best bit of advice for a very soon to be first time mum!

[Nursee007]

Hello lovely ladies...
I'm due in 2 weeks and am a first time mum, though have a lot of experience with babies and children in a professional manner as am a paediatric nurse. Whilst the actual 'looking after' bit of the baby doesn;t worry me, as I can bathe, swaddle, change nappies etc with my eyes closed, the idea of being responsible for this tiny life and how to cope with the first few hours/days/weeks is slowly but surely beginning to terrify me. I've had severe SPD since week 21 and am on crutches, so mobility post birth is also a worry but thats by the by.
Anyhoo, was wondering if those of you who are already mummies would be kind enough to share the best snippets of wisdom you were given when you became mums for the first time.....any support, serious or otherwise, much appreciated :) thankyou :)

Don't do what I did, and buy millions of one brand of nappy when they are on special offer, only to find your LO is long and skinny and they don't fit :)

Newborns can be hard work but they can also be really gorgeous - savour the moments when they are at their most gorgeous.

The best advice I got from the midwife was not to let anyone into the house unless they have food. And then don't let them out again until they've done some housework. It was wonderful advice. My favourite visitors were those who rang from the bakers to ask what we wanted in our sandwiches, brought them round and made a cuppa for us, cuddled DD while we ate (the first time I used both hands to eat I think!), loaded the dishwasher an left. I still love them for it

If you BF, then the other good advice I received was not to feed without having had a drink of water and a sit down since the last feed - it was amazing how much more milk DD seemed to get out me and how much more contented she was after a feed when I'd done this. Oh, and prepare for BF like you would for an exam, it makes a lot of difference if you have a vague idea

Good luck

Don't worry about getting it right! And don't be afraid to break the rules a bit! Don't obsess about routines (let your baby fall into his/her pattern).

Do sleep when your baby is sleeping or when breastfeeding (yes lie down at EVERY opportunity!). Do spend hours looking at your baby and patting yourself on your back (even if the dishes are backing up) cos this little miracle is going to get bigger VERY quick. Do let other people help you - particularly if they have offered, but even if they haven't ASK! Organise for someone to take baby out for a walk for 1/2-1 hour.

Do wear a sling (Any kind of wrap is wonderful and you will feel really close to your baby)

Do shower (even when the baby is awake) - you'll soon learn his/her cries and what they mean. I just couldn't figure out how to do this 'what if the baby cries!' Don't worry about it!

AND THIS IS MY BEST PIEICE OF ADVICE - Do 'do baby led weaning' when it comes to moving on to solids - it is life changing and results in a child who actually knows what each piece of food tastes like and they will have a fabulous appetite for good food from then on! I promise. Look it up: www.babyledweaning.com/

When I had baby number 2 I couldn't believe how much of a back seat she had to take while I dealt with DD1. DD2 just completely fitted in with our lives and the first 6 months of her life were defiantly easier than the first 6 months of DD1's life (where I cried and worried far too often!)

Do read this thread back on the days when you are doubting yourself!

Most of all! Remember that you ARE a brilliant mum - NEVER EVER compare yourself to ANYONE ELSE, be at ease that you doing a perfect job for your baby! So exciting! Have a ball and ENJOY your baby!

Don't be surprised if you are too scared of venturing out for a while. It took us about a week or so to pluck up the energy, and then the courage, just to dare to walk down the street and back with LO in a pram. It seemed like such a big step to take. Funny looking back, as 4 years later we're on the go such a lot all the time.

Your whole perception of the outside world changes. Suddenly outside seems so busy and loud and, worse, threatening! Everything that moves looks like a disaster waiting to happen to you - the bikes, the cars, other pedestrians, all the noise and fumes and dangers lurking everywhere!

But, unbelievably, you do get used to it. And then before you know it you're rushing around everywhere all the time with one DC in the pram and several hanging off it!! Now i can't believe i'm teaching 4 yo DS how to cross a road...

But at first it seemed terrifying, walking down a quiet west london street in the daytime, with no-one even around, and my precious 1 week old bundle in the pram!

Best of luck to you & everyone else about to have first babies.

Nothing really prepares you for the exhaustion that a newborn brings, there's some really good advice on here for dealing with that.

One thing I wish I was prepared for was visitors who overstayed their welcome by hours, it's so stressful to not know when people are going to be leaving and in the early weeks you can be too exhausted and hormonal to think straight, let alone deal with it.

Set some firm boundaries in advance and make sure that everybody knows what is expected of them. This will be especially important if you are intending to breastfeed as you will likely need the space, time and privacy to get used to it.

Good visitors can be wonderful for a chat, advice, a break from the baby but some people will, if given the opportunity, drive you insane.

Best of luck, enjoy the newborn smell

If 'Emma's diary' is still given to new mothers - bin it! It describes the let down reflex as a gentle tingling. I felt a complete failure as it was like being given paper cuts all over my nipples, and always curled my toes up in my slippers whenever dd latched on.

