Have you ever been told by a medic 'you can't possibly be in labour' when you actually are?

[SpeedyGonzalez]

This follows on from another thread in which the OP was told she was 'too smiley' to be in labour , and then sent home. She then gave birth shortly afterwards, at home.

With my first birth my mw gave me a look of gentle doubt about how far gone I was, but to her credit (and she was a fantastic mw ), she examined me and discovered that I was 7cm.

With my second birth (hb), I was asked to stay on the phone through a contraction. Perhaps if I'd 'lied' and screamed blue murder I wouldn't have been told they weren't going to send out a mw. Despite my telling them that the pain levels were similar to when I was admitted to hospital with birth no 1, and that I was doing hypnosis, so therefore in control and unlikely to go in for bloodcurdling screams, they didn't believe me, and when the mw finally came I was in so much pain that I practically bit her hand off (thinking it was the G&A pipe ).

I've heard countless tales like this, where mws seem not to have experience of women who don't 'lose it' in labour. I can understand it more with home births where a woman's on the phone - if they send someone to the home unnecessarily it costs more. But surely if a woman is in your ward and you think she's not in labour (and especially if she's given birth before), doesn't it make sense to give her a pelvic exam before sending her away, just in case? And are there really so few women who don't scream to the rooftops in labour that mws mistake them for early labour(ers)?

I was begging for pain relief and was told I was too late. Second time around I woke up DH who told me "You were 3cm 40 mins ago, you're not going to be any further along now" to which I replied "I DON'T CARE I AM GOING TO THAT HOSPITAL AND DEMANDING AN EPIDURAL". As it happens, that time I was 10cm anyway, but if I hadn't been I would have been drugged up to the eyeballs (I think...). In theory I'm all for natural birth and glad I had 2 but at the time there's nothing Amazonian about me :o

Well, you did two labours wig nowt but your own endorphins, ducky. IMO you should be knighted!

There's. Fab story in Naomi Wolf's 'Misconceptions' book where she says that her Israeli Defence League soldier brother (think it's their equivalent of the SAS??) watched in awe as his wife gave birth, then said: "Now that's hard work!".

Feel Amazonian now?

Sorry, crappy predictive texting. I meant: "WITH nowt..."

When I had DS3 my MW told me that some of the other MWs were telling her that I didn't seem to be in labour as they saw me laughing & joking with my friend on the way to get in the bath on delivery suite. My MW was lovely though & didn't doubt me for a minute.

I do agree that women who scream & shout are taken more seriously, maybe it is just for the sake of peace & harmony that some of them receive the checks on demand etc when others are left to their own devices?

Wonder if this happens less when MWs actually know their patients before labour? Would be interesting to hear a MWs opinion.

Oh yeah, I phoned my community midwives when I was in labour with DS2 (was VBA2C, my local team had offered to pop out and see me). Got a locum. Was told I couldn't possibly be in established labour if I could conduct the conversation. Baby born 2 1/2 hours later. Obviously I am hard as nails. Should have wailed more.

A lovely lady from my baby group was in labour in hospital (1st baby) and told the midwife she needed to push. Midwife said she didn't and told her to go to the toilet. Her mum, a retired midwife, said "No, I think she needs to push". Midwife insisted she tried going to the toilet.

She managed to get into the bathroom and the baby went skidding across the bathroom floor

She was fine, by the way!

with ds3 i went walking with dh at around midday around our village and kept stopping while having contractions. rang mw around 2:45 who told me that because i had just talked to her while having a contraction i wasn't far enough along and to go and try a bath. dh ran me a bath then went off to make sine dinner - i stepped in the bath - gave s piercing scream and rang ms back to tell her i was coming in even if they sent me home. she said 'you better come in - your voice has changed and you are 45 mins away' dh helped me dress and put me in car. ds3 was delivered at 3.45pm by dh in car in hospital car park. as dh rang ward to sayvthe baby was cominghe came round to me and had look and said its just your waters and as he said it baby pushed waters out as baby came out. dh sounded ever so proud when mw came out the door as he shouted 'you're too late - I've done it - he's here'

My labour stopped due to an asthma attack. So a midwife on shift change had a go at me and complained that there were too many people on the ward who weren't in labour and she was going to send me home.

