not interested in a "magical experience" I just want to meet my baby

[MissyPie]

I've read a lot of posts on here which refer to the "magical experience" of chilbirth, so much so that someone has insinuated that they would prefer an unassisted birth in favour of this "magical experience"

I know some women like to connect with the baby as it is being born and I admire you, however AIBU to say that I'm not interested in how the baby gets here..I just want my baby in my arms and safe & well.

Although I look back fondly on my birth, I pretty much saw it as a "means to an end" and most magical moments have been in the 12 weeks since she was born.

Is there anyone out there who agrees with me? Obviously it's a personal choice but for me - I'd have epidural/drugs (the works) every time!

"So much of childbirth is down to luck and genetics. I think the OP is absolutely right"

Yes - but another *very big part of it is down to the sort of care you get and the environment you give birth in, both of which things you are likely to have some control over.

I've had my 'magical births' despite having the bad luck of having gestational diabetes, giant babies, and very long labours which don't progress normally. My expectations were this: that I'd be allowed to do whatever was necessary to help me cope with my labour and get my baby out.

"once the baby's born you hardly give it a second thought"

Maybe you don't. But other people look back on their births often through life - with pleasure or sadness.

Ta.

[dunks biscuit in tea while reflecting happily on 'magical' birth experiences]

Err Cleo - doesn't sound like you had a "magical birth experience" just that you had a euphoric high/sense of achievement afterwards. Not entirely the same thing.

"Of the type" to categorise people into groups based on their own prejudices and make assumptions about their motives, decisions and beliefs? If there is such a type, SecondComing, then I think that you, Mooer and your "friend" from antenatal classes all belong in it together.

"doesn't sound like you had a "magical birth experience" just that you had a euphoric high/sense of achievement afterwards. Not entirely the same thing."

No - it was all amazing. I gave birth to ds in the room that he's sleeping in now at the age of 7. This morning I saw my lovely midwife at the supermarket. I see her every couple of weeks because she lives round the corner and we always stop and talk. I often look at her and remember how kind (and brave!) she was when I was having my baby. I feel so lucky to have had such good care. Yes - contractions hurt and the experience can be frightening. But climbing a mountain can also be an ordeal - you'd still say afterwards that it was a 'magical experience'.

I think it likely that SecondComing's antenatal friend was, if not gloating, at least tactless. Surely it is ordinary human tact not to talk too much about your pride in your achievements or health in a company where you suspect other people may be not have the chance to enjoy the same experiene (which in this case would include any reasonably sized group of mothers)? In the same way as you don't talk too much about your wealth and your pride in achieving it when you are with people who are on the breadline. Called manners, isn't it?

My dad, until very recently, used to be very proud of his physical strength and talk at length about how happy he was that he could do X, Y and Z without feeling tired. Which was fine except he did it in the hearing of my physically disabled children who have been denied that opportunity. It's not that I grudge him a lifetime of health and athletic prowess, it is not that I don't understand that he has partly achieved this through exercise and a sensible lifestyle - it's just that I wish he'd keep his trap shut in mixed company!

And by the same token, I would go go slow when talking about my birth experiences in any company of mothers that I didn't know, because you never know what might hurt people.

Mooer was just very lucky (sorry, Mooer). When my waters broke and I presented at the labour unit, they monitored my bump and said in surprise, "ooh, you are contracting. Are you feeling anything?" I said no.

The midwife then got a bit cheerful and excited and said, "ooh, you might be one of the minority of women who have a pain-free birth! We had one in here the other day, no pain, waters gone, had a little look and saw a full head of hair!" I got rather cheerful and excited myself.

Sadly not. Cervix tight shut, and proper bloody-hell contractions started later that night...

Cory, I think the mother SecondComing was referring to hadn't had her baby yet - her comments about what sort of birth she wanted, and her confidence in her ability to give birth without intervention were made in the context of an antenatal class.

Longtalljosie, if women who do hypnobirthing have greater satisfaction with their births and are less likely to need syntocinon or pain relief. To me that suggests that to a certain extent preparation for birth, and not just luck can influence how much pain you experience, and/or how you cope with that pain.

I had a magical experience. It was an elective section. But I find people generally don't like to hear that, because it makes them feel uncomfortable.

NannyState, I am glad that you had a magical experience with your c-section. It is extremely blinkered to think that natural birth without pain relief is the only way to a magical experience.

