If you knew then what you know now!

[Cnmorgan13]

Hello!
Just a question. In regards to labour and delivery, what would you change, if you knew then what you know know. Would you have spoke out about something sooner if you knew it wasn't right etc

I'd do a bit more research into pushing techniques and breathing. I did the whole hypnobirthing thing and really focused on dealing with the pain, but both times I really felt I slowed down the exit by my inefficient pushing technique. The nurses were trying to coach me, and I kept doing it wrong, because I was trying to stay on top of the pain. I would apply this advice to myself if I were to have #3, but I am done!

Nothing, I don't think. On paper, I had a horrendous birth (induction at 42 weeks, 24 hr labour, emcs, PPH, complications that left baby and myself needing special/intensive care. But I felt in control all the way through and that I'd been able to make the right/best circumstances at each turn. I hired a doula, both for birth and for a few hours a day afterwards. I also prepared and read, read, read everything I could beforehand (I would have been reading exactly this kind of thread). I had done hypnobirthing (which still helped), active birth classes and that thing that is supposed to help stretch your vagina and avoid tears. But I had also brought big knickers and loose clothing in case of a c-section, and a blanket we had slept with for the baby to take with it if separated (which we were). So I felt I had done everything I possibly could. Would definitely hire a doula again.

misssmilla - from what I know forceps are rarely used in the US. I don't know about ventouse - I thought it was known as vacuum delivery?

I wouldn't of went into hospital as early as I did. It was very slow and very long.

I would insist that my mother stay with me overnight as I was shoved in a side room and left. I cried all night in pain and could of really used her there instead of being ignored by the midwives until morning.

I would of had an epidural

I would of punched the midwife who said your not having contractions when I was because the equipment wasn't working.

I wish I told the lovely midwife not to cut my daughters hair when she was coming out just to show me the colour as I would of seen for myself when she was in my arms. Wtf was that about

yeah, libraries, that's what I thought, but could find no mention of it. It's probably hidden away under some other term!

I would have had a home birth. I really regret having a hospital birth after the first.

If you wanted to give your state I'd be happy to noodle through it (though I understand if you would rather not).

The physio I saw after birth highly recommends perineum massage and epi-no for a first vaginal delivery.
You can start perineum massage at 34 weeks. Start Epi-no 3 weeks prior to due date.
Apparently it doesn't make that much difference for subsequent births.

I've already explained what I would do differently (further up the thread). I'd like to mention "having the right birthing partner" again. If hubby/partner is no Bear Grylls, having someone else there just for you should make a big difference. Someone in tune with your needs: sister, cousin, friend, doula, private midwife. Someone you think will be good at "coaching" you whilst being gently assertive to ask what is going on and what risks/options are to staff.

Penguinandminipenguin (from fellow penguin ) Some women do ok with instruments (more bruising but no tear). However if it doesn't go "smoothly", the damage can be horrendous (3d and 4th degree tears highly associated with instruments and particularly forceps can cause faecal incontinence and or urinary incontinence, sometimes permanent and higher chances of prolapse). My view is that because these are partly inherent to childbirth, these risks are sort of accepted as regular by healthcare professionals. From my perspective, if the damage is important, you can only talk of rehabilitation (not recovery). It took me 3 months to be able to stand up longer than 20 minutes at a time or walk further than half a mile from my house. I was feacal incontinent after birth (one week, months of urgency, 18 months to feel it is close to what it was) and urine retention (flow would not start and would stop on its own and start again on its own).
Forceps are associated with prolapse/incontinence problems later on in life (10/15 years after birth?). Again, because 50% of women who have given birth will experience incontinence later in life (regardless of instruments used or not) I think healthcare professionals don't view it as a "problem". I think the problem is complex: society's expectations of mothers (no bound selflessness), a difference in what laywomen (me) and healthcare professionals consider important, a general taboo and sometimes even stigmas around these issues and more.
A lot of general public articles on instruments uses words such as "safe", "smooth", "help", "mimics natural birth". Don't be fooled. It can work out ok but if it doesn't none of these words will ring true to you I don't think.

Sorry OP, I didn't mean to highjack your thread. I like reading other people's suggestions. I'm also glad to see some women wouldn't have changed what they did.