I refused, as already had been in labour for a day and figured just how long could you be at 4cm for. (turns out quite a while).

OK not quite the same theme, but still felt the need to add.

When my water broke for d1 Dh called the hospital and they said we should come in. We got there, I was examined and the midwife said "well it does not look like it is going to be tonight or even tomorrow. We will keep you here but your Dh will have to go home!"(she was as friendly as a barn door BTW)

Dh went home, 20 minutes later I started having contractions they were very strong from the start, I did not have any "warning" ones. I asked if they could call DH to come and stay with me and comfort me a bit to which the answer was "there is no point we told you 20 minutes ago that you were NOT in labour!" and they sent me to a disgusting little bathroom to run a bath for myself. After a few minutes in that bath I was in so much pain I was groaning and could not call for help properly. Someone eventually came and helped me onto the delivery suit and called Dh. The entire time from Dh getting me to hospital and DD1 being born was 4 hours and 20 minutes but I seem to be the only woman in the world to be able to give birth without actually being in labour. The pain, the fright all that was just in my head presumably.
I take comfort in the fact it was really a fast one but gosh their attitude with me was horrid from start to finish. I was not listened to during labour, all my requests have been ignored and I was even told off by the MV stiching me after because I was looking at her while she was doing it. Well guess what,I really had nothig beter to do seing that the first thing they did when Dd was born was to send her and her dad to another room to give her a bath. I also was discharged after a 1/2 day withought having a clue how to Bf.

Thanks God the other 3 were born in a different hospital and I cannot fault the staff!

With dd2 the policy had changed from when I had dd1 a year before at the same hospital so you had to wait in a corridor/waiting room for the midwife to come.
I was having very frequent ctx and my way of dealing with them is to stop my conversation and go into myself.
The two other women who arrived after me and seemed to be having less frequent ctx but were noisier got seen first.
It seems they can't cope with people who don't scream and shout to deal with pain.
Eventually we got allowed through ( only because waters had broken and the evidence was on my trousers!) , put in the antenatal ward and shown where the tea making facilities were.
Like spangle I was worried about waking others up as it was middle of the night.,
I had to get Dh to go find her and tell her I wanted to go and have the baby not a cup of tea!
Finally examined and was 6 cm.
When I was on the ward after I had her another woman who'd been on antenatal saw me and said there was no way I should've been there

I woke up at 5.15am and was sick, contractions then started and were 2 minutes apart from the beginning. I rang the hospital 5 times between then and 1.30pm and was told a number of times that "It could be a couple of days yet" and that I wasn't really in labour as my contractions were not starting at the top my stomach and moving down. There were all in my back and very low down every time so therefore I couldn't possibly be in labour. In the end dh took me to the hospital anyway and I fully expected to be sent home.

I was made to wait in the waiting room for 15 minutes before anyone seen me and the receptionist commented that I was certainly in labour from the state I was in. I was finally examined (by this time contractions are less than a minute apart so it took me forever to get from that waiting room to my room because I had to keep stopping and hanging of the wall!

I was 7cm dilated and demanded gas and air immediately. I was so out of it that I didn't even notice anyone in the room until immediately after ds was born at 3.40pm. At which point I got an apology from the mw who had told me it would be a couple of days.

I'm so sorry for loads of you. Some really rough stories on here. So sad.

We're told ALL the time to leave it as late as possible to phone or get to the hospital especially for the first baby and even when you DO leave it as late as possible they still question whether you are actually in labour...

I wasn't really sure how painful it was meant to get before going in AND I was told I would need 3 hrs antibiotics as I have GBStrep so I was trying to work out if I was in labour and how long to hold off before phoning the hospital. When I phoned they questioned me on how long my contractions were, how close together etc etc. At this point I couldn't concentrate, was making NO sense and could hardly speak.

By the time OH got home from work to get us to the hospital, I was on the floor unable to move cos of the pain, my 2 paracetomol and cup of tea (only managed to get a teabag and sugar in the cup before I couldn't get back up) still sitting on the worktop. He called maternity ward again and they told us to start heading in so I could be assessed. Got stuck in traffic on way there. It was agonising.

