Baby is here at last

[jasper]

Well netfriends, my baby is finally here!
I wasn't sure where to post this, and did not want to hijack anyone else's thread.
For those of you who went two weeks or more past your due date , four days will not seem much but they really dragged, and I finally had strong contractions at about midnight on Saturday.
We got to the hospital at about 2 am and my perfect baby boy was delivered about three and a half hours later. It went very well,(as being in labour goes); I will give all the details later if you are interested but time is tight at the moment.
I am so grateful for my lovely healthy baby and for the fact that he came into the world safely and without too much outside help.
For those of you who care about weight he was 9 pounds 11 ounces ( and there is a bit of a tale to tell there too, but I will save it for later)
I will be posting soon on the breastfeeding advice threads !

BIRTH STORY! This will be short, as I don't have much time, and also it was a short uncomplicated labour.
I woke at midnight , four days overdue ,with definite contractions every five minutes. I sat alone for half an hour feeling excited and nervous before waking my husband and calling my parents ( to look after the big kids) and my midwife.
I should explain my midwife is a friend who offered to deliver my baby no matter what time of day or night. She is an incredble and inspirational woman, and would die if she read this!
This is an unbelievably generous offer when you consider she has four children of her own and basically had to arrange childcare at short notice over a period of several weeks when the baby might be born. Also she had to lay off the wine for this period!

Once in hospital I laboured with gas and air for about three hours in a warm bath, came out of the bath while in transition and my perfect baby boy was born about five minutes later without tears or stitches.
I cannot stress enough how grateful I am for being "given" an easy birth. It has set me thinking....
I believe you are "given" a particular type of labour and a lot depends on what you make of it. Reading Bloss' recent birth story , seems she was given a very difficult birth, but made a very good job of coping with it. There was absolutely nothing she could have done to avoid the traumatic outcome of her labour( which of course ended joyfully with a lovely daughter)
I was "given" a comparitively easy birth, and with the help and support of my amazing and wonderful dear friend and midwife, made the best I could of it and had a happy, and relatively easy result for which I am very grateful.
I hope you understand me when I say the fear was worse than the Pain.
It never did get unfeasibly painful, but I did feel very frightened at certain points,(ie scared it was about to get much worse so I couldn't cope) and that is when my midwife's support was invaluable.
The last few minutes were amazing. I did not really have to push at all,which was just as well as I was extremely tired.
The sensation changed and was considerably less painful. There was a real feeling of my body "taking over". I felt almost like a passenger in the whole event.
Childbirth is wonderful, frightening, mystical, overwhelming...SPECIAL.
For those of you nearing the end of your pregnancy, I would say, enjoy your labour.
I think about 85% of my labour was enjoyable.

Don't worry about noet "loving " your newborn immediately. My overwhelming feeling was relief it was over, not because it had been so terrible ( it wasn't) but because of my fear it was about to become intolerable, and of course it never did.
My new baby is gorgeous. I can't believe how lucky I am.

Thank you for sharing your story, Jasper, it's beautiful.

Congratulations Jasper. Its so lovely to hear of a good positive birth experience. I had a good birth with my son and it does leave you feeling so empowered, you know you have experienced something truly amazing.

Wishing you and your family good health and much happiness!

Jasper that's such a lovely story. I'm so glad you took the time to write it. Eulalia, hope you are keeping comfortable in these last few days.

Telling my friends about my labour, I began to feel I was the only one who felt the fear was greater than the pain. Everyone thought I had an 'easy' second labour. Yes it was, but it was not easy on my mind. After all, having had one baby, you know what is to come.

Throughout my labour I always kept anticipating extra pain, and when I began to tense up with the stress, I made myself live from second to second, not think about what might happen in the next minute. But it was mightly hard to do this. Like you, I also felt my body just took over at the end.

I feel sad that I will never have this intense experience again in my life, so I love reading birth stories.

Lil,
I put my son's birth on the home birth thread...
Good luck to you.

So pleased for you, Jasper! What a lovely story. Best wishes to you all. xx

Eulalia, I haven't had any twinges at all, but I feel like time is standing still. It was easier last time around I think because there was so much to do on our house, and I had to sort out all the baby's kit etc and it was all exciting.. this time I feel like I'm twiddling my thumbs. Oh and last time I didn't have Mumsnet!! Are you more confident this time? I agree with Tigermoth about the fear being worse this time, should have got into yoga!!

Lil - I think I am more confident yes although I've not allowed myself to think about the birth much yet. I had an easy birth last time round so I expect much the same this time and for it to be quicker as everyone I know who has had 2nd babies has had much quicker labours. I think with it being 2 3/4 years since the last birth I've conveniently forgotten the pain!

