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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Would you let your DC watch the birth of its sibling?

48 replies

chicaguapa · 15/12/2006 14:09

I have just heard from some Spanish friends who've had their 3rd child. DS(1) and DS(2) apparently had front row seats for the birth at the delivery end! They are almost 5 and 3.5. Is this not too disturbing for them or is it supposed to be good for them? I'm just really surprised.

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TEEstheCEEsontobejolly · 15/12/2006 20:44

Thank you Mercy. DD1 missed out on the awful bits though. I suddenly wanted her to be there and witness the birth of her sibling just as the head began to crown. I knew that it was only going to take a bit more effort on my part and I'd have given birth. The hard bit was done, it was just the head to come and the rest was just going to happen easily. I'm couldn't have had her see me out of it and gripping the bath and rolling from side to side moaning or let her see me biting pillows and throwing me head round, but the very last stages are different aren't they.

Loshad · 15/12/2006 20:45

when Ds3 was born at home it was middle of night, both Ds1 and 2 were asleep, and Ds2 woke up minutes after DS3's birth so perfect timing. Ds4 was born in the middle of the day, and we had no spare adult - i'd expected during the night. i didn't let them in to watch, but my main (ok only) was that i had evacuated my bowels whilst having Ds3 and did not want them going to school on monday and telling the teachers that mummy sh** on the carpet - the older 2 were 6 and 5 at the time. however i didn't do the dreaded deed, and we let them in the sitting room the second phil had emerged - before the placenta arrived and before the cord was cut - both the older 2 remember it well Was stressful having them all up - I was nearly 3 h in total in labour with DS4 - by comparison DS3 had been 70 mins, and DS2 90mins, and i'm sure it was because i couln't really let myself get deep into my labour to the exclusion of all else.

krimbokrackerskayzed · 15/12/2006 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerrilyTooBuzzi · 15/12/2006 21:17

personally no, I wouldnt want DC to be upset by seeing me in pain. But I dont see anything wrong in it if others choose to do so.
You know your children so you should help make the right choice for them.

eggnog · 15/12/2006 21:22

no, too gory.

daisy1999 · 15/12/2006 21:25

no way - I'd find it upsetting and distressing to watch, never mind a child

expatinscotland · 15/12/2006 21:25

No.

My groans before I went to hospital frightened the hell out of DD1, who was 2.5 when DD2 was born.

I'll never forget the look on her wee face.

Don't think this is an appropriate thing for young children to see.

PinkTinsel · 15/12/2006 21:35

hmmm, sounds like it depends alot on how the mother behaves during birth as well doesn't it?

in my case i don't do alot of groaning or maoning except right at the end and i didn't swear or scream with either so i wouldn't even have thought of that aspect of it!

Gingeme · 15/12/2006 21:38

I had my last baby at home 7 weeks ago and my main fear was my ds who is 2.5 seeing me. Luckily my labour was at night,1 am start so he was tucked up in bed but I did moan quite alot when giving birth at around 6am and he shouted out for Daddy but stayed in his room. Once we were showered and dressed and in my bed he came out and was totaly fine.

mozhe · 16/12/2006 00:01

My mother, a paediatrician, had all nine of us at home in the 60s and 70s...us older ones,( I'm no2 ), were always 'included' in the proceedings, watching for a bit, then going back to bed or off to school or whatever...I don't actually remember seeing the actual moment of birth but do remember holding the flannel on mum's forehead, getting baby's basket nice and warm etc...we used to play ' births' quite a bit too and 5 of us,( including an older half sister ), did become doctors....but only one obstetrician ! Personally I didn't include my children in the births because they all happened in hospital, and my 5 are all born so close together...the thought of 3 boisterous little boys running around a twin,( actually prem csection...so not exactly suitable ! ) delivery would not exactly fill me with inner calm..

Heathcliffscathy · 16/12/2006 00:06

how on earth can it be 'inappropriate' for a child to watch the birth of it's sibling???? it has been happening since time immemorial and still is all around the world.

I don't mean sitting them down and making them watch, but life going on at home where the birth is happening.

I'm far more disturbed by the thought of how much ds loves Lazytown than I am at the prospect of him ever seeing me in labour and giving birth.

We live in an INSANE world.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 16/12/2006 00:06

I love you Sophable!

kama · 16/12/2006 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 16/12/2006 00:07

You love her too?

Heathcliffscathy · 16/12/2006 00:12

are you being sarcastic sirclifford???

eh?

if not thanks

Skribble · 16/12/2006 00:26

I think seeing Mummy in a lot of pain, swearing, groaning and low guteral screaming could be very traumatic for a child, not to mention the possibility of blood and stuff. What happens if this not going well, does the child get ushered out to listen from outside the room.

I think children might like the idea of seeing baby brother/ sister being born but the reality of Mummy in pain is not going to be a possitive experience I think. Plus the last thing a woman in labour needs to worry about is if her child is OK and not getting upset.

A nice smooth homebirth where a child can wander in and out in a familar environment, with a family member on hand to distract/ remove child when the going gets tough might work. Unlikely births are going to be all warm and cosy though.

When I was in labour I was worried enough about upsetting the 16 year old mum to be on my ward, she was already in tears as her mum had gone home for the night. Everytime I paced past her bed I tried not to look in too much pain as I could see her thinking oh my god I have to go through that soon.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 16/12/2006 00:31

Sophable - you KNOW I love you! Even if you did avoid me at the meet-up!

Heathcliffscathy · 16/12/2006 00:32

yeah. you were in an intimidating gaggle sitting down.

then by the time the dutch courage had arrived, the music was fab and i was off!

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 16/12/2006 00:33

I was in a gaggle! Cool!

kama · 16/12/2006 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 16/12/2006 20:55

I would if the DC were teenage, that should put them off getting up to any extra curricular activities

HowTheFillyjonkStoleChristmas · 16/12/2006 21:06

i was there when my brother was born. I was 4, and pretty unbothered, really.

ds was 22 months when dd was born. I was quite relaxed about him being there BUT in the end could not relax with him around (he was asleep but didn't want to wake him, but also I felt very responsible for him still-was worrying about what he would eat for breakfast between contractions, ffs, at 6 cm.) so transfered to hospital.

bosscat · 16/12/2006 21:09

no but its a personal thing. I would have been quite happy with dh not there tbh!

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