Id learn the danish vocab for back to back. After 6 1/2 hour delivrty when they finally pulled dd out with the ventouse the dr said oh shes a starlooker. I thought oh thats nice. Dear reader, it was most certainly NOT nice

redexpat does that mean breech? Just thinking it sounds like stargazer in English, which means breech. It might be a cultural thing but I was told it meant DS would be wise although he turned at the end so perhaps not! I have no idea about Danish though

I thought a stargazer was a back to back baby who came out without turning.

Maybe it is. In my family it's when they come out legs first! But this is probably why doctors should use proper terms if it means different things to different people

ooh confusing.

I'd have gone into hospital when I knew I was well into established labour, not waited for the midwives 'permission'. I'd have gone onto the labour ward and raised merry hell about being left in a corridor. In short, I wouldn't be 'good' and follow instructions, I would stand up for myself.

I'm in Germany and back-to-back babies are called "stargazers" here too - if you deliver lying on your back, then they're born looking up at the stars. My DS2 was back to back but no stars for him - I was naked on all fours and he kind of tumbled out onto a mat. I may have seen stars though.

Nice thread by the way. I feel very lucky - my labours were so much easier than so many of the traumas on here. After DC1, I swore I would never voluntarily lie down on a bed in labour ever again (I did that with DC1 and basically got stuck there), and I stuck to that with DC2. DC3 was born six days ago, and I don't plan on having any more, but if I do, I won't bother with that birthing stool thing again, that's for sure...

adds no forceps to birth notes

I had an okay forceps experience, took about 4 months to recover fully but no lasting damage and baby really needed to be out ASAP. Mine would have been to have not had diamorphine, it made me feel very out of control and when it wore off and I had an epidural, I couldn't sleep due to apnoea ( a side effect in some people)

Not to get pregnant. .

I am genuinely amazed that anyone goes through pregnancy and childbirth more than once, by choice.

I'd have had home births

I would have tried to labour upright, for longer. I felt really helpless once I was stuck on my back. I did not enjoy forceps (who does) but in my case, it was that or EMCS.

I would have asked for a natural placenta delivery. And that they should check it had all come out afterwards. That would have helped.

I am definitely getting a TENS machine next time.

I would've had the c section I was offered instead of a brutal forceps delivery which caused lasting damage (luckily to me and not my child)

I did some things right:

Had a doula - in the end I had an epidural due to a midwife error extending things, so for the actual pushing stage she was a bit redundant, but for my almost 3 day labour (long latent stage), she was excellent. I know for sure that things would have been 'worse' without her there.

I read a lot. Some of the 'horror stories' were just useful information. I knew the things that could go wrong, I knew the language that medical staff would use and what it all meant, I knew what options were for various scenarios etc. In labour it's hard to get your head around some choices, especially if they have to happen quickly... I felt that at least knowing about some of it in advance made my decisions easier.

If I ever have another one I'll ask for an epidural. I had a great experience with birthing pool (couldn't do gas and air, made me sick), but it went on for a very, very long time... so any getting out of the pool was exhausting and debilitating. The longer it went on the more paranoid I got about how it was going to end, what interventions they would start foisting on me. By the time I had the epidural I didn't care anymore, everything was calm and I actually enjoyed the giving birth bit. I was terrified in advance of an epidural, of feeling trapped by not being able to move, I was dreaming about it, crying about it in advance... in reality I don't know why anyone would do it without decent painkillers!!

I would have made sure that as well as focusing on labour preparation, that I'd read up properly about breastfeeding in advance. I had trouble latching from a 'problem' I didn't even know about, no support while at hospital beyond being given nipple shields (which took me 16 weeks to then drop), and I was guilted into supplementing with formula on day 2 (in France, hospital stays are 4 days as standard).

I am not normally a shy person, and I wasn't prepared for the impact of feeling wobbly from massive physical effort of birth, plus hormone craziness which conspired to take away my usual assertiveness. If I'd been in right mind would have told them to F-Off about the formula (and various other things). I still feel guilty about it, and while I was lucky becuse the birth itself was great, I have do bad memories of what I went along with.

A wonderful friend in UK gave me phone number of a lactation counsellor who helped me out so much while still in hospital, and also sent me the La Leche League book which was brilliant and I would really recommend it for first few days, when it suddenly hits that you are not going to sleep for a LONG time, and everything is very overwhelming.