Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

Quite agree. It was a massive relief to know that from the hours of 11pm to (I think it was) 8am, there would be no visitors on the ward and that we would be able to have privacy.

Who said it was illegal?

Considering how prevalent sexual assault is, it's not surprising many women prefer not to share a dark cramped ward with paper thin curtains with strange men at a vulnerable time.

Are you saying my rights don't count as a woman if I want to include men in the birthing process?

Just to make it clear, meaning that women have experienced sexually assaults in the past not that it would occur in the ward.

Hungermonkey Wed 05-Mar-14 19:02:41
There should never be a situation where the only wards available postnatally allow men. I would consider that quite a seriously backward step for maternity services and women's rights.

I would agree with this. However I think there should be wards where they can stay if the women there are all with partners and are happy with the arrangement. No women without partners (or another support) should be on the ward.

You can include men in the birthing process - but no, it's not fair to impose your dh/dp's presence on other vulnerable women during the night on the postnatal ward.

You can have your man in your birthing process as much as you like capsium but I'll be buggered if he's getting on mine!!

And we're talking post natal wards, are we not?

I was vulnerable too though, so was my DC. Nobody was available to support me other than my DH, who is a man. He was only there during visiting times, it was then I was taken to the SCUBU unit to establish BF, by him, otherwise my DC would have had to be FF.

And lets face it, so many women are shacked up with arseholes - why inflict those overnight on other, non areshole tolerating women?

Hunger I suppose I'm in the "cool" camp (though I don't agree with your description as I don't think women in the other camp are prudes). Yes I've given birth, and spent 3 weeks with my tits pretty much permanently out in front of strange men trying to feed DD and express while in SCBU. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking the visiting fathers (or even the handyman who was there on a few occasions) to leave so that I could BF in privacy, how selfish of me that would have been.

Women are perfectly entitled to want privacy from strange men. But women are also entitled to want support of their DH.

Nobody can prove that one of these needs is always more important than the other. It depends on the circumstances. The question is how do you balance these two needs. The only solution I can see is some "no men" wards and some "men allowed" wards.

Are you being deliberatly obtuse, capsium? Most of us have been through the process more than once, most of us have to get on with it and most of us understand that as much as we would prefer our men there, the rights of the other women to be peaceful, safe and relaxed are far , far more important.

I do find this blind obsession with wanting your husband there regardless of other patients incredibly selfish. I do not want your husband to see me post birth, thank you very much.

minipie - who said anything about bf in front of men? That is entirely different form having to sleep in the same room as them. Entirely. I reckon most of the male population of Southern England has seen me breastfeed after four kids!

^I had barely seen my DC at birth. No cosy attachment time for us. All the attachment happened during visiting time, when DH was allowed into the ward, and he was able to ensure I was taken to SCUBU. I would have been thankful for him being there sooner.

My point is the 'selfish' cuts both ways. Have a no men rule those who want men there are discriminated against and visa versa. Why does one set of needs trump another?

Seriously, after my section I was waking my self up with loud farts!
I'd have been pretty mortified if a strange bloke was there to witness that.
Childbirth does funny stuff to your body, you may need to spend ages in the toilet or even use a bed pan. When you have a catheter you cannot wear pants thus have to shuffle about holding a pad between legs or with your hands, sometimes you miss and bleed on the floor.
The mw or dr may come and ask you about your stitches or whether you have passed urine, wind or had your bowels open.
You may need to ask about contraception or restarting a sex life.

If you don't want a strange man to hear these conversation you are not weird or precious or selfish, you are normal.

'Non patients are allowed to stay on children's wards and in exceptional circumstances on other wards'

No, they aren't. Unless you are in an isolation room (we were because our child had no immune system), parents are not allowed to spend the night with their children in ICU unless their death is imminent. Imminent DEATH is the only exceptional circumstance.

Even in the isolation room, we only got the reclining chair in to spend what was left of their night with our daughter's corpse.

most of us understand that as much as we would prefer our men there, the rights of the other women to be peaceful, safe and relaxed are far , far more important.

No, I don't agree. If a woman has had a normal birth and the outcome is a healthy baby then quite possibly you are right. However if a woman is in great distress because something has gone wrong (and private rooms are not always available at short notice) then I think that woman's preference for his support outweighs another woman's preference (not right) for privacy.

What do you think about these situations Hunger? Do you really think the DP should be sent home when, for example, the mother and DP have just been told that their newborn is very ill and may not live?

Because it is just absolutely not appropriate to expect post natal women to share a room with strange men. Can you really, really not see just how inappropriate this is? Really?

Do YOU want to share a room overnight without your husband ( because he's at home with your other children) with a strange man who is leering or aggressive , intimidating or just an areshole? Or who gawps at you every time you stagger to the loo? You actually think that's okay?

And yes, though, they are in general wards, it means all are on equal footing, ONE patient, ONE adult. An ill child is an entirely different thing, too, from an adult.

Capsicum, if your dh was the only person to take you to scbu to see your baby then your argument is with the hospital and not women who prefer a bit of basic privacy after birth.

expat that is appalling. I am so sorry. Is that rule because of infection risk? If not then I cannot comprehend it.

You do not have to explain to me about catheters and the like Ledkr I had one. Although tbh I loved it, not having to go for a wee, lazy me . Just watching the thing fill up felt strangely liberating... Actually can't remember about the pants bit, I was transported by wheelchair, I think I may have worn pants and a catheter or sat on a pad. I had quite a few drugs in my system. Maybe the morphine fuzzed my brain...

minipie - in those situations a private room should be found. Absolutely. But even in those hideous circumstances you cannot inflict a strange man on a wward full of vulnerable women. The grieving family must be catered for privately.

^all prescribed I may add.

In PICU. I shit you not. There is NO comparison, between an adult who has given birth and a child who is in PICU. Just none.

Parents whose children are in PICU in the ward cannot stay with them at night, which might be their last. We were afforded this despite great discouragement from the mostly horrid staff in there, on a hard chair. ALL night. ONLY because she was in a private room due to her needs of having NO immune system, and I mean none.