I think the best way to a positive experience is to be open minded and not to judge yourself or anyone else to harshly.

I am reading a book called "Mindfulness for Dummies". It helping me to over come post traumatic stress. (not birth related, I had two good births. I was victim of an indecent assult at 19 and I feel that women who have had traumatic births are in a similar positon to me at 19.)

I think if this this book might be useful for women overcoming birth related post traumatic stress.

Cleofartra, at least one member of the antenatal class (SecondComing) was there for her second child, so had given birth before. And I still think it's tactless to go on about how you intend to have the perfect experience in the company of other people who may not have had that opportunity/may not get that opportunity next time. It's just about manners imho.

"And I still think it's tactless to go on about how you intend to have the perfect experience in the company of other people who may not have had that opportunity/may not get that opportunity next time. It's just about manners imho."

But it doesn't sound like she actually said she wanted a 'perfect experience'. By the sound of it what she said was that she wanted a waterbirth at home with a doula and that she intended to use aromatherapy. What's wrong with that? I think it's a bit unfortunate if she was made to feel she couldn't express her hopes for her birth because there happened to be someone in the class who had been traumatised by a previous experience.

"I had a magical experience. It was an elective section. But I find people generally don't like to hear that, because it makes them feel uncomfortable".

Why would it make them feel uncomfortable? Wouldn't they be pleased for you?

Would need to add though, that however delightful your experience was, you wouldn't have had the massive hormone rush that accompanies a normal birth, which is part of what accounts for the extreme euphoria some women experience following birth. The 'hormone high' is the result of pushing a baby out your fanjo (the distension of the vagina causing a massive surge of oxytocin) and from producing shed-loads of endorphins in response to the pain of labour contraction.

"Would need to add though, that however delightful your experience was, you wouldn't have had the massive hormone rush that accompanies a normal birth, which is part of what accounts for the extreme euphoria some women experience following birth. The 'hormone high' is the result of pushing a baby out your fanjo (the distension of the vagina causing a massive surge of oxytocin) and from producing shed-loads of endorphins in response to the pain of labour contraction."

I experienced birth euphoria with both my births. One was a highly medicalised unnatural birth, I had an epidural and felt nothing. The second birth was a home birth with nothing but TENS for pain relief.

It is bollox that you have to feel pain to feel happy and bouyant and on top of the world. To achieve this women need CHOICES and good quality care.

The births of my children are the most amazing days of my life.

"Would need to add though, that however delightful your experience was, you wouldn't have had the massive hormone rush that accompanies a normal birth, which is part of what accounts for the extreme euphoria some women experience following birth. The 'hormone high' is the result of pushing a baby out your fanjo (the distension of the vagina causing a massive surge of oxytocin) and from producing shed-loads of endorphins in response to the pain of labour contraction"

Have to say I don't think I ever want to have a "distension of vagina" and am quite happy for any fanjo realted mazing experiences to not involve that!

was euphoric about meeting the little people I'd nurtured for 9 months - fact they both arrived by ELCS was just the icing on the cake.

Well, if you give birth vaginally, you do have a distension of the vagina, like it or not lol.

I think what Cleofortra is referring to is the physical reaction when you experience natural childbirth.

That doesn't mean that you can't feel ecstatic/delighted/on could nine whatever type of birth you have.

I have experienced natural childbirth first time, followed by a csection (which is about as medicalised as you can get!) I felt on cloud nine after each birth - in fact, given that my csection baby had been at risk of dying if I'd gone through labour I was pretty damn ecstatic that she was alive! However, it is a different feeling, a physical response, when your body has experienced a drug free labour. I don't know why anyone would try to deny that, really.

When I was in the hopsital, alot of pressure being put on me to have an induction due to slow membrane rupture but no onset of labour, the horrible consultant said to me 'there is no such thing as a right r wrong birth',

I disagreed then, and I still do. At that time I felt that an induction would take me out of control of the whole situation, as it was not what I wanted, I feared more interventions, increased risks of PND and more difficult BF. All of these could have had serious repercussions not only on the manner of DD's arrival into this world, but possibly her health, my mental health, our bond etc etc, all of which can be long-lasting issues.

In the end I was induced - two days later. What was wrong on Monday became right on Wednesday as circumstances, and risks, changed.