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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Are you honest when asked by a new Mum to be if labour is painful ?

111 replies

scarymamma · 13/03/2006 21:01

My s-i-l is pregnant with her first and my bf is considering it. They keep asking me how painful labour is and I'm unsure how honest I should be. They are both very concerned about the pain factor! If I tell them the honest truth (yes, it hurts like @!#*), will that just worry them?
I remember feeling annoyed because my other s-in-l and friends were economical with the truth when I was pregnant with my first.

What would you do and what did your friends/family tell you?

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starlover · 13/03/2006 21:03

i am honest.
but i am also honest when i tell them that you get over it really quickly and that it's totally worth it
and of course... there are all those lovely drugs!

utterlyconfused · 13/03/2006 21:04

I think it's something we just don't do. And I think the reason is that it is quite impossible to explain why it's all worth it. Yes, the pain is indescribable, but so is the elation you feel when that tiny human pops out (eventually) but while most of us can relate to explanations of pain, the joy of becoming a mother is something only a mother can understand. And you can't give half the story.

utterlyconfused · 13/03/2006 21:04

sansouci · 13/03/2006 21:05

I would say that it hurts like very bad period pains but much worse. Pregnancy, labour & childbirth are unimaginable to the unitiated. It is bearable though (isn't it??!!), otherwise there wouldn't be so many of us!

starlover · 13/03/2006 21:05

but if you say it isn't that bad they aren't going to believe you! they KNOW it's going to be very painful..,. so why lie?

lahdeedah · 13/03/2006 21:06

Noone was honest with me while I was pregnant - I wish they had been - I was worried anyway and don't think it would have made any difference to my anxiety levels!! It might have helped me prepare myself a bit better though. I now try and be as honest as possible with any pregnant women who ask me about my experience of labour, c-section, breastfeeding, etc. I do always emphasise that everyone's experience is different though, and focus on the fact that it is all worth it in the end when you hold your baby in your arms!

starlover · 13/03/2006 21:06

quite sansouci. if it was unbearable we'd all be dead! lol

lucy5 · 13/03/2006 21:06

I would recommend that they should be as flexible as possible re. the birth. Never say never. I had an epidural and i never thought id have one but wasnt staunchly against it. It was the best thing I ever did. Every womans birth and pain threshold is different and even if you told them, they wouldnt understand it until they have done it.

Milliways · 13/03/2006 21:06

I always remember a good friend visiting me in hospital just before DD was induced. She said "Just remember, when you get to the point that you think you really can't go on, you will be almost there, so don't give up" :) That helped.

Also, girl of 19 in bed next to me had a 10lb baby day before DD. She said "D'ya wanna know what it's REALLY like? Well, it like doing the biggest poo of your life" Soon found out what she meant as well.

milward · 13/03/2006 21:06

I've always been straight forward about it. Found though that can't explain how, whilst in labour, you go to a different place in your mind & the pain is different to other pains - iyswim.

utterlyconfused · 13/03/2006 21:07

No, I'm not saying lie, you just don't go there. Or brush it off. "Yeah, it's pretty sore" rather than "I screamed the place down, I honestly thought I was going to die. You can never imagine pain like it".

lockets · 13/03/2006 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picnikel · 13/03/2006 21:08

Oops, was chatting to pregnant colleague today & she asked me about the birth & I think I may have overdone it - it was the look on her face when I said "..and I felt every f*ing millimetre of that baby's head coming out...". I probably should have glossed over it & said that it nipped a bit but was worth in in the end....

Angeliz · 13/03/2006 21:10

I am honest but as Starlover said, i also follow it up with how amazingly quickly you forget about the pain when you see the baby.

Miaou · 13/03/2006 21:11

Tbh I say I am not the best person to ask as I had epidurals with the first two and no pain relief with my third but didn't find it that painful (even when he was crowning I remember thinking, "actually, this really isn't that bad!"). So I honestly don't think my experiences are helpful!

But what I do say is that it is so different for each person, and even from one birth to another. And that once you hold the baby in your arms then it will (probably) seem worth it.

LadyTophamHatt · 13/03/2006 21:14

When I had ds1 my friend asked me how painful was it out of 10 and I said "well I could trivialise it and 100 or 1000 but I won't. It was 10/10....the most painful think I have ever experienced"
Her first baby is 15 months now and she now knows what I meant.

staceym11 · 13/03/2006 21:16

i told everyone honestly, but most who asked weren't expecting but were school friends of mine (i was pg at 16 with dd) and i knew how hard it waqs to cope so just told them the truth about the birth and it put them off straight away! lol

pucca · 13/03/2006 21:22

I would be truthful, i would much rather be pleasantly surprised and be waiting for it to be horrific and it not be so bad , than think it won't be too bad and be in shock with how painful it is.

Would add how all pain is forgotten when you see and hold your baby for first time though...such a high!!

motherinferior · 13/03/2006 21:23

Well, I didn't feel any elation at all first time round. Nor did I forget the pain, or the feeling of being exhausted, humiliated and inadequate when my baby was finally hoovered out of me. And frankly the reason we do it again is that (a) it wipes itself efficiently from our memories (b) many of us resign ourselves to going through pregnancy and birth again because we have decided that we want another child, not another birth.

I tell people it is probably going to hurt a hell of a lot, that everyone's body copes in a different way with each labour, and that please don't rule out any drugs on offer at all.

starlover · 13/03/2006 21:23

the thing is there IS pain relief... it's not like you're saying to them that they're going to go through this horrific experience with no respite.. because it doesn't have to be that bad.

I also always chuck in story of the lady who was in hospital with me who didn't even know she was in labour, had one paracetamol then popper her baby out!

so big up the fact that it is different for everyone. But I don't ever gloss over how horrendous it was for me!

RedZuleika · 13/03/2006 21:28

Like Milliways, I think it would have been useful if someone had told me that it would be darkest before dawn, as it were. It would have helped to know - when I was lying on the bed sobbing with pain - that it was the end of the first stage and the second (easier, in my opinion) was almost upon me. Had I been in hospital, I'd have been begging for pain killers at that point and it would have helped to know that it wasn't going to get much worse (as it was, I was at home, sobbing into my own duvet).

Should say that I ended up with a Caesarean, so can't comment on the popping out bit.

tallmummy · 13/03/2006 21:33

lol Milliways - know what you mean about the big pooh thing! I kept apologising to my DH for the strange camel noise I was making - didn't even realise it was me at first.

I remember being a bit p**sed off when the mid wife said this next bit is going to really sting as ds crowned It hurt like hell but like you say it's so worth it. I don't think anything anybody says can quite prepare you but it's amazing the way we cope with it!

Bugsy2 · 13/03/2006 21:45

There is no way I would ever tell a first time mother how much childbirth hurt me. I think it would be scare them witless.
Everyone knows that its going to be painful but they just don't know how much. Some people find it ok and seem to forget afterwards, so why burden anyone with the awful stuff, given they could be one of the lucky ones.

motherinferior · 13/03/2006 21:46

Well, I'd rather not perpetuate the 'oh, it'll be fine, it doesn't hurt if you know what it's for myth'...

Gemmitygem · 14/03/2006 03:06

These comments have confirmed my terror at the thought of it all (I'm 9 wks pg with 1st baby).

Definitely having the epidural! My mum said it genuinely did take the pain away...

I don't think the pain should be glossed over, and don't think people should have to suffer if there are effective and safe pain relief methods available.

I'm scared now!

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