Is labour really that bad?

[sas94]

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I'm petrified of pain, needles, hospitals you name it !

I'm really worried about the labour already, and I've been hearing absolute nightmare stories of people giving birth. I'm just super worried

Everyone's experience is different
And don't listen to people who say they can handle pain so their birth didn't hurt I was at 9cm dilated with no pain it's just how it was for me some people just get worse contractions
If you want pain relief get it! It doesn't matter if someone you know didn't need any
To be honest I was worried about my birth also and heard so many horror stories but mine was ok I did end up getting an epidural(peeped for emergency c section) because baby got stuck and had the cord around her neck and needed forceps
But I can genuinely say it was nothing like what I was expecting
Very calm midwives and drs were brilliant I also decided to give birth in the Labour ward not the midwife unit or at home because I just thought if anything were to go wrong at least I'm in the right place!

And something else which helped me was not to have any expectations for a birth plan so it was basically go and give birth whatever happens happens

Enjoy your pregnancy like the PP said speak to your midwife they will put your mind at ease

It’s very very normal to be worried about Labour in the early weeks of pregnancy.
Yes Labour is hard work but your body is also designed to birth your baby.
I found a tens machine really helped as well as a supportive birth partner who could advocate for me.
Enjoy being pregnant. At the end you will just be happy to meet your baby.

Get some.supoort now so you ca.start practising and working out techniques for managing. The more you practice the more that will help you. Also may just help psychologically to have some support in place so you can focus also on the baby and this time.in your life. Congratulations.

Try not to focus on it too much (sorry, I know, I did too). It's a bridge you just have to get over to reach the next bit of the journey. But you will get over it, just like all the millions of women who have done before you.

I wish it wasn't painful, but it is. However, thank goodness for the excellent pain relief options that are more available now than ever. My only wish is that I'd taken more pain relief earlier, because my labour was so short! I thought I needed to keep options available but I didn't. I'm a fan of TENS very early, water and breathing exercises in some form. Then an epidural is a great idea. Don't fret. You'll get there.

In 7 months time you’ll feel different and be ready to just get on with it.

Remember,99.9% of the time it starts gradually,I thought I had wind at the start of both of mine.

I didn’t cope well with the pain and had an epidural,I then had a c section which I was not expecting! I was still desperate for another baby about an hour after she appeared!

It’s always really jumped on when you say this on MN, but in my experience, no not at all.

I managed without pain relief, just hypnobirthing techniques and had a straightforward vaginal delivery after a 16 hour Labour that felt more “intense” than painful, if you see what I mean? I’ll be honest, I said that afternoon that I would do it again tomorrow I was flying HIGH on the birth hormones though- but I still stand by it. If someone could promise me every birth of mine would be like that, I’ve have 10
babies! (Sadly my postpartum mental health was very very poor, so I won’t be doing it again- but that was a totally separate and very personal thing).

Only slight things about my Labour/birth that were “not ideal” were that the placenta was a bit ragged when DS was born, so they had to check me very thoroughly after birth to ensure I hadn’t retained any, I bled slightly
More than they liked and I had a graze that needed 1 stitch so I stayed in overnight. But all was well and I went home the next day with the doctor telling me they wished they’d said I could go when I first asked them (a few hours after birth).

It’s not like that for every woman, or every birth. But it’s not forced to be the traumatising experience some women sadly have either.

Congratulations!

It's different for everyone. Painkillers may not really help as much as you might expect I had an epidural that didn't really work.

Honestly, in the middle of it, I just wanted to die. My mum had said that it was pain with a purpose, but frankly, that meant nothing to me at the height of it. I just wanted it to stop, no matter what. I couldn't think straight at all. It was fucking awful.

However, if I had to go through that all over again in order to have dd, then I would do it without a moment's hesitation. Hell, I'd do it again every month for the rest of my life if it was a choice between the pain and having my wonderful dd.

Nobody knows what it will be like for you. You might sail through it, or it might be sheer torture. The one thing that you can be confident of is that it won't go on forever. And it is absolutely worth it, without even the tiniest doubt.

I'd never even stayed in hospital before I had DD, I was 35 and terrified when I got called in for an induction! There were bits that were painful, uncomfortable, there was a lot of worry at the time, but it was worth it and I'd do it all again no problem. Some of it with me was the fear of the unknown, so as well as the things PP have suggested, talk to your midwife about tours of birth unit (virtual or real) and things like that. I was worried about hospital food, I wish I'd been and seen the options for food within the hospital that were way better than the meal tray, things like that would have helped me to settle I think.

The best thing I did with my off-putting, so I won't share it here, labour experience was to have an epidural early on. Didn't want one, was scared, but it worked out to be a really good shout for me in the circumstances. Absolutely wasn't in the birth plan but tool advice from the people looking after me.