The other thing was, even though I could bath her with one hand round her back as I'd been shown, dh couldn't. So, the best thing I bought was one of those 'scoop-shaped' bath seats that stick on the base of the bath with suckers, and a little slide between the legs that helps them keep in place. With that, dh was confident in bathing her.

Oh lordy. I so wanted a family, then when the baby appeared, it was like being poleaxed. The first days/weeks can be very strange, and be prepared, like the Rutles, to feel good, bad, happy and sad. Possibly all at the same time. Oh, and do ginormous wees that a racehorse would be proud of.

Re the books, I would say it might be good to read them, because I felt strangely prepared once I'd done so. Just don't expect your baby to have read them and follow their advice. As so many others have said, it's whatever works, be it slings, white noise, Saharan nose singing, whatever.

Also, as others have said, don't run round after visitors. Let them run round after you!

Follow your own instincts

A few things i've found most helpful....

Trust your instincts - on everything. My DS had a traumatic arrival into the world with forceps & shoulder dystocia and after a few weeks when he was still only turning his head one way after I asked HV & my GP about it and was told to encourage him to turn it the other way I just felt it was something more. Took him to a chiropractor and sure enough he had 3 vertabrae in his neck that were out of line. Within days of treatment he was turning his head freely. Seriously trust your instincts.

Dont be in a hurry to leave the hospital, there's no prize for getting home early (other than your own bed). The support I had from the midwives with getting breastfeeding established was great and if I'd left a day earlier I dont think I would have felt as confident doing it and may well have given it up.

Lastly, get out of the house when you can. A short walk on a sunny day (wrapped up warm) will do wonders for your mood. And the mum & baby groups are good, there's no harm in trying them once.

If you think you want to breastfeed, be very skeptical about BF advice given by Gina Ford, Baby Whisperer and Clare Byam-Cook. Have phone numbers of local BF counsellors to hand, and if you're inclined to read a book, make sure it's written by someone who knows what they're talking about - this one is good and this one.

Hope that doesn't get MN into trouble with the lawyers

If you're BF, eat and drink all the time - ask your partner to focus on keeping you topped up as you might be too tired to remember.

If you're bottle feeding, buy two sets of bottles etc... so you always have a spare load to throw into the steriliser. FOr some reason it makes it feel so much easier.

Babies love being held. If s/he is unsettled carry and walk, carry and walk, carry and walk, and rock, and carry, and walk. And sing - they don't judge!

I wish I'd spent the first few days in bed recovering and cuddling. Why be anywhere else?!

If you plan to BF sitting up, a feeding cushion will help you with your posture and therefore reduce back pain. Lying down to feed on your side is more comfy though.

Good luck

If BF doesnt work out dont beat yourself up about it, DS3 couldnt BF due to a tongue tie and I really wasnt prepared to bottle feed at all and the guilt that I felt afterwards was immense.
If you can cook some delicious homemade foods now and pop in the freezer.
and the most valuable piece of advice i can give is enjoy this time. There is nothing quite as amazing as bringing a baby into this world.

such good advice on here :)
will add my piece, though probably already been said:

sleep/nap when you can
sod the housework (get help!)
sod all the baby books etc - trust your own instincts (you will have them, promise!)
make and freeze (or get friends/family to) loads of meals for you and your partner before birth - no faffing about with shopping and cooking when you are tired and can't be bothered
sign up to a good online shopping supermarket - save all your favourite/everyday items, so you can just re-order them with one click next time and save time
your best friend is he/she who comes 'round and takes baby out so you can sleep, or cuddles baby in room next door so you can sleep :)
don't isolate yourself - post natal groups, breastfeeding cafes, coffee mornings, whatever they are, all help to cut through the potential boredom of spending hours on your own with a tiny baby and no adult conversation!

probably repeating what others have said...

sleep when your baby sleeps.

nighttime sanitary towels are more comfortable on a bruised undercarriage than maternity towels.

Just go with your instincts!
Don't let visitors in if you don't want to..
Get out and about walking
Don't worry about housework.
Sleep when baby is asleep if you are lacking sleep!
Your life will change forever and you will think what on earth did I do with my time before but it is the best feeling ever!
One more thing, if you are returning to work, look to sort out your childcare as soon as possible it is amazing how booked up baby rooms become at nursery!
Good luck to you and yours x

Oh and if other people want to cook or bring you food..let them ;O)

GnomeDePlume I love this! bibs conspiring against! So true

I bought a 2nd hand Stokke change table from Ebay as my SPD made changing at the normal angle/height painful, even after the birth. It helped a lot. I'm sure you know this, but make sure your safe distance is on your birthingplan in red ink. My midwife was brilliant but an obstetrician I saw a month before the birth told me to flop, said, "okay right - flop" impatiently when I mentioned the SPD, and I stupidly trusted she knew what she was doing. I wasn't able to walk for a week after that. Trust your body.

