anyone have a vaginal birth and later wish they'd had a c-section?

[izzzie]

hello
i have a big fear of tearing and also of damaging my pelvic floor (already got problems in that department, though kegels are helping a lot.) and am considering elective c-section but am aware it's no picnic and would rather have a natural birth if I can get over these fears. I don't want to live to regret my decision, ie, go for a natural birth and end up a real mess and wishing i'd followed my instinct which is that a c-section might be better for me personally, despite all the downsides to it.
I was just wondering about other people's experiences - if you had a 3rd/4th degree tear, or if you are suffering from incontinence after birth, did you later really wish you'd had a c-section?
any advice/experiences gratefully received...i'm doing a lot of reading and researching..

I had an elective c-section, and would like to speak up in favour for it.

I got pregnant via IVF and had a scary episode of preterm labour at 23 weeks, so I knew that I couldn't take the stress of something going wrong at the birthing stage with the child we have fought so long (and paid so much) to get. Also, my cousin suffered severe hypoxia
(lack of oxygen) at birth and is so brain-damaged that he will be the mental age of 12 for the rest of his life. So for me, it wasn't a case of fearing the pain or tearing, but of knowing that I wouldn't be able to cope with the stress of anything, even the smallest thing, going wrong and effecting the baby during delivery.

I felt really happy in the days leading up to the big day, because I knew what was going to happen, and when. The last stages of pregnancy are pretty miserable, and I watched my pregnant friends become even more so as they ALL suffered from not knowing when 'it' was going to happen, and also from fearing the worst. I knew that whatever I was going to suffer afterwards, at least my baby would be safely delivered. As it happens, it wasn't so bad after the operation. Sure you can't walk easily for a couple of days, and laughing and coughing are definitely to be avoided, but I was really surprised at how little pain there was considering. Now 3 months later, some of my friends who were due the same time as me (from the antenatal classes) and who had natural births are still suffering pain during sex, hemmaroids, and other problems, whereas all I have is a small scar.

I don't regret my decision one bit, and do not feel sad at all that I missed out on the birthing experience - the baby experience is so much more interesting and rewarding! So if you do choose an elective c-section, don't feel guilty or that you are missing out on something. Your peace of mind and happiness are important too. I know there can be a lot of pressure to give birth naturally, but if you feel it just isn't for you, go for the elective, I don't think you will regret it.

Snaf, I think one should be told the truth about the pain of childbirth. MWs spend so much time trying to talk you into some warm fluffy natural birth experience that they brush right over the truth of the risks and unpleasantness of it. Then, when you come back 6 months later with incontinence issues, you get the big NHS fob off. "Oh, don't worry dear, that's normal" or some such unhelpful crap.

No but I had an emergency c-section and wish I had had a vaginal.

I had a vaginal birth with dd and tore but not hugely.

with ds , I feel like I really didn't give birth to him and still 5 months on have a sort of empty feeling in my belly. It sounds mad but It;'s hard to describe.

izzzie,
I've posted on your other thread but thought I'd add a few more words here!
If you didn't already have problems with your pelvic floor, then I would suggest trying for a natural birth and just see what happens at the pushing stage ie make sure that all the medics are aware of your circumstances so that episiotomy/c-section can be performed if necessary.
However, I think you really need to take advice from a consultant first. Having a c-section seems to involve a longer recovery, however any pelvic floor issues may be permanent.
I've had two "natural" births with cuts and tears and am pencilled in for a c-section next month partly due to pelvic floor worries plus knowing that my baby has a very large head.
It may be that your worries to do with tearing can be helped with a planned episiotomy rather than a full on c-section.

I wish I had had a cs. I don't think I will ever get over my anything-but "natural" NHS birth 6.5 years ago, physically or mentally.

I am too faced with this decision. I posted a thread a couple of weeks ago, and the response I received was great, but still don't know what to do. I am 24 weeks preg and my 1st del was natural with a very bad 3rd degree tear. The consultant has advised a C-section, but despite my tear, I had the most amazing experience and healed brilliantly. I am suffering a lot with pelvic pain with this preg and wonder if it's due to last delivery. Even though I tore, I am so glad I went through the labour - looking back, I actually really enjoyed it. I wouldn't be too quick to make a decision about a C-section for your 1st, it's bad enough having to make it for your 2nd.

i went into my birth hoping for the best. Guess thats all we can do. I wanted naturla birth. Ended up with a 2nd degree, tears that took months to heal. I had a rough time, the pain form the stitches was bad, for a long time.

In hindsight yea, but at the time I was adamant, and naieve (sp!)to what could actualy happen.

Saying this tho, and despite bad sewing and rather bad pelvic floor, I cant say that I would easily go for a cs, if i got pg again.

birth crisis

birth trauma association

can i implore any mum who is feeling upset, tearful, anxious, cheated, sad or empty after a birth experience, be it vaginal or c,s , to make use of one of the websites above for help getting through that .

I had a midwife-led natural birth with no complications and 2nd degree tears that never hurt!

I'm definately having a C/S next time! I don't think I'm ever gonna get over the birth! And - I can't drive anyway!

