Upsetting hospital visit at 38 weeks

[MintyChops]

Just back from the hospital and am feeling very upset. Basically, this is my third child and my previous history is; DS1 is was induced at 41+5, was completely fine, had my waters broken (not pleasant but ok), onto oxytocin, 8 hours later a 40 min pushing stage and he was out. DS2 I developed high BP and they recommended induction at 39+6. I had 2 intensely painful gel things and this time when they broke my waters it was agony. Proper agony. My husband practically had to hold me down for them to do it. Then oxytocin and trapped in the bed. It all took 36 horrible hours.

I have always regretted agreeing to it with DS2. I feel he wasn't ready, I wasn't ready and wish I had waited longer. I have been determined from the beginning thatI do not want to be induced this time. They seemed amenable to that until this morning when I started having pressure from the midwife to get a sweep next week and then the doctor told me he would induce me on my due date (02/10) due to my age (41). I immediately said I don't want that and became upset, it's the last thing I want after that awful last time. He then started going on about dangers of still births, placental deterioration, etc., putting the frightened on me.

He told me to start the ball bouncing, more walking and have sex (yes, really feel like THAT!) but I am worried that they are going to keep insisting even though there is no indication of any problems or other reason he could give me apart from my age. I don't want to be railroaded and I am dreading going back next week and am really upset about it. Any older mums gone through/ going through the same thing?

I know ai woukd have walked out explaining I'm not listening to that bollox.

But then I was very certain of my ground and utterly convinced the hospital caused my DS' autism by their interference and totally unprepared to risk that again.

Thanks Cheese, so sorry to hear about your DD2, how awful.

Starlight, if I had walked out where should I have gone?

What happened that you think caused your DS's autism Starlight? And I'm sorry to hear about that too....

Suppression of Oxytocin in favour of high levels of adrenaline as well as oxygen deprivation and possibly head injury as ds was malpositioned and forced out early using a technique actually banned in the UK and subsequently not written in my notes.

Probably not the best question to ask before you give birth yourself.

I would have walked out of the appointment and gone home continuing my maternity care at any maternity drop-in service that I could find locally.

I would have stated loudly on my exit that I have no faith in the person I am leaving being able to deliver my baby safely and refuse to ever see them again.

Jesus, that's awful, your poor DS and you. So sorry. I don't know if we have drop-in maternity services in Ireland. Probably not - it's not the most enlightened country when it comes to women's rights in relation to anything to do with pregnancy....

starlight thats pretty much criminal treatment. Somewhat lost for words... wish MN had something more bloody empathetic than a bunch of bloody I was admiring your confidence and surety of decision when reading this thread earlier; now I know where it comes from.

Starlight - so sorry.

Minty - your delightful consultant wasn't talking to anyone. More manipulation. Twat.

Reading your story makes me feels so sad. I am only 26 weeks and i am changing my midwife because i feel she lies to me/ makes things up to make me scared. Doesn't give me much of a choice in things until i pull her up.
I hope my new midwife will be different. My patience is really wearing thin...

Good luck op. I know excatly what you mean about wanting someone in the know on your side. I hope we both find them!

Hope you're feeling okay.

I had both mine in the Rotunda, midwife clinic though. However, went overdue (just slightly) with both so was then railroaded into seeing a consultant instead. Both times I was threatened with an induction as soon as I was overdue. The first time was particularly bad. Consultant came in, didn't introduce himself, did a scan, didn't say a word throughout. Eventually he finished and just said he was going to book me in for an induction in a week's time. Then walked out of the room before I had a chance to say anything.

By the time I got myself cleaned up and dressed he'd already made the phone call. I tried to challenge him, start a conversation about it: mind you, this was in a public area where half the hospital could overhear. His only answer was 'well, what do you want, you'll be a week overdue by then'. He also refused to write done the date and time for the appointment for me as he 'had just told me'. (English is not my native language and sometimes I struggle distinguishing between numbers, especially in certain accents, so to be on the safe side I wanted him to write it down.) He then just walked away and an embarrassed looking nurse pressed an info leaflet in my hands. Bastard. As it was, baby arrived on its own less then 24 later.

