Is this a sensible approach to childbirth?

[Thoughtlessinengland]

Last time for my first baby I did 6 months of hypnobirthing classes, daily meditations, went in with a laminated (yes) birth plan, numerous candles, numerous instructions for full natural birth, a doula etc. Ultimately my back to back son was born after 37 hours of labour, which technically didn’t progress enough for pain relief of a serous kind till last 4 hours and an episiotomy, followed by PND.

Anyway..... a few years later I am expecting No 2 and time is approaching to think about the birth. Is it alright to not really have a plan this time and just see how it goes? I truly cannot get particularly fussed about whether I do this or that, use that or something else. All that seems to matter is that all goes well and we get out in one piece - so I am thinking I am nust literally going to go into labour and see how things go and what I feel like/what midwives recommend at the time? I mean a water birth feels excellent - an epidural feels fine - and a C section is also alright - I am quite unbothered this time and struggling to make a birth plan.

Is this mad or do you think it’s fine to plan to not really have a plan?

I didn't have a plan with my first! Wanted a water birth, didn't want an epidural but that was about it. Got my water birth, no stitches or interventions and while I won't go so far as to say I enjoyed it, it was actually a lot better than I'd imagined it would be and I'm sure that's partly down to going in with a "What happens happens" attitude. If I'd needed any medical intervention I was quite happy to go with what they thought best.

The midwife did comment on my lack of birth plan (I think I'd only put 3 bullet points 😂 ), but it actually went exactly as I would have wanted it to had I done a birth plan. Ok, maybe minus the Oramorph which I caved for straight away and didn't think was worth it!

I wouldn't bother planning any future births either.

Is it alright to not really have a plan this time and just see how it goes?

That’s what I did last time (first baby). I used the NHS template plan and for every question I just ticked ‘I don’t know...’ because I had no idea what to expect. It’s good to have a vague idea of preferences for pain relief and things like that I suppose, but otherwise what will be will very much be - seriously, a birth will very rarely go to plan, and I found accepting that quite comforting.

Ah thanks very much. Great to hear that it’s ok to not know. I am finding this pregnancy such a more relaxed experience without any birthing classes, planning, prepping - nothing. Just working hard, playing hard and eating yummy things and approaching birth with a really can’t-be-fussed attitude I am finding (which is a STARK a contrast to Baby no 1) 😂

I said I wanted to not give birth on my back, delayed cord clamping and an hour uninterrupted following birth to be with my baby. My DS was induced and I had a 3rd degree tear so had to be taken to theatre afterwards and placenta was pulled out by a doc. But even though things certainly were not the perfect birth my amazing midwife made everything happen that I wanted to happen which I think made me feel so much more positive about the whole thing.

A birth plan is really all about researching your options and having the knowledge so that you can choose.
The actual plan is not the main point.
Your plan can be to go with the flow.
My plan was more about what I didn't want rather than what I did want to happen.

With my first/only I just said only gas & air, preferably water bath, delayed cord clamping. After being 2 weeks late I ended up being induced, labour for 24 hrs, epidural, and ultimately ECS.

Whenever I get around to a second I'll be the same as you. Be open to the different possibilities. As long as they come out safe, I don't think it really matters.

I'd personally have a bit of a plan. It prevents them asking things you know you don't want, eg if you don't fancy water birth or epidural etc then spell it out. If you know one drug doesn't work for you then say so.

You might also have a choice for things like being told the sex if you don't already know, cutting the cord etc.

Does anyone actually have a birth plan saying they want all the drugs and an epidural?!

Yes, very sensible. And more realistic than a plan you believe you must stick to/achieve.

I didn’t have a plan with my first, other than I’d like to try a water birth and I don’t want to be stuck on the bed. Induction at 39 weeks for pregnancy induced hypertension, stuck in the bed being monitored, an unwanted but medically advised epidural to help lower my BP and eventually, 48 hours later an EMCS certainly wouldn’t have appeared anywhere on my birth plan had I written one! However, none of that happened because of lack of a plan, and I do think the lack of a plan helped me through it all - I wasn’t particularly bothered that things weren’t going how I’d envisaged, because I hadn’t spent a lot of tome envisaging it. For all on paper my experience sounds bad, I actually enjoyed a good chunk of it and never felt out of control. So in my opinion, fine not to have a plan. I did still look into what to expect and different options however so that I understood what was going on. Also, if there’s anything you feel really strongly about then I’d let the midwife know early on. I did use hypnobirthing and while it did nothing in helping me towards a “natural” birth, it definitely helped me stay focused and calm.

The extent of my plan was that if I needed serious pain relief (i.e. more than gas and air) that I wanted an epidural not any painkillers that would make me feel out of it (I hate feeling woozy). But it was probably easier for me as I already knew it was an induction and I’d be on a drip...which removed the pressure to have the all natural whale music water birth malarkey. If there’s ever a second, my plan is epidural all the way tbh.

Take snacks, drinks, change, books, phone charger, money.

