C-section due to severe phobia of birth.. when did you get yours approved?

[sarah13xx]

I’ve been petrified beyond belief of giving birth my whole life, to the point that I wasn’t going to have kids. Last year I found the birth rights website, looked up my local hospital and realised I would most likely be able to get a c-section due to this. To me there is no other alternative, I can’t and won’t do it any other way. From the second I found out I was pregnant it has been all I’ve thought about since. At my booking appointment at 6 weeks (on the phone) I told my midwife about my severe anxiety about birth and how I just could not practically see a way of me doing it any other way. She said we would wait til I was further on and she would refer me, it would all be fine, risks would be explained etc but ultimately I could get a section. The next time I got to speak to her was 16 weeks (by this point it was really worrying me) and I said the same again. This time she said at 22 weeks she’d refer me. My 22 week appointment has been and it was with a different midwife. I was really anxious having to explain all this to someone new but I told her everything and she could see how worried it was making me. She said she’d sort it, discuss it with my midwife and get a consultant appointment arranged.

I’m now 23 weeks but had a dream about it last night, woke up early and haven’t stopped thinking about it since. It really is affecting my every day life now because it’s literally all I do.. either worrying about, reading articles or watching YouTube videos from people who have had one. I would feel so much better if someone could just tell me what’s happening or if I even knew a date as to when I’ll get to tell a consultant all of this. My next appointment isn’t til 28 weeks and I feel like by then I’ll be panicking 🤦🏼‍♀️ Sounds ridiculous to some people but it is my biggest fear in life. Anyone in my position, when did you have someone tell you you could definitely have one? X

@WaitingForNormality yeah I am going to text my midwife tomorrow asking if she knows when my consultant appointment is likely to be as I would like to speak to someone about it as soon as possible due to the anxiety it’s causing me. If I get nowhere with that I’ll maybe phone the doctors and explain to see if they could refer me. The more this consultant appointment is being built up the more I’m worrying so I just want to tell them all of my views on it and get an answer (hopefully yes)!

I know, I’m nowhere near any of these private hospitals and I saw other posts saying people had paid to go private but because of covid weren’t going to the place they thought any more and were just in with the NHS patients. As you say, we are entitled to it if we feel this way. I have never even stepped foot in a hospital before (for myself) so for all it might cost them a bit more to do the surgery rather than have me give birth naturally, I haven’t cost them a penny up til now and hopefully won’t after either 😂

My SIL was so scared that she didn’t announce her pregnancy until she was 7 months. She was referred to a local hospital and I went with her for moral support...the consultant was lovely and didn’t pry too much He agreed straight away and baby was born at 39 weeks.....really try and be determined..

[quote sarah13xx]@Humpf07 The only people who know I’m asking for one is my parents and a few very close friends that I’ve mentioned it to. It’s funny the difference in people’s attitudes though when you’re having a section for ‘a reason’ (like this low placenta thing) compared to due to the fact I’m petrified. I’m just putting off the conversation with anyone I know that’s going to be judgey about it. Even my mum said at the start something about me being ‘too posh to push’. I think since seeing how much this affects me every day now she has realised that was completely inappropriate but her argument at the time was ‘I did it and it wasn’t that bad’. Despite the fact she’s looking back on events from 30 years ago and I know for a fact she had stitches etc and has told other people before about how awful it was 🙈 Someone at work mentioned about my due date before as well and how I might go 2 weeks over and I just can’t have any conversation about the possibility of me giving birth naturally so I did tell her it would be a section and briefly said my reasons. She looked disappointed and went ‘aww 😞 you should just do it, it’s amazing!’. But it’s funny I wouldn’t put my opinions on others who are pregnant and tell them how I think they should give birth! My friend is pregnant and I’m going to do everything possible not to mention it around her until she’s had hers because I really can’t go in depth about my reasons right before she’s about to do it 🙈 It’s as if it hasn’t crossed some people’s minds though and they just wander in as if it will be fine. My other friend had a baby last year and she has always known I’d want a section but I just didn’t talk about it when she was mentioning her upcoming birth. Since I’ve been pregnant and have mentioned my section now again she has said 100% go for it. She has been told she will get one next time. She had absolutely everything I can imagine go wrong. There was no one available in time to give her an epidural so she was screaming and crying. She said she can’t even put into words just how horrific it was! She was begging for some kind of pain relief and they just told her it was too late. She needed forceps and an episiotomy. She said the next day she just sat in the hospital shaking all day because she was that traumatized. She said she cried all the way home and had to get her mum to come and take the baby. She said it was so painful to walk and she couldn’t even lift her leg to get in a bath or shower. She has had ongoing issues where things haven’t healed right too. So that’s how I imagine mine would be and I just cannot sign myself up for that 🙈 Hopefully not peeing myself on a daily basis will also be a benefit! My other friend had a baby last year and has also encouraged me to go for it because she’s a year on and says she’s still constantly wetting herself!

