Very much looking forward to birth!

[Snowlet]

Right, let's fill this thread with positivity.

I feel empowered, educated, calm, at peace with what my body was born to do and ready to not feel like a truck anymore! (which is so sad because I'm only 29 weeks)

Whatever we'd like our birth plans/preferences to be, whatever choices we make, I'd love for every woman to feel that they are HERS, that she is powerful and that her wishes are important.

It does matter what you want, you should picture your 'perfect' birth over and over again and you can't receive what you don't ask for.

So then, is anyone else looking forward to labour and birth as the unique, life changing experience it will undoubtedly be?

To clarify, I in no way consider that positive thinking is going to result in my giving birth in a lovely cloud of love and happiness and I'll just cough and out comes baby. But it's positive thinking that is keeping me going over the next few weeks and stopping me from going into birth absolutely terrified of what might happen. If something's going to go wrong the power of my mind is not going to prevent it. I know that.

A stuck baby is one of the things I researched the most, as this was the scenario that would lead most directly to people touching me, which was absolutely unacceptable to me unless they were wielding a knife to my abdomen.

I concluded that becoming stuck in the first place can be a result of interference, some of which on the face of it seem quite minor (i.e. being spoken to during a contraction) and most certainly a sweep, and having to lie on your back even for a moment for an internal.

Positioning in the final weeks of pregnancy can be improved by the way the mother holds herself and her own positioning (though very limited evidence for this, worth a try imo).

Once diagnosed as 'stuck', the following interventions can cause self-fulfilling scenario. Often if just left to it, the mother can instinctively move into a more 'open' position. For example, during my second birth I was on my knees in the pool and as the head came out I wanted to raise my right knee and place my foot on the floor. The midwife screamed at me to 'stay down' (as she was worried I might stand, or raise above the water-level which is potentially a little dangerous for a baby being born, so I put my left knee back on the floor.

My dd came out like superman leading with her hand on my left side, tearing me as she did it. If I had been 'allowed' to raise my knee I may not have torn.

I believe that stuck isn't always an immediate problem but it BECOMES a problem by loads of people piling in with their 'solutions' prematurely and often the encouragement of panic-pushing, making a baby that might need to just wriggle a bit, more lodged into a stuck position when then really does need serious intervention.

Well done jellyandcake for continuing to try to keep some perspective. I totally agree there are too many scare stories told to pregnant women. Everytime I told a friend or family member who had previously given birth that I was going to try to go without pain relief they laughed at me. Of course you have to be realistic and my yoga teacher said when we went to the couples session to accept whatever happens and go with whatever is needed. In the end I didn't require any pain relief or gas & air. I did require some intervention (as previously stated an episiotomy and ventouse "kiwi cup").

No one is suggesting that when things go wrong or are difficult it is the woman's fault for not being positive. Perhaps the op will come back in 10 weeks and let us know how it all went!

Haha RaaRaa, cheeky monkey is about right!

Pixie you have a great attitude and I hope you do get the birth you want - what you describe is what I had so I know it's possible and I'm hoping to be as lucky next time as well. It sounds like you are knowledgeable and well informed about birth and that if things don't go according to your plan that you won't feel like you have failed or that it's your fault. I know that if I had been afraid or tense, I would have experienced more pain but being relaxed meant that once I got in the pool it didn't hurt. That doesn't mean that I think being relaxed would have prevented an emergency but fortunately, it all went straightforwardly and I was grateful and glad for what I felt was a miraculous and empowering birth, the memories of which I will always treasure.

Franny I felt the same about pain relief - that I would see how things went and accept whatever I felt I needed, which turned out to be nothing. It's good to have an open mind! If it hurts more next time, I'll try some pain relief.

Squizita I can't answer for all FTMs but I don't think the OP was confusing or conflating the things she could control and the things that are down to luck. She was quite clear that she intends to maintain a positive attitude and visualise the 'perfect birth' but that she understands intervention may be necessary up to and including a crash section. As a second-time mum, my approach is the same. I'm planning and preparing for another calm, happy and uncomplicated birth but am also well informed regarding possible complications and interventions. I'm not expecting them but am aware they may occur and that some things are beyond my control. What I can control is my mindset leading up to birth and how happy and calm that makes my pregnancy.

jelly Have you read my posts?

"...lot of people have had a good laugh at a pregnant woman hoping for a good labour. Some other people have shared their positive birth stories, which is what the OP was after in the first place."