I'll never be pregnant again (far too old), but that would be my plan.

Congratulations and good luck

I think that birth plans have there place, however if things don’t quite go to plan I feel that they can contribute to the woman feeling disappointed. So this time I’d go with an open mind and look at the different types of pain relief available.

I also think that you’ll have a much better experience this time, as you’ve got more of an idea what to expect as I think sometimes part of the problem isn’t knowing what labour and birth entails.

You can still use the hypnobirthing or mindfulness breathing techniques as they can help, and this time you could try using water to labour in. You can always get out of the water if you don’t like it, but honestly it is amazing for pain relief.

@MamaFlintstone Snap! My birth plan was literally ‘I know this is likely to end up an induction due to gestational diabetes; I am not going on the drip until I have an epidural’. Best experience ever.

I’d repeat that again tomorrow if I were to fall pregnant again!!!

I didn't have any plan. Nothing. Nada!

I literally went in with the view that i had complete trust in the medical staff and would follow whatever advice they gave me to ensure i went home with 2 healthy babies.

@horse4course I did. IVF baby. OC in pregnancy so planned to induce at 37 weeks but due to other complications knew baby might be even earlier. I wanted all the science to make it pain free and safe for us both. Considered an elective c section as well.

It massively helped when I ended up in labour early and with an emergency c section after 24 hours

There's really no need for one and not having one won't affect the quality of care you get. Sounds like you have a sensible approach that works for you.
Best wishes

i had a birth plan and was very specific about what i didnt want. BUT i was very realistic and said - "thats what i want but i know i need to go with the flow!"

i had the exact opposite of what i wanted! surgery/transfusion/tear/high as a kite/ so yes absolutely have a plan but be flexible with it.

Very, very sensible and sane. I wish more people were like you.

I think a lot of people think of a plan as "I will start by being in the water, then I will move to the birthing ball, then I will..." and so on.

That's never been what my vision of a birth plan is. I have a list of preferences. I want to have a pool in the room. I want to avoid a C section. I want to have my husband with me at all times.

But if anything isn't going to work for the birth, then that's how it is. Maybe I'll hate the pool. Maybe I'll need a C section. You just don't know how it will go, so it's always better to be prepared but flexible.

But I think going in with no preferences at all is a mistake because you could end up with a doctor or nurses who are not on the same page as you in any way and force things on you that you're not comfortable with. At least if you have an idea what your preferences are and have decided those in advance, you have a chance of getting what works for you.

I found it handy to think about some worse case scenarios too- if it goes horribly wrong, kangaroo care if possible, skin to skin with DP if for some reason I can't. If it happens at home and we are both poorly and go in two ambulances, DP with the baby, and I'll cope. The kind of thing that is very very unlikely to happen, but if it does would be very very quick decision making.
But yes, I don't think birth plan is a very good name- it's more a "what are the options likely to be, and how do I feel about them" thing.

I had a plan in my head of how I wanted the birth to go but I never actually had a plan. I hadn't even made a plan on how to get to the hospital apart from my dad saying "yeah give us a call and I'm sure we can drop you down".

My birth was the complete opposite of what I wanted but for the most part I just went with it.

If I had done 6 months of hypnobirthing classes they would have gone to waste. Even the NHS birth preparation session I attended went to waste.

I guess your plan is to "go with the flow". Although DH and I didn't find out the sex before hand and this was revealed by the midwife rather than my husband so maybe note that down if it's important to you.

Haha @tobeornottobe1 yeah maybe having a plan of how to get to the the hospital is worthwhile! (That said, I've never had to- induced the first time so just went up on the bus, second at home and transferred in in a very chilled non-emergency ambulance. Better check my taxi numbers are up to date for the third!)

Same, I was induced and got the bus. People thought it was mad but the bus goes from outside my house to outside the hospital so it's no different from getting a lift or taxi!

This is exactly how looking at my second child’s birth in the next few weeks. My first birth went completely differently to how I’d hoped but was ultimately still ok in the end so I’m a lot less bothered this time. I’d like a water birth but if I don’t I don’t I’m trying not to stress.

I think the expectations around childbirth can be really demoralising for women after the reality of it. I’ve had three completely different experiences of labour and now expecting my fourth which I know again will be a different kind of rollercoaster.
I’ve never had a birth plan as it felt like writing a letter to santa! My main thing was to tell dh to ask me the right questions and explain what’s going on while I’m in labour.
But I would totally agree with focussing in the practical preparation for staying for the labour and post birth, that really helped me psychologically. Just to feel a little bit more in control I got perineal spray for tearing, laxatives (having that issue first time round was unexpected and horrendous!), loads of different kinds of comfy clothing, all my little toiletry-type comfort treats and loads and loads of snacks. I also spend time choosing a music playlist- only had time to use it for night feeds post birth last time but it help me feel that little bit organised.
Sounds like you’ll have a fab experience if you have your current attitude. Speaking to friends and family no one has as bad a time second time round as the first- first baby is just such a shock all round, this time you’ll just know how to wing it