best bit of advice for a very soon to be first time mum!

[Nursee007]

Hello lovely ladies...
I'm due in 2 weeks and am a first time mum, though have a lot of experience with babies and children in a professional manner as am a paediatric nurse. Whilst the actual 'looking after' bit of the baby doesn;t worry me, as I can bathe, swaddle, change nappies etc with my eyes closed, the idea of being responsible for this tiny life and how to cope with the first few hours/days/weeks is slowly but surely beginning to terrify me. I've had severe SPD since week 21 and am on crutches, so mobility post birth is also a worry but thats by the by.
Anyhoo, was wondering if those of you who are already mummies would be kind enough to share the best snippets of wisdom you were given when you became mums for the first time.....any support, serious or otherwise, much appreciated :) thankyou :)

Advice for when the babies a few weeks old.
Babies get bored! It took me a bit to realise that a baby that can't yet interact with her baby gym could get really fed up of sitting in her bouncy vessel watching mum in the kitchen.
Get out, go for a walk, a path with over hanging trees was DDs favourite. I guess they made contrasting patterns against the sky.
Anywhere with other babies even the queue at the supermarket, DD1 would have silent conversations with other babies even when really small.

Another yes to the Naomi Stadlen book - it was the only thing that kept me sane.

When my first child was born 3 years ago, HV said to me "No one has written a book about you and your baby". I have not picked up a parenting book since, so I havn't worried about my baby not doing what the book said they should!

I would second the advice about going to every parent and baby group/activity you can find. I have some brillint friends I made in the first few weeks of DS's life. 3.5 years later, I could not imagine being without them.

What GinSlinger said.

Plus lots of skin to skin.

And chocolate.

Remember: this incredibly different new life you've found yourself in will eventually feel normal.

Let your DP or DH be an expert at something- let him do baths or showers or putting the baby to bed. It gibes you a moment or two to yourself and lets him be more involved.

At 3am, when you are tired and sick of it all, mumsnet will give you an answer when you're feeling completely alone.

People really do love to help. Let them!

The changing bag will be laden down with everything you can possibly imagine you may ever need in any situ. 2 months in you may feel confident enough to ditch the 10 extra nappies/spare pair of trousers/spare top for you that you have decided to add to said bag.
Don't. It WILL be the one day you need it

No idea if this is typical but my SPD literally disappeared once DS was out.

when your milk first comes in your boobs will feel monstrous - painful and engorged. Your breasts will not explode or rupture and the feeling will pass.

try to be a good enough rather than a perfect mum - remember you are learning too. Don't wear yourself out aiming for perfection because you won't ever achieve it

don't buy loads of "stuff" - you won't need it - especially when the baby is tiny

don't make your house quiet so the baby can sleep

be kind to yourself

Don't expect to feel 'back to normal' immediately, for me it took 3 weeks to feel even close to normal. But just remember - it'll all be fine in the end!
Trust your instints with your baby and again you can't go far wrong.

Online shopping.
If they are between nappy sizes always choose the larger size for better absorbency, so....
You don't have to change nappies at night unless they've poo'd.
Not all babies sleep when they are tired. (DD just cries until you rock/walk/feed her to sleep, took me 6 weeks to work that one out, sigh).
Don't read the books, they will only make you feel inadequate.
threaten to hit anyone who uses the words "rod" and "back" in the same sentence.
Breastfeeding can be painful at first even when you're doing it right. It does get better after a week or so (but don't be afraid to get every MW/HV/bf adviser to check the latch to be sure).
Lurk on MN whilst bfing.
Enjoy it.

Be prepared to find out that knowing things rationally makes very little difference in those first few days/weeks. I had hoped to breastfeed but thought if I couldn't, I'd bottle feed, no problems no guilt. But when I couldn't bf, I was devestated and totally heartbroken to see my baby guzzling from a bottle when she wouldn't take to me.

I should say that the guilt came from myself, not pressure from others at all. It is different when it is your baby.

