best bit of advice for a very soon to be first time mum!

[Nursee007]

Hello lovely ladies...
I'm due in 2 weeks and am a first time mum, though have a lot of experience with babies and children in a professional manner as am a paediatric nurse. Whilst the actual 'looking after' bit of the baby doesn;t worry me, as I can bathe, swaddle, change nappies etc with my eyes closed, the idea of being responsible for this tiny life and how to cope with the first few hours/days/weeks is slowly but surely beginning to terrify me. I've had severe SPD since week 21 and am on crutches, so mobility post birth is also a worry but thats by the by.
Anyhoo, was wondering if those of you who are already mummies would be kind enough to share the best snippets of wisdom you were given when you became mums for the first time.....any support, serious or otherwise, much appreciated :) thankyou :)

Hospital food is gross. Order the halal option - much nicer.

Life with a newborn is weird - you feel like you're doing nothing, but the days pass so quickly. You will be consumed by a particular problem one day (e.g. Breastfeeding or getting baby to sleep in Moses basket rather than on you) and then Suddenly it's a few weeks later and you'll be worrying about something else. Everything passes.

Try not to beat yourself up about what you are doing and how you are doing it. As a previous poster said - whatever works. I used to feel guilty for sitting my son in his bouncer while I replied to a few e-mails. Silly.

Once you're ready, do try to get out during the day, even if it's just buying a pint of milk (preferably it'll be meeting other new mums and eating cake).

Good luck - it's relentless but amazing and it gets better and better as you grow in confidence.

let a sleeping baby sleep. I know it seems logical but i bottle fed and for some mad reason I though my PFB would die if not fed every 4 hours I used to set my alarm clock make his bottle and then stress because he did not want it. It was only when he was almost 3 weeks old at his christening someone asked was he sleeping through, I said yes I just lift him to feed. I was met by shocked silence from everyone. never lifted him again and he slept from 11pm till 6 am after that.

Also stay away from the contented little baby book. gina ford is a bloody cow I swear it almost sent me insane. I spent the first two months of PFB life worring that he would not sleep when he was supposted to and sleeping when he should feed. My mum came in one day and burned it. Best thing she every did. I was so worried i wanted to do it all right and get him into a routine I feel i missed out on so much cuddle time.

Love your baby, cuddle and kiss him as much as possable. Enjoy stareing at the little joy that he is. Nurse him for hours on end and do what feels right for you. they grow so fast.

Make sure you have a super comfortable arm chair/side of the couch, make yourself a 'nest' there, have a side table with your phone charger, tissues, magazine, chocolates, breast pads the lot, everything you need so that once you get comfortable you don't need to move.

Don't feel guilty if the baby falls asleep on you, it is wonderful and your reward for all of your hard labour.

OMG i wish i had read this before having my DS . It is all so true.

Burn all those parenting books, i mean it burn them! Then trust your own instincts, and do (as has been said before) WHATEVER WORKS. You can't avoid the limitless advice that people will cheerily give to you but remember all mums are different and babies too and even if it does work for you today it may very well not work tmw and vice-versa.

Above all relax and enjoy all those lovely cuddles coming your way!

Breastfeeding does NOT come naturally to a lot of us (the first time round).

Definitely agree with the others who have said avoid parenting books they are such an unnecessary cause of stress! Also ignore those who say 'you're making a rod for your own back' (or similar phrases) just do what you need to get by.

Also this isn't advice and it sounds really daft but before I went into labour with DS I didn't realise they still move around when you're trying to push them out. My mw found it quite funny to see him crowning and shaking his head at the same time - guess he wasn't enjoying himself.

Oh yes and when you're able try to get out of the house every day even if it's just for a walk round the block or sitting in the garden, you'll feel so much better for it.

Avoid bibs with days of the week on them. Most of the time the baby will be wearing the wrong bib and you will feel like the even bibs are conspiring against you. On the rare days when you get it right it will freak you out!

Babies are like the weather and just as predictable. Just because the baby is grumpy and miserable today doesnt mean that the sun cant shine tomorrow.

Gnome

If you want to breastfeed, the single piece of advice I would give you is to be a total HARD ASS about latch. Do not be tempted EVER to think "oh this latch isn't perfect but at least he's on and we'll get it better next time". NO NO NO. One little bad latch feed leaves you with sore nipples and once you have a sore nipple it's a downward cycle. I got into an awful muddle with my first baby. Feeding was agony for weeks. This could have been avoided if I'd had some decent advice. With my second I truly didn't care if he had to be unlatched and try again 40 times or 100 times, we were going to get a good latch EVERY time, and I never got sore.

Don't put too much water in the baby bath/sink otherwise your baby will float away from you

good luck - the first six weeks seem to take a life time and you are tired - Go with what suits you - being a new mum is a bit like going to school the first six weeks are daunting and then its goes by so quickly. Everyone will offer you advice and I learnt to listen and then do exactly what suited me. If anyone offers you any clothes/toys take it. They grow so quickly. My DD is now 15 months and the time is flying by !!!. Thinking about another one. Hope all goes well

If anyone tells you that you are creating a rod for your own back by cuddling your baby smile politely and ignore. I used to get annoyed and upset by it as I thought I was doing it all wrong but I wasn't.

Just go with what you think is best. My DD is now 8 months and nothing like she was when she was a newborn. My DS is nearly 4 and its gone too quickly for words.

On the contrary to what a lot of posts here say, I'd say read baby books, but make sure you read more than one, and preferably with opposing views as there is no one right way to do things. Many people say 'trust your instincts' - well I for one had no instincts and no experience with babies, don't worry if this applies to you too - read books and talk to other parents, then pick the bits of the advice you want to use.

