C-section due to severe phobia of birth.. when did you get yours approved?

[sarah13xx]

I’ve been petrified beyond belief of giving birth my whole life, to the point that I wasn’t going to have kids. Last year I found the birth rights website, looked up my local hospital and realised I would most likely be able to get a c-section due to this. To me there is no other alternative, I can’t and won’t do it any other way. From the second I found out I was pregnant it has been all I’ve thought about since. At my booking appointment at 6 weeks (on the phone) I told my midwife about my severe anxiety about birth and how I just could not practically see a way of me doing it any other way. She said we would wait til I was further on and she would refer me, it would all be fine, risks would be explained etc but ultimately I could get a section. The next time I got to speak to her was 16 weeks (by this point it was really worrying me) and I said the same again. This time she said at 22 weeks she’d refer me. My 22 week appointment has been and it was with a different midwife. I was really anxious having to explain all this to someone new but I told her everything and she could see how worried it was making me. She said she’d sort it, discuss it with my midwife and get a consultant appointment arranged.

I’m now 23 weeks but had a dream about it last night, woke up early and haven’t stopped thinking about it since. It really is affecting my every day life now because it’s literally all I do.. either worrying about, reading articles or watching YouTube videos from people who have had one. I would feel so much better if someone could just tell me what’s happening or if I even knew a date as to when I’ll get to tell a consultant all of this. My next appointment isn’t til 28 weeks and I feel like by then I’ll be panicking 🤦🏼‍♀️ Sounds ridiculous to some people but it is my biggest fear in life. Anyone in my position, when did you have someone tell you you could definitely have one? X

My 28 week appointment is with a consultant where they will discuss an elective c section with me (I had an emergency one last time) I'd call your midwife and ask for your next appointment to be with a consultant to do the same. In my area they usually don't book a c section in until your 32 weeks, and it's usually booked for when you're 39 weeks.

I had a c section the second time and had 2 appointments with a consultant: the first at 16 weeks to go over the risks of both a VB and ELCS and the second at 36 weeks when I confirmed I'd have the CS and was booked in. You need to see a consultant to have a CS agreed - ask your midwife to refer you.

@Inthesky42 Thanks, I think that’s what they’ll do with me too at 32 weeks. I just don’t want nothing to happen between now and 28 weeks. I should maybe give them another week or so to see if I hear of any consultant appointment being arranged. The midwife I had seemed to take me seriously and said she was going to get it all sorted but I’ve just heard nothing since and really want to know if anything’s happening about me getting to speak to a consultant.

@Hufflepuffsunite that was more what I was expecting yet time is ticking away here and I don’t seem to be getting anywhere 🙈 everyone I speak to says itl be fine yet when it comes to the next appointment it doesn’t seem to have been noted or taken seriously. Just worried they leave it too late and I have to wait to speak to the consultant then go into labour early or something! I will phone them back again I think and really highlight that this is affecting my sleep as well as everything else

For same reason as you, but I got put into the system at booking and had to have a consultant midwife appointment and then a consultant appointment. I remember the consultant midwife appointment was before the abortion deadline, because I freaked out in that appointment that I was not going to get sign off before I could chose to abort. I had terrible mental health until the consultant gave go-ahead, but she was great and booked me in there and then (around 24 weeks i reckon?) I don't think my trust is normal though, having read others on here. Most people get their dates and confirmation really close to the due date. However, if it is causing you so much distress, I think you just need to continually pester the midwives or even go straight to the hospital midwives (find the name of the head midwife) and stress how much this is negatively affecting you.

@FluffMagnet thanks, glad you got yours. I know, I’ve kind of accepted I won’t get it actually ‘booked in’ til very near to the date but I just want a consultant or someone high up to definitely note down that I will get one. It would make me relax so much 🙄 feel like if I went into labour early I’d be getting wheeled into hospital shouting I’ve requested this all along yet there wouldn’t be any proper trace of it anywhere. Just looked up my online notes and at my 16 week appointment she has noted that I have tokaphobia and that il be referred to discuss it at the hospital after 22 weeks then at 22 week one it says I have a fear of birth and will need to have a discussion with the consultant organised but I don’t know whether this is anytime soon 🤦🏼‍♀️ I think I’ll wait and see if anyone contacts me about a consultant appointment then phone them back at 25 weeks if I’ve not heard anything. Really don’t want to wait til 28 weeks for them to remember that I’m still here 🙈