Have been keeping myself busy although at the end of the week all of the playgroups will be finished for the Easter holidays so if I do go late then I may well be twiddling my thumbs. Do you know what you are having?

Jasper - lovely birth story!

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bloss - there is nothing ordinary about birth, believe me! I truly believe every labour is different, every woman is different, and the pain is different for everyone. You have my unabashed admiration - did you say you had been in second stage awhile before having an epidural?....if that is the case, then you should be as proud as punch. The long first stage is often the most diffucult to get thru, as it lasts awhile (usually), and it is the second stage which reaps the rewards! In my experience, the vast majority of women in the transitional phase are overwhelmed to a degree, often saying things like 'I can't cope' or 'I need something for the pain!'. It is only the fact that this phase is commonly quite transient, and the baby is born soon thereafter, that these wishes are not met. If, like yourself, you have a long time in the second stage (which is what i understand from your brief note below), it is absolutely, totally understandable that you required more pain relief. bloss, it was right for YOU, in that instant, and that is what is important. Why cut yourself up about it? Something was not right if the end result was a c/s.......if thing had gone swimmingly, you would have managed with the gas and air, simple as that.
A c/s is not your fault (unless you do a Zoe Ball!) - it was obviously necessitated. I'd love to know the full story surrounding the decision for your c/s (fetal distress?) - maybe then I could help to put your mind at rest a bit more.

Bloss, I'm so sorry you feel that way. Birth isn't a competition or a race or a test or some sort of moral challenge and no one should be beating themselves up about what did or didn't happen, though I know full well myself how easy it is to fall into that trap. The fact is, you dealt with it in the best way you knew how and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Is there any chance of you de-briefing with your midwife, perhaps looking at your notes together? It might give you some sense of closure or deeper understanding of what went on. Take care.

Bloss, I am feeling really bad for you and hope this makes some sense to you.
( by the way I now have two boys and a girl)
PLEASE try not to feel bad, guilty, as if you failed or whatever.
I totally relate to how you felt pain wise. You described ny first labour exactly.The pain was indescribeable and I just could not bear it and begged for an epidural. I would have prefered to be knocked out if that had been an option!
Like you I was NOT particularly anxiour in advance, had full faith in the staff, felt well looked after etc. but when that pain moved up a gear there was NO way I could handle it, and like you felt death was a preferable option!

However my recent labour was a completely different experience . Put simply, it did not hurt nearly as much ( but I was battling with the fear it would at any minute get much worse).

This is what I meant by being "given" a type of labour. I was given a very hard painful one first time, no amount of breathing or self control or whatever could have made it bearable, and an epidural saved my sanity. God bless that anaesthetist!( and the epi did not work all that well) I was given a comparitively easy labour second and third time.
The difference was not down to me or my attitude, it was just three completely different experiences ( althought the last two were similar). If I had three like the first ( and it seems you have had two really difficult ones)I would probably feel like you, as though somehow I was at fault for not being able to handle it or whatever, but now I realise we are not all given the same thing to handle!
That is what I meant by being grateful for being given an easy birth because it was not down to any skill on my part, more just good fortune.
This is not to say we don't have an input, of course we do, but there are some births that are just unbearably hard no matter how wonderfully you handle labour,and some that are just plain sailing in comparison, no matter how badly you might handle it!
Hope this makes sense. I am so sorry you had rotten labours. I am actually almost grateful I had a really bad one first time, as if I didn't I would not realise how lucky I was the second and third time/,. Also It means I can fully relate to other women like you who have a hard time, and it stops me getiing smug and thinking my good labours were in any way due to skill on my part!

Incidentally I have enjoyed your postings on the old thread about sore nipples . I have the same problem this time rouond yet again, It caused me to give up after a few weeks last two times. How is it going with your new baby girl?

