Child birth humiliations

[debbie1412]

Il start, after telling my midwife I needed to poop and her reassuring me that she'd checked and I was clear and it was a normal sensation. I did 1 il always remember that moment more than when DS was actually born. Worse still my dp had to clean me up. Soooooo cringe.

Was high on pethidine in labour with dd1 and told DH that the midwives didn't know about the good deals in Ikea. Also told him that I kept trying to chase cats up trees but couldn't catch them.

No poo in the hospital, but had builders in desperately trying to finish our kitchen and bathroom when I went into labour with dd2. I had just been sick in a bowl when I felt the urge to evacuate my bowels and my mum found the builder had chosen that time to take off the cistern, cue some choice words. He went back to work in that loo afterwards, brave man.

The midwife was trying to get the afterbirth to come out after the birth of my son. She was massaging my belly very hard. I had apparently had enough of the entire birthing business, because I shouted at her that I had a gun in my handbag and would shoot her if she didn't leave me alone..

With DD2 I was very tired and grumpy having been in labour for nearly 24 hours, and for some reason I took a dislike to the midwife probably because she'd been putting me off having an epidural and told her that if she didn't get me some gorram pain relief I would poo on her sandwiches.

Then she examined me and told me I was too far gone and I shouted "Fie on you! A curse on your house!" which had DP giggling for ages.

Love this thred, brings back so many memories.

DD1 and 18 years old induced and sucking on G&A like it was life and death to then start demanding sex there and then ! from DP and singing the walls sausages advert at the top of my lungs.

I didnt know I had pooped till DP told me and i didnt belive him.

Still to this day (15 years down the line) he reminds me about it grrr.

I was high on gas and air and as the anesthetist walked in I cheerfully greeted him by saying "hello Dr Shahee Mahal!" as in the curry house. he smiled, DH mortified & wildly apologizing....I kept on saying other things that were quite embarrassing (not for me, I was laughing my head off) then as he finished with the epidural I waqs so happy for the pain relief, I wanted to give him a kiss, forgetting that I'd just been sick and also pooed myself
charming

after 2 boys our 3rd child was born. the midwife announced "it's a boy!" and I said - are you sure?

I ate a bag and a half of prunes the morning DS5 was born. while I had the most lethal farts you could've lit a bonfire with, deadly silent ones.DH gagging, MWs eyes watering all running to open the windows to get some fresh air. after DS5 was born I went to the loo and sicked up all the prunes into the bidet and manage to block it.

With our 6th I was fully dilated and told to push but actually stopped having any pain. I panicked and demanded a C section. the midwife was shocked. I literally folded my arms and said I'm not doing it. I told my husband to quickly get someone and take me to get a Csection. he refused. I insisted that I just won't do anything I don't care if we are here all day, I 've no pain I'll be fine. I'm happy to wait.
It was like a Wild West stand off or more like arguing with a 2 year old.
I actually thought she would slap me. I was hysterical, I was so worried about the pain I didn't want to push. It was bizarre.
It was ok at the end and DD was born with no need for stitches.

I remember also that I took so much gas & air I kind of knocked myself out, but when they put the anti sickness tablet in my mouth I was giggling and with my eyes still shut I said "I know what you are doing, I'm watching you!"

I honestly say that after 6 kids I have no dignity left and if anyone asked me to drop my knickers they'd hit the floor before I'd ask why...

I refused to get off the bed when the MW wanted to take me through to the delivery room and said, "I can't move, I'm going to poo!" She didn't believe me as I'd told her I couldn't, but I was right, and DH had to clean me up. The pethidine made me sick (anti-sickness drugs didn't work and I couldn't even keep water down) and after DD was born when they wanted me to go and have a shower I refused to move again because I felt so ill, so they brought water and DH washed me. Then I was very very sick and he had to do it all over again.

I think I may have been rude to the same MW who had made it clear she considered me a wuss to need pain relief at 2cm, when she discovered that it had all gone faster than anyone expected and I was fully dilated less than 2 hours later. But the funniest bit (in retrospect) was when DH, who was feeling a bit of a spare part because I didn't want him to do anything for me, said: "But I feel impotent!" and I snapped back: "If you were fucking impotent we wouldn't fucking be here, would we?!"