I've posted on a similar thread to this, so repeating myself sorry, I got mine booked in at 36 weeks. It may actually have been 37. And until that point, it hadn't even been discussed as an option. I actually went into labour naturally 2days before the section date and I was absolutely fine, all of that fear wasn't even in my head, although i still ended up having the section in the end.
The midwives picked up on my absolute terror during an examination for suspected PROMS (turns out I'd just wet myself a bit...). So please try not to worry and enjoy your pregnancy (unlike me), they won't mess you around, if you believe the c-section is the safest way for you to birth your baby, they will support you. Good luck, and congratulations! X

@WerkWerkWerkWerkWerkWerkWerk thanks, hopefully this is the case. I will give it a few weeks and see if I’ve got anywhere. I’ve been off work on holiday so I think that’s made me ten times worse having time to think about it 24/7 🤦🏼‍♀️ X

Yep, try and enjoy your week off, googling it and reading childbirth forums won't help (I know, because I did exactly the same!). I don't know how you can put your mind at rest, but you need to remember no birth is ever the same, and nothing you read will have any bearing on how your birth goes. Get your section booked and it'll be a huge weight off your mind but don't let it consume you in the meantime.
I promise you, I was so scared I was hysterical and being sick most days. Had my baby 9 months ago; I was in slow labour for 3 days but completely in denial until the contractions really ramped up. And I was laughing the whole way through, in-between each one. For me, this thing that had been the scariest worst thing in the world was actually nothing like I had thought it would be. Please try to enjoy your pregnancy x

I was the same, couldn't go through birth and the unexpected chaos of it. Even internal examinations. I got both sections approved. If one doesn't approve they have to refer you to someone who will. It sounds like your process has been smooth so far and no-one has tried to change your mind which is great!

@WerkWerkWerkWerkWerkWerkWerk yeah this is true. I don’t see me ever coming to terms with being in labour but I’m trying to just pretend there’s no way that can happen 🙈 I’ve bought a mindful birth course for c-section that I’m going to do and apparently listening to the playlist on it every night is good to keep you calm and prepare you so that should hopefully help. Might get a book on sections too so I’m at least doing something positive with my time instead of reading horror stories 🤦🏼‍♀️

@CookPassBabtridge this is true, for all I don’t seem to be getting anywhere I am being listened to at least and it has been added to my notes so must count for something. I had to have an internal scan at the last appointment and they’re saying my placenta is very low, which might move before the next scan but would mean I’d need a section if it doesn’t. So I’m half thinking that will probably go in my favour too! I need to just chill out and have a few weeks off from thinking about it for now (easier said than done though) 🙈 Will be delighted when they finally say I can have one. For all it will have been 8 months of properly worrying about it, I feel like I’ve been worrying about this consultant making this decision my whole life. Will have a party that night I think 😂🎉

I have a consultant appt planned for 36 weeks to confirm if I will have csection. Different reasons but they want me to have one.

My experience was similar to FluffMagnet's. Raised tokophobia and c section request at my booking appointment and at every point of contact. An appointment was made with a consultant and c section date agreed/booked at 20 weeks.

(I actually went in to labour early and c section just got brought forward.)

It was such a weight lifted and meant I could enjoy my pregnancy. My baby is now 6 weeks old, the c section was my first and was brilliant. I was originally so fearful of Birth, pregnancy, procedures etc but my experience has changed my mind, I would do it again tomorrow.

@Humpf07 aw wow congratulations ☺️ I’ve done the same as this yet here I am at 23 weeks with no sign of a consultant appointment yet 🙈 I’m going to wait 2 weeks then phone them up and say I can’t wait til 28 weeks to find out what’s happening because it’s worrying me so much. Hope it’s straight forward like yours. The fact my placenta is also low now should help too 🤞🏼

Thank you.
Do you have a number for your midwife? Dont wait the 2 weeks, Give them a call and push for it.
Is your midwife supportive or your c section request? x

@Humpf07 yes I have her mobile, she wasn’t able to do my last appointment so I have told her at the rest of the appointments and she has said what the process is and that I would be given the risks etc but I would ultimately have the choice. The one I got last week was very supportive and told me to stick to my guns and don’t take no for an answer if that’s the way I want to give birth. She was great! Waiting to see if my midwife has maybe already contacted the consultant but it’s not entirely clear what was to happen 🤷🏼‍♀️ I will call her and see if there’s any update x

You ought to be aware that if someone has a physical reason for needing a section on the day they will take priority.

