Im only 6months pregnant and is fearing birth already! Please help

[Trin]

Hi all,
Im currently 6 months pregnant.Little baby is moving around constantly which is always reasurring, The only thing that is really worrying me is giving birth. This is my first baby and i am very scared. I hear all stories about stillbirths and things that happen to mothers during labour. I'm a young mummy to be and i dont want to be scared about bringing the little one into this world. Is there anyone who has experienced such fear?? is it common or am i just being silly. Please help. xxxxxx

ha ha!.. i remembered i was like that too as i didnt dare think of it till i was 28 weeks pg as it sounded terrifiying till i went to a parenting class (it was 6 lessons) (antelclass) as they talk all about birth.. i felt so relaxed after that amd i was much more calmer

my midwife gave me the dets for me to go along with my dp and everyone was feeling the same too

GOOD LUCK!

The parenting classes hopefulyl will reassure you. You will be in expert hands so try not to worry

Yes, it's very common, but thankfully the things that can go wrong are not. I avoided even considering that I was going to have to give birth until 7.5 months with my first, and went on to have an easy birth.

I can't stop you worrying - It's normal, get used to it as you will always have something to worry about when you're a mum - but would advise avoiding all the horror stories and "bad "labour stories, and remember that most of us end up with healthy babies, even if labour and delivery doesn't go to plan.

I did one parenting class we dropped the baby (a doll dont worry) and we couldnt stop laughing so we left in the break and never went back.
Everything we learnt from then on was instinct including my body instinct when giving birth i hadnt a clue but it had to happen and i did well!

Oh yeah and when he arrived i never dropped him once lol.

Hi, you'll be fine, everyone is scared (even the ones who won't admit it). Don't be afraid of facts - go to parenting classes and if you don't know/understand something, ask. Same when you're in labour, make sure that you understand what is going on and anything you don't properly understand is explained to you/your dh.

And with a bit of luck you'll get a REALLY GREAT MW who will make it all seem dead easy. Well not exactly dead easy, but will make it seem like you CAN do it all.

Wishing you loads of luck.

I was terrified but it is perfectly natural. It helped me to read loads and loads of stuff so i knew what to expect and felt prepared for any outcome. The classes help too. Good luck

You aren't alone, it is a scary prospect, but loads of people have done it and come out OK, honest! Antenatal classes are a good idea, gives you a chance to get your head round it.

Good luck.

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I was worried, but then I am sure more and more hormones kick in and you just kind of end up accepting it all and willing the end on!! Try not to worry too much about it now, save the worrying till later, by which time hopefully you will be so chilled it won't matter how much you try to worry!!

Trin- You are far from alone hun when i fell pregnant with my first son i was 20 & i was so so scared about giving birth, i always used to sit awake thinking oh i cant do this.

I am a big big baby i hate needles, smears anything like that and here i was pregnant & was having to give birth to a baby lol

Well all the way upto my due date i still felt the same my son was 10 days late & all i used to do in the last 3 weeks was sit in the bath and cry and say to my dp i just can not do this.

You know what though? all that worry & yes it was painful i am not going to lie (but i had all painrelief) & they said how in control i was, i done it & made it through, & straight after i said i will do this again!
I always said if i was traumatised i would never put myself through it again, but here i am due in 10 days with no 2, yes again i am scared, its the fear of the "unknown" but you will be fine, just relax, take one step at a time and you will get through it.

Goodluck

I was scared from day one with my D who is now one and i've just found out i'm expecting again! Yeah!
Honestly don't worry, I know it's hard but you know worrying will do your little bubba no good! The midwives are lovely- I take it you are having a hospital birth? I know it sounds silly but your body will tell you what to do!
Keep up to date with every antenatal app and make sure if you are ever concerned about your health or your bubbas call your midwife! It's what she is there for.
I didn't attend any parenting classes but will this time for sure! But it's true my body just knew what to do and I did it.
I had an epidural but it didn't mask any pain but you know what you bear it for your baby, it's well worth it!
Good luck and hey don't worry, it will all be ok.

Why is it that when you are pregnant, some women see this as a green light to tell you all the horror birth stories they know? I had this happen to me all the bloody time!

Trin, don't worry, us women have been giving birth since time began, our bodies are made especially for it. With the knowledge and medicine around today, you are highly unlikely to die giving birth, and whilst stillbirth is not uncommon, you are 6 months pregnant and you can feel your baby moving so this is not likely to happen either.

Have a word with your midwife about how you feel. I would also recommend that you get hold of the NCT, you'll find their number in one of those books you get from the hospital, they do ante-natal classes which are brilliant and tell you loads of things that the hospital don't, such as the best positions for birth, and how to gain an extra 3cm I think, for enlarging your cervix during birth. They are small classes so are more informal and many of the mothers keep in touch afterwards. I chose to have a home birth with my second and the help and support they gave me, really helped me to feel in control of the whole birthing process, because it was being out of control that I feared the most.

Try to enjoy what is left of your pregnancy and focus on the days after the birth rather than the birth itself. Once you get to 9 months your body sort of shuts off anyway, so that you don't really care much, you just want it out! I didn't believe it did this, but it does!

I was very worried about giving birth with my first, and eventually I made up my mind that I didn't want to hear any horror stories, and if someone tried to tell me one I asked them to stop.

Get info from reliable sources, like the NCT - or even Mumsnet - and cherry-pick what you want to hear. The important thing to remember is that the vast majority of births go well, and even if there is a problem the end result is a healthy baby and a healthy mummy.

You can, and should, prepare yourself, so that you know what to expect and what to demand of yourself and of others. But ultimately, when you are in labour your body will take over and get on with it. Your mind can help your body along and you may even enjoy labour and birthing - certainly you will look back and remember it with pride and delight.

