If you knew then what you know now!

[Cnmorgan13]

Hello!
Just a question. In regards to labour and delivery, what would you change, if you knew then what you know know. Would you have spoke out about something sooner if you knew it wasn't right etc

That if you have a traumatic delivery it's ok to feel shit about it, that feeling will change in time, but you will never be the same person again.

THIS!

I would have not trusted the hypnobirthing books, the yoga instructor and the midwives who told me that labour was straightforward and it was all about being mentally prepared. I was as mentally and physically prepared as I could've been, but it made no odds.

I would've researched ventouse and forceps. As they seem to happen so, so much more often than the midwives have you believe.

I would've had pain relief much sooner and not tried to soldier on through what felt like my spine breaking.

I would've insisted on an EMCS instead of ventouse x2 and forceps.

I will do all of these things this time round!

That I should not of been as terrified as I was.

The female body is amazing & your own strength is empowering.

And I'd much rather give birth without any pain relief than have morning sickness for 8 months! I would gladly do it at least twice during pregnancy rather than have the constant sickness.

Until you have given birth you have no idea what shape your insides are or if they will work with your baby.

I was fully dilated and pushing within 2.5 hours of contractions starting, only on gas and air and feeling pretty proud of myself but my insides don't match my babies big heads and so 2 hours later and a complicated emcs as DD had descended and had to be pushed back in (who knew bruised ribs would be one of the most painful aspects post birth), I was one traumatised mum with a DD with a heart defect due to a stressful birth, took a long time to stop blaming myself for that one.

You learn and move on though and the next time round you shout as loud as you can to get what you want - hormones can be blamed for so many things

I would have worn an alice band to keep my hair off of my face as it did my head in when I was in the birthing pool.

Would have also got DH to take one pic of me when things first started or in the birthing pool just so I had a picture to mark it, just the one though :)

Things I'm glad about -

That I laboured on all fours
That I took too big bottles of lucozade sport
That I took my friends advice and took a drinking cup that had a lid and a straw that went to the bottom of the cup, was easier to drink from during.

I'd have had the epidural earlier with DC1. Actually I'd probably have had a c- section. Glad I didn't in retrospect but wouldn't go through that again.

One thing I remember from NCT classes was how laying on your back makes it easier for the midwife's etc to see what's happening and not necessarily easier for you. Both times I gave birth on my knees hanging off the back of the bed whilst chomping down on the gas and air. In my second labour I had to lay on my back so they could examine me (even now I am not sure whether it was necessary) as soon as that was over I went back on my knees, it was far too painful on my back. They did keep asking me to lay down because the monitor kept falling off I just ignored them, and they finally figured out a way to keep it in place.

Also I banished DH from my second birth and hired a doula whose sole job was to tell me when the head was coming out so I didn't push and tear. She was also calm and relaxing and made me feel like I could do it.

DH told me to push at that point during my first labour and I listened and tore. Only because I know he had no idea about why you should not push at this stage did I forgive him. But he will not be present when baby 3 arrives either.

I'm going to sound like a naivee newbie here, but I've been reading this thread in horror (lol) and I'm just wondering what's wrong with forceps or ventouse? I know I probably sound really naivee, but I just assumed if these were used it was just a bit of gentle help to help the baby come out?

The reason I'm asking, is I'm concerned I might need this type of assistance, because I'm expected to have a big baby and I have M.E so I am most likely to tire very easily and need additional help to get the baby out.

Penguin - in my case, the recovery after birth (failed ventouse followed by forceps) was horrendous. I was in a lot of pain, couldn't really walk for a couple of weeks, and sex was painful for months. Still is, sometimes.

But, more worryingly for me, I still struggle with incontinence, which is awful when I try to be so active. Circuits classes and downhill running always result in me wetting myself.

Forceps are anything but "gentle" IME.

I just had DC2 and what I learned from DC1 - I found another hospital that had a reputation of trusting the woman in labour and giving her what she wants. So in whatever position you want to be, whether you want whalesong and homeopathy or epidural the minute you walk in the door - all fine and nobody will try to convince you otherwise because they have their own agenda or it's more convenient for them.

