Upsetting hospital visit at 38 weeks

[MintyChops]

Just back from the hospital and am feeling very upset. Basically, this is my third child and my previous history is; DS1 is was induced at 41+5, was completely fine, had my waters broken (not pleasant but ok), onto oxytocin, 8 hours later a 40 min pushing stage and he was out. DS2 I developed high BP and they recommended induction at 39+6. I had 2 intensely painful gel things and this time when they broke my waters it was agony. Proper agony. My husband practically had to hold me down for them to do it. Then oxytocin and trapped in the bed. It all took 36 horrible hours.

I have always regretted agreeing to it with DS2. I feel he wasn't ready, I wasn't ready and wish I had waited longer. I have been determined from the beginning thatI do not want to be induced this time. They seemed amenable to that until this morning when I started having pressure from the midwife to get a sweep next week and then the doctor told me he would induce me on my due date (02/10) due to my age (41). I immediately said I don't want that and became upset, it's the last thing I want after that awful last time. He then started going on about dangers of still births, placental deterioration, etc., putting the frightened on me.

He told me to start the ball bouncing, more walking and have sex (yes, really feel like THAT!) but I am worried that they are going to keep insisting even though there is no indication of any problems or other reason he could give me apart from my age. I don't want to be railroaded and I am dreading going back next week and am really upset about it. Any older mums gone through/ going through the same thing?

Have no great advice OP, just

The hospital cant force you to do anything, i'm sure you know that. People refuse or postpone induction fairly often, usually involves extra monitoring for placenta but thats do-able if you choose that route. I totally understand you not wanting an induction. Ive had two inductions, one where I was meat on a slab really and a bad experience, and one where baby just needed a nudge and the birth was great. However if they want to induce before 41-ish weeks it might be all a bit 'forced'...

Be strong and stand your ground! Hope you work it out. Cant stand bullying - thats is what you're experiencing after all...

Thanks pinkteapots, it does feel like bullying and I don't know if it's bullshit about the whole "induction at term due to age" thing if everything is going well. Surely they should just monitor more frequently. I think you've had exactly the same as me (meat on a slab and a nudge, nicely put!) so I really appreciate your perspective.

I'm sorry you are upset OP. MW and doctors "telling" women what to do is a pet hate of mine. A doctor or MW cannot force you into an induction as you know. If can be offered and it is up to you if you want to accept. I really loathe the "bait and switch" tactics that some HCP employ. It's unprofessional and erodes your confidence in their ability to care for you.

They cannot insist. They will however continue to pressure you, so ask them to present you with actual evidence of potential harm to you and your baby rather than a general scare tactic to get you to comply with their wishes.

Don't go on your own to any further appointments, as you may be ambushed by two or more HCP that will bully you until you agree .

Refuse any internal exams, stretch and sweep etc as MW and doctors have been known to "accidentally" break your waters which will effectively start the induction process.

Good luck.

There is a very small increased risk for the baby AFTER 42 weeks, OP. If you have a look at NICE guidelines for induction you can see the background to the policy. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Thanks Pic and Princess, I know on one level that they can't "make" me have an induction but it's really unfair to start spouting forth about still births and so on when there is absolutely nothing wrong apart from my being 41. And it's the first time anyone has said I should be induced due to my age and it was the first thing I said at my booking in appointment so if should have been on my notes and not a surprise to them.

I don't have anyone to come with me next week but I do take heart from the support here and forewarned is forearmed so I will ask for reasons particular to ME, not just general statistical crap.

and keep your knickers on

Not sure what your relationship with your community Mw is like but, have you thought about asking her to do a stretch and sweep for you. You'll then get an idea of wether or not you're gearing up for labour or wether you go to your next appointment with your legs firmly crossed.Your cmw is far less likely to "accidentally" break your waters and who knows maybe it would kick start things off naturally.

With DS1 I was determined to wait until he was ready. They started putting pressure on me when I was 40+5 due to protein in my urine. I'd done a lot of reading & knew about complications so told them that I was not going to be induced, I'd come back daily to be monitored & would reassess if the situation changed. I was very firm that I was sufficiently well informed to make the decision & would not be entering into further discussion. Thankfully they accepted it but I was well prepared to sit there repeating "I am aware of the implications. I have made my decision. I will not discuss this further" & walking out! My waters broke about 36 hours later & DS1 was fine.

You have every right to do what you feel is right for you and your baby. Hope it all goes well when the baby chooses to make an appearance!

I was given syntocin (sp?) Last time with dd and it was an awful experience and one which I have already informed doctors I will not be repeating. I had threatened preterm labour last week and reminded them that any decisions they made or options had to be without syntocin.

They kept repeating "but that only leaves csec" and my response was so be it.

