Is labour really that bad?

[sas94]

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and I'm petrified of pain, needles, hospitals you name it !

I'm really worried about the labour already, and I've been hearing absolute nightmare stories of people giving birth. I'm just super worried

Everyone has different experiences and different expectations of what it will be like, which probably affects what actually happens.
I had both of mine with no pain relief not even gas and air. I don't like the effect of some drugs on me. It was fine, actually quite empowering with a wonderful endorphin high afterwards.
Recently hurt my back and need diazepam and naproxen just to move.
I think its all to do with preparation and support.

Yesterday 23:32BridgetGetTheGin

LucyLocketsPocket

Just go for an epidural is my advice

Terrible advice

I had the syntocin drip and only gas and air. If I can do it, you can do it

You forget too

That's terrible advice too. In fact it isn't advice at all, it's holding up your experience as universally attainable, the standard to meet. I didn't forget a second of it and just because YOU found it manageable doesn't negate the experiences of millions of other women and their real lived experience. I couldn't do it. My body wasn't perfectly designed for it. I needed medical assistance to have a live baby. That in itself wasn't a bad thing though. With my second I smiled and laughed throughout the surgery and it was entirely positive.

I'm like a broken record on these threads but we MUST stop describing other people's lives as horror stories or drama. That is so dismissive and painful. I know why we do it. I did it with my first. My colleague talked about her experience of pain and intervention and feeling out of control and I panicked and was soothed by MN which said to ignore her horror story, let my body do what it needed to do, stay away from the ghastly woman etc. Then I had a labour and delivery which needed a lot of intervention, my body couldn't do it and I ended up feeling bewildered and overwhelmed and in therapy for ptsd and pnd. On paper, my second labour and delivery was identical but a joy because I felt supported, I understood how to make choices instead of hanging on for dear life and telling myself I was designed for it, I needed to think more positively, breathe through it etc when clearly my body was SCREAMING at me to listen.

It is not a horror story. It's fact. The trauma, feelings of failure and anguish came from not being prepared. I told myself that it would be one way and the reality was so far away from that and I fell into the chasm between. You go into it with every tool in your arsenal. I love hypnobirthing, natural labour, empowering women, planning for the ideal etc. But we mustn't lie and pretend that labour and delivery is something within our control. We can learn and exercise choice. But choosing from whom we learn in a selective and reductive way is foolhardy in every circumstance.

Op, I stand by my previous advice. Learn about labour and delivery and think about yourself, your own goals, what helps you when tired or in pain, what you would like to happen, what procedures you know you don't want, who will be your best support, what painkillers you think might be right and on and on. Most people have a normal delivery with some degree of pain. There's every chance most of your fears will be unfounded. But I've had an emcs that was a total joy for example. Its not necessarily a bad thing. Don't fall into the trap of thinking certain outcomes are bad or good in isolation. If it's pain which worries you then there's an answer to that one. Do some research into available options. As k your midwife what facilities are available at your hospital and consider what is right for you.

The baby at the end of it is ace too!

That's terrible advice too. In fact it isn't advice at all, it's holding up your experience as universally attainable, the standard to meet.

Couldn’t agree more.

It is the type of pain that carries the gravitas of bringing a new human into the world, if that makes sense. It is a substantial and very significant type of pain.

I found it horrible to be honest, but I have to say that the experience changed me as a person, for the better. I found it very humbling and it brought me to the edge of myself many times, in ways that I had never been tested before. It gave me a whole new layer and made me a more compassionate person. This probably all sounds a bit 'woo' but while I found the physical process very, very tough, I am also very, very glad I went through it, not just to get my babies but to access a part of myself psychologically that I was never able to before. Sorry if anyone is puking reading this, but I found it to be a very profound experience. Not in a magical way at the time, but afterwards as the dust settled on the memories. Epidurals also bring very profound relief!

In my experience, the people who fear childbirth the most are always the ones who breeze through it! I was adamant it couldn't be 'that bad' and that the pain was just a societal construct due to the patriarchy disempowering labouring women through the years. My experience surprised me ad I found it so tough, but the memories are a part of me now and I am very glad that they are. Plus my kids are gorgeous and I would do it again to get them, in a heartbeat.