As for post-birth - basically, I just think accepting that your life is stepping sideways for a few short months helps. Some people find routines work for them, but I found responding to to the baby and going with the flow was just easier. It depends on the person. But everyone, no matter what they did, found they felt like Alice, running just as fast as she could to stay in the same place. A first baby is like a dearly loved hand grenade in your life, and you cope better, I think, if you accept that things like housework just don't matter for a while.

I also massively second the suggestion that you cook and freeze meals now. The tiredness is hard to describe, and not being well nourished without effort isn't a help.

The first few months, I seemed to leave cups of tea on the side everywhere because I just never had time to finish them. You live in a state of constant interruption, really. But it does go so very fast, in retrospect, so try to enjoy it (and don't feel bad if you don't. I love being a toddler's mum, and wasn't so keen on the tiny baby stage - the great thing about motherhood is it's a casserole, not a flash-fry!).

Oh, and unless you luck out and get one of those rare babies that likes not being cuddled all the time, a sling can save your sanity. DS wanted holding all his waking hours, and a wrap sling meant I could actually do other things, too.

Everyone told me to take a few days to just relax, stay in bed/pjs and cuddle and feed baby. Of course I ignored them and started trying to finish the nursery, do all the jobs I hadn't done (DD took us by surprise a week early). The suddenly she wasn't a newborn anymore and I realised I would never again get the chance to just lie around and cuddle that tiny baby. So take a few days and just enjoy your new baby.

Do what works for you and your baby, trust your instincts.

Don't feel guilty when you feel the need for some time out and try to get some occassionally, even if it's just a half hour bath (I'm still working on this one 7 months down the line!).

Drink lots of water, especially if you're breastfeeding.

Eat cake if you want to.

A walk in the fresh air can make you feel much better, then again so can an afternoon in your PJs on the couch :)

I would also say don't worry if you have no instincts, I didn't and devoured every parenting book I could get my hands on. They saved my sanity as it gave me an idea of what to do. I swear I was close to punching the next person who said to me "you'll know what to do" as I really, truly did not have a tiny clue. Some of us need that help, don't feel like you're a failure if you do too. The books are there as there is a market for them.

I would also agree with going to loads of new mums groups and just start talking to people, 99% of new mums are desperate to meet other mums and just as nervous as you. I also had a policy of always going when someone suggested coffee/shopping etc as I always felt sooo much better for adult company and you realise that nobody feels totally on top of it.

And, as I still repeat now during the more testing times with all 3 dc's - this too shall pass.

Yes on the BF thing - find out where your nearest BF cafe is before your have baby and if you on ML already then pop in. they will love to meet you and your bump and it will mean that you have gone there when feeling like a confident you, rather than "I can't believe this is happening to me - am I really a mum" and much more tired version of yourself. Of course if you don't get the chance - still pop along even if you are not having any probs. It is a lovely place to meet mums.

I agree that if you can read or speak to someone who has or is BF about how to hold baby/latch etc in advance it will give you a bit of a head start (but of course a bit like reading how to ride a bike/having sex! You'll never know how it feels until you do it).

And yes it will take up most of your time, newborns need to feed 12 times a day (yup, thats every 2 hours) so if you have a sleepy baby then you will have to wake them up (only in the first few days, especially if they knackered from a full on labour!). Your boobs will probably tell you but in a sleep deprived state you may loose track of what boob you fed with and when you started/finished the last feed so it can be handy to keep a not to start with (as with everything - try not to fret about it)

Additionally (Sorry I am a BF peer support so am a bit obsessed!) you NEED to take it easy for successful BF. If you get run down you are more likely to experience problems (such as blocked milk ducts and Mastitis) but the risk of these can be reduced it you don't run around like a blue arsed fly. Relax, relax, relax. Sleep, eat, drink. Don't ever keep pushing yourself to try and do everything or you'll be knackered, grumpy and your tits will hurt!

You'll be excited (and might have a rush of adrenaline) to show your creation off to EVERYONE! but take a bloody chill pill if this happens! Limit yourself and don't go crazy socialising. Might be good to forewarn some friends and family of this in advance?

And if BF doesn't work out (it can happen to mums who have BF 2 or 3 kids and then number 4 just doesn't work for them, so don't take it personally!) It's just life. Move on, feed your baby food. In a couple of years (like another wise mumsnetter advised) "one day he'll eat cake!" and I'd like to add, chips, crisps AND fruit shoots (absolutely foul). Cow & Gate positively juice of the gods compared to all that shit!

Get one of these slings and use it. Research h bf counsellors in yr area now if bf is impvortant, so u have ppl at the end of a phone to talk to. Be ready to feed endlessly and don't look at yr watch for about 2 months, pref 3. Then things won't seem so bad. Don't be afraid of cosleeping.