It sounds harsh but emergency c sections can be exactly that - emergencies where someone could die if they don't have it. I'm not down playing the mental distress it would cause you; there's a limited number of theatres, anaesthetists etc and if someone needs them more than you they will get them first. Even if they agree in theory that you can have a section this will always be the case.

@User0ne yes I have thought about this. I’m aware I’ll probably be bottom of the list and might go in on the day I’m told to then be sent home. I’m just keeping everything crossed they are not overly busy if I’ve already gone into labour

@User0ne they found out the other day I have a very low placenta and if it stays like that it’s not far enough from my cervix for me to be allowed to give birth naturally so hoping that’s a factor too if it hasn’t changed

@sarah13xx

I echo the advice from your midwife - it is your choice. If you are anything like me though you will need it confirmed in your notes and a date to prepare for. Please don't wait too long if it is causing you stress and anxiety.

My understanding and my experience is that the hospital has set days to book planned sections. So I guess there may be 3 or 4 women booked in and they will fit you in throughout the day depending on any priority/emergencies that occur.

My waters broke early and I arrived at the hospital weeks before the booked date. This was a Saturday morning and they were happy to do the section that date or I could come back the following day.

I stayed put and had the section that day. baby was in prep mid morning, theatre by 1pm and baby was with us by 1.30pm.

I believe I was the only "planned" section that day. After recovery I was taken to a ward and had a bay of my own.

I would have thought in worst case scenario and they were overwhelmed with emergencies they would have you back the next day.

X

@Humpf07 that’s very reassuring! Yip I just feel like I need it in black and white so there’s no doubt in my mind if I went early people at the hospital would know what’s meant to happen 🙈 I don’t want to sound like I’ve just made it up on the spot. I will get back in touch with them and see if I can at least find out when I’m supposed to be meeting the consultant. The midwife had said due to covid he’d probably phone me but is obviously presuming I’m like a chilled normal person and haven’t been waiting every day since for a phone call 🙈

I echo what UserOne said- minus the low placenta obviously.

Also, this may sound patronising, but please trust your body. Your mind may not agree with this, but your body will know exactly what to do. You won't be in pain, (epidural is great), you won't have weeks and months to limited movement due to the cut in your muscles. Recovery time is longer.

A c section is after all major surgery.

@sarah13xx

There will always be "one" or many who will try and talk you out of a c section with the "major surgery" "recovery time" "pain" case.

If you have researched all the options -drugs, interventions and outcomes/stats and still want the section go for it and stand firm.

I wasn't willing to deal with potentially extreme pain during, being told "you're nearly there", "there is no anesthesiologist available right now" tearing, forceps, episiotomy and potentially long recovery after a vaginal birth. Or labouring for hours, exhausted to end up with a section anyway.

There are way too many threads where women are suffering with PTSD and mental health not to mention long term physical effects and issues following vaginal birth.

I wanted the best people in the room from the off incase anything went wrong and it over as quick as possible.

Not everyone will get that, but I did and dare I say the vast majority of women going through an elective will as well.

Keep on top of your pain relief after, move/walk about but don't over do it for a couple of weeks.

X

@Humpf07 yeah this is exactly how I feel. Even though there is a baby inside me and I’m worrying about this decision being made, that decision is not going to decide how he gets out. If they say no, I will ask for another consultant or another hospital (there’s one just over an hour away rated ‘green’ on birth rights for following NICE guidelines) and absolute worst came to worst if I was that desperate I would find a way to go privately. I just want the relief though of knowing I don’t need to fight with anyone over this and it will all be fine. In my head I would compare it to jumping off a cliff 😂 As ridiculous as that sounds but it’s like people reassuring you saying ‘aw you’ll be fine, you might land in the sea at the bottom and not hit the rocks’. Every normal person would say no way am I doing that. That’s the exact way I feel about giving birth ‘naturally’. I am just definitely under no circumstances doing it! 🙈 The panic of it all, emergency buzzers, folk coming running in as my head feels like it’s going to explode with pain, then the worst bit of it all that I am just sure would happen to me is the forceps and episiotomy. After it I would be so angry that I’d been forced into it and it had gone exactly as I always knew it would. I wouldn’t even be able to think about bonding with a baby because it’s just such a major thing for me and I’d be so annoyed at myself for doing it 😑 Part of me is hoping the placenta is still low then I don’t have to tell anyone my reasons and get into any sort of discussion about it. It is no one else’s body or baby and I’m the only person who needs to get it out so it’s entirely my decision. Even if I am in a lot of pain after a section, I will still feel far better about it knowing it was my choice and I got everything exactly how I wanted. Glad you had a nice controlled experience during yours x

@sarah13xx

Everything you said is how I felt about child birth. In this day and age there is no need for women to go through what they do and suffer. I see vaginal birth as pretty barbaric... previously the thought reduced me to tears. I also had the "I told everyone this would happen" feeling if anything went "wrong". Going private was also discussed.

