Potential hospital stay - toddler can't visit

[floralf]

I'm due baby 2 in August and I'm worried that I'll be in hospital for an extended amount of time after giving birth and won't be able to see my 3year old daughter - does anyone have any experience of this?
I'm based in Scotland and I see they've announced today that one person can visit however it's just made me realise that whilst my other half can visit me I may be without my daughter - it's made me so emotional.
With my 3yo. her blood type was different to mine so she ended up Jaundice on day 2 and had to go onto the billi bed with regular blood tests for a few days - we were in hospital until day 5. When I initially mentioned it to the consultant this time around she said there is nothing to say it will definitely happen again this time around so we will have to wait and see - essentially it's just a waiting game after baby 2 arrives.
I can't bare the thought of me being in hospital with baby 2 whilst my toddler is at home without her mummy. She's only 3 and I've never been apart from her for more than 2 nights. I really didn't think about it much before now I just assumed by August that things would be back to normal-ish as regards visitors.
I could be sick thinking about it now.
Has anyone else had to stay longer in hosp with other kids at home? How did you get on?

I was in for two nights with dc2 when dc1 was 17 months.

Honestly, it was fine. She was staying with my sister and her husband and she had a ball. They took her to soft play, fed her loads of shite and let her watch whatever she wanted on telly.

I obviously missed her, but it was lovely getting photos of her laughing her head off and tearing around the ball pit, clearly having the time of her life.

Have you got a plan for who will be looking after her if you do need to stay in? Having one in place so that you know what will happen and can prepare her should make you feel a lot less anxious.

What did you think would happen when you had number 2? I realise things might be different with covid, but some maternity wards don't allow children, especially toddlers anyways. Sorry if I'm missing something here. Do you have childcare for DD during labour and when DH visits?

Will she be at home with her dad? In that case I'm sure she'll be fine, and you will be too as you'll be busy with the new arrival.

If she's in nursery or goes to a childminder maybe keep that up to keep things as normal as possible for her. It'll be fine, it's a very normal thing that lots of families experience.

I was in for three nights with my toddler at home and she couldn't visit. We FaceTimed and it was fine. We were both happy when I went home but it wasn't a major concern and she was having a super time with her grandparents.

@Elouera

What did you think would happen when you had number 2? I realise things might be different with covid, but some maternity wards don't allow children, especially toddlers anyways. Sorry if I'm missing something here. Do you have childcare for DD during labour and when DH visits?

Well this isn't a very kind reply is it? Outside of a covid setting my hospital absolutely allows children of all ages during visiting hours. We were visited by family, friends, including young nieces and nephews on day 1 after our first was born. Which is why this obviously is an unexpected spanner in the works. I have childcare in place for my toddler when the time comes and I'm aware for a day or 2 we won't see her. My upset comes from the potential for a longer stay of 5 or more nights.

OP please relax, your child I assume will be with your family, and you don’t actually know you will need a hospital stay. Also remember you will have a newborn taking all of your attention, your toddler will probably enjoy the focus on her whilst you are in hospital/ if you are in hospital.

It’s absolutely shit OP. My husband wasn’t allowed to visit either in my case, albeit only 2 days. However my toddler was fine - I missed her but she was getting spoilt rotten by her father and grandparents! I would suggest whoever is acting for toddler has lots of fun activities and maybe some new toys etc. They will be fine. You’ll miss them I’m sure but you’ll be busy with the new baby, and hopefully you won’t need a long stay this time. Good luck

Hello, I'm in a very similar position. I'm due in for a c section tomorrow and have a 3 year old DD. I know I will be in for at least 2 nights, but was in for 5 and then out for 2 night and back in again for further 2 with my DD.

DD cannot visit. I am getting emotional at the thought of being away, but honestly, everyone will be OK! I don't remember anything about my sisters birth when I was 3, and you will have a lovely new baby to bond with.

One of my best friends pointed out to me that this is likely to be the only time you will get alone with your newborn, for a while so I'm going to try and enjoy it as much as possible. Please try not to spend weeks worrying about this (easier said than done i know).

@MindyStClaire

Will she be at home with her dad? In that case I'm sure she'll be fine, and you will be too as you'll be busy with the new arrival.

If she's in nursery or goes to a childminder maybe keep that up to keep things as normal as possible for her. It'll be fine, it's a very normal thing that lots of families experience.

She'll be at home with her gran and then with her dad in between times so I'm sure she'll be absolutely fine and I'm just being overly emotional about the whole thing after seeing today's update and the realisation hitting me! Fingers crossed for no hiccups and we get out in good time x

@RenegadeMrs

Hello, I'm in a very similar position. I'm due in for a c section tomorrow and have a 3 year old DD. I know I will be in for at least 2 nights, but was in for 5 and then out for 2 night and back in again for further 2 with my DD.

DD cannot visit. I am getting emotional at the thought of being away, but honestly, everyone will be OK! I don't remember anything about my sisters birth when I was 3, and you will have a lovely new baby to bond with.