Bloss - I totally sympathise with you. Your birth experience sounds very much like mine, particularly the 1st and the 3rd time (the 3rd being the worst of all 3) Don't feel a failure, you've got a gorgeous healthy baby and that's what really matters. I agree with you when you say that you wanted to jump out of the window and end the pain, I had similar thoughts too (and so have alot of other people I've spoken to) and with each birth, I went in with an open mind and not feeling especially anxious. I suppose I hoped that each time I would get an epidural, but I never did. The pain gets so bad, that you actually forget what you're going through it for, you just want it to be over, and with my 3rd, I was so glad when he was out and I was still alive that I didn't really notice all the doctors swarming about because I was haemorrhaging badly. There is not such thing as an ordinary birth, they are all wonderful, miraculous events, but lets be hoest here, they are also horrendously painful, so Bloss it wasn't that you couldn't cope, it's just that you felt exactly the same as billions of other women when they gave birth. At my antenatal classes for my first, I really believed the midwife when she said that you could breath through your contractions for quite sometime and beable to cope, and naively I really thought that I could do it without any pain relief (ha ha ha !) So when the contractions started, and they were bl*y painful from quite early on, I felt really worried that something was the matter with either me or the baby. At the hospital the midwifes were quite unsympathetic also, a sort of 'It's her first baby, what do you expect sort of attitude'. I'm not a wimpy sort of person and I thought this was a terrible attitude. When I was doing my nurse training, it was constantly drilled into us that 'pain is what the patient says it is'. As a result, when I was looking after post-op patients, if they said they were in pain (or looking like they were, because some patients don't like to bother the busy nurses - bless) I would make sure they had as much pain relief as they were written up to have. Why let someone suffer unnecessarily? And I certainly didn't take the approach, that "Well, Mr So-and-so in the next bed has also had both knees replaced and he doesn't need anymore pain relief". Everyone is different.

Oh no, this has turned into a bit of a rant, which I didn't mean it too. I know I sound very melodramatic, but the point I was trying to get across, is that whilst it's lovely to read a birth story like Jasper's, it's also ok to admit that you found the whole thing horrendous and unbearable. I doesn't make you a failure, it just makes you a normal human being.

Bloss, I agree with everyone else, you should definitely not feel like it's your fault. I also agree that people are given a certain type of labour. I think this is a brilliant way of describing it. Take heart in that they say it's often a lot easier and quicker second time around. Reading some of your stories makes me so angry that the care is so bad and the midwives so unsympathetic. I don't know which hospitals these are but can I tell you a bit about where I had my DD and the experience because it was truly amazing.
DD was 11 days late and I was due to go in the next day for an induction. I had a show in John Lewis in Watford (of all places ), had been swimming that morning and felt a little uncomfy but that was it. Never had Braxton Hicks at all. The show was at 1.30 and I had started regular 5 min apart contractions by 2.00. This was September the 11th - as I was at home with my Tens machine on the planes crashed into the twin towers in New York. Hubby was on his way home on the train. By 4pm my contrations were about 45 secs long but about 3-4 mins apart. Hospital told me to come in although they weren't 60 secs in length yet. I had her in Watford General Hospital in the ABC centre which is a midwife run ' natural ' birthing unit right next door to delivery suite so if there are any complications or you want an epidural you can go next door. At 4.30 I had an exam and was only 2cm dilated. They advised I go home. I said I didn't want to and could I have a warm bath. They said I could and they'd check me in an hour but I would probably still need to go home. I was in the bath and really thought I was going to die I was in so much pain. Told hubby at about 5.45 that I couldn't take it any more and needed an epidural. MW checked me again, I was moaning about how little dilated I probably was and how I couldn't cope, she smiled at hubby and I and said your 8cm !! I couldn't belive it. No time for anything, just gas and air but having gone that far without anything was light relief. Used birth pool for a bit but gave birth on a bed in the end. Started pushing at 8pm and DD born at 8.45.
That night I was in a complete daze and just stared at her all night, so happy but also so sad about the day she had born and what had happened. I had the telly on in my room and the horror of it all sunk in - earlier I hadn't really taken it in because I was so wrapped up in my labour.
I have to tell you that the ABC is the most fab place and the midwives are brilliant. I cannot tell you how wonderful they were. So supportive and so good.. There is a wonderful birth pool room and a dark relaxing room with mats and lava lamps, bean bags etc. You can have everything except an EP in there but if you want one you ask and go next door. I would recommend this type of place to anyone because I think that the relaxed surroundings helps SO much. All the rooms are lovely and with en suite bathroom plus tv's, birthing balls etc. Much nicer than the private rooms actually and no cost ! I think so often in the delivery suite they stick you on a bed and monitor you up and you can't move around or feel relaxed, they want to get you in and out as quickly as possible and provide no emotional support. They treat it like any other hospital operation and don't seem to realise that it's totally different to any other hospital operation because it's probably the most emotionally charged experience of your life.

Oh Star, I always thought they got easier from the first - how wrong I was

Been away for so long - trouble getting laptop connected at home - that I'm really out of touch. Anyhow congratulations to Jasper on the safe arrival of your baby. Any news on Lil & Eulalia?
I've got about two weeks to go now and having been booked in for a c-section as the baby was breech, everything has changed as the little darling turned around last week - felt like an elephant on safari!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts about your birth Bloss, that is exactly how I felt after birth of ds - not c-section but failed venouse and a grim struggle with forceps. I also was so disappointed that I hadn't been able to "cope" with the pain or constant vomiting and had had to go for an epidural (which failed). Seriously hoping that my next experience won't be so bad.

