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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Are you honest when asked by a new Mum to be if labour is painful ?

111 replies

scarymamma · 13/03/2006 21:01

My s-i-l is pregnant with her first and my bf is considering it. They keep asking me how painful labour is and I'm unsure how honest I should be. They are both very concerned about the pain factor! If I tell them the honest truth (yes, it hurts like @!#*), will that just worry them?
I remember feeling annoyed because my other s-in-l and friends were economical with the truth when I was pregnant with my first.

What would you do and what did your friends/family tell you?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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MaloryMargotTowers · 17/03/2006 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

koolkat · 17/03/2006 14:32

I remember discomfort and wanting it to be over rather than unbearable pain. But that is because I spent 8 hours in water which really helps.

I do talk to people very honestly about it, but I always add disclaimers, because it DOES depepend on the individual and their pain threshold, etc.

There also seems to be a myth going round that the bigger hips you have or whatever, the easier it is to give birth.

I have a tiny friend who gave birth to her first child without any pain relief on all fours on her bathroom floor. But she is also the most stubborn old goat I have ever come across, so yes, I think your frame of mind and how you handle the situation can be key.

It all comes down to the individual + a bit of luck on the day !!

Ozzybird · 17/03/2006 14:48

I always warn people if they are thinking of using a tens machine. I kept turning mine up a notch as the pain got worse until at one point it wasn't really having much effect at all. The midwife suggested it may need new batteries so dh went off to find some which he duly put in the machine. The next time I used it...well...you could have scraped me off the ceiling, I still had it turned right up & with the new batteries it was bloody well painful!

Darciesmum · 17/03/2006 15:57

I was as honest as i could be, but to me it was painful but not to painful as i slept through most of my 10hr labour, and the pethidine and gas &air 2 hrs b4 helped me sleep more till i actually gave birth :)

georgiemum · 06/04/2006 12:45

It's different for everyone, but I do find that some women do try to put the fear of god into you when you are pregnant ("I nearly died having you and your sister" being my favourite one)!

The worst thing is the anticipation of pain - that just tenses you up and when the midwives ask 'how much pain are you in?' that doesn't help either!

I hypnobirthed and I can honestly say (1st baby) that I have had worse trips to the dentist. The most important thing is to stay calm (easier said than done, I know) and to read up on what is happening at each stage so that you aren't wondering what all the sensations are. Whoever is there with you has to help out too! For me the only uncomfortable bit was the placenta delivery (I am sure she was pilling on the cord there). The next day my nether regions were a bit tender - as if I had a bruise (ever fallen onto the cross bar on a boys bike when you were a kid?).

The worse you imagine it will be, the more scared you will be so your body will go into emergency mode - you throw up, get agitated, hyperventilate and punch your partner. If you stay valm, you won't throw up, be more aware of what is going on (and realise that you feel 'sensations' not pain) and it will go a hell of a lot easier!

I now teach HypnBirthing and my very first client told me that she felt 'no pain at all' - fantastic (this really is a great job!)

bumpybel · 06/04/2006 13:03

OOoh what a thread! I am going to be having my first baby in twelve and a bit weeks! WAHOO! I cant wait!

Very nervous about getting it out and also pooing myself. Am too excited at prospect of meeting the baby to feel too scared today.... although tomorrow will be different kettle of fish probably! Midwife says I need to do my birthing plan soon and I like the idea of being as natural as possible, maybe with waterbirth, but think in reality I'll be screaming for anything I can have. Has anyone had a waterbirth?

bumpybel · 06/04/2006 13:04

.. and I'm a bit concerned about tearing 'down there'

Chloe55 · 06/04/2006 13:13

To be honest Bumpybel, you won't care less if you poo or not and you probably won't even know if you do as the midwife will clear it away immediately. And as for tearing - you may well do, I had a 3rd degree tear with umptenn stitches but to be honest they weren't that painful. The piles on the other hand....

Chloe55 · 06/04/2006 13:13

bumpybel · 06/04/2006 13:21

ooooh a third degree tear sounds awful. Have your bits ever recovered? (sorry to ask such a personal question.. dont feel oblgied to answer!)

Do bits generally shrink back after? I dont want to be left with a wind sock!

