Things no-one tells you when you're pregnant!

[Emsie00]

Hi All,

When I was expecting I read all the usual books but still found myself thinking afterwards - why did no-one tell me that? I was talking to some friends who could all name a couple of things that they wish they had been told about, some were funny and some were really useful.

Here's a few of them;

1. If you want to breastfeed but cant for some reason the hospital gives you 3 options to choose from which are all free of charge whilst you are in. A) SMA formula B) Cow & Gate Formula C)Donated Breast Milk from another mother. You get to choose which you would like. I had naturally assumed that I would be able to feed my daughter so was completely unprepared to have to make this decision, especially after 19 hours of labour! So do your research beforehand and take your own if you dont like their options.

1. If you have to have an episiotomy don't be surprised if dr/midwife uses a pair of scissors. It took my husband weeks to get over what he had seen!!

1. I thought the suggestion of packing an Eye Mask in my labour bag was ridiculous, so never bought one. My daughter had to have phototherapy for 48 hours and I would have done anything to have had one to block out the blue light at night! There are also always lights on in the ward so it really does help to get you a better nights sleep.

Please add to this thread - With any luck it might help first time mum's to be

God it's all coming back. After stitches in the hospital they gave me a hot water bottle, i was later transferred to a mid-wife led unit more local to me and they said no that'll make it worse you should have an ice pack - it was a blessed relief!

It was a bumpy ride over cattle grids to get there ... when i arrived they said 'you poor love' and i shuffled off to bed with a rubber ring.

things that they dont tell you:
that dh will want sex before stitches have disolved.
that baby girls have mini periods and boys develop breasts- how mean!
that u should only take advice from dmil when u have asked for it.
that it does not all come naturally, esp. bf
that health visitors are there to help and not to report u to social services because you havent done the ironing!

You will piss yourself laughing at the discharge chat from hospital. "What method of contraception are you thinking of using?"

During the birth DH was shocked by my screaming. He said afterwards 'I wish you hadn't screamed quite so much, couldn't you have been quieter'.

you will hear all sorts of stories about people shagging in the showers. Gutted, I tell you. I was pacing the corriders for hours and not one noise of copulation in progress. Mind you, the showers were directly opposite the nurses station. Might be a reason for that.......

when my doctor asked me at my 6 week check what contraception i was thinking of, i told him there was no need as dh would never ever be going near my nether regions again. i hope he didn't remember when i went to see him pregnant with dd2 and hopefully soon with 3

Yeah a midwife came round and started talking to me about the coil! A friend got pregnant while in hospital with the 2nd .. (?!)

I came back from the shower [doing my john wayne walk] after having DS1 to find a woman of about 90 sitting on my bed wanting to know what contraception i was going to use, my reply......
80 stitches!!!!!!

No one tells you how scared our dhs/dps can get. Mine was so scared he almost started to cry because he saw me hurting through contractions and there was nothing he could do. I'm glad that I held it together, because he was a mess.

Pack earplugs in your hospital bag. You might feel bad about sleeping through your newborn baby crying, but on the other hand you might just be enjoying your sleep too much to care.

If you have a c-section, there is a fair chance that the baby will puke like that girl in the exorcist the night after it is born. This is normal, and does not require the immediate attention of a consultant (although I thought it did and was a little demanding).

All the books say that you'll bleed after the birth for a couple of weeks, but it can last a lot longer and still be normal.

1. All the fluid seemed to sink to my ankles after the birth - euurrghh big flabby soft things.

1. If you're a leaky type definitely get a plastic sheet or something to protect your mattress - every morning I'd wake up in a sea of milk - eeuurrghhh.

1. Tuck down a little boy's penis when you put his nappy on. We didn't think of it and called the midwife in a state of high anxiety because his skin seemed to be leaching yellow onto his singlet... It was, of course, urine that had dried.

1. Took me a full year before sex was pain free again (admittedly not very regular sex...).

how quickly the mw want you out of the ward after the second. ds2 was born at 930pm so they couldnt throw me out after 6 hours, but the first conversation i had with a mw in the morning was, it is your intention to go home today isnt it? at least she could have said good morning (went home at 4pm)

oh god, where to start?!!
sex will hurt for ages afterwards
second degree tears or bigger hurt like hell and 'grazes' really cane...
if whilst breastfeeding the baby pops off your boob, your boob will proceed to actually squirt milk everywhere!!
you will not want to leave your baby with anyone till it is at least 10m old.
you will not get another uninteruppted nights sleep for at least 10 years
your belly will be jelly
colic is hell on earth
the nights seem to last forever when you are up all night
you will enter into a 'love affair' with your baby- everything is about him and for him etc.
you will probably never leave the house again with totally clean, unmarked clothes on
you will never spend an hour in the tub deep treating your hair or shaving your legs or doing a face mask again

so many things, i cant remember them all, because sneaky mother nature programs us to not remember so we have more and more babies!!!

but, i love my boys, and would not change a thing.

