Hospitals that don’t allow men to stay overnight

[NemophilistRebel]

In 2017 I gave birth in Watford and hated finding out that men were allowed to stay on the ward overnight, I was in for a week.

I’m due to give birth again this summer and although my midwife has tried to reassure me that Watford has improved she couldn’t confirm that men weren’t allowed to stay

Does anyone know if Stoke Mandeville or Luton and Dunstable hospitals allow men to stay overnight?

I do apologize if my comments were hurtful etc. I totally get it that some can't afford private rooms etc and it's not about being alone but it's for safety. I do wish there is a better solution.

I myself got the private room a day after and not the same evening I had my baby. So it's also possible that rooms may not be available.

But to make it a law that no male should be allowed is worrying as in some cases like mine there are no woman available to support (husband, only male siblings, father, no mom, sister lives far away with baby)

Maybe they should make a female only area and a family area and make sure it's marked and monitored properly. So people can choose one based on circumstances.

Back in my home county you can hire private nurse or mid wife to help as well. I looked into that but just didn't find the right person.

I can see my post is offensive now and will request Mumsnet to remove it as it's of not much value but a summary of what I went through and has been hurtful to all. Apologies! I will be leaving this site

But to make it a law that no male should be allowed is worrying as in some cases like mine there are no woman available to support (husband, only male siblings, father, no mom, sister lives far away with baby)

It is a new thing that anyone except the new mum can stay on the ward outside of visiting hours.

When I had mine not so long ago it was partners only 9-1, then there was a “rest” period so women could catch up on sleep, feed, wash etc. Then general visiting 4-7, but only 2 visitors per patient at any one time.

There is no “law” that males are allowed.

Women managed up until a few years ago perfectly well. Although I accept staffing may be less these days.

Many women’s partners can’t stay anyway. There may be other children at home, they may not have time off work, they may be single parents. My friends husband died when she was 5 months pregnant.

As i new mum i needed the quiet with my baby. With lots of people on the ward i couldn’t sleep, and the general background noise of chat, phones, tv’s, people using the toilet did keep me and the baby awake. I was very relieved when visiting time was over.

It simply isn't a case of "Have a private room if you don't want to be on a ward! It incurs a fee and there may well not be one free.

I'm very fortunate in that my pregnancy so far is low-risk and I'm hoping to have baby at home with my partner present. I know other ladies may not have or want this option, however.

However, should I need to be in hospital for whatever reason I do understand and fully respect that other women (some of whom may have stories of abuse etc) may feel frightened if men are present for extended periods, especially at such a vulnerable time. My partner would respect that too and would only visit during allocated hours.

I agree with most of the above.

I’m pregnant and if I end up on a ward the last thing I want is effectively triple the occupancy as we have mothers babies and partners and a total lack of privacy. I think men should be there for visiting hours but over night no. I don’t want to be bleeding, vulnerable, possible unable to move and have an unknown man sitting across from me. I just want a basic degree of comfort and privacy and if that means my DP also can’t stay it’s a fair trade.

Sometimes the private rooms need to be for mums who have lost babies or are suffering from traumatic events. My dts were born emergency c section very prem. The midwives gave me the private room as they said it was unfair for me to listen to the noise or parents and babies crying on the ward, whist my tiny babies were in nicu. You can’t guarantee a private room. Women need to feel safe after giving birth.

No not all men are the same and not all postnatal wards are the same in terms of support you get from midwives and HCP. Some people say "it was fine" and some people have some horror stories.

And the same way it shouldn't be up to partners to help you as they are not health care professionals - it shouldn't be up to other new mothers in the same ward either.

But we are where we are with understaffing and the lack of support in post natal wards - probably going to get worse rather than better by the look of things.

I for one am dreading my post natal stay more than childbirth itself! I would love to opt for the birth centre as they have private rooms but unfortunately I am high risk so I don't qualify.

Genuinely shocked so many don’t want men there! What happened to everyone banging on about how men and women are equal and parenting should be 50/50 etc.... and women are worried for their safety because a man is on the ward.... why would you fear your safety simply because they are male! You can get females that are rude, kick off, aggressive etc... and so many of you saying you want privacy for breastfeeding etc yet in recent times all you hear about is women saying they want to breastfeed in public without being judged or leered at and should be able to do so but yet that doesn’t apply in hospital 🤔 also god forbid anything happens to the child and their own dad hadnt had that time with them 🙄 so shocked at this

Have you read the thread or were you blinded with shock by the OP? You might find it useful to do an advanced search on MN as this is not the first time it has been discussed. I am (sadly) not shocked by the dismissal of many women’s feelings about this, that’s very common

Yes. Clearly I have read the thread. What exactly from my post would make you think otherwise

I agree with @NC4this123

I'd find it quite comforting to have my DP with me, I felt very lost after my first child as he had to go home almost immediately due to the timings etc. Support on the ward from midwives was non-existent. It's for this reason that I will be practically legging out of the door once I've given birth - so I can get home to my partner.

@NC4this123

Considering 86,000 women per year experience rape or sexual assault per year then I think feeling unsafe around strange men when they are vulnerable and trying to sleep is more than reasonable.

