Breastfeeding pressure overshadowing labour worries

[BeedeBee]

Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to breastfeed, esp so soon after delivery? I don't want to breastfeed but after lots of pressure from DH, NCT and local Children's Centre, I've agreed to 'try'. Now I can't stop worrying about the horrible time I'm going to have after birth, especially overnight on the post-natal ward when my DH will have gone home, trying and probably failing to do something I really, really don't want to do. It's really getting me down. I can't imagine having the mental strength to deal with any BF-related bullying on the post-natal ward.

This is my first baby.

Am I alone?

FFS if you don't want to BF tell them all to fuck off.

BF takes a level of committment and determination. If you don't have it wtf is the point?

BUT, I seriously doubt that you'll be bullied into it by anyone. Your DH shouldn't be bullying you either. What kind of a relationship is that?

I'm a bit about all this pressure though. Are you SURE it isn't some kind of internal guilt?

Look it's up to you, I didn't breastfeed any of my children at all. I felt fine about the decision I had made, as soon as dd1 was born I was asked how I was feeding her, I replied formula, midwife got me some, dh fed her and that was that. No-one on midwifery team mentioned it again, they are there to help you. Same with dd2, am expecting dc3 in 2 weeks and have felt no pressure at all, in any of my antenatal appts to change my mind. No-one is going to bully you on a post-natal ward, relax, take a breath, when are you due?

Ps You might want to check if you need to bring your own formula etc in with you.

Thanks Wigglesrock - will try and chill about it! (Have just heard several horror stories from mates who chose not to BF so am feeling a bit wobbly). Am due in 3 weeks. Will check about formula etc. Many thanks for the reassuring words!

It's a personal decision and no one else should make it but you. If BFing doesn't work out (and it's less likely to if you're not fully on board) then you'll just end up feeling angry and resentful of the people who pressured you into it.

If you want to FF and think this is the best thing for you and baby then go for it. It's your body and your baby.

I'm assuming that you're a grown-up who knows the facts and knows in your own mind why you don't want to do it.

NB This is coming from someone who EBF'd for 6 months and is still BFing at two years because I've found it so easy, cheap and convenient. I couldn't be bothered faffing with bottles, sterilisers etc.. in the middle of the night and carrying feeding paraphernalia. This is my experience and I respect that it doesn't make BFing the right option for everyone.

i bf all of mine BUT from my experiences with my 3 though, i'd say there is MORE pressure on women to bottle feed rather than to breast feed - each time i've been in hospital the m/ws have been trying to persuade women to give a bottle cos it's easier for them than having to take some time with those who want to start breastfeeding. so your fears may be groundless (esp if you're giving birth in a busy london hospital!)

Oh God, you'll hear so many horror stories, close your ears, ps I also had a very positive induction but ssh don't tell anyone . Think we must be due around the same time. Hope everything goes really well, will never forget that moment of joy when I first saw dd1 and 5.5 years later (the half is very important to her!!!) the joy both my children bring continues to grow (and am hard as nails).

Im FF and i feel its the best thing for me and my little man.
I felt pressured, and when my midwife spoke to me about it during my pregnancy i just said im not going to BF and im not having my mind changed and then she just left it, and just after delivery i said i was BF and they just handed me a bottle, and i didnt feel any bullying towards me.
Just put your foot down, your baby, your choice, end of!
and dont listen to peoples horror stories there usually a load of crap

It might not necessarily be as hard as people are telling you. You could be lucky and it could come naturally. If not, no big deal, switch to formula.

It's a personal choice, don't enter into discussions with people if you don't want to, it's no one else's business what you decide.

But I also have to say that BF is so much better for babies that it's difficult to understand why someone would choose not to do it, if that makes sense?

Also completely agree with LadySanders, the pressure to give up BF and start FF is enormous and lasts for the whole time you BF, that's probably why so many are so militant about BFing.

But again, really you don't have to justify yourself and your choices to anyone, if someone asks you again, just tell them you don't want to discuss it.

No pressure - it's completely up to you, but seriously if you give it a go and it works out, it's SOOOOOO much easier than mucking about with bottles..

I don't think it's an issue that's worth worrying too much about, or ruining the last few weeks of your pregnancy. Just do what you want to do and simple smile, nod and ignore anyone who tries to pressure you otherwise.

As others have pointed out though, bf-ing is astoundingly easy for some women, I'm lucky enough to be one of them. Bottles, formula, sterilising, having to get up for night feeds - all a lot of work and stress which is best avoided IMO! So much easier to whip a boob out, especially at night when you can just go roll them into bed with you and go back to sleep while they feed themselves.

I would suggest you keep an open mind, don't be adamant either way, see what happens and how you feel after the birth. I felt an overwhelming urge to put my DDs to the breast as soon as they were born.

Have you considered just feeding colostrum? You can't really fail at that as baby only needs a couple of drops to get loads of benefits, you get to do the feeding bonding thing post birth, but can switch to bottle whenever you like. It might make you feel less pressured (or guilty) by the MW, but within yourself you know there is no pressure to continue into feeding milk.