You give birth to part of your brain..... I've not been the same since...

(1) And how about the smelly umbilical stump? DS was born in the height of summer and it ponged for a good ten days until it dropped off. YUCK.

(2) How easy the books make all the routines look. As if your LO will necessarily want to feed or sleep when meant to...

(3) That bleeding and soreness in your ladybits for weeks after the birth

This is all making me really look forward to giving birth soon (already 8 days' overdue. CAN'T WAIT!

Forgot boobs leaking in response to random noises. Mine actually squirted after I heard a crow in the garden. Lol!

Hi All (again!)

Thanks for the fantastic responses to this thread. Have discovered things I never even knew about. It's amazing how everyone has such different experiences / memories.

Sorry if we've scared anyone yet to give birth.... You really can laugh about it all afterwards - promise!!

Thought of another one the other day:

Dont bother buying a new night-shirt for the birth - chances are you will end up throwing it away afterwards - an old t-shirt will do just fine and your baby will never know!!

Emx

things that suprised me...

1)membrane sweep really hurts!!!and gives you the shakes for ages afterwards!

1. induction!!! I had never even considered it or planned for it. It is horrendous. Go as long as you can before you let them do it to you, if you go down that route you have NO CHOICES and you will give birth on your back and have the whole labour lying in a bed JUST LIKE I DIDNT WANT TO!

2. a spinal block sounds horrendous, but really it is OK

3. be happy to see your placenta, mine did not come out and I had to be operated on, however I STILL bonded with my baby and I still breast fed.

4. breast feeding was worse agony than birth. Latching on is very very difficult at first as the baby doesnt know how to do it either. DEMAND help from every midwife walking past.

5. consultants are rarer than black rhinos. If you have one in your midst Make the most!!

6. you will be forgotten about if the ward is busy - keep pressuring them to let you know info/be updated/ be released!

7. 3rd degree tears are very very bad, but you will cope. You find a way. It is when you have to have a shower after every poo, and you have awful thrush from antibiotics so you have to apply cream to your fanjo 4 times a day - - - ON TOP OF looking after a new born!

8. every bugger in the world wants to visit you in the first few days, give it a month and noone ever comes back!

9. before you give birth fill the kitchen with YOUR favourite foods. It was so nice to have tropicana orange juice with bits in, and fresh raspberries, choc coated raisins etc.

10. hospital food is really really really shit, take your own fruit snacks and drinks etc because they want you to poo! how can you poo if you cant eat the crap food! they didnt offer me any fruit and the veg was all out of a tin for gods sake.
    If they invested in fresh fruit and veg they would have to prescribe far less poop medecines!!

11. Birth really hurts, and it is really hard work, and things will go wrong. But it has happened to millions of women before you, and life goes on. someone is always worse off than you. so relax, go for it, and be vocal about what YOU want, it is your body.

No matter how terrible you think giving birth, breastfeeding and being pregnant might be for some reason you don't mind doing it over and over. That is what has surprised me most.

You need a degree in engineering to work out how all the baby parafanalia clips/zips/slots and bolts together.

It never ceased to amaze me how such a tiny person required so much stuff and equipment. Well, actually they didn't, but I had to have it all cos I thought they did

You spend nine months waiting to get the baby out, but no one tells you how sad and empty you feel when they are born. I know I just felt like part of me was missing when ds was born.

It's bringing it all back to me ... the first time i tried to go out i couldn't get the pram to fold, i was so frustrated after about an hour of trying I just threw it and left my baby with my dad and went without her ...

I had the midwife from hell, in hindsight I would have asked for a different one she made the whole experience 10 times more stressful.

If you can organise a room with a bidet, do it!! Makes the whole poo, pee on stiches thing so much easier.

Nobody tells you that you wake of the morning after giving birth and you still look pregnant!

You, your child, or both of you may end up in intensive care.

That hospital kitchens do not cater for night deliveries. It's like running a marathon then being told you can't eat anything for another 8 hours because the kitchens are closed. Pack food.

Pack earplugs.

Kotex, surfboard type pads are the softest and best.