Of course parenting is equal responsibility but when it comes to a medical recovery for women I think the right to privacy, dignity and to feel safe should come first.

Re breastfeeding yes of course it should be fine in public but it’s a disingenuous comparison. Establishing breastfeeding is tough painful and often involves having breast out a lot. Most women become more confident in the later weeks.

Genuinely shocked so many don’t want men there!
Why? Its been detailed on this thread and in many others. Women have been raped, assaulted, abused, made to feel unsafe/uncomfortable, are religious etc. The men are not patients they do not need to be there.

What happened to everyone banging on about how men and women are equal and parenting should be 50/50 etc
When men give birth, they can be on the postnatal wards overnight as equals

.... and women are worried for their safety because a man is on the ward.... why would you fear your safety simply because they are male!
See my first point.

You can get females that are rude, kick off, aggressive etc
You do. And? Women and men are different. I am more likely to be intimidated by an able bodied man than a woman who had given birth recently enough to be on a post natal ward overnight.

.. and so many of you saying you want privacy for breastfeeding etc yet in recent times all you hear about is women saying they want to breastfeed in public without being judged or leered at and should be able to do so but yet that doesn’t apply in hospital
The men are not patients in hospital, breastfeeding a three week old, fully dressed in Costa is not the same as establishing breastfeeding when your milk is coming in whilst you're bleeding from your vagina, possibly with no feeling in you legs, wearing a nightie with an open back

also god forbid anything happens to the child and their own dad hadnt had that time with them so shocked at this
Yes God forbid, but phones exist, thankfully.

Oh yeah I see your point! Men have raped women so we should fear all men 🤔 how many women have been raped or abused by another women’s partner whilst in a hospital after having given birth! .... be realistic. I actually feel sorry for men that women feel like this due to a minority.

Oh yeah I see your point! Men have raped women so we should fear all men

Oh yeah I see your point. Men have raped women so we should respect the dignity and privacy of women who may be vulnerable after giving birth and not have men overnight on a ward.

There, fixed that for you 👍🏼

With regards to how many women have been abused by other women's partners on a postnatal wards, do a quick search, there are loads of threads about it and loads of women commenting about it.

But even one woman being made to feel unsafe/being abused/feeling frightened is too many, surely?

It’s not about fearing men. It’s about women having the right to feel safe and comfortable and single sex spaces exist for a reason.

It’s not about fearing men. It’s about women having the right to feel safe and comfortable and single sex spaces exist for a reason

This. I dont give a flying fck how "nice" your husband is NC4this123 there is NO need for him to stay overnight on a maternity ward. He can visit all he likes during visiting hours. He doesnt need to be there overnight FGS.

I think anyone who had genuinely read the thread and come to the conclusion “I feel sorry for men” really hasn’t understood what women are trying to say

After I gave birth on the ward with my OH and my baby started choking on mucus. Unfortunately I was hooked up to a catheter and couldn't get to my baby. Luckily my OH was allowed on the ward sat in the chair grabbed my son and helped to clear his airway whilst I called for help.

Say what you want but I will always want my partner with me for helping out after giving birth.

Despite totally agreeing in principle that a maternity ward should be a female only space, I recently had my LO via section and wouldn't have been able to cope should my other half not have been there. Due to blood loss and the drug combo's I wasn't competent enough to look after never mind hold my little one without help.

Although what I had isn't the normal experience, the staffing levels would not have accommodated the level of care I needed for myself and the baby, and my DP effectively was both our caregiver.

The room I was in was small (4 bed) with 3 there overnight with their partners. I however think that if anyone had any issues or objections that everyone could be accommodated (moved rooms or into private rooms)

FFS, why on Earth would anyone want to be in a ward designed for 6 but with double the occupancy? Just for that reason alone, no, I wouldn't want 'partners' or 'man du jour' or anyone else who isn't a patient staying 24/7. The space isn't designed to double its occupancy, leaving out the fact that plenty of these non-patients behave like twats.

I can see both sides of this, but I think in a postnatal ward the emphasis does need to be on ensuring all women and babies feel safe and comfortable.
I had a traumatic birth with my first, had him at 11pm and was moved onto post-natal at midnight, at which point DH was sent home. I was terrified and exhausted, I had a catheter in, my baby was battered and bruised from an inappropriately placed ventouse and due to an awful episiotomy was incontinent. I cried all night until my DH arrived for visiting hours at 8.30am.But, I still think that it is more important to protect women's privacy and keep these spaces for women-only overnight. There is bound to be at least one woman on a ward of 8 who would find the presence of strange men, when she is already in a vulnerable state, to be triggering or anxiety provoking.

@beautifulstranger101 good job I don’t give a flying fck about your opinion then isn’t it :) good luck to you if you had said that to me post birth :) luckily for me and all the other new mums where I gave birth, DADS were more than welcome.

good luck to you if you had said that to me post birth

I wouldnt have needed to- the hospital I was in sensibly only had women overnight so it was all good thanks!

‘Sensibly’ haha yes because stopping a man supporting his wife and new child is a really sensible decision 🤔