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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Would you let your DC watch the birth of its sibling?

48 replies

chicaguapa · 15/12/2006 14:09

I have just heard from some Spanish friends who've had their 3rd child. DS(1) and DS(2) apparently had front row seats for the birth at the delivery end! They are almost 5 and 3.5. Is this not too disturbing for them or is it supposed to be good for them? I'm just really surprised.

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LieselVonGiftwrapp · 15/12/2006 14:13

No, too disturbing. I would involve them in the scans and stuff but not the birth. DH even found it difficult to cope with.

merrylissiemas · 15/12/2006 14:14

ick no no no, but i will have my next by cs....

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 15/12/2006 14:14

dd1 was 5 when dd3 was born. she was upset afterwards as we hadnt let her see dd3 being born.

Daisymisletoe · 15/12/2006 14:25

I was at a home birth recently where all 3 older children were present (9, 7 and 4) It was just fine, the key thing was that they were under no pressure to be there, they could go upstairs if they wanted and there was a spare adult to look after them. I think it was great that they got the opportunity and they all seemed to really enjoy it.

poppynic · 15/12/2006 14:28

Depends on the child. A friend's 5 year old was at her sibling's birth. The midwife had to jostle for position as dd had her hand on the baby's head as it was coming out. They have a gorgeous photo with mum and dd looking equally exhausted beside each other on the sofa immediately after the birth. The dd watched a birth video before actual event.

weepootleflump · 15/12/2006 14:30

Don't know if I'd do it myself but I don't think it'd be disturbing for LO's, they're so open to things I don't think it'd phase them at all

MistletoeGolightly · 15/12/2006 14:32

I'm not prudish and have no problem with the concept but personally I would be too worried about something going wrong and hemorrhaging (sp?) in front of my child's eyes before anyone thought to whisk him out of the room.

merrylissiemas · 15/12/2006 14:34

i didn't even want DH there when ds was born

LieselVonGiftwrapp · 15/12/2006 14:38

Also, looking back, I dont think I would have liked to see my mother give birth

MistleToo · 15/12/2006 14:39

No I wouldn't.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 15/12/2006 14:41

I'm not too fussed. Depends on the age. If dd had seen ds being born by accident (she was 3.5) then I wouldn't have been too bothered. If it were to happen now I would ask her if she wants to be there, explaining what happens etc and making sure she knew that she could leave if she wanted to. She's 6.5 now, just about old enough to understand.

piglit · 15/12/2006 14:47

God no. Dh was traumatised enough as it is.

Daisymisletoe · 15/12/2006 15:11

Just wanted to add that I think it does depend on the circumstances - an uncomplicated home birth is completely different from a highly medicalised forceps birth (for example) and I wouldn't think it was a desperately good idea for a young child to be at the latter.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 15/12/2006 15:12

Blimey yes! Homebirth is very different to hospital birth! Your child can come and go as they please at home, but letting them see in a hospital - ewww! No!

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 15/12/2006 15:14

I wouldn't, but then I had horrific births. My mother had a nervous skin rash for months after my first birth, she was genuinely traumatised by it and so was dh. But if I had had straightforward births, at home, then I would have loved to be able to include the whole family

Miaou · 15/12/2006 15:17

Mine will be 10, 8 and almost 2 when no. 4 comes along and even if I end up giving birth at home (which will be an accident if it happens , there is no way I want any of them watching! I couldn't cope with the responsibility of wondering how they were coping and I want dh to concentrate on helping me, not crowd control!!

That said, each to their own

PinkTinsel · 15/12/2006 15:23

i think if it's a situation where they can wander in and out at their own will then as long as everything is going well i wouldn't mind...... not standing at the business end watching mind you!

PortAndLemonaid · 15/12/2006 15:27

Uncomplicated home birth yes (not sure that I'd actually suggest it, but it wouldn't bother me), hospital birth no.

bubsagrub · 15/12/2006 15:37

Considering the amount of swearing, shouting, crying, pooping and BLEEDING I did the first time, I wouldn't want to traumatise my LO with a performance of the same.

Tommy · 15/12/2006 19:22

I've been thinking about this as number 3 is due in 10 weeks and DS2 has a habit of wondering around at night and would no doubt just clamber onto the bed with me if that's where I was and either watch or just go back to sleep. I think I'm just going to see how it goes and if he's there, then he's there...

very conclusive

Judy1234 · 15/12/2006 20:02

I asked them and none of them wanted to attend which was a shame but their choice. Birth is natural and normal (when it goes right). They could have been home and elsewhere in the house and popped in at relevant moments. I respect their decision. They were about 10, 11 and 13 at the time when the youngest were born

TEEstheCEEsontobejolly · 15/12/2006 20:09

I did. Had DD2 at home and DD1 was in bed but awake and happy with her Godmother (my bestest friend) who was singing songs and reading books and just cuddlin g up in bed with her. Then when the final stage came I said to DP "go and get DD1 and X" and in they came.

DD1 came in and said 'hello mummy' and was dpoing her happy hands which basically means she was well happy. she sat on the end of my bed, grinning with her happy hands (she does this thign with them when she's really excited and happy has done since she was a baby). I then gave birth, lay on the bed, I cut the cord and DD1 joined us for a cuddle.

DD1 was 4 at the time and has Down's syndrome.

I'm so, so happy I made the decision to have her there. In fact the more I think about it the happier and happier I become about it all. I so hope she'll always remember it and can't wait to talk to both my girls about the fact that DD1 was there as DD2 was born.

3andnomorethechrimbobimbo · 15/12/2006 20:13

I think it depends on the children....and also on the mother...i.e. how you feel about it, etc....!
I would have had no qualms to have es with me at ms and ys birth, but it never worked out that way....but ms would have been to young , imo, when ys was born and I feel he would have needed me to much at a time where I could not have given him much of me, if that makes sense at all!

Cadeauxmum · 15/12/2006 20:24

I feel that (as with most parenting issues) it is a very personal decision.

I was very much like Tommy with DS2. I didn't have a real plan for ds1 and dd. As it turmed out, ds2 was born at 6:17 am and the older two slept through my labour and awoke to the sounds of their brother's first cry. It was really beautiful to have them rush down the stair to see him. They were nearly 5 and nearly 3 respectively and we did have a friend staying with us for 'crowd control' and it was a planned and relaxed home-birth.

Dd2 born 4 years after ds2 was born in hospital following a horrible induction and I was pleased that none of our children were there for that. They met their baby sister the following morning in a far calmer and happier place.

Mercy · 15/12/2006 20:37

Miaou, I thought you were expecting no3, didn't realise you had 3 already - wow!

TeeCee, that's a lovely story

But for me, I don't think it would have been a good idea to expose dd to the level of swearing which took place during ds' birth! (especially the stuff aimed at dh . dd was 2.10 at the time.

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