One of my best friends pointed out to me that this is likely to be the only time you will get alone with your newborn, for a while so I'm going to try and enjoy it as much as possible. Please try not to spend weeks worrying about this (easier said than done i know).

Thanks for your reply - it's nice to hear from someone in the same predicament - it sounds like your experience was very similar to mine. I'll also be having a section this time around.

I wasn't really thinking about FaceTiming home which actually I think will be nice to do whilst my wee one is at her grans. I know she'll be absolutely fine there - I just hope it's only a couple of nights and not any longer!

I hope everything goes well with your section!

Pregnancy hormones and emotions are bloody hard at the best of times, let alone in the midst of a bloody global pandemic!

Op, hopefully everything will be smooth sailing and you’ll be home the same day/early next day. You know your Dd will be fine, but I get the worry. You’ll be able to FaceTime should you have to stay in, but I guess having a newborn will definitely take your mind off of things. Good luck! Hopefully things calm down a bit by the time you give birth

Why are you worrying about something which may not happen? Your daughter will be fine, but be careful your anxiety doesn’t transfer to her. It will make everything worse.

Hi OP, it will be fine. My second was in NICU in a hospital three hours away for a month when he was born. I lived at this hospital and only saw my toddler once during that time. He wasn’t allowed to visit his baby brother at all due to infection control.

It was horrible at the time but everyone was absolutely fine and we all bonded with each other. Older DS was fine as well.

I had similar with DD1, but DD2 was totally fine and not a hint of yellow if that reassures you any

Good luck, hope it all goes smoothly.

I think she will be fine, and will probably accept "mummy is sleeping in the hospital with new baby because NB is a bit poorly" rather than coming in to see you then having to leave you (with the NB) and say goodbye again. As others have said, she will be spoiled rotten by who ever is looking after her, you can face time or zoom, and you can have some precious time to care for your new born and rest your stitches.

youngest dc was born during swine flu. I was in 2 nights.
no visitors apart from one visitor per family during visiting hours (2-6pm).
I missed my toddlers a lot, but they were home with dh putting up the cot and preparing my favorite dinner.

@ShipshapeShore

I had similar with DD1, but DD2 was totally fine and not a hint of yellow if that reassures you any

Good luck, hope it all goes smoothly.

Oh that's great news! They hadn't mentioned the likelihood of it happening so I was a bit unsure!

@Useruseruserusee

Hi OP, it will be fine. My second was in NICU in a hospital three hours away for a month when he was born. I lived at this hospital and only saw my toddler once during that time. He wasn’t allowed to visit his baby brother at all due to infection control.

It was horrible at the time but everyone was absolutely fine and we all bonded with each other. Older DS was fine as well.

That must have been such a worrying time for you all round...hope all is okay with you and your family now. Thanks for your reply!

@TeddyIsaHe

Pregnancy hormones and emotions are bloody hard at the best of times, let alone in the midst of a bloody global pandemic!

Op, hopefully everything will be smooth sailing and you’ll be home the same day/early next day. You know your Dd will be fine, but I get the worry. You’ll be able to FaceTime should you have to stay in, but I guess having a newborn will definitely take your mind off of things. Good luck! Hopefully things calm down a bit by the time you give birth

Thanks for your reply - I know it will be absolutely fine and appreciate the time that I will get to spend concentrating on recovery/baby 2 x

@viques

I think she will be fine, and will probably accept "mummy is sleeping in the hospital with new baby because NB is a bit poorly" rather than coming in to see you then having to leave you (with the NB) and say goodbye again. As others have said, she will be spoiled rotten by who ever is looking after her, you can face time or zoom, and you can have some precious time to care for your new born and rest your stitches.

So true! Thanks for all of your lovely replies to put my mind at ease. And you are probably right I'm sure it would be easier to hopefully get home rather than visiting and having to say bye!

Thanks everyone for your replies - I am sure everything will be completely fine and I'll have had a panic over nothing but I was just overthinking after I heard today's news re. visiting.
These pregnancy hormones never stop do they!
Dd will be at her grans buried under a mountain of goodies and Disney films and barely give me a second thought I'm sure!

Rules might change by then OP. But it's something I'd think about as well!
When I had DS and had GD (obviously different situation to what you mentioned) but I got told I'd be in for 24 hours and I hate hospital. Once I was in there with my baby it was fine but I had him at 17:46 and was out by 9am the next morning. They did there 2 blood tests for him and didn't need to be in 24hrs.

This is completely normal at many hospitals. Young children are not allowed to visit the maternity ward at all at ours, even pre-covid.

I’ll have to leave ds who’s 3 with my parents when I have number 2 in August. I’m not going to FaceTime him as I think it will upset him more.
I’ll miss him but he’ll be fine. What state my parents will be in if I’m in for more than 2 days is another matter.

Would a home birth be an option for you? Zzz