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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Are you honest when asked by a new Mum to be if labour is painful ?

111 replies

scarymamma · 13/03/2006 21:01

My s-i-l is pregnant with her first and my bf is considering it. They keep asking me how painful labour is and I'm unsure how honest I should be. They are both very concerned about the pain factor! If I tell them the honest truth (yes, it hurts like @!#*), will that just worry them?
I remember feeling annoyed because my other s-in-l and friends were economical with the truth when I was pregnant with my first.

What would you do and what did your friends/family tell you?

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arfissimo · 14/03/2006 04:08

Gem. Don't be scared. Just remember that pain relief is available if you need it. Your ante-natal classes will give you all the information you need so you can make the right choice for you and your baby at the time. Don't stress about it. It will be fine (oops, there I go!), honest.

Personally though, I had an epidural and it was great. . It was a mobile one so I could walk about and worked a treat.

I've had a baby and would do it again (I did do about 17 hours of labour before the epidural so feel qualified to say that I felt the odd twinge before I went for the epidural).

I'd also really fancied a waterbirth but the mere thought of going near (and climbing into) a birthing pool filled me with horror. Couldn't even manage a bath in the early stages.

So, you see, it's a funny old thing. You just won't know until you get there! You might be a one paracetamol type.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

threebob · 14/03/2006 04:14

I told a friend that it was a different pain than any other I had experienced, and that it was the only time that I had experienced excitment alongside pain.

I pointed out that it's not continuous pain, you do get rests and that lots of things can make it more bearable.

And you get a baby out of it and don't ever have to be pregnant again (unless you want to be).

She carried on seeking out horror stories until she found someone with a recent posterior 60 hour labour, and then had an elective csection. I feel that my friend wanted to hear something bad to justify a decision she had already made.

I use this scale to describe pain to doctors

Pain in head after getting up too quickly after lumbar puncture 10/10
Sinusitis for 8 months whilst preg. 9/10
Appendicitis and peritonitis 8/10
Childbirth with no pain relief 7/10

So when I say a pain is a 6 - it's pretty bad.

Pruni · 14/03/2006 07:18

Isn't it a bit of an odd question to ask in the first place?
I don't know about you lot, but I spent my life around women who'd had children and they never tired of telling me from a v early age how much it hurt - because I asked and because it does, not because they were weirdos who felt an eight-yr-old needed to know the truth or anything..
I do tell, when I'm asked, but I do say that there are ways of hopefully - hopefully - lessening the pain by being upright etc, and I do blather on about endorphins in the later stages of pg jollying you along to some extent, so that the fear you feel early on isn't necessarily going to be the same as the apprehension later on.
That feeling of pushing the head out, though - there aren't any words for that

bluejelly · 14/03/2006 09:09

I remember my grandmother describing labour to me as 'pain from hell'. I didn't quite understand what she meant until it happened...

BettySpaghetti · 14/03/2006 09:12

I'm honest about it but also point out that its worth every second and also that it can't be that bad as I've gone on to have a second!

SenoraPostrophe · 14/03/2006 09:13

yes: I tell them it's a doddle.

well, it is a doddle compared to the idea of it I'd built up in my head anyway.

mythumbelinas · 14/03/2006 09:27

With my first, it wasn't painful .. so i told people i didn't know what the fuss was about .. but 2nd was painful as hell!! I tell both sides

cod · 14/03/2006 09:28

i say it aint called labour for nogthing

lahdeedah · 14/03/2006 09:36

LOL I'll use that line next time anyone asks

bossykate · 14/03/2006 09:36

i say yes, but don't worry, by the time it gets to that stage you'll be so desperate to have it out of there you won't care about the pain!

JoolsToo · 14/03/2006 09:38

I say yes, it's excrutiating and if you've any sense you'll get an epidural

satine · 14/03/2006 09:39

I say it's bloody hard work, it can hurt like hell (but doesn't always) but a) by the time you go into labour you're so heartily sick of being hugely pregnant that sheer relief gets you through the first bit, b) it is strangely magical and exciting, even when it's hurting and c) there is lots of help and pain relief available! And the second it's over, you forget how bad it was because you've got your tiny baby at last!

hunkermunker · 14/03/2006 09:39

It hurts? Nah!

DumbledoresGirl · 14/03/2006 09:40

I dond't know if this has been said already, but if someone was weighing up whether or not to get pregnant on the basis of how painful labour might be, I would definitely tell them not to go for it.

What basis is that for deciding whether or not to have children? I have a very low pain threshold and I am emetophobic (fear of being sick) and might have had monring sickness, but neither issue entered my head when I decided to have a family.

