Is this a sensible approach to childbirth?

[Thoughtlessinengland]

Last time for my first baby I did 6 months of hypnobirthing classes, daily meditations, went in with a laminated (yes) birth plan, numerous candles, numerous instructions for full natural birth, a doula etc. Ultimately my back to back son was born after 37 hours of labour, which technically didn’t progress enough for pain relief of a serous kind till last 4 hours and an episiotomy, followed by PND.

Anyway..... a few years later I am expecting No 2 and time is approaching to think about the birth. Is it alright to not really have a plan this time and just see how it goes? I truly cannot get particularly fussed about whether I do this or that, use that or something else. All that seems to matter is that all goes well and we get out in one piece - so I am thinking I am nust literally going to go into labour and see how things go and what I feel like/what midwives recommend at the time? I mean a water birth feels excellent - an epidural feels fine - and a C section is also alright - I am quite unbothered this time and struggling to make a birth plan.

Is this mad or do you think it’s fine to plan to not really have a plan?

My NCT group leader put it well by talking about having preferences.

So you think in an ideal world I'd like X Y Z.
I'm unlikely to want A B C
My red lines for now are 1 2 3 and I would want some specific guidance and input if these were likely
I'll take labour as it comes and am aware that things may change.

I'm due to start hypnobirthing and I'm taking it as a relaxation method rather than a blueprint for a straight forward birth.

I was the opposite to you OP.
I went into my first birth without any kind of plan - just see what happens and do what feels right at the time.
Which actually gave me a pretty good idea of what I would not be allowing to happen during subsequent births. I obviously don’t have an exact “plan” - it’s hardly an event you can plan! But for DC2 and DC3 (who is due any time now) I have a very specific list of “birth preferences”, and certain things that will not be happening under any circumstances (ie internal examinations, no epidural etc) in bold and underlined, so I don’t have to have those discussions with my care providers while I’m in labour. It’s right there in black and white

I must admit I did snort with laughter at your Iaminated birth plan!!

There is nothing wrong with being informed about your options and having preferences. But you can't plan for these things.

Even my elective c-section with my youngest didn't go to plan! I ended up having him earlier because of complications.

"There is nothing wrong with being informed about your options and having preferences. But you can't plan for these things."

But having a plan IS just about having options and preferences.

For example, I don't want an epidural. I don't want a C section. Of course I'm not stupid enough to think that those things are not going to happen just because they're not in my plan. But if I have the choice, that's what I want.

I want the baby to breastfeed, not to be bottle fed. If I didn't write this down, in my country, the baby would be taken away to be bottle fed immediately. Of course it might be that I don't have milk and that needs to happen anyway. But nothing wrong with telling them I don't want that.

I find the idea of laughing at someone else's plan quite unpleasant really. Maybe we should all try to support each other instead of acting like another woman's ideas are so ridiculous.

@horse4course Meeee. I was terrified, so told my doctor I wanted ALL THE DRUGS, and wished to be so off my face on pain meds I neither knew or cared what was happening. I actually pestered her so much about an epidural that she agreed to induce me so that we could be sure there was an anesthetist around to administer one.

This all turned out to be a moot point when my baby was breech and I needed a c-section. Never been so relieved in my life

With my DS I went in with a plan to just try and take it as it came. I hoped to be able to have a completely natural birth but was also prepared to take whatever intervention I needed as labour progressed. I think if you can get into the headspace that whatever you need to do is the right thing for you, nothing is "banned" but also try not to rush straight for the pain killers etc before trying some other things first. For example I started with just walking around, then bouncing on a ball, then lying in a warm bath. I was at the point of wanting more pain relief so was intending to have gas/air in the bath but I was fully dilated when they checked so I never got more than a couple of sucks of the good stuff!

I found it helped to think I will do this until I can't cope and then I'll do the next thing working up to pain meds etc. If it had been a more challenging birth (back to back etc) I'm sure I would have moved to gas and everything else more quickly and that would have been fine with me too.

The more rigid your plans, the more likely you are to be disappointed if things have to change.

After ds, back to back birth, cord wrapped round neck and midwives who, except for one were pretty hopeless, my plan was as follows:

An experienced and kind midwife
Total privacy during labour - not spending four hours in agony on a public ward with children and two blokes at the next bed with a curtain between us.
Availability of epidural
Nothing to be done to me without my express consent

Is there such a thing as a sensible approach to childbirth? I mean its pretty much one of the least sensible things a woman can do.

I mean you had a 37 hr labour n post natal depression and yet, decided 'hey that was a riot, I want to do that again' ...what were you thinking?! xD

Just go with the flow, you're in the shit now either way, so why dwell on it? Hakuna matata. I wouldn't want to think about it either!

My birth plan for my last 2 was
Havr a healthy baby
I am bottle feeding.

That was it!

