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Original poster

Men staying overnight on postnatal wards

465 replies

quesadillas · 10/07/2015 14:52

Hi,

I'm getting myself really worked up about what seems to be an increasing trend for men to be able to stay overnight on postnatal wards. Last time I gave birth, men weren't allowed to stay. But I'm pretty sure that my hospital now allows it. This really bothers me. I found the postnatal ward absolute hell last time, begged to leave as early as possible , even though I knew I wasn't ready, and I ended up being re admitted. It was just a horrendous experience. This time I'm pregnant with twins, and the hospital have said that although I'd be a priority for a private room,there's absolutely no guarantee and there's probably more chance I'll be on the ward. I simply cannot imagine having visitors there 24 hours a day when I'm trying to get my head round having twins and feeding twins, and after a c-section. The woman in the neighbouring bed last time had her partner there at visiting hours and he was a nightmare. Loud, demanding of the staff (for him, not her) and thoroughly unpleasant sounding. I admit this may be affecting my views.

Did you have men on the ward 24 hours a day when you gave birth? How was it? Am I being ridiculous? And am I actually within my rights to refuse to spend a night in a room with members of the opposite sex, given that if I was having my tonsils out, it wouldn't be allowed?

Getting myself too worked up, need to get a grip!

OP posts:
BlisterFace · 14/07/2015 18:19

It is really distressing that many maternity units are so poor and understaffed that they obviously feel they need to permit "helpers" to avoid putting babies at risk.

I realise I sound like a DM reader (and I am emphatically not!) but it's the kind of thing you expect in the developing world, not in a rich nation.

EllieFAntspoo · 14/07/2015 18:23

The only reason men should stay on a post natal ward overnight is if they have just given birth.
That's all fine and well while the mother is the only patient, and the child happens to be in her care. But if the child becomes a patient requiring care, do you then suggest fathers rights be removed?

PandasRock · 14/07/2015 18:28

BlisterFace, I don't disagree with you.

And I had dd1 in a developing country, so can directly compare. (And incidentally, Dh was allowed to stay, and the ward was just as pushed and understaffed)

But sadly, that is the state it is. Something needs to change. And fast. But it probably won't. Which means that something else needs to happen to ensure both patient and infant safety

MissBattleaxe · 14/07/2015 18:34

But if the child becomes a patient requiring care, do you then suggest fathers rights be removed?

I think fathers should be allowed to stay on a neo natal ward or in proximity of one, but a postnatal ward is for recovering mothers. I don't think fathers' rights or wishes should ever trump those of a recovering post partum mother on a communal hospital ward.

I have no experience of neo natal wards however, so am happy to be corrected or educated on that one.

Original poster
quesadillas · 14/07/2015 19:14

To update, I didn't see a midwife today, but asked my consultant about the hospital policy. He didn't know (useful) but said that both parents were allowed 24 hours on the intensive care unit. He did reiterate that hopefully I'll have a private room but no guarantee. I'll see a midwife next week, hopefully they'll know.

And those up thread doing the sums of number of people - a 6 bed bay means 6 mothers, 6 (or more) babies, 6 overnight visitors. And 12 f*ing iPhones beeping. That concerns me more than the remote chance that somebody's visitor is a sex offender.

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 14/07/2015 20:05

When my DS was in SCBU, both parents were able to access the ward 24 hours. However, there wasn't anywhere to sleep there, only ordinary chairs. My partner visited during the normal visiting hours for partners, and I went during the night. My DS was not life threateningly ill though (after day 1), so maybe there is somewhere for parents with very poorly children to stay. They had plenty of side rooms in the SCBU so I would imagine it's possible.

Stitchintime1 · 14/07/2015 20:13

Post natal wards are horrible. Having men there is one of the many things that make it awful. Your only hope is a private room. Is it a matter of need or money?

Stitchintime1 · 14/07/2015 20:14

Sorry, that was badly put. I mean who decides? Can you chuck money at the problem?

Stitchintime1 · 14/07/2015 20:16

I guess the problem is that everyone's lovely sensitive husband is someone else's annoying male stranger. He makes one woman feel better and several women feel worse.

dancinglorna1984 · 14/07/2015 20:25

Not everyone's 'lovely sensitive husband' is going to be an annoying male stranger to everyone else.

There are a lot of assumptions being made on here.