I'm a huge advocate of bfing, but if you are so totally against it, then don't do it. If I were you I'd try to think why I don't want to breastfeed and talk it through with someone. Breastfeeding is I think a hugely positive experience for both mum and baby, but of course mum should want it. This is the time to get excited about the impending arrival and look forward to it with pleasure - not dread the thought of baby because of the breastfeeding aspect. If you feel so strongly that you don't want to breastfeed I think it is very unlikely that it's going to work out. So stop stressing about it, your dh needs a good talking-to for putting pressure on you to do this.

This may sound like a loopy suggestion but what about talking to a breastfeeding counsellor? They're called counsellors for a reason. They're well qualified to help you think about why you don't want to do this, and to ensure you know all you need to make the final decision, and can probably help to prepare you for dealing with any pressure. I think you'll feel calmer and more at ease once you've talked this through with a professional.

I'm sure you know perfectly well what the benefits are, and why breastfeeding is promoted so much, but the decision is yours. The only thing I would suggest you think about is that it's much easier to change from breast to bottle than it is to get breastfeeding going after starting on formula. And it's not uncommon for women to feel differently after the baby arrives - so why not shrug off ALL the pressure and keep an open mind for now. Nobody will beat you with sticks for choosing one or the other.

Save your decision till after it really doesn't have to be made straightaway (might be worth checking they provide FF at your hospital some don't). With my DD I wasn't sure and felt I should breastfeed or at least try too, I blamed pressure but if I am honest it was my choice because I knew I would feel guilty if I didn't.

With DS I had decided the same, but he was born by EMCS and there were a few issues which I won't go into that made me feel to BF would have made my mental state more ragile than it already was and I wasn't willing to do that.

With this one I am not certain so will decide after the birth but I am not ruling out breastfeeding.

There is a breast and bottle feeding section on here that has both sides and they are very very helpful, I turned to them not so long ago when the guilt set in for not BF DS.

i think this is the pressure shes talking about, it says in her post she really really dosent want to do it, and everyone telling her how much better BF will be for her baby dosent really help, we all know that it is, and hear it over and over again, i dont think she wants to come on here to ask for advice and be told yet again she should be BF
I dont like the fact that people look down on you for not BF, it dosent make you any less of a mum

I tried it. It was not for me. My baby was starving, I was crying, he was crying. Switched to bottles, never looked back. It's not that much faff making them up, you can see exactly how much they are getting and for some people 'whipping a boob out' is not appealing. Do what is right for you. Once you've taken your decision the pressure will go.

I felt kind of the same before having DD (now 11months) I felt I should do it because it was expected of me and there was little advice and no encouragement to bottle feed so I thought I'd just try for a few days and see how I got on.
About 20 mins after giving birth the midwife suggested I BF and to be totally honest, I really didn't want to but I did and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
I didn't mind feeding on the ward afterwards either (and I'm VERY modest!) it just felt right.
It wasn't all plain sailing at the start but I am still feeding DD now. If you had told me a year ago I'd be BF an 11 month old I would never have believed it but here I am.
My advice to you would be to try it and see how you feel but if it's really not for you don't feel ashamed or guilty for using formula.

If you don't want to breastfeed then you don't have to. It's your decision about how you feed your baby. And I do understand the pressure that you're feeling - as someone who really struggled with it and now mix feeds (mostly FF), I felt enormous pressure (or at least, I perceived the pressure because I felt surrounded by the 'breast is best' message in all the literature I was given while pregnant, not to mention seeing ads on the buses all the time!) to continue with it. But to be honest, it was me that was putting the pressure on myself, people weren't insisting on me doing anything, and I gave myself a really hard time. Please don't do this - you should be looking forward to the arrival of your new baby, not dreading what comes after.

But as Doricpater said, it might be good to keep an open mind - you might find that you change your mind once baby arrives and you never know, you might be one of these women that takes to it really easy and you never know, you may even might enjoy it. It also keeps your options open - if down the line you decide that you do want to give it a try it's very hard to go from FF to BF rather than the other way around. However, you don't need to make a firm decision now about what to do - you can always get bottles and formula etc in advance and have them in the house and keep the receipts if you decide you don't need them afterwards.

I hope you don't perceive this post as pressure - it's really not intended to be, I jjust wanted to say please don't stress about it. I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

May I ask about the horror stories your mates ("who chose not to BF") told, OP? I don't understand how they had horror stories if they didn't even try to breastfeed. Unless the "horror story" is about horrendous pressure and criticism they had to withstand?

If they tried to breastfeed but failed to get on with it, that's not "choosing" to not breastfeed, is it? Instead, It's trying BF but finding out it didn't suit you.

Maybe you need to balance out your decision with some tales from people who did choose to BF and did get on well with it? Just so you can be more confident in yourself, and you confidently can say you gave it serious consideration before rejecting it?

I BF DD and felt HUGE pressure from the MW's to FF at the first sign of any problems...

just tell them what you want to do and they'll have to accept it.

Breastfeeding ime is much easier than formula feeding (I've done both). I love it.

Do what you like but don't assume it would be a horrible experience.

Why don't you want to BF?

[I find the whole notion of growing a baby inside that you don't want to feed a little weird]

I thought I would try BF and had assumed I wouldn't like it but do it for the baby, it being the best and all that. But it was very natural, felt right and not remotely how I had imagined.

And a huge bottle in a tiny babies mouth does look a little strange.

ragged
that post was too logical
doubt OP will get it