Man sleeping on ward

[heylottie]

I am on a 4 bed maternity ward, a small ward with beds divided by curtains. 5 day old dd currently in SCBU getting help with low blood sugar.

Its been awful but I can't fault the care and kindness of the nursing staff who are great

But

Last night a woman was admitted at 11pm, I didn't see her as curtains drawn. I was aware that someone was sat in the chair next to my curtain, ie two foot from my bed. I got up at 2am and went to the loo.

Turns out her husband was asleep on the chair.

I don't know if I am coming or going at moment, but I don't think this is appropriate is it? Woman was asleep. I mentioned to staff and they said oh he's waiting for his baby to settle in the incubator. Whilst I appreciate that, could he not have waited in the family tv room down the corridor?

Or am I being over sensitive? I just think this is a vulnerable enough time without this.

Thanks iamnot :)

This thread has changed my opinion on this topic. That's an almost first for me. for me!

And there are women, patients, in the wards who suffer just as extreme distress and anxiety by having your partner, who is a stranger to them, slept next to them a few feet away separated by only a curtain, when they are alone with their baby.

With DS, I had to have an epidural and ventouse delivery. I had to give birth without DH, as we lived 2 hours away (I had to travel to the nearest CLU due to high blood pressure) and had two other young children at home. I had him at 4AM and was transferred to the ward at 6. As I have been raped in the past, this situation with the man found in our shared bathroom shooting up completely rattled me. My legs were still numbed and I was sat in my bed with my newborn baby at my breast, unable to move my legs.

Sorry, but I would have reported any strange man I found sleeping in the ward that night and asked to be moved. Was just mentally at the end of my tether.

Thankfully, the unit was quite strict about visiting hours and there were no TVs at the beds. The bloody phones were bad enough!

Cross post

red, I hope that they make sure you have the support from dh even if the private room isn't available like iamnot had.

Red - have you looked on your hospitals website to see what the policy is? If it says no to husbands staying I would contact the head of midwifery directly and let him/her know the situation, they're usually really helpful where they can be.

I would have discharged myself if DP hadn't been able to stay good thing I didn't or me and DS wouldn't be here now!

I think it is sad that a man cannot stay with his partner and child in a maternity ward, sleeping or sitting on a chair. As long as he does not make a nuisance if himself it is fine by me.

I had quite a traumatic birth, with my DC going straight to SCUBU too. I would have welcomed the company. I was in a ward where the all the mothers had their babies by their sides and I was immobile with dead legs, due to the anaesthetic not having worn off, waiting for someone to get me the wheelchair, I had been promised, so I could BF my baby for the first time.

I waited for hours. The wheelchair came when DH arrived during visiting time and he managed to nag a care assistant (don't know the proper term but non nursing staff) for one.

I thank God I was able to breast feed, because I had not really prepared myself for anything else.

I think segregated wards with strict rules and clear signs etc are a must, this is obviously an emotive topic for a lot of women.

^but then I don't mind unisex toilets etc. As long as everyone is respectful.

Hungermonkey Wed 05-Mar-14 18:24:09
Well red, women for generations managed just fine with no men anywhere near the delivery room and everyone seems to manage just fine now too with men going home at night.

I don't actually believe this for a second. I think they just suffered in the silence of the put up and shut up culture.

In the past mental health wasn't discussed AT ALL and there was a huge stigma to it.

Fortunately that is changing and people are a lot more aware and prepared to speak out and ask for help without fear. But there is still a huge amount that needs to be done and a huge amount of attitudes that need to be challenged.

I do think that maternity is one area where this is particularly true because of the relationship between the physical and mental double sided coin of childbirth.

I was talking to my mum earlier about something else and she said that her mother went into hospital and had to be told how babies were actually born and didn't know when she in the process of giving birth!!! So I think going on about how women coped for generations really is something grounded on modern assumptions.

Would really people endanger their lives and that of their dc if they are not fit for discharge because their partner can't stay???

Is that selfish???

