Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

the thing that I recognise and accept is that every woman is different and has different opinion, I can see why people wouldn't want other people there, I can see why they would. I'm also saying there needs to be a solution for everyone.

There isn't enough private rooms and home births aren't always a safe option.

Bornin1984 Wed 05-Mar-14 18:37:23
Would really people endanger their lives and that of their dc if they are not fit for discharge because their partner can't stay???

Is that selfish???

Is it selfish or may it reflect your mental state?

I personally hope that I am not put in this position, because I am very afraid of what might happen. I am not unaware that they theoretically could keep me in against my will given the circumstances they are aware of my issues.

But for a woman who hasn't been open about this, might be allowed to be discharged and would be regarded as simply as selfish as a result.

My thought is that, if you are discharging yourself against medical advice, the chances are that its not someone who is selfish as its the actions of someone who is desperate.

I was vulnerable, bleeding, full of hormones etc, though thankfully have never been raped.

However non patients, supporting another patient, at their request, in a hospital environment do not concern me any more than patients or staff. If they mis-behaved in anyway I would expect them to be removed.

I am more concerned about Bounty reps, since they are concerned with using me and my DC for marketing activities, however...

There are no "rights" here. There are only preferences. These are all women's preferences, I'm not taking the men's preferences into account. There are two different categories:

1. Some women would prefer to have no men they don't know on the ward (even if it means their own DP has to go).

1. Some women would prefer to have the support of their partner (even if it means there are other men around).

In some cases we might say that 1 trumps 2 (for example where a woman has a past history which makes her fear being attacked). In other cases we might say that 2 trumps 1 (for example where the woman has had surgery and can't move, or where the couple need to deal with a traumatic outcome and there is no private room).

How do we balance these preferences? I think the idea of different wards is a good one. One with men, one without, every woman can choose which they go on.

Yes capsium! Why the actual fuck are Bounty reps allowed on wards when genuine visitors are restricted...

This argument always gets reduced to the cool vs prude , simplistically put. That those of us who don't want strange men to see us in such a vulnerable state are somehow prudes or scaremongers. And yet those who want their husbands there because they feel they cannot cope without them are somehow cool about nudity and other men seeing them at their most vulnerable.

May I ask how many in the cool camp have given birth?

I was just discussing this thread with DH and he reminded me that at one point during the week he stayed with me the midwives actually insisted he not leave as they knew they would be unable to care for me and the baby when he was going to go home for a couple of hours to our older children

In that (admittedly unusual) situation what other choice is there?

I wouldn't have wanted men on the ward after giving birth - fortunately the hospital didn't allow it. It's hard enough trying to walk after a ventouse, or going to the toilet with blood down your trouser leg, or getting breast feeding established without having to do it in front of strange blokes.

If you want to have your dh/dp with you overnight then you need to think about a home birth, a private room or going to a birth centre that allows this.

If we don't allow non patients to shack up overnight on any other wards, why in gods name would we think it's okay on a ward full of the most vulnerable women and newborns?

Good point Hunger.

Btw I'm not cool about nudity, even in the presence of women, had my curtains on the ward drawn the whole time I was there and eventually transferred to a private room.

Hungermonkey Wed 05-Mar-14 18:52:23
This argument always gets reduced to the cool vs prude , simplistically put. That those of us who don't want strange men to see us in such a vulnerable state are somehow prudes or scaremongers. And yet those who want their husbands there because they feel they cannot cope without them are somehow cool about nudity and other men seeing them at their most vulnerable.

May I ask how many in the cool camp have given birth?

Only because YOU keep making that, and ignore the fact that I KEEP saying that it should be about improving things for ALL women and that ALL needs should be recognised and respected and that it SHOULDN'T be a 'them and us' discussion.

I'll repeat again that I said that people failing to actually read what has been said!

I've given birth! Lots of times, I don't think myself cool at all, I'm quite prudish at times actually.

As for saying it's illegal to let men stay, may it point you

here it's just one of the hospital that allow dads to stay in an open ward.

Men do not belong in a women's ward outside of visiting hours. There's a reason they're getting rid of the remaining mixed sex wards.

I'm going to bow it this thread now.

I'll just reiterate that I think things need to change so all women are catered for whatever their wishes.

Oh and I'd had the ventouse, the bleeding, baby in SCUBU. Breast feeding took place when DH wheeled me round during visiting hours.

Horrible the lot of it, I hated childbirth. Love my DC though.

Non patients are allowed to stay on children's wards and in exceptional circumstances on other wards

I guess newborns don't normally need their fathers to stay overnight because they already have a parent there but maybe if they don't they should have someone like babies on the children's ward are allowed to?
Not sure how that would work though in practise

I've never said it's illegal. I have said it is not, thankfully, common practice.

If you want your partner there, make arrangements for it rather than forcing everyone else on the ward to have your partner there too.

In other wards, you can normally only stay overnight if the patient is expected to die that night.

There should never be a situation where the only wards available postnatally allow men. I would consider that quite a seriously backward step for maternity services and women's rights.

What arrangements? There was no choice. I had an assisted birth, my DC was early, only my partner was available to support me. All family live away. Hospital understaffed.

HavantGuard Wed 05-Mar-14 19:01:01
If you want your partner there, make arrangements for it rather than forcing everyone else on the ward to have your partner there too.

I'll say again, this currently isn't possible in a lot of cases, even where there is a need because there is a lack of facilities.

Its been said on the thread several times by several people.

But yes, its that straightforward and simple isn't it?