Bloss...it's ok to feel disappointed. Don't feel bad about being disappointed! It's perfectly justifiable - guilt, though, of course, is not justifiable. But when we have an idea about something, a hope for something, and it doesn't happen, then of course we feel sad - and when you are talking about something as meaningful and deep as labouring and birthing, the feelings can be even more intense.

But there are loads of occasions when disappointment results....one of the joys of life is that we have compensations for them (in your case, a baby!!) and we also have time and a brain...and we put those together and we manage to see it all in perspective. Even if the disappointment and sadness are always there, deep down.

bloss, I agree whole heartedly with tiktok. I had a horrible birth with dd and I found it helped to turn feelings of guilt into feelings of sadness. Then you can grieve for what you feel you 'lost' - or never had.

If its any consolation I screamed so loudly and made such a fuss in labour that all the women in the maternity unit felt they knew me before I even got down there!

Bloss I had an awfull time too and I think I was in shock afterwards for a while. Just thought I'd share with you my horrible midwife story.. arrived by ambulance to big hospital, fetal distress was the reason. Got there and had a borrible old bat of a midwife who just refused to talk to ME! She kept saying to dh, Mrs *** is very difficult isn't she, why does she keep wanting to go for a wee' ( I was a die-hard NCT fan and determind to wee every hour as instructed!) After a couple of hours of this relentless ignoring of me and my wishes, I pretended to go for a wee, and with gown flapping ran up the corridor (literally!) pretty out of it after a ton of gas and air and found a nurse. I begged and pleaded with her that she HAD to find me another midwife as I was NOT going to have that woman in the room with me being such a cow! The poor nurse looked at me like I was mad, but I really meant business and she could tell, so she ran off to find someone. I then hid in the loo and told DH to tell old battle axe that she was off the job!! Can't actually believe I did this, but I was so unhappy and she was so brisk and abrupt and kept trying to get me to lie down to break my waters which I was uneasy about. Anyway, vividly remember being in agony in the loo but hearing DH tell midwife 'Look ,I think its better if you just go, she doesn't want you here and thats that'. Cue lovely midwife who was abit sceptical of me (understandably) but soon warmed up once I explained my reasons. Labour carried on being awfull, ended up being induced, venthouse, epi the lot and twice they came in to rush me off for a c-section but then ds's heart rate would settle! When I got back to the midwife run place I'd been transferred from, they all couldn't believe that I'd refused this midwife,they had heard lots of stories about her being horrible but no-one had ever challenged her directly at 7cm! The one thing that came out of this horrible labour was that at least I felt I had a little bit of control,and the lovely midwife even stayed late on her shift to see ds born. (In fact she kept reminding me during the pushing stage that she only had 20 mins left to encourage me to get on with it!) I do feel slightly bad about sacking the other woman, but I figured I'd never see her again and sod it, my natural birth with the bath was out the window already, so I wasn't going to settle for a battle-axe as company for the intervention route I was on.

With my first, I also had very unhelpful midwives. I didn't have contractions, just started bleeding (bright red fresh blood) 9 days after my due date. I phoned the hospital and they said to come in straight away. When I arrived at the hospital my pains started but they wouldn't believe I was in labour. I went into the tv room and watched Londons Burning from 9 pm until 10 pm by which time I was in great pain. They still wouldn't believe I was in labour. I didn't want pain relief too early in case I had a really long labour. Eventually I started on the gas and air and because I was in so much pain they thought I should have a shot of pethidine. The midwives (two of them) were arguing over whether I was in actual labour or not and said I wouldn't give birth until the next day. I was given pethidine at 11:15 and my dd was born at 11:35 (only 20 minutes after being given pethidine) so the paediatrician had to be present to give her the anti-dose for the pethidine as she was a very drowsy baby. My labour was 4 hours from starting to bleed until the baby was born.

My second was born in just over 2 hours from start to finish.

With my third, born in October last year, the midwife never actually examined me once during the labour. My labour was only 3 hours and they let me decide when I was going to be ready to push and never once gave me an internal to see how dilated I was. I had the most stress-free labour feeling I was in total control as my baby was born with no intervention (apart from gas and air).

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Suew - That's awful poor dd (and you!!) Is she ok now? Was the fitting the result of her banging her head, if so, it must have been a really nasty bang? How awful for you to have to see it too. My eldest ds has had febrile convulsions and they are terrible to see. You're right it doesn't really matter how they enter into this world as long as they are ok and stay like that!