I could not have discharged myself. We live in the arse end of nowhere. There is no 'choice' out here. This is the only CLU unit for hundreds of miles, plenty of the women there were choppered in from islands and even from here.

What about my rights and my baby's?

I'm the same, I don't mind unisex anything so I guess it's one of those things.

Normally I wouldn't but I wasn't mentally stable, I had weeks of appalling care I didn't know what to do with myself I just wanted the pregnancy to end.

I realise there is no choice for some women, hence why I think a segregated ward system would be best for everyone.

My DD was born at 5 minutes to 8pm. By the time I was stitched up (forceps delivery) and had a shower, I was taken to the postnatal ward and my DP had to leave.

I cried and begged to go home (with my mum and DP who would have looked after me). I was 18 and petrified.

If a woman managed to smuggle her husband in, I'd have helped her to hide him!

I subsequently had DS in the birthing centre. Not because I liked the idea of no pain relief, but for the sole reason that DP could stay the night.

It's not a case of spitting the dummy and stamping my feet until DP can stay because I just want him too, some women find birth really mentally disturbing, sometimes a partners support is all that keeps them going, god knows the staff won't! They're busy enough as it is with regular things.

expatinscotland I am so sorry, I can't begin to imagine how painful and difficult it must have been for you.

I just dread to think what would have happened if DP hadn't of been there in my sake, I would have given birth in a dangerous situation, in front of all these visitors! The midwives certainly weren't taking me seriously.

We've had people "threaten" to self discharge after 6 hours after being to theatre after a Manuel removal, there fore epidural and catheter because they want a single room and their partner to stay!! It wasn't tolerated because this woman stamped her feet..... It's called zero tolerance!!

Health comes first than having a partner stay IMO

Unisex is not the same thing as several non-patient strangers, who are able-bodied and mobile when you are not, sleeping next to you separated by a few feet and a flimsy curtain, when you are bleeding, vulnerable, possibly unable to use or feel your legs or with a catheter, with a newborn baby.

Entirely different!

People keep holding that up to try to argue how much better their viewpoint is, they are gender neutral, don't mind who sees them naked, so sensitive, etc.

It is about non patients sharing a unit with patients, and their newborn babies, who are vulnerable, bleeding, full of powerful hormones and potentially victims of abuse and rape.

It is fine, Xxed, my elder daughter died of cancer a few years later.

Doesn't change my view, tbh.

Until partners can be accommodated in a private room, IMO, it is inappropriate for them to sleep in a postnatal ward.

Hence why many people have suggested the separation thing.... I don't think anyone is saying that they don't understand why women wouldn't want other non patients there, we're simply saying why we do.

Oh and I found staying on that postnatal ward alone more traumatic than the birth itself.

Women are not looked after on the postnatal ward. It is shocking the treatment we are expected to put up with. I had a short hospital stay earlier this year and the care I received was like being in a 5* hotel compared to after the birth of DD.

I wanted DP for emotional support and not because I love him so much that we can't be separated.

But tits - if you are arguing that some women want their partner stheir as they find birth mentally disturbing - surely you can then see why most women woudl be utterly horrified to have a strange man sharing a room with them? I am lucky in that I have never been subject to a sexual attack but even I woul absolutely loathe to have a strange man in the room, let alone a more vulnerable woman!

Home birth or private room if you must have your partner overnight, otherwis eyou have to accept that the NEEDS of the other patients come first. As most hospitals do.

If you are on an open ward, you can't have ANYONE to stay with you. same as all other shared wards. It's now illegal to mix sexes on wards and if a man was really allowed to stay on a maternity unit with other women in the bay, the hospital is liable for thousands of pounds if fines. Single sex wards are taken very seriously nowadays. If you want your husband to stay go to a birth centre or have a home birth. Or go private. It is just not appropriate to have men on an open maternity ward overnight.

Health should always come first.

But I was concerned for my mental health!

Actually some women who have said they don't want others male partners on wards overnight, have been ridiculed. I was told that I thought all men were rapists, just because I said some men are. And women have been ridiculed for saying they don't want strange men to see them naked or semi naked.