Now I have experienced an alternative and it was amazingly positive.. something I don't think I could have associated with birth I can now start thinking about baby no 2! Lmao.

It is unlikely you will be in a lot of pain if you regularly take meds. I would say 6 week recovery is on the further end of the scale. You'll need to take it easy getting out of bed/the car etc early days. They advise against it but I was able to carry baby in his car seat, clean my floor on hands and knees etc. So glad I don't have to sit on a doughnut cushion or giant maternity/incontinence pads and I have control over my bodily functions! Hurrah! TMI but I think the consultant also gives you a good clean out while you are in surgery .. my bleeding after was more like light albeit slightly longer period after.

I am all for choice whether vaginal or section. There is no shame in making an informed decision and choosing an elective c section. Slowly health professionals are promoting choice and women are talking about birth and their experiences. I hope that if I go on to have a daughter and she decides to have children of her own via c section she will be fully informed, her decision will not be judged and she will not have to "fight".

Sarah I really wish you all the best and that your c section is an amazingly positive one.
Good luck with your little one. Xx

@Humpf07 The only people who know I’m asking for one is my parents and a few very close friends that I’ve mentioned it to. It’s funny the difference in people’s attitudes though when you’re having a section for ‘a reason’ (like this low placenta thing) compared to due to the fact I’m petrified. I’m just putting off the conversation with anyone I know that’s going to be judgey about it. Even my mum said at the start something about me being ‘too posh to push’. I think since seeing how much this affects me every day now she has realised that was completely inappropriate but her argument at the time was ‘I did it and it wasn’t that bad’. Despite the fact she’s looking back on events from 30 years ago and I know for a fact she had stitches etc and has told other people before about how awful it was 🙈 Someone at work mentioned about my due date before as well and how I might go 2 weeks over and I just can’t have any conversation about the possibility of me giving birth naturally so I did tell her it would be a section and briefly said my reasons. She looked disappointed and went ‘aww 😞 you should just do it, it’s amazing!’. But it’s funny I wouldn’t put my opinions on others who are pregnant and tell them how I think they should give birth! My friend is pregnant and I’m going to do everything possible not to mention it around her until she’s had hers because I really can’t go in depth about my reasons right before she’s about to do it 🙈 It’s as if it hasn’t crossed some people’s minds though and they just wander in as if it will be fine. My other friend had a baby last year and she has always known I’d want a section but I just didn’t talk about it when she was mentioning her upcoming birth. Since I’ve been pregnant and have mentioned my section now again she has said 100% go for it. She has been told she will get one next time. She had absolutely everything I can imagine go wrong. There was no one available in time to give her an epidural so she was screaming and crying. She said she can’t even put into words just how horrific it was! She was begging for some kind of pain relief and they just told her it was too late. She needed forceps and an episiotomy. She said the next day she just sat in the hospital shaking all day because she was that traumatized. She said she cried all the way home and had to get her mum to come and take the baby. She said it was so painful to walk and she couldn’t even lift her leg to get in a bath or shower. She has had ongoing issues where things haven’t healed right too. So that’s how I imagine mine would be and I just cannot sign myself up for that 🙈 Hopefully not peeing myself on a daily basis will also be a benefit! My other friend had a baby last year and has also encouraged me to go for it because she’s a year on and says she’s still constantly wetting herself!

People should absolutely be given choices and out of the three ways you can give birth (vaginally, emergency section or elective section) the safest way out of the three is elective section. When they show you these leaflets though the risks of an emergency section (which people are already in a life threatening situation when they enter) seem to be lumped in beside the risks of an elective. They could tell me they will have to chop both legs off at the end of my section and I’d still say that’s fine though at this point 😂 there is no other way this baby is coming out!

Thanks for your encouragement 👏🏼 I will hopefully be back with an update when it’s all sorted out x