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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I disagree with my birth story being taken off of here!

94 replies

himynameisfred · 17/08/2012 16:55

and moved to bereavement.

It is a birth story, this is where birth stories go.

Does my daughter birth not qualify for here because of what happened??

OP posts:
thunksheadontable · 17/08/2012 18:29

Hear hear Loopy.

Original poster
himynameisfred · 17/08/2012 18:31

Incredible messages here.
I think mumsnet did it with good intentions, but it's really bad how, when I was pregnant I never even thought this outcome was even possible, if I'd had known, I wouldn't have worried about a silly scar from a cesarian that people openly worry and complain about. If I'd had had a cesarian she'd be with me now.
Everyone needs to know about ALL birth outcomes.

It's not natural for peoples like my daughter's birth story to be kept away from the main arena.
That doesn't show reality.
It makes people EXPECT that everything will be fine and so they complain about silly things and don't realise how lucky they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
himynameisfred · 17/08/2012 18:32

And plus, she was born and has a birth story :(

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 17/08/2012 18:34

Hang on, where did it say the baby died because Mum has the ECV?

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 17/08/2012 18:35

Okay, folks - sorry if we're upsetting everyone. Absolutely not our intention.

We obviously didn't handle this very well and for that we apologise.

As we posted earlier, we've been in touch with himynameisfred - from way before we moved the thread. But clearly there were some crossed wires there and she started this thread while the wires were crossing, as it were.

We'd be happy to move the thread back - as we said, it's the OP we have in mind entirely through all this - but we can see she's posting away on the thread with the Bereavement folk.

We'll drop her a line anyway.

Again, apologies if we sounded disingenuous. We hope you'd all know that would be the very last thing we'd want.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 17/08/2012 18:35

I'm so very sorry Fred Sad

I agree that of course angels birth story should be here, it is the story of her birth, a celebration of her entering the world ,and enter the world she did and changed that world for those that knew and loved her

I understand mnhq that things are not always easy to judge but I do think you should take Fred's lead on this. There is no arbitrary amount of time a child should live for for them to 'qualify' to have a birth story. People are born and people die, sometimes the two events overlap but they are still seperate events

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 17/08/2012 18:36

Ah, x-mails with himynameisfred!

Would you like us to move the thread back?

5madthings · 17/08/2012 18:37

justfabulous if you read that thread and the one mynameisfred has posted about ecv, it is thought that the ecv caused a minor placental abruption, not enough for the hospital to notice at the time, but enough so that once in labour it got much worse and it had slowly been depriving Angel of oxygen in the days leading up to her birth (causing the brain damage) and then it totally abrupted during labour.

that is how i understood it from what mynameisfred has posted, apologies if i have misunderstood mynameisfred xxx

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 17/08/2012 18:37

X posts

LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops · 17/08/2012 18:39

That's much better. :) Sorry if I sounded mean Helen, I just think perhaps you had underestimated how much this kind of thing can hurt.

BBwolefs · 17/08/2012 18:39

+Just* did you read the OP? The placenta ruptured due to ecv.

PQ77 · 17/08/2012 18:41

helenmumsnet - the op is going to need strength for more than "the weeks ahead". Good grief. A dear friend of mine is still broken years after losing a new born baby. Sorry. I am usually very supportive of mnhq but that glib sentence has really upset me.

I am glad you are offering to move the thread back. 11 babies die every day in the uk (Tommys website) and it is horrific shock when it happens to you or a family member or a friend because no one talks about it

JustFabulous · 17/08/2012 18:41

I did read the OP's OT but with the time between the ECV, the birth and sad death of the baby I didn't register that they were connected. Apologies.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 17/08/2012 18:44

@LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops

That's much better. :) Sorry if I sounded mean Helen, I just think perhaps you had underestimated how much this kind of thing can hurt.

We would never do that. This kind of thing does happen to people at MNHQ, too, you know.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 17/08/2012 18:45

@PQ77

helenmumsnet - the op is going to need strength for more than "the weeks ahead". Good grief. A dear friend of mine is still broken years after losing a new born baby. Sorry. I am usually very supportive of mnhq but that glib sentence has really upset me.

I am glad you are offering to move the thread back. 11 babies die every day in the uk (Tommys website) and it is horrific shock when it happens to you or a family member or a friend because no one talks about it

It was not my intention to be glib. And I'm hugely hugely sorry that you think we would ever be glib about something like this. Sad

VivaLeBeaver · 17/08/2012 18:46

I agree that it was insensitive to move the post. Parents of babies that have died may well wish to celebrate their birth as well as grieve their death. That's their right and their decision.

thunksheadontable · 17/08/2012 18:46

Himynameisfred, absolutely. I think you told it incredibly well. We were pregnant at the same time, my boy was also breech but turned at 37 weeks but I was in the same situation and also had booked a home birth. My heart goes out to you, every bit of it, you told your and Angel's story so that I could almost see you both, I remember all of my early hours of labour just as you have described it, it is so vividly described. A friend told me her birth story the day I started in labour. A lot of other friends were annoyed with her because they felt it was inappropriate to tell me about a labour that ended with her little girl's death but feck that, it is not for anyone to tell you that your story mustn't be told. It is your story and it is Angel's story and thank you for telling it. I wish that it could have ended so so differently for you both. Don't ever let anyone make you feel you are not allowed to tell it.

HairyToedHopSkipAndJumpIt · 17/08/2012 18:46

Congratulations hmnif on the birth of Angel Elizabeth, I'm so sorry she isn't here with you now.

Not good enough MNHQ. Angry

peanutMD · 17/08/2012 18:47

Helen I think we all agree with what Loopy said in that post but I think your reply sounds very abnoxious and childish!

No one doubts that this happens to HQ, it can happen to anyone.

LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops · 17/08/2012 18:47

I was trying to be kind. Hmm

5madthings · 17/08/2012 18:47

i think in the other thread mynameisfred has posted about ecv, it says the post mortem showed the brain damage had been caused in the days leading up to the birth as the ecv had caused a minor placental abruption.

i am so sorry this happened to you op, and i think you are doing the right thing by highlighting it as well. i knew ecv was normally carried out in theatre incase you needed an emcs, but had not idea it could cause a problem that would at first go undetected and lead to the death of the baby. it may be rare but that doesnt make you feel any better at all and its something that people should be informed of and again i thank you for sharing Angel with us xxx

much much love xxx

PQ77 · 17/08/2012 18:49

Thanks for your post helenmumsnet. I'm just pregnant and very sensitive Sad

5madthings · 17/08/2012 18:49

please lets not turn this thread into a bunfight :(

i dont think mnhq set out to upset anybody, and i imagine modding these boards is a hard job at times, and we are all fallible, mistakes will be made.

this one is horribly upsetting and was a bad call.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 17/08/2012 18:50

@LoopyLoopsOlympicHoops

I was trying to be kind. Hmm

That's appreciated, Loopy. Sorry if I took it the wrong way; I thought you were implying that we don't understand what's it's like to lose a child.

HelenMumsnet · 17/08/2012 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.