Oh Trin, I feel for you so much - I was petrified having my daughter as I am a clinical neg lawyer and spent most of my working life looking into births which hadn't gone as planned.

However, there are many things you can do to make yourself feel better. Go to NCT classes and you will meet some other mums who are no doubt feeling similar (there are a lot of women afraid of giving birth out there - I met LOTS!) Read as much as you can so you are prepared for things which might well happen (eg ventouse) and skip over the bits which very very probably won't (eg stillbirth). Ask your MW if you can spend some time discussing your fears etc with her or a colleague. I told my MW at my booking appt about my fears and she arranged an appointment with a consultant MW who talked through all the possible problems which i'd met in work and reassured about how they probably wouldn't happen. There is lots of help out there and you are far from unusual in what you are feeling.

Oh, and stay on MN to keep you in touch with lots of other mums who know what you are going through and are only too willing to talk it over

Quite agree with Prettycandles about asking people to shut up if they try to tell you horror stories - why do people do this? It drives me mad! But I just wanted to say that both my labours were really amazing experiences. They did hurt like buggery, but were completely bearable and although this probably sounds nuts, I remember both labours as really magical times when the world shrinks to you, your partner/mw and the baby - nothing else matters, and it's so exciting. Your body really will take over and it knows what to do!!

Some great advice here. You could also look into doing some ante-natal yoga if you think that would help you. I did it during both my pregnancies and developed some really good coping strategies which came in useful during my two very different labours. It was also another way to be in contact with expectant mums.
And in answer to your question, it is perfectly normal to feel scared and a bit panicky. Maybe you will feel better if you take control a bit by starting on a birth plan - there's loads on the Internet about this. hth

Maybe I was one of a lucky few, but my labour wasn´t painful as such although it was bloody hard work! I didn´t have any pain relief although in retrospect perhaps this would have been a good idea as I was so exhausted afterwards I collapsed getting out of bed!

I´m convinced a positive attitude helps a lot and just keeping fully concentrated on the task at hand. Of course you´re worried about giving birth at this stage but try to look forward to it as a momentous occasion in your life (it won´t happen very often : ) and an amazing experience. And heh, why not just opt for the epidural/ gas & air/whatever they offer you if that makes you more confident!

Thanks all. Glad im not the only one worrying. This has eased my mind alot. I keep telling myself i can do it even though i'm a big wimp-I've prepared my midwife for this!!! I'll keep you all posted!!! Thanks again xxxxxxxxx

Trin, I had my first DS five months ago. I didn't go to any prenatal classes as I was worried it would freak me out about the birth. I did do yoga and during labour especially concentrated on breathing which really, really helped. Had no pain relief and with each contraction just kept reminding myself that it was going to stop in a minute or two. Try to remember that giving birth is a natural thing to do and by far most pregnancies and births go without any problems at all. Your body will help you through it and boy, afterwards will you think it's all been worth it ! Good luck. Oh and just remembered, two minutes afterwards I was sitting up saying, well I could do that again, so it couldn't have been that bad. No one tells you the positive birth stories only the scary stories so hopefully you'll be reassured by mine.

I was petrified as well, had dd last year (first one) and definitely not the last I hope anyway once you know you are in labour I think any apprehension/fear goes away at least it did with me, I ended up concentrating with the job in hand and it wasn't nearly as bad as what i thought it was (i had a long labour and spent 2hrs pushing dd out) it was almost going to be a cut and suction cap, it was more tiring than anything else, I was falling asleep in between contractions i did have an epidural but that only worked on one side so one half was numb and the other wasn't, I managed with a tens machine for a good while before needing anything else to help me.

You will be fine honestly, I wouldn't listen to anyones horror stories either, am sure some of my friends like to dramatise, its not at all what you think its going to be like. I hate hospitals but when I was in the early stages of labour i was in and out of the place and going in for the final time well if I could have run to the delivery suite I would have
good luck

Trin, hope all the posts here are re-assuring you. I had my son three years ago and looking back one of the most important things to me during labour, would have been encouragement from the midwives. My husband said some of the right things but in a funny way I just didn't hear it because at the stage when you are dealing with the contrctions, you just KNOW that a man doesn't know what the hell he's talking about!!!! But looking back, IF the midwives had been really really encouraging, I know it would have helped me. Mine unfortunately weren't but Iknow lots of mums have had great ones. Maybe make it part of your birth plan and make sure they ALL know about what you want - someone to encourage you, and tell you how brilliantly you're doing, that you can do it - etc. There's no doubt this would have given me such a boost.

Don't know whether this helps or not but I'll say it anyway - I had a bad labour experience - 50 hours of labour resulting in a 'crash' caesarean - this is where they put you under GA and whip the baby out as there is serious risk to baby or mother if labour continues. HOWEVER even this would not put me off doing it again. My bond with my son couldn't have been stronger and I have loved being his mum more than anything. So I think what I'm trying to say is don't focus too much on the labour. Even if it goes badly, you will cope and there are people there to help you.
And do not read any stories about birth and what the pain is like - all the mums I know had very different levels and types of pain. All did have significant pain though and I think this tiny minority of people that had no pain are NOT helpful to know about. because if you go in expecting pain, you will be more able to deal with it when it comes. Childbirth for most IS a painful business, do not fool yourself that it isn't. But with support, strategies that suit you and drugs if necessary, you WILL cope. And MOST go well! Labour is so worth it for the joy and love you experience afterward, believe me you can't even imagine it now but you will know what I mean soon!

meant to add - look at my labour - 50 hours, about three times as long as most people have to put up with contractions for! So though painful, they ARE do-able. xxx