Anyway, once I got there I was helped to maternity by a really kind and helpful nurse who was on her way home and saw OH drop me off outside before he sped off to find a parking space. MW at desk told me to wait in reception. I was seriously struggling and writhing about, blood all over my trousers and everything. Horrible. I got my phone out (which was almost IMPOSSIBLE) as I had to let OH know where to find me. Obviously MW looked over and said really loud "WELL she CAN'T be THAT far gone or she wouldn't be sitting there texting" smirk smirk. Another MW appeared and took me to be assessed. They were convinced I was total Drama Queen until MW said "Ok then... You're 10CM dialated!!!" and needed to give me something to SLOW THINGS DOWN! ARGH!

Anyway, nothing like some of you ladies have dealt with - being sent home to have your babies on the floor. The only reason they told me to come in when OH phoned them was because I needed 3 hrs on the drip before giving birth otherwise I would probably have been at home when DS appeared. He got totally stuck as well and I ended up being rushed in for emergency CS (actually had episiotomy n forceps instead as LO suddenly slipped into the right position at the last minute thankfully) so I am glad I wasn't sent home.

I feel so grateful for the midwife who answered when I rang the hospital with DC2 after reading these stories!

I'd been having contractions for 2 hours, during which time I'd done tea and put DD to bed! Then I rang the labour ward and said 'I'm sure it'll be a while, and I'm ok, but contractions are about 5 mins apart and my first DC was quite quick so I thought I'd better ring' When I took a breath and went quiet he said 'you're having one now aren't you?' and let me have a quiet moment! Then he said I had to come straight away! Was there for an hour before DS arrived

My mum was told she wasn't in labour when she was pregnant with my younger brother.

They were telling her off for pushing and then tried to roll her onto her stomach to give her an epidural. As they were rolling her, my brother sort of, fell out. Luckily my dad was there to catch him becuase all the midwives and doctors weren't paying any attention. My dad apparantly started shouting that the baby had been born and they weren't paying any attention as they were still rolling my mum over. Finally a midwife turned around to tell him to be quiet and saw him holding the baby.

It put my mum and dad off having any more children becuase she felt so disgusted at the way the midwives and doctors treated her.

With DS I insisted on being seen and examined as I was bleeding and contracting. MW was so dismissive over the phone that I stupidly didn't take my hospital bag with me so when they confirmed I was in labour (after telling me that there was absolutely no way I was) DP had to go all the way home again to get it.

With DD it was slightly different. Based on the mws from DS's birth I didn't believe I could be in "proper" labour if the contractions were only 15 mins apart so I got in the bath, waters went, screamed for DP to get an ambulance. When the ambulance arrived he told me that I had ages to go (because contractions had been 15 mins.) He wouldn't listen when I tried to tell him I could feel her head. The only reason that I didn't give birth on the garden path was that I insisted on stopping on the way out the door to have a contraction. Paramedic was busy talking to DP about panicking women with his back to me so I had to point out that her head was out. Strangely I didn't take up the ambulance service's offer of a doing a nice little publicity story for them...

With DC3 MW has sworn blind that they will come and check me whenever I phone(planned homebirth)based on DDs birth but whether they will or not is another matter...

I was just telling my friend about this thread and she told me what happened to her 2 years ago when her dd was born (she knows I'm posting this btw).

She was induced at 42 weeks, 1st pessary did nothing then shortly after being given the 2nd pessary she started having contractions. The mw said it was just prostin pains and gave her paracetamol. She knew it was real labour as it was her second dc and she kept telling the mws that she had a fast labour with her dc1 but they refused to examine her. She was still on the ward at this point, it was visiting time and people were tutting at her for making a noise. When her mum arrived to visit she started screaming that she wanted to push so her mum ran to get a mw and they finally checked her - she was 10cm! They took her to delivery and her dd was born 2 minutes after they got her to the room - in front of the porters and with no time for gas and air!

When I had DC4 my midwife didn't believe I could possibly be ready to push because when I'd arrived at the hospital 2 hours earlier, I was only 5 cm dilated and therefore could not have progressed that quickly. Plus my contractions were apparently not long enough - they were around 30 seconds long and coming every 2 minutes, and I also wasn't making enough fuss. So I started making a fuss, the midwife examined me and I was 10 cm dilated. DC4 was born probably 15 minutes after the midwife told me I couldn't possibly be ready to give birth.