Very sensible to not have a birth plan and get stuck in the idea of how you want things to be.
I called mine my birth preferences and none of it went the way I would have preferred it to go (induction, constantly monitored and emcs) but it was still a fantastic experience that I look back on positively.
Have a rough idea of would you would like to happen- do you want to follow the same calming environment that you used for hypnobirthing last time? Etc
Just keep in your head that plans can be fluid and don't let your previous experience put you off.

Had three babies. Never written a birth plan. Never had a hospital bag packed either.

Stay flexible

Fair enough @GemmeFatale @allfurcoatnoknickers ! Some people do plan for epidurals etc then! I just thought birth plans were kind of a tool from the natural birth lot

I think treating it as preferences is useful and for first timers it makes you actually think through what happens in birth so it's less of a shock... maybe!

Actually I was going to go full epidural route if I needed to be induced, I forgot

With my first birth 7 years ago I’d never heard of a birth plan
I can’t imagine anything would have gone differently if I’d had one though.
No birth plan this time round either

"My birth plan for my last 2 was
Havr a healthy baby"

And I think that's totally fine.

My birthing class had a pyramid diagram which totally made sense to me. At the bottom was "have a healthy baby" and the corresponding action was "listen to the doctor".

Having a healthy baby is the absolute fundamental part, that all of us want.

But there are other levels too. Some of us also want to feel respected, listened to, to have nothing done without our consent. There is NOTHING wrong with that not being an important part of your birth plan. There is nothing wrong with just wanting the whole thing over and done with. But that doesn't mean that some of us don't want it.

I have no idea how my birth will be. I'm in a foreign country where women are routinely put in stirrups, given an episiotomy (99% of cases, whether needed or not), where women are given C-sections because it's Friday night and the doctor wants to fuck off home, where fundal pressure is the absolute norm. There is SO much that could be done the exact opposite of how I want it done.

So yeah, I have a plan. It is not some blow by blow account. It is a list of preferences. "Don't cut me open unless it is necessary." "Don't force the baby out of me." "Don't force me to have the baby on your schedule and not the baby's."

I don't know anyone who thinks that they can actively plan, minute-by-minute, how the birth will go. But you wouldn't go into cancer treatment without asking what the various options are first, so why birth?

"Very sensible to not have a birth plan and get stuck in the idea of how you want things to be."

But who is doing that? I don't know anyone who thinks like that. For most people, it's a list of preferences.

I was induced with DS and felt like a lot of my birth choices were taken out of my hands after quite a clinical and complicated birth. I wanted a better experience the second time. A major part of my second birth plan was pain relief, I wanted to be in control of what I had and when. As it was, I had a very fast second labour with DD2, and by the time my request for pain relief was discussed, I was basically pushing her out. She was intent on coming and spoiling my plans. She arrived safely and is very well, which is fantastic. I do think it's good to have it all over and done with quickly but a shame that nobody really discussed what I wanted before it was too late.

I’ve done it 3 times and never bothered with a plan

My birth plan was "I'd like to be in this birthing room if possible but mainly we'd both like to survive with no disability caused by complications".
Never understood the birthing plan thing. Have your baby, let the doctors help if your baby is suffocating, go home afterwards and bring child up.

So pleased for you that this pregnancy is more relaxed. Good luck with your second birth.

"Never understood the birthing plan thing. Have your baby, let the doctors help if your baby is suffocating, go home afterwards and bring child up."

For some people, the baby just being healthy is not enough. It is ok to want more from your birth and people shouldn't be made to feel like fussy oddballs for wanting that (which is how I feel a lot of people who do the 'I just want a healthy baby' thing are trying to imply.)

The baby is important. The mum is also important. And no one should feel guilty about wanting to prioritise ourselves too.

I think the OP is the birth plan, isn't it? Just write down the key bits from what you wrote here and take that with you? I don't see why it needs to be more complicated than that.

@WatchingTheMoon
Get out of the wrong side of bed today?

I didn't write one, I was open to anything really that got me and dd through it safely.

I didn't have a plan for my first and when I went into labour and told the midwife, she said no plan was the best plan because then there are no expectations and you’re unlikely to feel disappointed. I was glad on the end - I was also back-to-back and needed forceps and had an episiotomy. I just accepted it though, plus didn't know any different so didn't feel sad about it. So I'm all for no plan!

To be clear - my attitude towards not having a birth plan (perhaps just things I do not want as in - don’t touch me without my consent/don’t call me “mum”) has nothing to do with just want a healthy baby and everything to do with just want myself to be happy. For me that means a different approach than a birth plan as such. It could be different for different people of course :)

I've got a generic "at home please with minimal hands up my chuff or cuts etc if you don't mind"

But whilst I've got solid reasons for everything that I want, I've researched like mad and consulted every medical professional I can I am however flexible to do what's best for my baby first then me after.
Quite looking forward to it, weirdly 😂