I absolutely detest people dismissing others' experiences as "scare stories".
Some births are horrific. and sometimes babies die. or mothers die. or both die.
or either or both of them have horrendous temporary or permanent injuries be of complications.
these are facts that we don't want to think about but saying they don't exist or that people just exaggerate is very offensive and hurtful for those who live to tell the stories.
like my friend whose baby was deprived of oxygen due to poor management, she's suffered permanent brain damage. or another that had a heart attack during her C-section and died.
Nobody wants to know or talk about these things but that doesn't make them non-existent!

Even the birth of my daughter, which was the "nicest" of all 7 in many way, I had some complications and excruciating pain during the pushing phase.
I actually loved how much in control I was due to the best midwifery instructions ever.
I had no tearing, didn't need stitches and was euphoric for days because I was pain free (nothing like after massive episiotomy or ELSC or a birth so fast & violent I was shaking internally for 72 hours becauseof the adrenaline).

I really wish people stopped spewing that bullshit about "you'll forget" too. it's simply not true.
SOME might forget but it doesn't make it so for everyone. I remember everything. Don't anyone dare to suggest otherwise.

OP, the truth is that it doesn't matter what happened to other people in the sense that your story will be a brand new one.
you'll have your own unique experience and nobody can say how it will go.
you can worry about all the bad things that might happen and drive yourself up the wall.
or you can decide that there's no point winding yourself up because every birth is unpredictable and the "let's wait & see" approach will allow you to enjoy your pregnancy.

I really hope it will all go smoothly for you

I'm not going to lie to you, it hurts more than you can imagine. However, the whole labour isn't excruciating. I had 11 hours of contractions which were like period pains, my waters broke and I then had 9 hours of extremely intense pain until I could have my epidural and then a further 13 hours of being uncomfortable but not in much pain at all until I had my emergency section. Some people have shorter labours than this, some longer.

To be honest, by the time I was around 38 weeks (and I went into labour at 40+1) I knew it could be any day and I felt 'ready' to do it. You don't feel like that at the start but it comes.

If the time comes and you want all the drugs, have them! I had all the pain relief I was offered. An epidural is wonderful! You don't get a medal at the end of labour for having it drug free 🤷‍♀️.

Congratulations!

I did both, I was induced and that had an epidural as I felt I couldn't cope but second time around I had a water birth with gas and air and was whilst it did hurt it was manageable and I did find an inner strength to get through it. I think you can only really know on the day what sort of labour you're going to have and how you cope with it. My only advice is to do what works for you - take the drugs if you need to, I couldn't have done it without them first time around but water birth was amazing for number two.

Strongly encourage you to work on relaxation, ante natal yoga, hypnobirthing etc so that you can relax and feed your mind with the idea that your body can do this, and it’s going to be okay, because there’s no point spending your pregnancy in a stressed out state and whatever happens the more you can be relaxed and calm the more your body can help the birth along. You can also have discussions about pain relief and put that into your birth plan nearer the time. I was also very anxious and had to read a lot of positive birth stories to calm down, so google that and it may give you some perspective. Even my mum was telling me the nightmare stuff. Finally, I was fortunate that everything went straightforwardly and it wasn’t very painful (like not free of sensation or feeling or certain moments of pain, but not unmanageable or horrible, I really enjoyed the experience) but there’s nothing you can do about that 10 weeks in.

Unless one believes in God, I don't think the design argument holds up. As an atheist, to me it's just an evoluntary flaw that we use medicine to help rectify. Our holes are too small for babies heads and >90% women tear because of this.

Yes, it is that bad.

Horrendous

Epidural saved me. I had a natural birth but if I had a second baby I would have a c section without a question of doubt

I’m with @tillyilybe...I’m currently 4 hours post birth where epidural came too late for me and I had to give birth with just gas and air. Not going to lie, it was awful and there was not one point where I thought I’d get through it. It was an induction at 38 weeks so maybe my body wasn’t totally ready perhaps but even still, the pain was beyond anything I had expected.
I doubt I’ll have a second child but if I did, it would be c-section all the way!