Very early stages of labour with number two, was already having quite painful contractions but as my midwife did an internal, I had a contraction and it didn't hurt so I tried to demand she left her hand there, sadly she refused.
Then quite a few hours later, I was having a lot of pain in my bottom region and will never forget the shocked look on my (lovely but quite Christian) midwifes face as I loudly moaned, 'it feels like I'm being buggered really hard'.

I had a right go at the midwife for changing the sheets, whilst I was mid labour
She told me v. Discretely it was coz I'd shat myself

With ds I remember a nurse coming in to take blood sample before an emcs. Dp informs me I told her if she stabbed me with needle I would pull it out and stab her with it!

Then when I saw how many people were in theatre I asked if the cleaners were busy as they were only people not present. not my finest hours

princess that reminded me of my first birth. The midwife put her fingers inside to show me where I had to feel the pushing, to make my pushes effective. When she moved her hand I said I couldn't tell where to push and insisted she put it back. Bless her, my lovely midwife did, for two hours, until the baby's head came down and she had to move. I had forgotten all about that until reading your post.

Reading these does make me realise just how lovely most midwifes are. Staying calm and sympathetic whilst we poo and puke on them and often swear at and threaten them.

When my mother in law was in labour with my future husband, she was so high on whatever drugs they gave her that she started ranting about needing a black umbrella. She was so convincing that her husband left her in labour at the hospital and went to the shops to buy one! Her mood had changed by the time he'd returned and he was berated for leaving her on such a bizarre errand!

My son was booked in for a caesarean but I went into labour a few days early. Off we went to hospital expecting the caesarean but the labour was progressing so fast they kept telling me there wasn't going to be time. That didn't stop me continuing to ask for my caesarean. In fact, my baby's head was out and I was still asking for my caesarean and was most put out not to get it!

Nar4, I was told that her hand being there would make my contractions ineffective for dilating my cervix!

Forgetting i had my knickers on just before giving birth to dd4
Midwife shouted dh to help aid me to take them down!!!
She was nearly born with knickers on her head

NAR4 yes, yes they are, mine were all fantastic!
although I did accuse them of not looking carefully enough for the mute button whilst checking the placenta!

My bf had a wonderful conversation with her mum about squirrels and nuts whilst on pethidine. Basically she likened her dad to a squirrell and wasn't it just wonderful that he had been saving up all his nuts, she went on about it for an hour or so.....

Jesus Christ I'm actually in tears here.

I've nt yet had a baby, but I'm currently at college so I can go on to do midwifery :o poo here i come!

On all fours on the hospital bed, contracting like mad and trying hard to scream so i didnt disturb anyone else in the bay. My waters had gone by then too but because the contractions were coming thick and fact and the need to push was immense I couldnt move from that position to find the button to call for help. So I screamed my head off. And screamed some more til the MW came to tell me to "shut the hell up and stop making such a huge fuss about nothing as I was only 2cm dilated." While still in that position I told her I must be more because I'd just felt the top of DC2 head with my palm. Could hear other people talking and swear they all thought I was being a total wimp and really was 2cm

Wasn't totally humiliating though as DS was born about 5 minutes later. so fuck you bitch MW! i was not only 2cm dilated, i was 10cm! so nerrrrr! FWIW they hadn't checked on me for well over an hour so couldn't have known for sure I was only 2cm still.

BTW DP had been sent home as I was only 2cm dilated and you had to be at least 3cm to be able to go to the delivery suite. So they sent me on my own to the ward as it was 2am. Which is why I was all on my own and had to scream and make noises like a cow to get anyone to come check on me

With dc3 all was pretty straightforward, at home, quick labour, no pain relief. S don't even have gas and air as an excuse for trying to push him back up my fanjo when his head was crowning.

I put it down to watching too many episode of I didn't know I was pregnant, when shocked dads aree told by 999 operators to support the head as its delivered to slow things down. The midwife said "what on earth are you doing?" she was on her own and had only just arrived and was getting her kit out. I tnk I said I was pushing him back in. She thought I was a lunatic.

I didn't tear though, bar a "small graze", though if any damage to your nethers can really be described as a small graze is a moot point IMO.

With dc2 I remember making my dh get a pen and paper so he could write down the manufacturers details for the gas and air. I think I wanted to buy some for occasional use at home.