DumbledoresGirl · 14/03/2006 09:44

Oh and to reassure Gem who I see is a first time mother to be now terrified at the thought of going through labour, all I can say is, sorry if I added to your fear. Yes it hurts, you didn't expect anyone to say it doesn't did you? but please don't do what I did which was dread the pain for nine months. It only lasts a few hours, even in the worst labours (which I had with my first child) so it is not worth nne months of worrying about! And yes epidurals can block all the pain (I believe).

Ask yourself this Gem, if the pain was too unbearable, why do so many women go on to have another child and another and, in my case, another?

satine · 14/03/2006 09:45

It's funny, isn't it - labour lasts roughly 24 hours, (I know for lots of people it's much more or less, but you know what I mean) but that's what we all get fixated on when we're first pregnant. We don't worry about the first couple of months with a new baby, when your world feels as though it's one of those snowglobes that's been shaken violently for half an hour, or the years of guilt, worry and relentless hard work that will follow! That's far more of a basis on which to decide whether or not to have a baby!

DumbledoresGirl · 14/03/2006 09:46

Totally agree satine.

cod · 14/03/2006 09:47

ditto satine
nail on head

Emma1404 · 14/03/2006 09:51

strange thing is this topic. when asked by my single friends if it hurt, i realy couldnt descibe it. I wouldnt actually say it hurt hurt, but it was a bearable pain, and straight away afterwards, even though i was being stitched, i still told my husband i would do it again. I suffered terrible PND after the birth of my dd, but i would definitely rather give birth any day than go through 8 weeks of sheer exhaustion.

hunkermunker · 14/03/2006 09:51

Sorry, was being flippant (obv...!).

Yes, it hurts, but not in the same way as other pain, IME. It's strong and you know you'll have your baby at the end of it.

With DS1, I remember thinking "OMG, I can't DO this!" then almost immediately thinking "Oh, when you think you can't do it, that's transition, so the baby's nearly here - perhaps I can do this!" and DS1 was born within half an hour.

With DS2, I posted on MN until 2.5 hours before he was born - and was only at the hospital 1.5 hours before he was born. It only hurt badly for about 15 minutes - from when my waters went till he was born.

You don't know how well you're going to cope with it till you go into labour, but you can read up on all your options before you do so you're well-informed about pain relief and techniques to avoid it if that's what you want.

DS1 was born in water, which I found really helped. DS2 would've been, but he arrived before the pool was full!

I didn't have any other pain relief (this is not bragging, I never ruled it out, just thought I'd wait to see if I needed it and wait, and wait, and wait - and then the babies were here!).

Plus I think if people don't mention they didn't need pain relief for fear of being boastful or smug or whatever, it makes women yet to have babies think that the only way of doing it is with pain relief.

acnebride · 14/03/2006 09:54

If people ask then I tell them how it was for me, and say that it is different for everyone. I say that every single kind of pain relief is well worth trying as you can't tell what will be good for your labour. My labour was much too short for any major pain relief, and that's great, except that it was the longest, shittiest 2 hours of my life and it took me a year to 'forget' it. However, I do also say that at the end it was like a door shutting and I was walking down the corridor feeling pretty perky 10 minutes later. Usually people think that a short labour and quick recovery means that it can't have been that bad, and that should help them not feel too worried. If they are so worried that they ask for an early epidural then GOOD.

cece · 14/03/2006 10:00

My gran gave me the best advice with my first.

She told me yes it would hurt but it was bearable because it comes and goes between contractions. And also you know it will end.....

I wish someone had told me about the shoulders coming out though! Ouch!

bluejelly · 14/03/2006 10:06

I've had friends who ahve been deeply traumatised by very short labours with no pain relief.
I had a very long labour with pain relief, which I also found deeply traumatising.
It did actually put me off having another child for quite a long time-- dd is 6 now and starting to think I would quite liek another

hotmama · 14/03/2006 10:11

It depends on the person - with my sis I was totally honest - thought it was my job to be - and she wanted me to be. Have a friend who is due next week and she is crapping it - so have been economical with the truth.

Agree with the earlier posts - concentrate on it having an end date, keep options open re pain relief - don't know what it is going to be like until it happens - and concentrate on the bliss (most of the time of having lo's.

DumbledoresGirl · 14/03/2006 10:14

The other thing that makes pain of childbirth different is that the pain is productive. You know it is getting you somewhere and that somewhere is somewhere nice that you want to be. I don't mean to upset anyone here, but I imagine the same labour pains undergone by a woman knowing she is giving birth to a dead baby must be hell on earth.

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