Breastfeeding pressure overshadowing labour worries

[BeedeBee]

Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to breastfeed, esp so soon after delivery? I don't want to breastfeed but after lots of pressure from DH, NCT and local Children's Centre, I've agreed to 'try'. Now I can't stop worrying about the horrible time I'm going to have after birth, especially overnight on the post-natal ward when my DH will have gone home, trying and probably failing to do something I really, really don't want to do. It's really getting me down. I can't imagine having the mental strength to deal with any BF-related bullying on the post-natal ward.

This is my first baby.

Am I alone?

Kikibo - sorry I just reread your message and I think you were talking about co sleeping

However there are no studies that conclusively prove co sleeping to be risky - no study has considered all the different factors and many do not look at planned versus unplanned co sleeping. There is a big difference between purposely co sleeping and accidentally falling asleep with your baby.

Also a lot of mums co sleep on a one off when their baby is ill - making there more likely to be a problem

Kikibo, health research always uses the physiological norm as the 'control'. Breastfeeding is the physiological norm and bottlefeeding is the 'intervention'. I have yet to see studies showing evidence of ANY significant health benefits associated with this intervention, though I have seen hundreds of studies suggesting it is associated with greater risk of illness. For me that's pretty persuasive.

The total lack of evidence that there are benefits associated with bottlefeeding for babies, and the existence of good quality and consistent evidence that it's associated with higher rates of hospital admission for babies under 6 months hasn't stopped doctors and midwives positively encouraging women to abandon breastfeeding in their millions over the decades.

Kikibo..please research cosleeping..it is as a previous poster suggests, not as black and white as you think it is...and for someone who clearly things they understand research and it methodology you would understand that its not as simple as it is presented. The message 'do not cosleep' is a government advisory which is simplified because people fall asleep pissed on their kids ..not the same as planned cosleeping in a bed with parents who do not drink or smoke.

As fot your distate for statistical evidence I am curious what 'evidence' you do value...anecdotal?

Cleofartra that's a brilliant post.

I'm a midwife, I'm very pro breastfeeding and I will try hard to support anyone who want to breastfeed. My job is to inform women what their choices are and to support them in their decision. In my experience most hospital staff will be very supportive of your choice to bottle feed.

However, it is also your dh's baby, he is the one you have to live with and the one who will have to help you deal with your child when he or she is ill as all children get at some point. Don't let your decision to bottle feed come between you. You don't want him to start feeling like maybe the baby would have been healthier if it had been bf and making comments about it that might cause relationship probs. As has already been said you could always give expressed milk in a bottle for a time if you really can't deal with the idea of breastfeeding.

OP, if you're still there, you have made your decision. You don't need to justify it or discuss it with anyone else. The NCT and Children's Centre are there to advise you but they won't be at the hospital with you.

At the hospital where I gave birth they're so busy they don't have time to spend bullying or pressuring new mothers. And to be honest, they probably aren't that bothered if you choose not to BF.

In the end it's your body and your choice so ultimately it's no one else's business. And I'm sure DH will ultimately respect your wishes and won't blame you the first time your baby comes down with a cold.

All the best with the rest of your pregnancy, and I hope you and DH enjoy those incredible, exhausting, wonderful early days with your baby.

Some people here should be ashemed of themselves.

OP - Go into hospital with some formula and an open mind. You may want to try it when baby is born, you may not. Be prepared either way, read up on Forumla and BM (may I suggest slightly more neutral sources of infomration the MN message boards!) and be happy with what you decide.

YOU STILL COUNT. If you decide not to BF that is YOUR decision.

Good luck :)

BeedeBee

in answer to your OP... I havbe a six week old and was more scared of failing at breastfeeding than I was of labour.

However it's been a wonderful experience for me so try not to worry; it's not always awful. My advice would be to read up as much as you can about breastfeeding and the problems some people have. read threads on here and just prepare yourself. I truly believe doing so helped me massively.

oops, sorry, I just re-read it and realise now that you don't want to breastfeed.

Op - if you really don't want to do it then don't. I breastfed, only managed a few weeks and made myself miserable continuing when i really didn't want to/couldn't. I think i was actually tipped into depression. In my end my mum pointed out that breastfeeding a baby whilst sobbing to myself was not a positive feeding experience for either of us!

I do know what you mean about pressure, I can rememeber at my booking in appointment the modwife saying, you look like a well informed woman so you will be breastfeeding i assume . This time round i will be making it clear i will make the best decision at the time for my family.

Good luck!

Thanks dribbleface, toddlerwrangerl, DuelingFanjo and all the others who posted such lovely, supportive messages. In the end I managed to do a fortnight of breastfeeding.

My concerns about being hassled to BF turned out to be founded - there was loads of pressure both in hospital and out from midwives, paediatricians, health visitors, local authority breastfeeding counsellors and many more. My hubby assures me he felt the pressure too and that I wasn't just being oversensitive!