So sadly, your experience in the Rotunda isn't unique. I love living in Ireland (DH is Irish) but I'm quite jealous of the care my sisters received having their babies back in Holland. Let's not get started on the conditions on the wards! Keeping my fingers crossed for you that your baby will arrive unprompted soon

Cleio that is dreadful. He sounds like a complete arse. Glad you didn't need the induction after all but how dare he treat you like that.

Unhappy, hope your next midwife is better. It's awful to gave to go and see someone you don't feel you can tryst.

I have been bouncing away on that frigging ball today but it just feels like hocus pocus nonsense that isn't going to work. I just don't know how to balance the risks of letting things run their course versus an induction. The insomnia is bad enough without lying there frightening myself with the thought that I am doing the wrong thing for the baby and being selfish in not wanting another awful experience of induction and that my punishment will be that the baby will die and it will be all my fault.

Hi minty, if you were in another hospital you'de be treated like anyone else i.e. given till 40+10 before the offer of induction. I totally understand your worry, but if they are general guidelines elsewhere it seems safe to run with that for a start. What exact stage are you at now? Also, you can ask for extra time without asing for endless extra time... maybe to go 12 or 14 days over before induction? It does two things, it gives you extra time which might just be enough to get baby moving without help, and failing that it leaves you a better candidate for induction with a readier cervix etc.

Its crap, because its hard to make a decision with confidence when they are playing with your instincts - and what stronger instinct than to want best for your baby. Its the use of fear by your consultant, and even though your rational head knows that, the fears find a lodging. He knows that too, the f*cker.

I know, it's so hard. It's bullying plain and simple. They're playing on your emotional vulnerable state. Keep in mind that Irish consultants have form for wanting to manage childbirth. What they really have in mind is making things convenient for them. I know, it's hard to look at it objectively when there's so much at stake.

I am a firm believer that baby will come when baby is ready. After that disastrous appointment I walked halfway across Dublin to meet my husband at his office, and that might have set things in motion, but I doubt she would have come if she hadn't been ready anyway.

I never had an induction but still the threat of it hanging over me was sending me into panics both times. I can't imagine how you feel. I hope you can manage to relax a bit. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way.

My DC1 was born at 42+3. The placenta had severely degraded and fell apart when the umbilical cord was pulled. The fluid had been completely reabsorbed (scan at 42+2). I was 0cm dilated and 1/5 engaged, so Bishop's score was still grey low at 42+2, but I'd been having contractions for 3 days. An EMCS was ordered after the third fetal deceleration. The neonatal blood results showed oxygen deprivation. Dc1 needed a year of physio and medical care till after 3rd birthday but at least is alive and generally ok now. We were incredibly lucky, so many medical professionals have said it was unbelievable given the stats and asked if we'd considered suing for negligence.

None of this was my choice, so a slightly different situation. I was begging for scans from 40w, but didn't get one till 42+2 (and that only because a MW phoned me and told me to come in for a scan immediately - the consultant the day before had refused to scan, telling me I'd be induced at 42+5 if nothing had happened by then and the baby clearly wasn't ready), and they still left me for 30 hours after telling me there as no fluid left and the baby was in danger and needed to be got out fast. However - please don't underestimate the risk of going past the due date. I think with regular detailed monitoring you can make an informed decision but things can go downhill so fast.

It turned out DC1 would never have been born naturally due to cephalopelvic disproportion, hence lack of engagement and dilation. The baby was well and truly jammed in my pelvis, with a bloody massive head. DC2 was born at 38w via ELCS and was 8lbs9 and very healthy. There was good medical reason for the early date for that specific pregnancy (arrested PTL twice, scan showed big for dates and more importantly even more massive head - at 2yo, his head is bigger than mine!) but right at the beginning of the pregnancy we'd agreed that ELCS would be scheduled for the due date if the baby wasn't born by then. I'd originally planned a home waterbirth for DC1 so happily went along with the no-intervention plan but not pushing for better, frequent monitoring and earlier intervention is something I'll always regret. Had I had earlier scans, we'd have known there was a problem much earlier and would have been able to do something about it - so I think it's the monitoring that's important, rather than the intervention.