Chloe55 · 06/04/2006 13:26

LOL! Yes, shrunk back immediately (dh said I had pornstar flaps whilst pg ) and they were fully healed after a couple of weeks. Oh, and sex is fine now too - 7weeks later

dinny · 06/04/2006 13:28

Bumpybel, I didn't tear with either of mine and ds was huge and his shoulders got stuck. felt totally back to normal straight away, really - just felt a bit bruised for a couple of days. sure pelvic floor exercises helped!

bumpybel · 06/04/2006 13:31

Seven weeks and you're recovered! Brilliant! And congrats on your LO!

My DH wont know whats hit him if we'll be able to have sex that soon after! ... He's been severely neglected the last few weeks!

LadyTophamHatt · 06/04/2006 13:32

I posted way down this thread but just popped back in at LOL at your windsock comment bumpybel.

I have 3 children and my...er...quim is certainly not a windsock. Or anything like one. At least I hope its' not

bumpybel · 06/04/2006 13:33

Dinny!
Thanks for that...Think I'm due for a big baby as I'm tall and so is DH, so it's nice to hear I wont automatically tear! You've just reminded me to do my pelvic excersises!

suenorth · 06/04/2006 13:34

I think you have to be honest, don't you? If you said it didn't hurt no-one would believe you anyway. For me, bumpybel, the tearing was the worst bit (with dd it was an induced labour with just gas & air) and the stitching afterwards seemed to last forever. When anyone asks me, the main bit of advice I have is do what the midwife says about pushing/stopping. She doesn't want you to tear either so, even though by then you just want it all over and done with, stop and pant pant pant.....

Things do go back where they should be - but best to get on with those pelvic floor exercises as soon as you can feel anything down there again. (Though I didn't as much as I should have and baby 2 practically fell out )

spidermama · 06/04/2006 13:34

I don't think you can really describe it to anyone because it's like nothing they've ever experienced before. If you say it's painful, it might make them scared and fear makes it more painful.

I say, yes it's painful but it's more like very hard work. It's nothing like any other pain and is a positive pain. Also I tell them it comes in waves and peaks then goes away between contractions so you only ever have to cope with so much at any one time.

LadyTophamHatt · 06/04/2006 13:34

sex at 5 weeks after birth was ok too!!

LadyTophamHatt · 06/04/2006 13:35

IMO anyway

bumpybel · 06/04/2006 13:37

Oooh its lovely to hear that I'm not going to be doomed to a life of two tampons instead of one post birth!!!

jmum6 · 06/04/2006 13:42

Sex at 5 weeks for me too, much to my surprise!

It wasn't so much the pain of labour that got me (and it was horrific) but I wasn't expecting the pain afterwards where I couldn't sit down properly for a week, and stinging stitches when you wee, and that awful first poo! And all whilst bleeding heavily. Noone explained that bit!

LadyTophamHatt · 06/04/2006 13:47

ahhhh, the secret to the fisrt dreaded poo when you have stitches is IME just to chill about it.
I wasn't going to worry, I didn't "force it" and it jsut happened.
I sat on the Loo and hey-presto, there wasn't any need for panic with the stitches.

LadyTophamHatt · 06/04/2006 13:49

after pains are a surprise though...and then absolute f*cking agony of your milk coming in is a whole other thing for me.
Worse than labour!!

oliveoil · 06/04/2006 13:51

my first labour no-one asked me about as I had a section and so didn't 'give birth' iyswim. And I had an epidural so didn't feel any contractions.

With dd2 it was too fast for anything but gas and air and it was very painful BUT the only thing I can remember is how powerful my body felt when it wanted to push.

I missed all that the first time round and it still sticks in my mind now.

But at the time I would have paid good money to be wheeled in for another section, lol.

bumpybel · 06/04/2006 13:51

Jmum! Didnt the wonderful joy of having a baby take the edge off the pain of the stitches and first poo?!
I've had a lump 'down there' before, which was removed and left me with a massive scar on that bit of skin between my bits, and the first poo after that was a nigtmare... I felt as if my insides might fall out.... I'm hoping I can do something to limit tearing in birth.

Sex at 5 weeks seems so close!

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