Can any of you say honestly you are "over" your childbirth trauma? How long did it take!?

[Thandeka]

Had the most horrific vaginal birth experience which have seen psychologist, journalled, written lengthy complaint letter to hospital which was mostly agreed with by them that they were shit! I have talked about endessly but it still doesn't feel much better. Physically I am totally fine and mentally completely fine if I don't think about it but I accidently caught a bit of "one born every minute" last night and was in floods of tears. (That screamer last night was totally me and she had a good outcome!)

I guess partly its because DD's first birthday is coming up so its on my mind a lot because although I want to celebrate her there was absolutely nothing to celebrate about her birth and that makes me so sad. Also we are talking about trying for #2 now and although I am virtually guaranteed a section next time because of the trauma, there is a part of me that wonders if I should try again for a vaginal birth for a healing experience but then I am not sure I am strong enough.

Anyhow just some musings really. I know mumsnet friends who are 9years and 5years post their traumatic experiences and still not completely over it. I guess more time and maybe positive experiences with subsequent DC's will be healing but are there any of you who do feel like they have healed mentally the scars of a traumatic birth or is it something I will carry for ever?

6 weeks ago I'd have said no, you don't get over it. I had an emcs after failed induction with DD 4.6yrs ago and had learned to live with what happened, but still struggled to talk about it or think about it without getting upset. Then last year I fell pg with DS - I was certain I wanted to avoid another section as far as possible. In the event, DS arrived 5 weeks ago 2 weeks early - successful vbac all done and dusted in 2h 11mins and all that while I had the flu. It was the most positive experience I could have imagined. For me, it was completey cathartic and while I'm sad that my birth experience with DD was so far from what I had hoped and I can remember how unhappy I was during the long long recovery period, I can think and talk about it without crying. It's almost like I can chalk it down to experience, be thankful that DD and I survived it and move on.

oh BTW, when I was preparing for my vbac, I saw a specialist mw who assured me it's perfectly normal for women not to have got over birth traumas wihtin this sort of time frame.

Oh christ, No.

DS is 16.

I got over it when I had a better birth with DS2

one thing that REALLY helped was reading childbirth without fear before DS2, its just somehow calmed me down, and got rid of the fear

it made something click for me, and I really recommend it to anyone in your situation

I realised that with DS1 I was so fucking scared, thats the worse. Not the pain, the fear

if you eliminate that, its so so much easier

annatomi

oh thats awful, you poor thing

Well my second birth was the thing that most helped to heal the trauma of the first.It helped more than talking,or time.Although time has helped too.I still feel a bit green and stressed if I think about it in detail,but it doesn't hold the horror that it did-perhaps also as I'm not having any more (I'm 47)!

thanks for all the contributions to this thread- it really helps. Annatomix- sounds horrific- have you sought counselling?

I am going to get more counselling as last week I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost a tube, I haven't really been upset by it as much as expected and partly that was because of relief of not having to deal with the childbirth issue- how completely fucked up is that!?