You're 'no one said' rant seems to have been triggered by my post and have me confused with someone else who laughs at others. I made it clear I was talking about my experiences online and in RL, and attitudes therein.
Based on my past history ... do you honestly think I'd laugh at someone about pregnancy and childbirth? Really?

In fact, the whole rant, and anger, was what I was touching on.

-I am acutely aware of risks others aren't, because of a medical condition and prior losses.
-I voice these concerns. I mock no one. I explain how I am sometimes made to feel.
-I get told off implicitly by quoting my words (from a not-angry, slightly upset post) in a sarcastic way... It seems that the 'sisterhood' is a lot more upset by women who have good births than women who don't.

:(

LaVolcan

Thanks, yes, that is what I was getting at: what would be good would be some clear education about what questions/things we should be asking (the crux: how good is this midwife? Dr? Hospital? Birth Centre?) rather than just hoping for the best!! That would give me confidence.

*"This luck may not be up to the woman, but to do with:

the quality of the attendants, thinking back to eurochick's post about independent midwives having low intervention rates."*

Sorry, the no one said post was in response to purplebaubles who said she was annoyed by reading that people regarded her bad birth as being caused by lack of positive thinking.

It was amapaali who said she had laughed at the OP.

Sorry I wasn't clearer in name checking.

And I don't think you have mocked anyone, squizita but a lot of posts, particularly the early responses on this thread, have done exactly that. Sorry that you think all of my posts were directed at you, they really weren't.

RaRa I find your writing on this very interesting, you're obviously extremely well informed. Do you have any recommendation for some reading I could do?

Re sweeps and bishops score.

Surely a bishops score requires information ascertained by internal examination. So even the assessment for suitability for intervention is in itself an intervention?

I may be wrong, I refused all internals and offers of sweeps just like raaRaa.

I was musing on theborrower's post: I had an EMCS because DD was undiagnosed breech. No skin to skin in theatre. Then we had to give her formula after a few hours because she couldn't latch (TT, low birthweight - whole other story). None of that was my choice, I wasn't given one.

It seems that choices made by other people denied her choice. E.g. going straight to CS means that the attendants lose the skills of knowing how to deal with a breech presentation effectively. Someone must have made a decision somewhere that breech births would be given a CS. Equally, if the will were there, someone could set up breech workshops for the staff to share knowledge and skills, so that these are re-introduced/retained.

Similarly, skin to skin in theatre - would this really not have been possible, or was it simply that no-one thought to ask her if that was what she would like?

Formula - why don't we have more human breast milk banks, so that formula could be avoided for newborns?

These are all choices and decisions that are being made somewhere.

OK, I have gone off at a tangent, and it's a long way from OP's post, but as I said, I was just thinking about it.

Jelly sorry - just a bit paranoid. I would never mock anyone about this kind of thing heaven forbid!!!

All I think is, being aware enough to be asking the right questions is very, very important (and not just raw stats... for example I have a very calm, collected consultant. His interventions are a little higher than average - but 50+% of his patients have a cervical stitch/pre-existing condition. I'm sure in some places such as parts of the USA they'd ALL be C-sections).
That means before I can plan my 'ideal', I like to know what to ask and where to get accurate data. So that I don't just end up with a junior doc seeing my notes at 1am at the end of his/her shift, panicking and doing something OTT - but likewise I also know everyone's read my notes and would know if I start to feel out of it, it might not just be the gas-n-air best do a blood test.

I'd rather hope for the best but if that doesn't happen, know for example the differences between the different pain relief so they don't give the 'easiest' but the best for me, know that sweeps aren't risk free so ask 'do I need this?', to ask for skin-to-skin if I get a c-section. And if I never thought about those things, I might not know to ask until it's too late!

:)

I wanted a sweep just for the possibility it might work. So I didn't mind the internal to ascertain the bishops score. I would have been quite happy for it to have triggered labour and avoid an induction. Although I didn't want to be induced, I didn't want to go overdue by more than 14 days even more.

LaVolcan I see what you mean.

Re the CS - yes, but not every breech will be able to birth ok, or without significant risks. I myself was a breech baby, but because the doctors thought I was in a 'good' breech position and mum had 'good hips' they decided to try for a VB, and everything was fine. Unfortunately for me, my daughter's type of breech position (frank, footling etc) wasn't noted in my notes, so I've no way of knowing if the staff were being over cautious or she was in an unbirthable position.

