Upsetting hospital visit at 38 weeks

[MintyChops]

Just back from the hospital and am feeling very upset. Basically, this is my third child and my previous history is; DS1 is was induced at 41+5, was completely fine, had my waters broken (not pleasant but ok), onto oxytocin, 8 hours later a 40 min pushing stage and he was out. DS2 I developed high BP and they recommended induction at 39+6. I had 2 intensely painful gel things and this time when they broke my waters it was agony. Proper agony. My husband practically had to hold me down for them to do it. Then oxytocin and trapped in the bed. It all took 36 horrible hours.

I have always regretted agreeing to it with DS2. I feel he wasn't ready, I wasn't ready and wish I had waited longer. I have been determined from the beginning thatI do not want to be induced this time. They seemed amenable to that until this morning when I started having pressure from the midwife to get a sweep next week and then the doctor told me he would induce me on my due date (02/10) due to my age (41). I immediately said I don't want that and became upset, it's the last thing I want after that awful last time. He then started going on about dangers of still births, placental deterioration, etc., putting the frightened on me.

He told me to start the ball bouncing, more walking and have sex (yes, really feel like THAT!) but I am worried that they are going to keep insisting even though there is no indication of any problems or other reason he could give me apart from my age. I don't want to be railroaded and I am dreading going back next week and am really upset about it. Any older mums gone through/ going through the same thing?

Yes, I cried which I am prone to when under stress anyway but especially now.

I am totally open to acupuncture or reflexology, got to be better than a hand or a crochet hook up the fanjo..... Has anyone else tried either, and recommendations? I am in Dublin.....

I will ask about my Bishop's Score next week.

Induction for age policies vary between NHS Trusts and between midwives and consultants. There is a pretty small increased risk for stillbirth in older women, but it's not significant and if you've had a healthy pregnancy and everything is ok, the increased risks are minimal. I'm getting some pressure to be induced at 41 weeks (I'm 43) but plan on resisting unless there are other medical issues at that point. Had my DD at age 41 at 40+8 with no interventions and both of us were fine. I'm happy to be monitored after 41 weeks but that's it.

Thanks Churchillian, they were making me feel ancient so it's good to know I'm not alone as an older mum. Obviously I mean wiser! Hope it all goes well for you......

If some one said to me we're booking you in to be induced/have a sweep on X date, I'd smil sweetly and say "that's fine, if you want to waste an appointment it's your business. Me I'll be at home enjoying a nice cup of tea".

I know Elephants but he was then blathering on about still births and actually said "you want your baby to be ok, correct?". That's the point I started crying......

The "dead baby card" is emotional blackmail, plain and simple. The discussion should be about facts and not broad generalisations. Minty, this appears to be an attempt to make you make a decision not based on research, evidence or your own preferences but on fear. The decision must be your choice, based on getting all the facts, not with threats to your baby's life.

'I know Elephants but he was then blathering on about still births and actually said "you want your baby to be ok, correct?".'

What an utter bastard! How dare he talk to a grown woman like that.
That is worth a complaint, though I expect you have better things to do, as did the woman before you, which is why the monster is still there...........

Your reply should be that all your decisions regarding your maternity care are based on your baby's well-being and neither hospital policy nor bullying will have an affect on this.

I know, I know and in "real life" I'd no more tolerate that sort of emotional blackmail bullshit than anyone but I just felt so ambushed and vulnerable as I had told them since day 1 that I didn't want to be induced. I still can't believe that wasn't somewhere on my notes (perhaps it is).

My DH is going to try to come with me next week. He was horrified by what happened at DS2's induction and doesn't want me to go through that again. He's very calm and logical and never cries (well, not for this sort of thing) so he would be the perfect wingman. If I can I will also tell them I don't appreciate the implication that I would wilfully endanger my baby.

I probably won't see the same guy again, I am going semi-private in Dublin and that means basically you get whichever obstetrician is rostered on and usually a different midwife each time too.

Minty, wanted to add, my sister is expecting at the moment too, she was 40 weeks thursday just past. Being seen in Wexford general hospital. She's 44 years old and there wasnt a mention of induction, except the usual possibility if she goes 10-12 days over. Otherwise she's being treated like everyone else and happy with it. So while whatever hospital you're in in Dublin is probably much the same, that particular consultant was a tit. I'd at least say at your next appointment with a different consultant, about what has been said and how upset you were. Highly unprofessional comments.

You poor thing! I had an attempted excruciating breaking of my waters with dd1 as I was 39wks and had severe pre-ecclampsia. (I had a Bishop's Score of 2 iirc).

For dd2 I ended up having an elcs as I absolutely did not want a repeat of that. So I know where you are coming from. I think these hcps need to take account if previous birth trauma and how that affects a woman's decision, and how they should be reassuring you that they will not be repeating theexperience.

*account of
*the experience
obviously, grr stupid phone!

Hope you get the birth you want OP. Slightly off tack, but my first two DDs were late, with the first induced - but DD3 came early. Felt like that was because it was the third time around and all muscles holding DD in were waving a white flag and giving up. So you may find that this all becomes moot - I do hope so.