It’s not a fun experience but it’s do-able and id do it again. Gas and air is amazing and the instant relief you get when baby is out is euphoric (well it was for me anyway).
Also I’m currently in a group of 5 new mom friends and if it makes you feel more reassured only 1 of the moms had a nightmare time that went down the induction/c section route, the rest of us had straight forward births 😊

Lots of people have lovely births and lots of people have painful births.
My advice is to get an epidural

@Mykittensmittens

I had a 72 hour back to back labour, then next DC 3 hours with gas and air but stitches.

I’d do it again tomorrow. In fact I’d quite LIKE to do it again, feeling more empowered and knowing what’s coming.

Would it be mad of me to say I’m actually a tad jealous of people pregnant and about to give birth? Too late for another for me now, but I’d love the experience again (no more DC though!).

So if I say I wish I was facing what you are in light of the above, would that help?

Yes that helps enormously thank you!

No it wasn't for me, I didn't have any pain relief

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences ❤ i have anxiety anyway so the thought of labour is really difficult but I know it will be worth it in the end. I will 100% ask for pain relief and I'll mention it to my midwife prior! Thanks again everyone and I'm glad most of you said you would do it again. I find a lot of comfort in that !

@sas94

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences ❤ i have anxiety anyway so the thought of labour is really difficult but I know it will be worth it in the end. I will 100% ask for pain relief and I'll mention it to my midwife prior! Thanks again everyone and I'm glad most of you said you would do it again. I find a lot of comfort in that !

Glad you've found reassurance here. I've hadb3 different births and all were fab. One natural waterbirth no painkillers, one epidural and morphine, one c section. The thing that I took away was there's no perfect birth. It does hurt whatever you end up with but it's best to have a vague idea of what you want but he ok with it changing if you need it to or there's a medical need. Hypnobirth tools are useful early on to keep calm, I also liked my tens machine a lot! If you're a worried person then a home birth may not be good - you need to get your head in the zone with labour (hence hypno birth is helpful) but if you're stressed something will go wrong that will be hard.

I've had two very painful and long inductions. I did a ton of Hypnobirthing courses before both yet the outcome was the same and about 15 hours in of having very strong contractions every 20 seconds I was just about getting "Hypnobirthing is for wankers!" Out before the next one, I opted for epidural both times. Second time I don't know why I didn't just opt for it sooner - stupid imagined pressure from the bloody internet to remain as natural as possible. Well that gave me a few years of PTSD so wasn't worth it! So I say drug yourself up to the hilt, don't be a martyr and if it doesn't go the way you thought it would then it's not your fault. Remember you have to care for the baby straight away so exhausting yourself isn't the best strategy.

I recommend Dihydrocodeine - my GP said it is medical drags heroin

Grade not drags

No it was not as bad as I'd imagined and I did it at home with paracetamol and gas and air. I was ready to go to hospital if I needed but honestly it was fine. Painful, yes, but it was more like intense pain you get when you really push yourself exercising IYKWIM? (but worse obviously!) I was imagining sharp stabby pain but it wasn't like that for me.
I was really anxious too and the best thing I did was read read read! I read loads of books on birth and hypnobirthing and it all really helped. Also remember that most women get a 'break' between contractions and it's not constant pain. I appreciated having a few seconds to refocus before it all kicked off again 😂
I'd do it again tomorrow!

And just remember. It's one day. One day in your life. Is it the best day? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. But one day. And also ask for all drugs and help

I didn't find labour particularly bad and just gas and air was more than enough for me, but I know other people who said it was really bad, so it's really an individual thing. For me labour felt exactly the same as bad gas pains, no worse. You also get a break between contractions so it's not continuous which helps a lot. I don't believe in high or low pain thresholds, I think it's just something that everyone feels differently and I was quite lucky. I also don't get any sort of period pain, not sure if that's connected.

I did hypnobirthing practice and I found the breathing during labour really helpful at keeping me calm so I'd recommend it. Just go into labour with an open mind, you may not need all the painkillers by they're there if you need them.

The actual birth wasn't so bad for me, it was all the other things, complications, surgery, not being listened to, having to stay in. Hypnobirthing was great for me and really helped me get through everything. The only advice I would have is be as assertive as you can, and choose people that can advocate well for you rather than choosing who 'should' be there for sentimental reasons. I wish I'd made more of a fuss about my catheter hurting more than contractions, for example. A student had done it and it was so painful, I asked if someone could redo it and was brushed off, I should have been more assertive then. There were a few times where poor communication made a bad situation so much worse and traumatic.

Oh sweetie it’s perfectly normal to be afraid. But as others have said, it’s not as bad as you think it will be and take any pain relief offered.

I promise you, you’ll surprise yourself as you will be stronger than you ever thought. Also it’s not a myth that you forget the pain. You really do forget once you have your lovely baby in your arms.

I recommend an epidural & if they mention induction ask how favourable your cervix is, if it isn't favourable demand a C section, nothing worse than labouring for hours, being exhausted & then having to cope with a section.

Don’t know but I’ve been like you from the start and have requested a c-section because of it 🙈 the whole panic of labour for me if my worst nightmare, I know I just couldn’t cope with it!

Would you consider a planned Caesarean section or would that make you more anxious? I was petrified and found that by far the best way. Congrats on your pregnancy!