Smile and nod benignly when your MIL (or anyone else for that matter) offers advice, then ignore it and do what you think is best. Mine told me I should leave DD1 to cry to 'exercise her lungs' - complete twaddle (although DD1's lungs did get a lot of exercise and she's now a cornet player, so maybe it worked).

Get out, go for walks, go to parent and toddler groups (you can normally go with a newborn, so don't worry that you don't have a 'toddler'), meet friends if you can. Not in the initial days of course, but you'll soon be driven mad if you stay at home the whole time, especially if your baby is a cryer. A baby is a wonderful ice-breaker if you're shy about going to places for the first time on your own.

Sleep deprivation is used by some regimes as a form of torture, so don't underestimate how hard it can be. If someone offers to take your baby for a while for you to have a sleep, don't turn them down. They all sleep eventually.

Don't be afraid to get help if you think you're suffering from post-natal depression.

Don't worry if the birth doesn't go quite according to your birth plan - it makes no difference in the long run, the baby's out, and that's all that matters.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine.

If you're BFing feed, feed, feed, feed, feed. Whenever the baby makes the slightest whimper get those boobs out. The more you feed, the more milk you make

I thought of another one, try to involve your DP/H as much as possible. It's easy (esp. if you bf and have baby in sling) to just always be the one 'in charge', but it's useful if your DP/H can also do bathtime, change nappies, do the bedtime routine rather than you. If your DP/H knows the difference between "I'm hungry" and "I'm a bit tired" and "I'm a bit grumpy" and "my nappy is full" it will mean you are able to get a lie in on occassion on a weekend without your DP/H bringing the baby back every 5 minutes to ask what to do...

Just because you are a children's nurse don't think that you should just know everything or feel that you shouldn't need help :)
Are you having the baby at the place where you work? Maybe think about a strategy for visiting or people 'popping in' - we know everyone is well meaning but if things haven't gone exactly to plan you might not want lots of colleagues wandering by with good wishes! might just be that I work with nosey buggers

Sleep when they sleep as much as possible and don't worry about housework. It gets easier (remember that one everytime you get stressed out).

Good luck, I am due with DC2 in two and a half weeks myself . Come on over to the post-natal Feb thread where we will all be going through it together :)

Take lots of photos, they grow and change so fast. Have lots of cuddles, enjoy marvelling at the perfect little creature you made and feel proud of yourself. Don't compare yourself to other mums or feel pressured to be superwoman, just getting through the day is enough when they're tiny

Best advice I got from a friend was to relax about getting everything perfect. As long as baby gets food and sleep on a fairly regular basis, there is only so much you can really mess up in those early days. Little babies have very simple needs.

• white noise is a godsend
• sleep whenever you can
• you can never cuddle your baby enough or take enough photos
• drink plenty of fluids
• try to remember to do pelvic floor exercises everytime you feed your baby, yes it's sore immediately after delivery but it helps to get the blood flowing so everything heals quicker.

Good luck

Oh, and I just remembered, my ante-natal class teacher told us that teachers, nursery nurses and midwives often found it hardest to adjust to having their own baby - because they're used to being able to give the child back at the end of the day! So don't feel like you should know what you're doing, apparently having your own is quite different from working with them.

It is absolutly, utterly and totally OK to spend the first few weeks of your baby's life doing nothing but look at them, feed them, hold them, love them, change them and look at them some more.

By DCs 4 & 5 I had learnt to spend a whole week in/on bed only getting up for a little wander about and to stuff my face. Bliss is a newborn baby.

If thats what you want to do.

Its good to get out a bit but on your terms. You do NOT have to get everything sorted and a routine in place and back in your jeans the week after the birth.

Excellent advice from Ciske. Babies really do not need much. They need the above (plus nappy changes).

Trust your instincts and ask for help if you need it. Advice will be freely given and kindly meant (mostly) but as soon as you have your baby YOU are the expert.

I dont mean in a 'mommy knows best' way about everything . I mean you will know what your baby wants more than anyone else

AND make sure you put pictures up on MN so we can all coo over your new arrival

Travel mug. You can guarantee on the rare occasion you get five minutes to have a cup of tea or coffee, your baby will wake up as soon as it is made and need feeding. This way, you've still got a chance of it being hot (or at least warm) once baby is finished.

The only other thing I'd say is any advice you're offered, say 'thanks, that's maybe something to think about' rather than agreeing or disagreeing with it to the person's face (especially when you're going to disagree with it!) and then discard any bits that you don't want or that are now considered dangerous/harmful/plain bonkers/just something you're not comfortable with.

Agree with all above.

It is annoying when well-meaning mums say: "this stage will pass", but it is SO BLOODY TRUE!!

I found weeks 3-8 a real struggle. Unless she was feeding, DD would only tolerate being held in an upright position and bounced from room to room; she wanted to feed constantly day and night and would only sleep in my arms. I felt I was slowly losing my mind due to sleep deprivation and the fact that DD didn't 'fit' into my parenting plans and ideas (all gathered from parenting books designed to make you feel like a failure). My dust-covered moses basket felt like a badge of my failure.

When I began to relax and realise that DD was HAPPY sleeping on me and feeding all the time with no routine, things began to improve on their own.

Today, for example, DD is 15 weeks and I have managed to watch an entire film, do a load of washing and hang some pictures while my contented little baby napped or watched me from her bouncer. I would NEVER have believed this was possible even a month ago!