I was very worried about induction with ds as my due date came and went. Midwives said to me that if I wanted to go more than 10 days past my due date I needed to "discuss" at an appointment with a consultant. Went to the appointment and was basically told of all the dangers if placenta decay, ending with "and that is why we don't let you go over 10 days at this hospital". Not much of a "discussion"! This was at Chelsea Westminster. Since found out that my mate in Brighton was 14 days over without any discussion and another in Aus 3 weeks over with no hassle from hcp's. In the end I had 3 sweeps plus sex/curry/ball bouncing/reflexology etc etc and had a 3 day latent labour plus my waters broken after 2 days if labour. DS was small-average and showed no signs of being over-baked. My instincts tell me he was not ready, and if I had just let things occur naturally maybe my labour would have been easier...but who knows! I do agree with other posters though that it's totally wrong to be TOLD by a doctor that you MUST have any procedure. A doula told me that during doula training the trainees are asked to write briefly their own birth stories then they look though them as a group and note how many times they wrote " but then I had to..." Or "in the end xyz so that wasn't an option" etc

Size of baby doesn't always indicate 'readiness' - they don't always just get bigger and bigger so it isn't actually a sign of not being ready (know this from the other angle - MW thinking my baby was too small/something wrong and failing to take my build/family history into account. And anyway a 6=7lb baby isn't clinically small ).

I am a bit at all these hospitals intervening so early, mine won't do anything until 14 days over DD.
To the extent I have been grilling them about my medical condition which can cause gritty placenta, but they are firmly hands off about it! So long as she's moving and I feel OK the most I'm getting (till 14 days over) is a sweep because induction is too interven-y.

Wish I was going to your hospital squizita! pinkteapots I'm going to the Rotunda, they don't seem to make a note of anything like "I don't want an induction" and in any case they just call you in and clearly haven't read one word on your notes - I have been asked, so this is your first? No, my third, it says it right there. Just silly things that make it clear they aren't reading stuff. What's the point of the notes if they neither make them properly nor read them?

The waters breaking intervention was more painful by far than the contractions I could feel all down one side thanks to the epi that didn't work properly. I'm never ever letting someone do that to me again.

Thank you minty chops. I hope you're okay too and that it will all soon be over for you and you'll have your third little one in your arms. Today is the day for me x

Just a little update and a big THANK YOU to you all for your support on this thread. I was back in today and got the same consultant again. I have spent the last week bouncing on the sodding ball, had a curry, had a shag, walked and walked and last night had a reflexology/ acupuncture session. Still no baby but I felt so much more in control and I think he (the doc) felt it too.

No more threat of induction. He seemed to have realised that this is up to me. Asked me if I would "like" a vaginal exam (no thank you) and we agreed that he will do an exam next week in order to establish my Bishop's Score. Thanks again ladies, I was so upset last week and now I feel so much better. Now, if this baby would just come out on its own.......

Hi Minty - glad all went well today. I'm sure you know that a Bishop score is an induction calculator, so if you definitely want to avoid an induction you may want to think about that vaginal exam......just sayin'

Oh, I thought it was to see whether or not you were a good candidate for an induction; I was thinking of it on the lines if "look, I scored 2, told you I wasn't ready".

Exactly - it gives you a score to see if you are "ready" for induction. If your score is good enough, how will you refuse?

I've had 4 inductions and they were all very different experiences. My final one was the only one I managed without at epidural and I couldn't believe how "easy" it was. Main difference was that I was chilled about it.

I'm rubbish at getting into labour even when 42 weeks. Anyhow my last one my bishops score was still only 1 6 hours after the first pessary!! Delivered 5 hours after the 2nd one, no ARM etc. etc.

Good luck, stay in control and try to relax

and..... because he knows you are resistant to an induction, it gives him the opportunity to accidentally break your waters or not tell you the facts about the condition of your cervix. You wouldn't know if he was telling you the truth would you?

They pulled the dead baby card with me too. I was 41+3, asked the mw why she was automatically booking me in for an induction at 42 weeks without discussing it with me. Suddenly I needed all this emergency scanning I hadn't five minutes before...

I went the next morning, really early, very dehydrated. They said my waters had gone (they hadn't). The registrar said "if you don't agree to an induction today your baby will die". I begged to drink some water and do another scan but was refused. We crumbled. Thus started a long and traumatic induction with my waters breaking halfway through.

Like you, I am terrified of induction. I'm scared of going over due. At my 16 week appointment, the MW is already saying "but your placenta will stop working". I've hired a doula and she's finding me information about new research that shows new growth cells in the placenta around 40 weeks.

There's so much great info on this thread. I really feel for you and wish you luck. I'm going to bookmark and even copy some of the things you've all said because I find it really hard to challenge HCPs.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make it about me - I just feel the same as you and have been through similar.

Oh bugger this, I must be such an idiot. Would he really lie to me and "accidentally" break my waters? Has that happened to anyone? I was planning on not allowing anything other than an exam and telling them I wanted to go away and think about whatever they suggested. Am I totally naive?

Yep. Sorry.