I do agree with blackbird, monitoring is important. Though tje degrading of the placenta for your dc1 blackbird was pretty severe... 42+3 is 17 days over, they should have been scanning regularly from +10 blackbird! That was negligent of them. My dc3 I asked for 4 extra days, so +14, then opted for induction, which went well thank God. I dont think I would have liked to wait longer. Her placenta showed some granulation but was otherwise ok. Definitely if you go for the extra time minty make sure you are monitored, scans and fetal trace on non scan days.

With my 1st I was induced at 41 weeks (they insisted I was 42 weeks but I knew exacly when I got pregnant but no early scans in those days) it was a rather long, drawn out, painful affair.

With my 2nd I was induced at 42+3 (I lied about my dates a little and they were fully booked the day before and I refused to have it done any earlier), there was grade 3 meconium in my waters and it did means he wasn't interested in feeding for a few days.

With my 3rd I was induced at 40 weeks (my choice) absolute disaster, yep ARM after a day of ineffective contractions is horrifically painful.

With my 4th I saw a fab consultant early on and we discussed the risks, hospital policy by then was 40+10, she agreed with my history to induce me at 42 weeks. I did ask about daily monitoring and she said that the issue is that 22 hours between monitoring is long enough for your baby to die. I have known too many people who have had stillbirths and the circumstances around them that I decided I would agree happily to 42 weeks. I had to way up my personal choice of wanting spontaneous labour versus healthy baby.

OP you seem to be happy to go along with 40+10 which is a fairly common standard overdue policy. Bishops Score of 3 isn't awfuul, you've laboured and delivered yourself before. Time to get your positive head on. Accept you're highly likely to be induced, it's is highly likely it will be an even better experience than your 1st. I truly could not believe how easy my 4th was, how managable the pain one. As someone who struggles to get into labour I went from 8cm dilated to delivered in 1-2 minutes - literally 2 contracts. No ripping or tearing!!

Wishing you all the best

Thanks for the stories and advice everyone. Blabkbird that's terrible they didn't monitor you. Random I want your 2 minute labour with no tears, I will focus on that as a possibility. I am back in for a scan on Tuesday, I am thinking if they are really concerned they will get me in every day which I am happy to do.

Just to add to the stress though, we think our 21 month old has chicken pox which means we are buggered for someone to take the kids in the daytime as the crèche won't take either of them if he does have. Fuck fuck fuck ( sorry for non-blooming mummy language but of all the weeks....). Means I may have to be on my own in the hospital unless it happens tomorrow or next weekend when friends are off work.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhh unbelievable regarding chicken pox. My labour may only have been 2 minutes but there was erm about 10 hours of pain/discomfort before that but with tens machine and then gas & air once it kicked in a bit more it was honestly fine.

Wow! Nothing like a stressful moment, had a show at 6.30 and immediately waters went, bloody brilliant, on way to hospital now for assessment, will keep you posted. Yippee!

Good luck, and, as someone who has discharged herself from the antenatal ward, and had a home birth with DD2, don't let them talk you into anything you are not happy with!

FANTATIC - good on you

yay minty!! If I wasnt 38 weeks and the size of an elephant i'd be jumping up and down! Sending you good labour vibes, thinking of you, let us know, x

So pleased to read that labour has started naturally, how's it going minty?

Hi there, sent home after assessment as not in proper labour. Got to watch Strictly and have a glass of wine. Now in bed with one of the dogs as a hot water bottle but getting some intermittent contractions (some v strong) so not able to sleep but way better than being kept in. Hopefully will be going back in a few hours....

Fab fab fab update, I am so happy (and a wee bit jealous )

Good luck! Very exciting :)