Original poster
quesadillas · 14/07/2015 20:27

Unfortunately I can't chuck money at the problem. It's a multiple birth, so I would be a priority, but not top priority for a private room with no need to pay. If there is one free, I'll get it. Women with babies in SCBU are the top priority. With a multiple birth, I might have babies in SCBU but obviously hope not. Just hoping it'll be a quiet week when I go in!

OP posts:
Stitchintime1 · 14/07/2015 20:30

I hope you get a room I feel really really sorry for you.

ShelaghTurner · 14/07/2015 20:33

This makes me laugh. Partners weren't allowed to stay when I had my two. But the person who was loud, obnoxious, very loud iPad all night, constant phone calls at 2 and 3 am, no boundaries and barging through my curtains to talk to me as and when was the woman in the next bed. I'd have taken a ward full of partners over her any day. This keeping the men out, all women together crap is precisely that, crap.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 14/07/2015 20:33

Can't use say you require male free sleeping space due to religious reasons? Ive done similar.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 14/07/2015 20:36

If partners are allowed to sleep one the postnatal ward they should be allowed on every ward.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 14/07/2015 20:37

You*

CultureSucksDownWords · 14/07/2015 20:38

Shelagh, it may make you laugh, but it's not a load of crap. It genuinely distresses many woman. It would horrify me to have strangers who are not patients staying overnight in the curtained bay next to me. I would not be able to sleep due to the stress of it. Not great for post natal recovery.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 14/07/2015 20:45

I don't think anyone has suggested that everyone's husband will be annoying to every woman on the postnatal ward lorna. It's very clear that some women don't mind it. Shelagh's well thought out, erudite contribution is the latest example of that. What has been said, and is an indisputable truth not an assumption, is that everyone's husband will be annoying, or worse, to some of the women.

dancinglorna1984 · 14/07/2015 20:57

'' I guess the problem is that everyone's lovely sensitive husband is someone else's annoying male stranger ''

EllieFAntspoo · 14/07/2015 21:00

It would horrify me to have strangers who are not patients staying overnight in the curtained bay next to me.

The problem is, you don't know what the condition of their child is? You don't know which babies are undergoing treatment for complications, and which are just newborns waiting for their mothers to recover.

A babies health can go from under observation or lightly medicated, to dead in less than an hour. If a newborn is being treated as a patient, would you really wish to remove the fathers rights to be with his child?

dancinglorna1984 · 14/07/2015 21:01

It is not an indisputable truth it is an assumption.

drinkscabinet · 14/07/2015 21:05

DH stayed with me when DD1 was born. BUT it was in a MLU where each patient had a private room with en suite. So no issues with privacy.

When DD2 was born I had a 6 hour discharge which was bliss, DS was a late preemie but seemed to be OK initially so we got home after 2 days and then were re-admitted. Because he'd been in the community we were put in paediatrics and got a private room. Much better than the postnatal ward once I got a bed and not the stupid non-folding chair that was hell on my stitches.

Stitchintime1 · 14/07/2015 21:05

There is clearly a clash here and the only guaranteed way out of it is cash which most of us don't have enough of. Or luck in getting a room or not having to stay overnight yourself. I doubt that anyone would choose anything other than a quiet place for themselve. It's really sad that women have to put up wiith this. Good luck, OP. I hope you get a room.

MuffMuffTweetAndDave · 14/07/2015 21:06

No lorna, it's an indisputable truth. I said that some women have a problem with everyone's husband being there. I do, and so do some of the others in this thread. That means some women have a problem with it. This means that everyone's lovely husband is someone else's annoying male stranger, because they're all annoying male strangers to me, and I am someone. That's not a matter of opinion. The only thing here that's a matter of opinion is whether these women ought to be forced to recuperate alongside those husbands or not.

CultureSucksDownWords · 14/07/2015 21:08

My baby was in SCBU after he was born, I am well aware that babies can deteriorate quickly and might be in SCBU/NICU. As I've said before SCBU/NICUs usually have 24 hr access for parents, but that doesn't mean the father (or partner) needs to sleep in a reclining chair in the post-natal ward alongside the women patients who have just given birth. Fathers with a poorly baby should be in the SCBU/NICU with their babies.

Ideally there would be private rooms for each family and then this wouldn't be an issue. Mixed sex wards are being phased out in other areas, I don't see why a post natal ward should be any different.