Congratulations on your new baby BeedeBee :)

There's a Support for those who FF thread on the Breast and Bottle Feeding forum if you need to chat about your experience. Sorry to hear that you felt a lot of pressure from all and sundry and that things didn't work out with the BFing but presumably you are happier now and that is very important! See you over on the other forum if you want to join us there

Hope you are enjoying your time with your brand new baby :)

Congratulations BeedeBee!

Try not to blame the staff at the hospital - they're only thinking about your baby.

And good on you for giving breastfeeding a go. Hope you didn't find it too bad!

Wow. You must begin standing your ground now or risk not feeling in control of anything once your baby arrives - a very dangerous place to be. Your baby, your rules and you have to feel happy with your choices. I cannot emphasise that enough. You have to be in a strong frame of mind once the baby comes because it's hard for the first couple of weeks as you're adjusting. But i'm sure you don't need me to tell you that.

I chose to BF and it's going very well. But interestingly i actually feel like breastfeeding is the exception rather than the rule and i don't believe that those who want to give BFing a try get enough support. I feel people (well meaning friends and husbands) are usually too keen to push new mothers into bottle feeding instead. A friend of mine was not supported well enough, despite wanting to BF, and her poor LO ended up losing 20% of her body weight while her poor mum teetered on the edge of PND. The healthcare providers knew her LO hadn't had a poo for 11 days and yet didn't act!

I'd planned on EBF and assumed FF was work of devil.
2 weeks of traumatic feeds later, and dc1 is loving their hipp! Sterilising/mixing bottles much easier than bloody nipples, screaming baby, crying mummy, weight loss, etc. And as you have to take spare baby clothes, muslins, nappies etc, shoving a bottle in the bag hardly makes it bulkier.
Do what works for you.

How you feed your baby is your choice, no one elses. However, I would say read the new Bottle feeding leaftlet from the department of health. Make sure that you make the feeds up carefully to reduce the risk of your baby getting tummy bugs. Consider using readymade formula for the first couple of months to reduce these risks.

Most of all enjoy your baby.

Do what you want to do, and don't listen to anyone else. I wish I had...

I wanted to BF and was encouraged to do so my all the health professionals around me. When my DD arrived I tried and tried and tried and tried, but she would not take it. Latched on for 5 seconds before pulling off screaming. I was told to 'try harder', which was not particularly good or useful advice.

On arriving home I was told by one midwife 'Don't you dare give her formula'. Being a first time Mum I listened. We were then admitted to SCBU at our local hospital as she had lost over 20% of her bodyweight and was so tired she couldn't remain conscious to finish a bottle. Seeing your baby so weak that she can't even stay awake to eat is absolutely rotten.

I think my point is, listen to yourself. I wish I had. If I had I would have given my little girl a top up with formula and then continued to try and BF.

It is easy to get caught up in the politics of BF, especially if you're a first time Mum, but not at the sake of a) your sanity and b) your baby.

I think alot of difficulty arises when someone says they want to breastfeed - when someone says that, the health professionals will do everything they can and support and encourage you to maintain the breastfeeding.
If a woman changes their mind - they really have to tell the health professionals otherwise they will keep on supporting which could then be mistaken for bullying, especially if that woman really in her heart wants to stop, but feels guilty for saying it out-loud.

Everyone should feed their baby in the way they feel most comfortable, yes, breast is best, but not to the detrement of maternal health

EgonSpengler - you wanted to breastfeed and you got shit care. That's the real issue.

There are plenty of mums who are advised to top up breastfeeding and end up stopping early as a result.

The problem isn't being encouraged to breastfeed, the problem is the way your attempts to do it are sabotaged at every turn by incompetent and ignorant health professionals.

Cleofartra - You're right, I did get shit care and it really affected the first few weeks of our baby's life and our relationship. I still can't look at pictures of her from those first few days without feeling sick and guilty.

But I still do wish that I had listened to myself rather than just assumed everyone knew better than me.

I think the real issue (for me at any rate)is that health professionals pushed what they saw as the 'right' way to feed a baby, right up until the point that it was actually harming my daughter.

I was told it's really common for babies to be admitted to SCBU with dehydration. I don't think that's right at all when something can be done to avoid that situation happening in the first place.

"I think the real issue (for me at any rate)is that health professionals pushed what they saw as the 'right' way to feed a baby, right up until the point that it was actually harming my daughter"

The problem is a lack of training in breastfeeding support - that manifests itself as a failure to recognise when top-ups are appropriate and when they are not.

"I was told it's really common for babies to be admitted to SCBU with dehydration. I don't think that's right at all when something can be done to avoid that situation happening in the first place."

It's very difficult - what's happening at the moment is that the MAJORITY of bf mothers are being encouraged (or at least not discouraged) from topping up breastfeeding in the first few weeks. This is part of what leads to the massive fall-out rate from breastfeeding. And then there are other women who're being encouraged to exclusively breastfeed, but without the support they need to do it effectively - hence babies ending up being readmitted with dehydration.

So the thing that needs to be done is to improve breastfeeding training and support - so that fewer women need to supplement with formula and that those people who genuinely do need to are identified and supported properly so that their babies' health is safe-guarded.

For me, a good summation!

Ex