People should absolutely be given choices and out of the three ways you can give birth (vaginally, emergency section or elective section) the safest way out of the three is elective section. When they show you these leaflets though the risks of an emergency section (which people are already in a life threatening situation when they enter) seem to be lumped in beside the risks of an elective. They could tell me they will have to chop both legs off at the end of my section and I’d still say that’s fine though at this point 😂 there is no other way this baby is coming out!

Thanks for your encouragement 👏🏼 I will hopefully be back with an update when it’s all sorted out x[/quote]
I’m sorry you feel like this- must be absolutely exhausting.
I just want to out the other side of it out there though.
I have also had a fear of birth since I was a child. For me it was my mother who unfortunately caused it - I have much younger siblings and I remember her talking about birth in the most horrific way. I over heard. She had a medical phobia generally though but I didn’t understand that as a child and took what she was saying literally.
So I was petrified my whole life. Unfortunately for me I am also absolutely petfried about needles, operations, and can’t stand the thought of cutting and tearing the body open. Absolutely makes me heave just to say it or think about it. So both options bad. But I desperately more than anything wanted my own baby and to be pregnant.
Eventually when I did get pregnant I went to NCT classes and it’s very much all about natural childbirth there if at all possible.
The whole pregnancy it was like a massive wall was facing me, the biggest hurdle and I just couldn’t see how I was going to get to the other side.
I read about hypnobirthing, stayed well away from horror stories, just tried to block the horrible negative thoughts out as much as I could and I was fully prepared to ask for an epidural ASAP to block out all pain and feeling. No way was I pushing the baby out with no epidural.
Went into labour and to mine (and DH!) surprise it was the best experience of my life.
No pain relief beside gas and air needed as there wasn’t time. It all happened so fast no time for epidural but actually although there was pain it was only really pain for the last part and my body just did it all for me- very weird it just knew what to do and my mind was just there for the ride.
I did tear but didn’t even know until afterwards (you don’t feel it!)
Had stitches but by then my beautiful baby was in my DH arms and I was on cloud nine. You get a quick injection with gas and air which sounds horrible but honestly it’s just the same feeling as a dentist injection but in a different place. Then the stitches didn’t hurt at all as I was numb plus I was having the gas and air. Walked into shower 2 hours later and no pain after or the next day just slightly sore.
Most women actually don’t have a complete horror giving birth at all. Sadly some do but most don’t. You don’t hear of all the wonderful stories (or when I was in your position I focused on the horror ones and ignored or didn’t believe the good ones!)
The next baby was breech and I had to have a section. I hated the thought of being cut open so much and the spinal block etc. Desperately wanted a natural birth (such a turn around!) but wasn’t allowed.
It all went ok. Was like an operation though, felt like the baby was removed rather than given birth. Didn’t get the same elated feeling, but it went smoothly.
The pain afterwards was excruciating though- far far worse than anything I had felt during labour. I lost a lot of blood and nearly needed a transfusion. Had a 2 day migraine on day 3 because of anemia.
Unfortunately because stomach muscles are cut and torn open, they never mend back the way they were. Sadly for me it’s given me long life lasting back problems because my core is so weak from it.
So there are pros and cons in each way.
I know I am just some random stranger and you have no reason to believe me but vaginal births can and do go amazingly all the time. far more women have a good experience than these awful Senarios you are describing. How incredible would it be if you did happen to go into labour and actually had the most amazing incredible experience. Your whole life phobia would be gone.
Good luck in whatever happens, I wish you an amazing birth and if it happens to be vaginal, I pray for a very smooth and easy birth where baby just pops out with no intervention and gets placed on your bare chest, warm and pink. Just thinking back gives me goosebumps!

[quote Ylvamoon]GreenSlideAlso at the 'limited movement for weeks and months due to being cut open' what a load of shite. Why do people who haven't had sections always spout this stuff? Sections are great

This is the reality: www.snugglebundl.co.uk/how-to-recover-from-a-c-section-caesarean/[/quote]

Why are you sending me links about what happens during a section? I've had one and recovered from it. It was fine.

What would happen if you go into labour slightly early and they are unable to fit you in for a c-section?

Not trying to change your mind at all, (EMCS and ELCS here) but I'd also like to add that it might be worth pushing for some sort of counseling to try to prepare you just incase you do need to go through a vaginal birth. I know you say there's "no way" but actually there's always that possibility!

My friend was in a very similar situation, got booked in then went in to labour early - as there were emergencies and her labor moved fast there was no choice but a vaginal birth. She was a bit shell shocked and had a single stitch but was otherwise fine both mentally and physically.