Re skin to skin - again, I'm not sure. I don't remember being asked or told it wasn't possible, but it didn't happen. My consultant (I'm pregnant again, by the way) has clarified it's not hospital policy not to allow it, so it's in my notes that I would like this should I require a CS again, if it's possible.

Re formula - I don't know how common these are, but it would be great if they're available at every hospital. I suspect there's not the supply though.

But I do feel that circumstances were out of my control which is why I'm a bit cautious of any birth plan and choices for this DC, after a seemingly perfect pregnancy and early labour first time round.

And re the sweeps/induction talk earlier - I went into spontaneous labour on my due date, having never had a sweep or cervical exam either. So I know that didn't play a part. Maybe my DD is just a cheeky monkey like *spaniel's^.

Re the supply of human milk: I had loads and only found out by accident that the hospital collected it. It would have been so good if this need had been advertised properly.

Im not scared of birth. At that stage I will be grateful to have carried a baby until term. Good gor you op

"I'm due in a few days and I can't wait "

That's just how I felt when all mine were approaching their due dates :) All were overdue and made me wait though but so exciting.
Best of luck SillyLass. :)

I actually feel envious of my friends who are nearing their due date, the sort of envy you feel when your friends post pictures whilst they are on a plane going on a really fun holiday or when your friends post about getting ready for a night out when you are stuck at home watching friday night TV. It's that feeling that I know they are going to have such fun, and I'm so happy for them but I'd like to be doing it too!

Whatever we'd like our birth plans/preferences to be, whatever choices we make, I'd love for every woman to feel that they are HERS, that she is powerful and that her wishes are important.

It does matter what you want, you should picture your 'perfect' birth over and over again and you can't receive what you don't ask for.

Thanks op, yes I got the birth I wanted, I got an amazing calm, wonderful joyful birth, via ELC requested by me, it was amazing.

I had the same attitude as you OP, maybe not quite as extravagant but I was definitely positive and tried to keep happy thoughts and chose to listen to all the happy birth stories, thinking all the negative people were trying to scare monger or over exaggerating.

I seriously think my 'happy' attitude made things worse on the day for me. My mother and grandma had perfectly normal , low-ish pain for contractions etc so I expected this too. But I couldn't imagine my labour being any more painful, I had a back to back baby so this heightened it. I was petrified thinking something must be wrong because I wasn't expecting it, I was sick from every contraction and was violently shaking. Then my actual delivery was a massive rush and my babies heart rate was fading , I was cut open and a ventouse delivery and delivered a limp silent baby, she thankfully was fine after spending time with the paediatrician but what I'm trying to say is please be prepared for all eventualities and circumstances on the day. No amount of positivity could have changed my birth.

By all means remain positive because it really gets you through those last weeks but just try to remain open minded. Good luck and I hope you have a beautiful birth to accompany your beautiful baby.

No one's perfect birth will be major abdominal surgery

Mine was.

You'll hopefully have a positive birth experience if you are realistic about what might happen. Some women die giving birth (thankfully a tiny number in the UK), some babies die (a higher number, I don't know any mothers who died, I know of several babies who have died or been severely disabled during birth). Bearing that in mind realistic expectations should be for both mother and child to be alive and reasonably healthy at the end of the experience, nothing more. You should be prepared for things to happen very very slowly or incredibly fast. You should be prepared for the fact that when things start going wrong they start going wrong very quickly indeed and your choice will be 'do what we tell you now or your baby will die'. There will not be time for a long considered discussion.

Having daft hippy ideas about breathing and visualisation will not matter one jot, you need to be sensible and realistic about what can go wrong but not scared of e.g.the pain. The most damaging thing for a mother is to thinkshe has failed before she has even become a mother and that happens when a woman has unrealistic expectations of calm music, water births and breathing that sadly go wrong.

I've got 3 DC, I've not been scared before any birth but that didn't stop DC3 arriving early and nearly being an EMCS.

legoplaying I am not sure that it is the case that things start to go wrong very quickly, sometimes yes, with things like cord prolapse, but other times no, so it's not a case of 'do what we tell you or your baby will die'. To say that to every woman when there is some sort of problem comes into the category of scaremongering.

Nor, shock horror, does everyone find it unbelievably painful. Far from being daft and hippy, breathing and visualisation can help some people, although it may not have done for you.