OMG - my hospital don't let dads stay o/n!!

[Highlander]

are we back in the 18thC or soemthing? I've just found out that dads are 'not allowed' to stay for the first night on the postnatal ward. I'm horrified, especially after hearing all the stories about midwives not helping when you buzz. Maybe they're all too busy making up bottles. When I had DS, no-one was bottle feeding on our unit. DH is trying to calm me by saying we'll get a solo room and he will stay (he's a docotor himself).

I'm really panicing. I had such a good time with DS.

I'll get DH to pull strings if he has to. He'll hate it, it'll be me pushing him.

[SHOCK] [SHOCK] [SHOCK] Why put your dh in a postion at work that he will hate and one that will make him uncomfortable. Sure alot of us want our dh/dp to stay overnight with us..I was the same with our dd BUT I understand that these rules are for a reason. I also know that as long as my baby was healthy and all went well with the birth then thats all that matters. IMHO. I was to excited afterwards to stress about being with dh.
TBH I don't feel it's fair that people who are in the profession should get any better treament that those who aren't..aren't we all in the same boat..? anxious,scared,worried,hormonal..????

WAS MEANT TO READ:

"I'll get DH to pull strings if he has to. He'll hate it, it'll be me pushing him. "

.

that's intersting normsnockers - it is bizarre (I think?) that everyone assumes that you're too posh to push if you ask for a CS. Maternal concerns seem to be shoved aside in a 'that'll never happen to you' patronising manner. At the end of the day, it's the mother who has to live with the consequences of her delivery, so she really should have the final say IMHO.
I dread to think what would have happened to DS and I if I'd let myself be bullied into a conventional delivery.

Did your baby have a generally large head, or does he have a "Chicken Licken" appearance like mine? (if you've seen the film poster, you'll catch my drift )

annie - I said it was a guess.

Um, sorry to butt in to this post - am only 16 weeks pg with my first so no first hand experience. I really hate hospitals and had kittens having a simple laparoscopy in October to clear some endometriosis that was holding conception up. I am determined that whatever birth I end up having, I will tackle my fear and anxiety before my due date as I'm sure that this won't help things go smoothly and isn't good for baba either.

I've just ordered a load of hypnobirthing CDs from Natal Hypnotherapy, who have one specifically for mentally preparing yourself for an elective C-section and learning to relax. Perhaps taking this kind of positive action to help you feel more in control of the experience generally might lessen your fears and anger, Highlander?

It's possible that your need for DH to be there is as much a matter of your anxiety as about fighting a principle/NHS policy. As long as you and the baby are healthy, you'll be home soon enough to start family life properly.

Hope I don't come across all new agey but I think having the tools to be able to be calm and relaxed about things in the run up to and after the birth might help to divert my attention from all the annoying/upsetting stuff that goes with having an underfunded (though wonderful) free health service.

xxx

thanks annie.

'political birth' - good phrase. hate it too.

highlander, please just respect the protocols. your dh will be there til the evening and then back 1st thing. you never know, you and your baby might sleep the night through! both mine did the 1st night, i was woken by dh coming in the ward! then i had major panic for a millisecond realising dd and i had slept for hours). being born is pretty exhausting after all.

c'mon annie - everything about women's health gets political!

Of course people Q my choice of a CS. I'm determined to have the birth experience tht I feel I deserve (read: bolshy), DH is a doctor, so I must be a too posh to push, middle class, god forbid I use the bus or mix with the riff-raff kind of gal, musn't I?!

Message withdrawn

the physio has to see everyone, shes not going to make a special appt for a c section pt. everyone has to wait their turn. i waited all day for medication from the pharmacy, but i realised my px was in a queue, i would have to wait my turn.

and i pointed out that nurses and midwives are not the same just cos its a pet hate of mine, its such a common mistake. im sure you come across that in your profession. and being short staffed is just that - reading notes or help someone to the toilet? reading notes or do the drug round? reading notes or assisting with a cpr? i hope you see my point. im only trying to stick up for my (former) colleagues

if short-staffing of midwives is so well publicised, then why are we sold the rose-tinted version of child-birth and post-partum care?

Message withdrawn

norms - I have exactly the same problem. it wasn't such a big deal when DS was a baby, as all baby clothes seem to be designed with big heads in mind. I'd love him to wear a poloneck in winter, but I nearly gave him whiplash the last time I tried

ive never seen any rose tinted versions of anything to do with the nhs

all i ever see is slagging off of nurses and midwives (never doctors, oh they are so brilliant) in the press and society all around

looking forward to your birth announcement highlander. i really do wish you a wonderful birth experience, and a beautiful healthy baby x

i'm now wondering how big these heads are. my nephew was born 9lb7oz and had a huge head, ended up being a forceps delivery and lots of stitches for my sister. he still has a big head at nearly 4 but i can't imagine somebody having a head any bigger that his.

cheers nailpolish.

Do I remember you being in the NE BTW, or is it lockets?

I slag off the midwives who ill-treated me in hospital, because they were evil, lazy and cruel I have the right to tell the truth about my experiences, nailpolish, and so does any other woman who is angry about being manhandled, sneered at, assaulted and neglected by health "professionals".

well, we'll see how Sept goes

This is not to devalue the experiences of other on this thread at all, but I found my case in the NHS to be just fine.

I, and both children, were treated with great care and respect. I was in hospital with pre eclamsia for two weeks with ds prior to delivery and 5 days post delivery. I was looked after phsyicaly, fed and cares for.

For sure I would have loved a room of my own, with hot and cold running room servive, aromatherapy on tap and a facial and back rub every day But what I had was just fine. the staff were attentive, helful and jolly good company and I was very glad to have their professional care.

I came to be quite the teaching aid, given that ds was a footling breach and with th pre ecpalmsia as well one trainee MW got lots of ticks off her list by looking after me.

I couldn't fault them, they were fab.

Highlander - yes you have a choice to have a c-section. But that choice then rules out the option of having your DH with you overnight.

My DS was born with a big head naturally despite family history of big heads and shoulder dystoica (sp?). I recognised all the jumper over head scenarios that norm describes. That was my choice and I had the episisotomy and stitches to go with it - DS's head top of the charts and he weighed 9 lb 10 but wasn't long. But this then meant that I was able to go on to make the choice to have DD at home and DH with us at night. Partially this choice was made because I disliked night time in hospital.

You were very lucky martianbishop.

the mw where i gave birth were fabulous. one kepy coming in with aromotheropy oils ang warm towels for me to put over my back whilst in labour. they were all great, even the ones there after dd was born. they told me to buzz each time i wanted to put dd to the breast so they could make sure i was doing it correctly. they'd even bring me cups of tea all the time and took dd away for two hours so i could finally get some sleep as i was so scared of anything happening to her (well something did at 3 days old, after being discharged, but i don't want to go into that now).

greensleeves, i do understand there are many people who have these terrible experiences, i am shocked at your story and i feel so terribly sad for you. nothing i have said was to you personally, and i would take anything away from you, least of all the right to tell your story and be angry.

i just feel that i am put under the umbrella of 'lazy, bitchy nurse' and i couldnt stand it one more day, so i left. i worked my arse off, all i got was abuse from relatives patients and doctors. not a word of thanks "wheres my fucking cup of tea" "ive been waiting here half an hour" "im not taking these fucking tablets fuck off" spat on, grabbed, pushed, called all the names under the sun

yes there are lazy nurses (oh i could tell you some stories) but we are not all like that. you might meet some lovely gorgeous midwives in your hospital, you probably will

i think ive said too much now

yes highlander im in NE scotland. i worked at the hospital where you are planning to have your baby for almost 15 years.