It sounds like you've been hearing/reading a lot of the horror stories that are around (I did this too) and built it up in your head but remember that most women around the world manage vaginal births everyday without any major lasting effects.

My Mum has had 2 singleton and a twin birth with only a bit of g&a with no long-term issues whereas I have permanent bladder weakness and struggled for a while after my ELCS - EMCS was actually much easier! - so it's not always quite so clear cut.

@ineedaholidaynow they would need to fit me in 😂 when they heard me they’d fit me in!

@EvilOnion yeah after it’s approved and I can relax enough to even listen to anything about a vaginal birth I will look into what happens during labour just so I know but can’t even go down that route just now when I’m so up in the air about it all 🙈 Just praying he stays in there til 39 weeks

Sometimes it can be too late to have a c-section though. Zara Tindall didn’t even manage to get to hospital with her last baby

@ineedaholidaynow was her third baby though

That sounds rough @Sarah13xx, hopefully it'll all get sorted sooner rather than later.

I was secretly quite pleased when #2 turned out to be breech then transverse from 34 weeks because I was worried about another attempt ending in an EMCS. I nearly choked in the Consultants office when he said he would schedule me for 39+6 as he was in holiday that week

It was definitely a lot calmer once it got going but I was a nervous wreck leading up to it because I was waiting this time but needn't have worried.

First babies are notorious for being stubborn so fingers crossed you've got one of those - mine was 40+6.

I do think you need to try to look into controlling this phobia though. My best friend had her first baby at 36 weeks on her kitchen floor in 1 hour! No time at all to even get to the hospital. A MW did manage to her there just in the Nick of time but still, it does happen!
Another friend almost had her second in the car on the way and only made it with 10 mins to spare.
Another friend last year had her second on the floor of a side room whilst they were trying to allocate her a birthing room! There would have been no time at all for a csection even if she had wanted one.
What has made you have this phobia do you think? Can you pin it down?

I haven't read the whole thread but I just wanted to say that I needed a c section as I physically couldn't deliver naturally. It was obviously agreed and date booked! I went into labour very early (32weeks) and I had to labour for nearly 6hours before they got me in to theatre because of various emergencies and also not wanting to deliver so early in case it stopped (as baby was so early).

I spent my whole pregnancy terrified of labour and sure I would go straight in for a csection so I did absolutely no preparation for how to manage labour (as I wasn't going to labour!). I had no strategies to manage, hadn't thought about pain relief etc.

You will get your c section organised but I just wanted to say that it would be good to prepare for early labour and ways to manage your anxiety during that time, just in case it happens. Obviously, hopefully you will get to your ELCS with no early labour at all!

I don’t have time to read the whole thread but just wanted to quickly say - you are entitled to an elective section without Medical reason. When discussing it with a consultant be factual and try to not be too emotional/hormonal about it. You have a phobia, it is affecting your mental health etc. Look on the RCOG for guidelines etc.

@Hardchoices thanks, I will try to be

@October2020 thanks, I am going to cross this bridge after my section has been approved when I’ve relaxed a bit about it. I know of a few people who were booked for a section and went in when their waters broke and still managed to get it so I’m hoping if it happens to me I will get there in time

Spoke to my midwife and she has reassured me that the referral is in, an appointment letter will be sent out to me and I shouldn’t worry because they won’t turn me down 😅

Hey, I've read most of the thread and had some eye rolls at comments about the pain and recovery of a section

I ended up with an EMCS in 2019 (I was only in labour for 45mins so can't comment on anything apart from contractions are as horrible as the normal people say)

After EMCS, I was up on my feet within 24 hours, could easily carry baby and do all baby related things. I didn't feel I was in "pain" as such but just more as if I had to manage my movements if that makes sense? I Fully healed and driving within 3 weeks, absolutely no issues.

Currently pregnant with twins, midwife and consultant both did try to say I could try for a natural birth.... Absolutely fucking not. I just told them no, I wouldn't even consider it at all and wanted a section. And repeated it. (I would have done the same for a single baby too btw)

I never got my actual section date until 32 weeks though, think they like to keep the suspense going lol

Ive got weeks to go. And even if my waters break or I go into labour I will be straight in for EMCS

As for telling people your having a section, you never need to explain why. "Because I want one" "because I needed one" "because it's none of your fuckin business" 🤣🤣

:29rosegoldivy

Hey, I've read most of the thread and had some eye rolls at comments about the pain and recovery of a section

Equally, there will be people "rolling their eyes" at you saying that contractions are horrible. Some people have very easy vaginal deliveries and some women enjoy the experience. No need for eye rolling. Things can be easy both ways and things can go wrong with either way of giving birth.