Lulumama,

I've thought about contacting one of these associations, but my care was fantastic so not sure how I'd start!

Agree with Eleusis' comments. Do what you think is best for YOU! and don't allow anybody to make you feel guilty for your decisions. You never know what will happen..things will probably be fine, but the NHS and midwives should tell the TRUTH of what can happen...not to scare anybody, but to keep them informed. Also, don't think of this as 'either/or'...necessarily...maybe you can go into labor naturally and then have a c-section...I don't know how this happens here, but in the US it's a possibility, or at least you can obtain clarification on what would constiture a section after labor begins, or when is the point that you've labored too long..read my situation below

As for me, I had no problems in pregnancy at all, was fit and have climbed major mountains in this world, and I'd gladly climb Mt. Whitney several times in a row before I ever gave birth again...but this is just me...don't listen to horror stories and mine isn't one because we all came out okay, and I'm completely fine now...no problems at all. My problem in labor was that it just went on and on...the midwives just waited and waited on and on..and on and on...and I became severely exhausted and dehydrated in the end. That was the worst part of it for me and they blamed my problems first on the fact that I couldn't eat or drink anything ..well I'd gone nearly two days without, and I couldn't help it. Then of course it was 'my' fault labor wasn't progressing faster because I'd had an epidural.

I had a third degree tear and another internal tear and recovery was horrible, and I'll spend the rest of my life wishing I would have had a c-section...not an elective one, but I should have had a section after nearly 4 days of labor...I was severely dehydrated after I had DD and lost a lot of blood and she finally had to be delivered by forceps because she was stuck and face up...I was white as a ghost for weeks because of the blood loss. Everything is fine now...DD was completly fine, but I hate to think what would have happened had she not been since she spent so much more time in the birth canal than she should have. In fact, the midwives only 'woke up' to my delimma when my blood pressure became extremely high...at first they said well it's high because you're over 40, but DH pointed out that it was completley normal the day before I went into labor.

Ironically, all the people I know who had c-sections were in much better shape than I was in afterwards, but it's interesting that so many feel like they were 'cheated'..this is sad.

Don't just abide by the 'can't drive for 6 weeks rule'...I think that is just threats and propaganda by the NHS establishment...you'll be able to drive when YOU are able to safely drive...which will probably be nowhere near the 6 weeks, but could be later too I suppose.

Go with what you feel is best. Most labors are straightforward, and most sections aren't as bad as you've heard. I think the worst situation is to have to have an emergency section after laboring for hours, so maybe it's best I didn't have one...who knows...

On thing is for sure...labor will end at some point. Good luck and get all the facts that you can.

bethbe

i volunteer for the BTA..i would be happy for you to email me directly, if that makes it easier..CAT me if you are signed up, if not,

lulumama 21 @ hotmail. com

no gaps!

Hi Izzie
I would really recommend hypnobirthing but I think you need to find some classes to get the full benefit - it is worth the cost. Also, you need to practice the relaxations and techniques lots. I used it and it worked for me - the midwives were amazed at how relaxed I was even towards the end.

I would also recommend perineal massage from week 32. I can't prove that it stopped me tearing badly but I just had a tiny labial tear that didn't warrant a stitch. It just stung when I went to the loo for 3 or 4 days.

Only you know what is right for you but people do seem to only want to tell you horror stories about birth. I hope it goes well whichever way you choose - and you will have a beautiful little baby either way.

Had an emergency c-section 1st time around and elective second time due to suspected pelvic narrowing? (Incidentally does anyone know how this is confirmed??)

1st c-section under traumatic circumstances, recovery pretty quick, driving before 2 wks etc. 2nd time far more positive experience all round, recovery slightly longer. I am pleased I got to experience a bit of labour but whatever happens you should not feel guilty, whether you have a natural drug free birth or an elective section. I cannot stand this attitude where women are made to feel inadequate for having assistance during labour. If you can manage without help great but if not, if it is right for you who cares. Would you go to the dentist and have a tooth removed without local?? and then congratulate the person and say well done you...
I was definitely made to feel inadequate, ironically not by hospital staff but by others afterwards.

Basically I would try for the natural option but get lots of support from your midwife or doula and make sure you are 100% happy with your birth partner as this can make a HUGE difference. I believe fear and anxiety only increases pain so be as informed, as you can, practice your breathing etc BEFORE birth as I think it really helps. Make you wishes V clear and explain that if you require assistance you expect to get it and not be fobbed off. I think 1st time around you need to go in with a open mind and be prepared to adapt depending on your progress, pain threshold etc.

such great advice here!

my twopeneth

i went for normal delivery despite breech, overdue and looking big baby (10lb) and in hindsight wish id gone for elective

also my two c-sections were very straightforward and i recoved easily so if that is the decision that you reach and your consultant advises, then be happy with it and dont give yourself grief over it

my one regret is that i spent months worrying about the birth and not enough time getting prepared for the new baby!!