Sorry haven't read the full thread.

Trust your instincts. For example midwives will tell you to stay home for as long as possible but if you feel like you are in significant labour, go in. I ended up having a fast labour and almost gave birth in the car.

Put in your birth plan that you want pain relief.

I thought I'd have a really long labour and would want every pain relief going but ended up having short ones so I couldn't have anything. It hurt but the upside was it wouldn't go on for long so I could cope with that in mind.

Also recommend hypno birthing and NCT classes

My advice- don’t be a martyr. If you need an epidural , ask for one

Honestly, yes it's bad. I wouldn't risk an epidural again personally- it was still a very traumatic experience.

An elective section though however is a very lovely walk in the park in comparison (in my experience). I think they're the best thing ever- and you're entitled to have one on request!

I had a section. Sore after but not unbearable. When the contractions are in flow it's pretty painful, i was in labour for 29 hours then had an emergency section. Wish I'd just elected to have one. Saved myself a day of trauma with being induced.

I haven't had another because fuck doing that again. Would adopt! 🤣

I had a natural birth - gas and air didn't work for me and no time for anything else. Honestly? Yes, it was bloody painful but it was mercifully straightforward and I am thankful that everything went smoothly and I didn't need interventions. Childbirth doesn't last long compared with the amount of time you'll have a baby!!!

I am terrified of pain and such a wuss - but I did it, you just do somehow!
It doesn't last that long in the whole scheme of things though it's hard to think otherwise at the time. Mine all happened very quickly so I had nothing more than gas and air. Yeah contractions hurt but you do get little breaks in between to catch your breath, I remember talking and being able to laugh (in a fashion) with the midwives and DH before the next one took over!
It sounds stupid but I had no idea like your body just does it. I remember them telling me to try not pushing at one point and I remember groaning that I literally couldn't stop and my body was just doing it. It was the most bizarre feeling but you have no choice in what's happening at that stage because your body is ejecting that baby, pain or no pain! So you do it.
I remember thinking between contractions that I'd wanted another baby at some point but no way was I doing this again! But as cliche as I sound here - as soon as DS was born, that was it. I didn't think about any pain any more. I remember that it hurt but I don't remember the exact level of pain. I had my legs in the air having my tear stitched and I couldn't have cared less, it was over and done!
So I'll do it again and I'm sure it'll hurt too but it is soooo worth it. You'll be ok

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/guest_posts/4302468-Guest-post-Women-are-expected-to-go-home-with-life-changing-injuries-after-giving-birth-and-just-get-on-with-it

Have a look at this OP. Might open your eyes as to the damage you can be left with post vaginal birth. I advise a C section all the way !!!

It's a scary time isn't it!

I had a nice birth. I did have a second degree tear which was promptly stitched (didn't feel a thing). I had gas and air. Went home the next morning as had him in the evening and he needed his blood sugar levels done. I was lucky enough not to need any painkillers after. The stitch was a bit uncomfortable to get up from when sitting down but I think that's because I was probably a bit swollen.

It is but I didn't feel unsafe during my labour. My body just took over. Yes it hurt but a positive pain.

It wasn’t anywhere as bad as what I had imagined. I did make sure to read a lot so I went in informed, kept an open mind and a lot of my focus was on keeping relaxed. However I do suffer from excruciating period pain to the point of passing out. Labour was over sooner and less painful than my worst period pains. If you need pain meds, assistance, etc - these approaches have been developed to help the birthing process and to ensure maternal and neonate health. Now, period pain…..

My number one tip (although it’s a bit late reading some of the replies on this thread!) is don’t listen to anyone else’s experience! Good or bad, everyone is different. Do some research and understand your options on where and how you can give birth. Be educated and make informed choices. Go into it with as positive a frame of mind as possible. One way or another, that baby is coming out and one thing I can guarantee you is that the second they are in your arms it’s all worth it.

Epidural