I don't really do embarrassment during labour.

I'm more Earth goddess behave however you feel as you birth a new life into being

But I don't mind saying that I did feel a bit deflated for a moment when I got out of the birthing pool after DD's birth. I think I needed someone to immediately wrap me up in a cosy toweling dressing gown as my new PP body took a bit of getting used to, and t'was chilly out of the pool. Felt much better when I got DD back for a cuddle

I had an easy pregnancy, went into labour...everything going fine, fully dilated, started to push. Then DD got stuck. I was like "I CAN'T PUSH" I actually couldn't it just wasn't happening, and no one seemed to believe me.

Well it all went down hill from there, I don't remember much of what happened. It included ventouse, forceps and episiotomy.

After a few hours of holding my beautiful baby and forgetting it all...DH told me about the ventouse. The Dr had put it on DD'S head and began to pull...but the suction cup came off her head and part of it flew across the room, and blood from down there splatted all over the Dr's face, apron, hat etc. Good job he was wearing his mask!

I had a fucking evil bitch of a midwife who stood there and did NOTHING except raise her eyebrows and write things down snidely in her notes. My only defence in my personal 38-hour horror movie was to focus my attention on HER and give her my best, gas-and-air-high, Jack Nicholson-in-The-Shining evils look throughout.

It wasn't until 5 months later (FIVE MONTHS!), waking up in the middle of the night to the hungry cries of DD that I realised the poor woman was only reading my birth plan in which it quite clearly states: "I wish to have minimal intervention and would like to be left alone with my partner at all times unless there is a medical emergency".

I wish I could give her a hug now.

Midwives are amazing.

Haven't laughed so much in a while!

cynner loving the gun in the handbag, hilarious!

After about 12 hrs of being on gas & air with DS who was back to back a consultant came into talk to me to persuade me to have an epidural that I didnt want. He had the same surname as a friend of mine and this particular name is also in a song... I proceeded to say 'oh, I know a song about you! And burst into full song'. His face stayed expressionless and I felt like a naughty school girl so tried to explain how it was my best friends name too & we used to sing it to her at school, and was he related to her.... He still didn't respond.

These are hilarious! Am crying with laughter!

Can I add my own tale? I originally posted about it on a different parenting site, under the name of bewilderedmum, and somehow, it ended up in classics on MN... here goes....

By Bewilderedmum, posting on Bad Mothers Club, 00:03 29/01/2007

After ds1 was born, I needed stitches. They removed the top half of the bed, and put me at the bottom half, with my feet in stirrups. It was a very small delivery room - in part cos I don't think they thought I was EVER going to give birth

Soo - am there, feet in stirrups, occupying the bottom half of the bed. The doctor was perched on a wheely stool thing, in this tiny delivery room, awaiting the passive arrival of my torn min-min, for his ministrations...

Aaanyway, cos of syntocinon drip, I was still honking like a good 'un, so some bright spark, propped me up on pillows , and raised the bottom part of the bed, so I didn't choke....

Unfortunately, because I am incredibly supple (tae kwon do) and had an epidural, which meant I had no feeling or control (or so I said )

I SLID down the delivery table, past the end, past the stirrups - my feet stayed where they were in the stiruups, but the rest of me carried on..) and into the face of the waiting doctor.

Cos it was a small delivery room, he was PINNED to the wall, by my savaged min-min - honest to god, it was in his face. he shouted "HELP" in quite a distressed tone of voice, but the midwives and dh were busy with the baby..

After 38 hours of labour, and a severe sense of humour failure throughout - it suddenly returned..

The Doctor looked SO panicked - like I was wielding a sub machine gun, not a savaged min-min.

I remarked to him "I bet you didn't think you'd spend your saturday night like THIS did you!!" Then I LITERALLY pissed myself laughing - in his face...

Dh turned to me, with some irritation, and said "FGS sober up - you're a mother now!" - which made me laugh even more!! and the midwives ran to oik me up the bed - but the doctor looked distinctly nervous - he did a FABULOUS job of my stitches - afterwards, I hardly knew they were there -

mind you - by this point, he was prolly so freaked out by my min-min, that he thought if he didn't do a good job, my min would find out where he lived, and would come and burn his house down....