Correct me if I am wrong but isn't the no driving for 6 weeks thing an insurance issue?

it is, you need to check with your own insurer

some are happy for you to drive after 4 weeks, some after 2, but you need to check, because if you don;t and something happens, you might have invalidated your insurance

it is not NHS propaganda

same rules apply after any major abdominal surgery

I phoned my insurance company at 5 weeks and they could not have been less interested! I also called the doctor's and asked them and they were also of the "well, it all depends on how you feel" attitude. Basically I think it is worth ringing the insurance company to check their requirements and also so that it is on your records that you have notified them.

The midwives always tell me this. It is one of their main arguments for trying to convince me not to have a section. I've had two sections and had two different insurance companies. I called them both, and they both said they had never heard of such a thing. If I felt okay to drive, then they saw no reason why I wouldn't be covered.

I have polled many women on this topic post section and one I repeat ONE once told me tht her insurance company said it was true she couldn't drive until six weeks. I can't remember who it was, but I think it was on Mumsnet.

Basically, if after your section you want to drive, I think you should take the car out on a small empty road and practise an emergency stop. If you can slam the brake on without hurting yourself, you are okay to drive. (of course clear this with your GP/consultant before taking my advice).

I had my fist child naturally with the help of a ventouse and epeisitomoty. My second baby was in the wrong position and also got stuck as he was large (10lb) so had to have emergency section. I wanted a VBAC with my third but had to have an elective section in the end for medical reasons. In my view, an elective section is a very different experience to an emergency one.

I personally would recommend a natural birth if you can, especially as it's your first baby. Although the epesiotomy was very painful for weeks afterwards, the vaginal birth experience was for me much more pleasant than the high tech operation which is 'no picnic'. My vaginal birth was more relaxed, natural and you have the satisfaction of giving birth yourself. Usually, with an elective section you are in a que and if there is a delay you might have to wait hours or even until until the next day which can be stressful.

There are also risks with C-sections which you should be aware of and I recommend you do some research before requesting an elective. The more sections you have, the greater the risks such as emergency hysterectomy's, etc. My recovery time from the emergency section was weeks and weeks as I had gone through a long labour beforehand. My elective section was only two weeks ago so I am still recovering at the moment. The pain of the scar is awful and you have to be very careful not to get the wound infected. Yes, you don't have the labour but my C-section scars are not pretty and you are left with an unsightly overhang which is very difficult to shift as the scar is just on the bikini line. Also, if you have one section you are more likely to have to have another and if you have other children to look after, it's not easy unless you have lots of support due to the recovery time.

I did not have any incontinence after giving birth naturally. I have been told by the doctors that I should not have any more children bacause of the amount of internal scaring I have from my emergency section. I also bled internally this time and they said it is just too risky for me to have any more. I would have liked four so am diasappointed that I have been given this advice. After 2 sections, I think most hosptials say no to a vaginal birth.

i am not trying to persuade you not to have a section just tell you of my experiences. I have had two successful caesearians and the staff were fantastic. But a section is not an easy option and no easier than labour in my opinion.

Of course you should follow medical advice and do what you feel is right in your circumstances.

Hi Izzie,
I had a third degree tear following the birth of ds 10 weeks ago. I actually spent longer in the operating theatre than I did on labour ward! I think it was due to the rapidity of my delivery that I tore so badly (1hr 40 mins from waking up with my first dribble to holding my son!) 10 weeks later I'm fine & aparently have great vaginal tone - well that's what they said last week when I was discharged from mat services. I went to a pilates class from 12wks -> end of pregnancy and took arnica 1 week before EDD and for a couple of weeks after. I also used a cuple of drops of cypress & lavender essential oil in my bath once home from hospital. The swelling went down really quickly. I'm also pleased to report I've had no stress incontinence!
Hope all goes well for you - whatever way baby arrives!

I didn't have a great experience giving birth. I had a trainee midwife deliver my baby and I don't think she knew exaclty what she was doing as she was on her own with me the whole time. No fully-trained midwife came in to give her a hand until it got to the point where I was so exausted that I was looking but I couldn't see and I was listening but I couldn't hear. The trainee then got some help as asked for fauceps (sp?) etc but I managed to do it on my own in the end (no idea how!) They had to give me an episiotomy but they wouldn't tell me how bad it was (what degree) or how many stiches they were giving me
But I was absolutely fine afterwards and was so glad that I did it naturally

But please don't let these stories scare you - afterall, women have been giving birth naturally every day, for thousands of years!

I gave birth to my first child last week. 4 hour labour, two stitches (2nd degree tear). I was terrified of tearing but I didn't feel it at the time and I'm not in any pain now, only a week later. The stitches are healing fine, my pelvic floor isn't too bad at all - I haven't had any problems with escaping wee or poo anyway.

I had my first baby nearly 2 weeks ago and had an episiotomy (sp?)

Although it was painful to wee afterwards for about a week and a half it is finally getting better - salt baths helped me, as has getting up and about.

No probs with escaping wee/poo and I am finally remembering to do my pelvic floor exercises.

Of course if I could change it to having a nice natural birth (rather than medicalised / induced) I would, but I wouldn't have had a c-section, it would have taken me much longer to recover.