Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

Yep, women who may have been raped or abused need to just get a grip and be fine with strange men sleeping 2 feet away from them with a curtain between and sharing sleeping space with as many as 5 men they do not know. It's not a bus station.

It's everyone's partners or nobody's partners- it's not fair or practical to 'judge' everyone's situations.

expat I do realise that, and I say I have much more sympathy with posters who are concerned about violent or aggressive or disruptive men. (Though I think there could be better ways to deal with that than a blanket no men rule). My post is mainly aimed at the people who are concerned about being seen with leaky boobs etc. I just don't understand how that trumps the needs of a couple who've just had their newborn put into a NICU incubator.

Apologies. I read SCBU in the OP.

When baby and I stayed, there was a separate postnatal wards on different floors for SCBU mothers and for mothers of healthy babies.

Which was nice, as it is somehow heartbreaking to see the happy mother of healthy babies while yours is fighting in an incubator.

Btw, good luck to your little one OP.

What possible valid reason could a man have for peering through a woman's curtain when she is sleeping.

Some of you seem to think because your partner is lovely, that means all partners are lovely. And you think because a woman is bleeding or has a saggy belly that no man would want to sexually assault her! Elderly frail women get sexually assaulted by men. You are being naive in the extreme.

Fully aware of this happening and its awful and shouldn't. I have many friends who work in hospitals in a variety of capacities. And I work with parents in a professional capacity too. And no, you shouldn't have to worry about it but it is rare in a postnatal setting. I just think its a very sad state of affairs if a new dad can't be given the benefit of the doubt and be allowed to stay with his partner. What happened to innocent until proven guilty?! And I don't see much of a difference between overnight and during visiting hours...
And yes, if a woman had been raped or similar and this was affecting her birth choices/concerns etc the mW should be aware. I have certain mental health issues (not the same i realise). And concerns surrounding delivery etc and the mW did their up most to remember this etc. Unfortunately the NHS isn't perfect. In an ideal world there would be private rooms for all, dads could stay at partners request etc but in the meantime we have to manage!

But all these issues surrounding privacy apply in the daytime too, and nobody is suggesting that partners should not be around then. If partners can be there 8am to 10pm, then why the big fuss about 10pm to 8am? It's not like it is much quieter at night.

And when I have been in hospital, I don't want any men who are not medics to see my naked body. I don't see why that should be controversial.

zoe - Because everyone is trying to sleep at night and there are more awake adults seeing what is going on during the day. So women are less vulnerable.

Do you think hospitals should have female and male wards at all? You don't think these issues seem to matter.

Because men go lurking around maternity and post natal wards to plot sexual attacks against women who have just given birth .
I'm frankly saddened that there is such a low and negative opinion towards men.
I'm sure the risks of being attacked / robbed/ perved on are much higher in other places than they are in a maternity ward. Bad Things can happen anywhere, but we don't ban men just in case. Since when was ownership of a penis an automatic entitlement to the descriptor of potential sex attacker.
Yes, after giving birth women feel much more vulnerable than at other times, but perhaps having a partner present would alleviate that vulnerability for many women and yet heighten it for others. Perhaps the solution is to have some bays where dads can stay and other bays where dads cannot stay. I don't think most dads expect to have a full sized bed to sleep in (unless in a private hospital) so the space issue isn't that important. A reclining chair would suffice for dads who really feel the need to stay the night, heck I managed to stay in a reclining chair for six nights solid when my child was in intensive care and it didn't do me any lasting harm.

And at non tome did I suggest women who had been raped should get a grip. I apologise if u read it like that.
I simply referred to those who were vulnerable due to all the shit that goes with birth like leaky boobs blood etc
This mans baby was seriously I'll fgs.

sparkly - Between a quarter and a fifth of women are raped as children or adults or seriously sexually assaulted. This is not a few rare women we are talking about.

Innocent till proven guilty? Nobody is accusing individual men. But systems need to be set up in recognition that not everyone is lovely for the safety of patients and staff.

No I meant it is rare for women to be attacked on postnatal wards. Especially if they are not staff.

Where did I say these issues don't matter? Where?!

I specifically said that I think everyone has a right to privacy and decency in hospital. But they also have a right to moral and physical support in situations where they are vulnerable, traumatised and physically incapacitated. In NHS postnatal wards as they stand today, there are not the resources for both rights to be upheld equally. In such cases, I think the rights of a mother who has a baby in NICU or has had a deeply traumatic delivery should take priority.

And I realise not everyone is lovely, believe me! But I don't see the difference between allowing non vetted visitors mid afternoon and allowing them at two in the morning. It is not as if hospitals shut down overnight. Especially on postnatal wards.

It's not just about being actually attacked. It's about feeling intimidated, frightened to leave the cubicle to go to the toilet (so having to deal with bleeding everywhere), scared to go to get a cup of tea and toast (so not eating properly), having to ask a staff member to watch the baby so you can try to do any of that. It's extra stress an already tired and vulnerable woman does not need at night.

Yep, i get that, but the woman who's baby is sick should get priority. I know its not ideal, but its not an ideal system and in the meantime I would rather feel awkward than have a woman with a sick baby be alone and unsupported.

sparkly - Nobody would say men should be banned from wards totally. Allowing visiting times during the day is a compromise to everyone.

I don't think its just about the maternity ward, its about security of patients and staff in other wards too? The hospital doesn't shut down at night but it is very much quieter and darker. I was going to and from the hospital with my dd at night when she was a baby and I would feel quiet nervous going down the silent corridors. During the day there will be more cleaning staff, bf councillors, tea ladies, visitors, consultants and it is very busy so it at least feels safer .

Nope don't get it! I'm not going to argue anymore! Hospitals suck. Most people feel awkward and vulnerable goes with the territory. You're all in the same boat and need to stick together and support each other!

I'd rather see a system where fathers are allowed to stay. That way, if you feel vulnerable because there are other men around, you can have your own there to help you feel safer.

I think it's really sad that when it's widely accepted by society that fathers should financially and emotionally support their children, our hospitals also send the message that they are surplus to requirements in the first few hours of their children's lives and that they are an inconvenience when their partner is at their most vulnerable.

So what are the security measures on childrens wards where one non patient can stay at night ... could they be adopted for mw?

What if you don't have your own man around to feel safer? That's another positive thing about no men being allowed at night, it doesn't put lone parents in an even more vulnerable feeling position.

Why should the husband of the woman in the next bed be any less welcome than the woman herself. I know if for some reason I'd ended up being forcibly separated from DH after DS1 was born (say we had not made it to the private hospital or had to be transferred for some reason) I'd have been so distressed my crying would have kept the whole ward awake.

I think if there is a reason for the father to stay the staff should consider the comfort of the other patients and make a side room available.