And I was also more assertive and asked for what I wanted. Labour with DC1 was medically fine, emotionally traumatising, as I did not feel in charge. Labour with Dc2 was absolutely fabulous.

I'm a bit like penguin; expecting my first and trying to get my hands on all the info I can, so firstly wanted to say thanks for sharing these.

Secondly (and this might sound like a naive first time question) question on forceps and ventouse; does it get to a point in labour when they decide they need to use these and that's all they can do - i.e. by this time is it past the point of no return for a csection?

Secondly (and this might sound like a naive first time question) question on forceps and ventouse; does it get to a point in labour when they decide they need to use these and that's all they can do - i.e. by this time is it past the point of no return for a csection?

The short answer is that it is possible to be in a situation where section is more dangerous to mother and/or baby (most likely baby) than instrumental delivery. However, in most cases there is a decision to be made and a care provider who is aware of your preferences can avoid instrumental delivery. In fact, in many hospitals forceps will be used in theatre with you prepped for a section if they fail - illustrating that it is still an option.

Penguin - Forceps aren't gentle. Take a look at them.

I've had them, and on balance I'm ok with it. I do have some ongoing pelvic floor issues, but they may also have been the three day labour. More "I refuse to go on the trampoline" than impact on daily life.

I'd have given birth in a dog kennel rather than step foot inside a hospital.

It can be fast!

I'd expected a long drawn out labour, and even packed jelly babies in the hospital bag, you know, for energy, as we paced the halls. DS1 was born quickly (labour from first twinge to birth was less than two hours), DS2 even more quickly (45mins!). And while it was pretty painful, don't get me wrong, it didn't hurt as much as I'd feared, and as soon as the baby is out, all pain disappears - and no, I don't think it's purely psychological.

As for breastfeeding, if you want to do it - expect it to be hard! Then if it's easy, it's a bonus, but at least you're prepared. Totally worth it especially if you're a lazy sod like me

Stand and Deliver.

I've had 2 babies now and this is my third, so this is what I'd do again: ask for pain relief during mild contractions while waiting for induction to work (eg paracetamol or codeine) to help me sleep before it all begins properly. Don't have a bath after giving birth, have a shower; the bath water will turn to blood. I'd get up and move as soon as possible aft a c-section as last time I was scared and left it too long so when I did move it was terrible. Don't let anyone tae photographs of you immediately after birth unless you actually want them to. Those photos will haunt you forever when your mother in law shows them to people.

at Stand and Deliver!

I would have got an independent midwife for DC1. I would have filled the birth pool sooner. That's about it, really. Oh, and I'd unplug the phone during labour, and get incontinence mats to protect the floor instead of waterproof sheets, and use newborn disposable nappies instead of sanitary towels for the first day or two of very heavy lochia.

Also, in much the same way as I packed a labour bag, I would pack a postnatal bag with stuff for going to the loo, snacks, insulated mug, bottles of mineral water, stuff washing my battered lady parts etc.

Forceps don't sound nice at all! In theory then, are you able to request a c-section over having any instruments used?

Well, you can put it in your birth plan and you can refuse consent to instruments. Whether that is wise or not will depend on the circumstances.

Gileswithachainsaw: "I'd have given birth in a dog kennel rather than step foot inside a hospital."

YeOldTrout: "Stand and Deliver."

Both perfect descriptions of what I'd do next time. If it EVER happens again because of how it went last time!

Penguin - no idea. In my case, DS and I were both in a bad way and they needed him out there and then.
There was no discussion, no ooh-ing and aah-ing over options. They cut me open and wrenched him out and that was that!

Thanks libraries. Your info prompted me a quick google as to whether forceps would be common or not; turns out that my state (I'm in the US) makes all the hospitals publish their birth data which makes for interesting reading. In 2013, out of 2340 births, only 3 used forceps. Not sure whether policy is different here or whether this is indicative overall of lower need to do forceps intervention. No mention of ventouse, I thought the C section rate may be higher as a result, but it's less than i expected at 620 or 27% (which is lower than a lot of what I've seen here)

Interested to see what my Drs take on it is over the next few weeks.