.

Do an antenatal course is my advice. You probably want to look into booking one nowish before they get full up. I did NCT the first time and then later my teacher from there started her own company. So Google antenatal classes or birth preparation classes plus your area. You might find different options.

I was like you but I was more scared of intervention than I was of the pain of birth so ended up planning a more natural type birth the first time but being open to pain relief if I needed it. It was fine, I ended up using a water birth pool and gas and air, but the second time around I said I remember this going on for hours and I've had enough now, I want an epidural. It then didn't work! And because I'd kind of got to the tip of my "mountain" of pain relief steps, I felt totally out of options and that was really scary. That labour wasn't good.

In hindsight, I would have saved the epidural for when I really needed it, but I also should have asked the midwives for help in managing the pain once it became clear that the epidural wasn't working. They are very good and experienced at supporting you, so ask for help!

I've had four vaginal births, and yes, it is that bad. Not to mention the damage ive been left with that has required surgery, and i need more surgery in the future. Have an elective c section is my honest advice!

People who tell you their birth stories are either people who had genuinely bad experiences (rare) or massively exaggerated. Most people have normal labours with some pain which is normal. Please don’t spend your entire pregnancy worrying about what will be 1 day of your life xx