Stand firm. Do not agree to any procedure or iduction drug that you do not want to happen to your body.

If it was normal to induce early simply due to being 41 / over 40 you can bet it would be easily found info. It would pop up on google searches, you'de probably have been told earlier, posters on here would be 'yeah thats normal, happened to me...' But its not normal or standard!! Not just for being 41. Thats total hokum and an excuse to push you toward induction early. No idea why they are set on this, but its very unfair. I'd refuse induction outright on age grounds, till you ferl you've given baby a chance to come out and are closer to being ready. Maybe 41 weeks or whatever you think. Induction works best when overdue, otherwise there is increased risk of non progression, failed induction, drips, c sections etc etc. And if you agree to sweeps and then induction (in your own time), feel free to say no to breaking waters, sytocinon drip, whatever you are uncomfortable with. This is your labour.

Bugger the 41 years old you need early induction BS. Thats made me cross, like you hit 40 and after that you just cant do a decent pregnancy anymore. What utter crap and what an unhelpful attitude for hcps!

You go girl!

I'm nearly 39 weeks and have a consultant appointment on Tuesday. I know that I'm going to get pressured to book induction between 40 and 41 weeks. My doula has suggested that a) we ask for alternatives first (monitoring etc), and b) if we feel hassled, then we book the induction but just don't turn up if it's a really strong feeling that we don't want to do it. Her words "There are no maternity police."

I'm only thinking this because it's all based on the arbitrary number of my age - same as you OP - if I was 8 months younger, no one would be thinking of anything until +42 weeks.

www.sarawickham.com/birthillogics/birthillogics-1-induction-for-advanced-maternal-age/
This link was posted by a midwife in our antenatal thread- really useful!

Thank you so much everyone for all the support and great article link. I was in tears on and off all afternoon over this but now I'm just massively annoyed with them. I was clear from the beginning that I didn't want to be induced and they told me throughout that I would need to put some work into stuff like not developing high BP (so cut out salt), walking and keeping fit (with 2 little boys and 2 dogs, not much choice there!) and at no point did they mention that I would have to go back in time and be younger having this baby. Tossers.

I'm going to superglue my knickers on next week and refuse everything. I'll let you know what happens.

By the way, when I said I didn't want a sweep as I don't want any interventions and they said they don't count a sweep as an intervention, I said "I count any situation where a complete stranger sticks their finger up me as an intervention". Was somewhat undermined by tears but still managed to say it.....

Sure. Basically, the longer someone is alive, either inside or outside the womb, the increased risk of dying they have.

There are risks of evicting a baby early too.

The risks of not keeping them optimally fed and temperatured whilst monitored may well be smaller than filling your body with drugs and expulsion. It might not. But no-one will be able to tell you the INDIVIDUAL risk. Either way it will be very small.

I refused to discuss induction and made it clear that the research showed delay of spontaneous labour in stressed mothers and that they should respect my decision and wishes if they want the baby out any time soon.

Maybe don't glue your knickers on too tight in case the baby has other ideas!

You might want to read Katharine Graves' (hypnobirthing uber-midwife) advice on how to deal with this kind of pressure - I found it very useful. I'm afraid I can't remember what her book is called but hopefully someone else will.

Good for you OP for standing up to the lying b**tards!! It reminds me of a time when I was a student nurse and a MW told me a pelvic exam wasn't "invasive".

THere was a thread on here a while back about using acupuncture to get things going. Would you be up for that?

I am overdue and have been "told" I will be having sweeps and induction. When a sweep was first mentioned and I asked for more information about the procedure and after effects like bleeding I was told that I would be told on the day. Er, no.
I understand, I feel like I don't really trust my midwife very much any more because she isn't really respecting my bodily autonomy/right to make informed decisions at all.

They 'told' you that you were going to have a sweep?

I hope you laughed and asked if they'd had much practice trying to insert their fingers up the fanjo of a sprinting woman......

Anyway, you can tell them you already did a sweep yourself and dare them to contradict you.

You could also ask them to check your Bishops Score at the next appointment and make a decision based on that? From what I understand 5/6 or below and an induction isnt likely to work anyways.

Starlight I will remember that for the future.

It was a case of telling me "I'll book you in for a sweep on x day (when I would be 40+1, even though my PG has been totally complication free!), if nothing has happened by then" - as if I had no say in the matter. That kind of phrasing pisses me off because it feels like she's trying to sneak things past me!

I went away and researched things and told her that I would wait until 41 weeks instead, but I am still wondering if I should just let him come in his own time.

Minty so you cried, there in front of them, and they didnt row back and reassure you...? Grrrr. Nice comment re intervention though. I always think of the right words after the fact. And I cry when i'm angry which is so undermining!!!

starlight lol!