Ok, haven't read all replies so apologies if this repeats stuff.

Breastfeeding can be painful, even when you are doing it right. Get your latch checked, and try to persevere because it is easier in the long run. E.g. your baby wakes for a feed at night, you can get your DP/DH to pass to you and you don't even have to get out of bed!

Can be hard to get time to eat properly at first. I found that sandwiches, soups and smoothies made me feel healthy, but were low-effort.

Appreciate each stage, hard as it can be, because they do change so quickly, and before you know it your 'baby' will be running around all over the place, and you can never get those early days back.

Don't feel pressure to get out to 'groups', unless you feel you want to. They don't benefit your baby at this age, but if they benefit you then great.

It's your baby, your house and your life -just do what you and DH/DP think is best.

Agree with the earlier comments about freezing 'one pot' meals now and taking up any offers of help with housework / ironing etc. Good Luck :)

First of all stay relaxed whilst in labour and make sure your labour partner will also be relaxed.

Second bit of advice, IF your unfortuante enough to have a baby that suffers greatly with colic, the best thing i found was to put them in the buggy and push them oer rough ground or cobbles, as it seemed to help my little one. Also, if you have wooden flooring, you can take the psuhchair in the living room and push it back and forth with your feet, whilst watching eastenders!

PS, hard i know, but dont assume you WILL be able to breast feed, cos i assumed i would be able to, but couldnt, and if you cant dont let it get you down.

Breastfeeding...Don't let ANYONE pressure you to breastfeed or bottlefeed and if you think you have already decided, think again. wait till little one is in your arms and let this be YOUR decision. after all, your breasts are attached to you and you alone last time you looked!! Either way if you are big breasted don't plan to do anything when your milk comes. I have large breasts and I could hardly hold my baby as it was too much weight on my front with baby and milk. I had to lie down or I would fall forward. If you are bottlefeeding it will dry up after a few days, if you are breastfeeding find the right position for you and make sure you are completley comfortable, baby may latch on for quite a while!....What ever you decide it will be the most wonderful time of your life..savour it as I miss it soo much now :(

I am five months in and no expert, but my one and only piece of advice....get yourself a slow cooker and buy packets of casserole-ready veg from supermarket and some protein (in any form), a schwarz mix and some frozen dumplings. Throw all in at about 11 am and set to cook for seven hours. Trust me, when 6pm comes around, LO wants feeding and you want feeding, ta-da! A healthy, hot meal for zilch effort. The merits of a slow cooker in these circumstances cannot be underestimated. And the rest? Make it up as you go along.

Hand Cream...really good thick hand cream.

If it hasnt already been said do your 1st few wees in a bath of water!

Listen to your baby s/he will tell you what to do, and always keep in mind that it gets better after 5-6 weeks!

Thanks so much everyone. Am really quite stunned by the generosity and wealth of all your responses. I have bought the Naomi Stadlen book and will be starting to read it today. Big warm hugs to you all.....really feeling the love x x x x

following on from bouncy at 6 weeks..baby has a huge growth spurt people forgot to tell me about that spurt frankly it's hellish. My DD was feeding every two hours for several nights on a row. That's 2 hours from the start not the finish. Talk about the walking dead.

However once we'd gotta over it that..it was much better. I'm sure you already know this but just mentioning it, just in case.

To the mums on here who have given such great advice - thank you!! To expand upon the theme would you mind if I asked an additional question ..... Are there any items of equipment/clothing/baby paraphernalia which you wish you had in the first few weeks or not bothered with?
(everywhere I look there are "must have" items which all add up to a huge cost and so I have not bought a thing yet! Your advice would be very much appreciated).

SirCharles - we didn't buy anything!
We were given loads of stuff, which was great - hand-me-downs mostly.
We haven't even got a cot yet, and DD is 9 weeks. We started with a moses basket, but she won't sleep in that, so she's been co-sleeping. (she did sleep in the moses basket during the day, though, and quite a lot all round the clock in the first week or so)