@rosegoldivy

Hey, I've read most of the thread and had some eye rolls at comments about the pain and recovery of a section

I ended up with an EMCS in 2019 (I was only in labour for 45mins so can't comment on anything apart from contractions are as horrible as the normal people say)

After EMCS, I was up on my feet within 24 hours, could easily carry baby and do all baby related things. I didn't feel I was in "pain" as such but just more as if I had to manage my movements if that makes sense? I Fully healed and driving within 3 weeks, absolutely no issues.

Currently pregnant with twins, midwife and consultant both did try to say I could try for a natural birth.... Absolutely fucking not. I just told them no, I wouldn't even consider it at all and wanted a section. And repeated it. (I would have done the same for a single baby too btw)

I never got my actual section date until 32 weeks though, think they like to keep the suspense going lol

Ive got weeks to go. And even if my waters break or I go into labour I will be straight in for EMCS

As for telling people your having a section, you never need to explain why. "Because I want one" "because I needed one" "because it's none of your fuckin business" 🤣🤣

My section (twins planned section) was far more painful overall than vaginal birth. No contest. Vaginal birth was relatively easy thankfully for me as it is for the majority of women. Have you ever had a vaginal birth to compare the two? You most certainly should not have been driving at 3 weeks (wether you felt you could or not!)

Why do you feel I should not have been driving? If you check with your insurance, which I did, there advice was as long as I felt comfortable and was able to perform an emergency stop then my insurance was valid.

Unfortunately no, I wasn't able to have a vaginal birth as it would have resulted in the death of DD hence the EMCS. My point, was not to compare the two, merely that the OP States she actively wants a section and some posters have only focused on the negative aspects where I had an extremely positive experience of the recovery. I in no way assume or expect that the majority of woman find a section and it's recovery to be easier than a bog standard birth at all.

@frogartist the eye rolling was more aimed at some of the comments that were more actively trying to convince the OP that a section / recovery would be a lot worse than a vaginal birth.

The OP clearly said she doesn't want a vaginal birth and her reasons why, and then there were posters coming in the eye rolling was more at other posters not listening to what the OP wants.

I only have my own experience of contractions and I welcome people to roll there eyes coz I am the first to hold my hands up and admit and tell anyone I did not cope well with them, was demanding all the drugs, spewing, acting like a lunatic and was a complete baby about the whole thing 🤣

The woman who can handle contractions and enjoy giving birth in my eyes are fuckin super heros coz certainly was having the worst day 🤣

@rosegoldivy aww this made me feel better 😂 I’m glad you had a good experience last time. People just seem hell bent or trying to tell you that you should be having a natural birth and how awful a section recovery will be. It’s so weird because it’s literally a baby coming out of your vagina and any other medical procedure involving things like that are not up for discussion at all, yet how my baby gets out of my body is somehow of interest to other people in conversations to the point they want to change my mind on it. My other half’s mum is so nosey and we had to go back for a second scan due to the way he was lying after the 20 week scan. No real issues but I didn’t relay any of this information to my friends due to being quite a private person. She casually mentioned in conversation about how she was telling a random girl in the supermarket details about why I had to go for this scan and it turned out to be my friend 🤔 I have said to my partner now we are telling her absolutely nothing! I don’t want the entire town hearing every detail of my medical notes. So I’m not even going to say in advance that it’s a section and just going to wait til after. It’s absolutely no one else’s business whether your baby came out your vagina or not! 🙈 I’m glad you’re opting for a section again with your twins! Every second comment I’ve had on this post is trying to tell me how I should just give birth vaginally even though it’s the last thing on earth I’d ever want to do and the even more unhelpful comments to say to someone with a massive phobia of the entire thing is ‘you might not make it for a section in time, have you thought about that?’ 😂 If I’d thought about that in any great detail I would never ever have got pregnant so no I haven’t and I don’t plan to 🙈 I will scream til everyone in the hospital hears if I go early and they absolutely will get me a section 😂 If I’d put a post on saying what’s best, a section or a vaginal birth? then fair enough but it’s like I made my mind up on how this would be happening about 10 years ago (if it ever would) and there is not a hope in hell of me changing my mind when the baby is already in there 🙈 just wanted to know what week they’d say yes to me!! My midwife has assured me I will get to see the consultant before 28 weeks so I will be going armed with my printed documents ready for every argument he could throw at me x

I don't think it's "even more unhelpful" for people to point out that if you choose to get pregnant then you may need to face up to the very real possibility of dealing with some labour pains/possible vaginal birth - unfortunately all the best plans can change for unforeseen circumstances.

Posters like myself have personal experience of this and it's native to think you can just stamp your feet and your doctor's/baby/body will all do exactly as you please.

I really hope things go your way, everyone should be able to make that decision BUT it really does sound like counseling might be of benefit to you in the long term.