It was my 4th child FFS. I could sort of understand if it were my first, but when somebody has had 3 other children all given birth vaginally it's a fair bet they know what it feels like when baby is ready to come out.

Ds2. Phone labour ward at 13.30 and told them I needed to come in, she said ok come in and we'll check you over but don't rush because t doesn't sound like you're very far along and we'll probably send you home.

Got there about 14.30, they faffed around for an hour was put to a delivery room and told to "get comfy as I had ages yet" put some comfy clothes on, went to the toilet, I sat down, stood straight back up again and hobbled out clutching my son's head and got onto the bed just as he slipped out. Mw hadn't even got her first glove on.

I actually really enjoyed that birth. It was calm and not even had an examination yet as they didn't think I was very fa along. Then my body did what it needed to do without any messing around from a mw.

Was home with him 3hrs after he was born, eating Chinese.

Knew I should've had him at home!

From Royal College of Midwives 'Ten top tips' for midwives, Tip number 5:

"Listen to her
Women themselves are the best source of information about what they need. However, a medicalised culture of 'knowing best' (where the deferential 'patient' is examined mutely) means that we are not good at asking her. We are also losing our skills in being able to read her non-verbal signals: her body language, gesture, expression, noises and so on. What we need to do is to get to know her, listen to her, understand her, talk to her and think about how we are contributing to her sense of achievement."

If I was having another baby I'd be tempted to print the whole list off and ask my midwife to read it aloud to me when I arrived at hospital.

here

DC1 my waters broke when I was 35+3. Rang the MW led unit and they told me to they couldn't take me as I an older mum (37 ), first timer, early birth, so to ring the big hospitasl in the city. Rng them and they told me to come in but not to hurry.
Got in about 6am and was monitered through out the day in a side room. 7pm I had my first contraction, by 8pm they were 5 minutes apart, by 9pm they were 3minutes aaprt and I was really starting to struggle. We told the MW that I was in active labour and needed some G&A but was told 'don't be silly there is no way you are and it will be tomorrow afternoon before anything really happened and to take 2 paracetamol and DH had to go home as he couldn't stay.' DH explained I had a high pain treshhold and if I was saying that I was in labour then I was. 'no,no don't be silly you need to go home. After much argueing they said they would stick a monitor on me to show me and then DH simply had to go home. While waiting for someone to come DH said to me he would sleep in the car as he wouldn't go home which was 45 minutes away. A young trainee MW came in and started to wire me up, I said I need to go to the loo and was told that they would monitor me first and then I could go. After much argy bargy I ripped off the monitor and went to the loo.

As I got there I felt this excruciating pain and collapsed on all fours, pulling the emergency cord as I went. After what seemed like ages someone came and asked what the matter was. I told her I was having an f*ing baby and she went away and noone came. DH was getting really worried now but could not get a MW to come to check on me and they wouldn't let him go down to check. In the end after half an hour since going to the loo he asked the receptionist to go check, she send a ward assistant down. DH says the WA came running out of the toilets and up the corridor yelling "she's having a baby, she's having a baby!" MW grabbed her and ordered her to get a bed and came int the toilet and grabbed me and got me to my feet and then told me to walk into the corridor. When I said I didn't think I could, I was pushed out and into the corridor where I was told to get up on to the bed. DH came running down the corrider and helped me up, no help from the MW who then lifted my gown in the corridor, in front of everyone who had come to gawp, pronounced me 9 cm and was told that I was going down to delivery. I gave birth to DS 1/2 an hour later.

That is just half the story, what happened next was just as bad, but I think I have ranted enough.

my story is the too smiley to be in labour from the other thread. The scary thimgabout this is that the hospitalis becoming to be known as only allowing woman in (quote by paramedics) 'if the babys head is being held in by knickers'

a very sad and worrying commentthat this is thought.

Flipping heck these stories make me so sad that so many women are patronised and ignored especially when they're at their most vulnerable and frightened. Imaslattern, please rant on! I'd like to hear more of your story and ranting is fine!

Great hunting, cleo, thank you for posting that. What an endorsement of what we all already know!

Slattern . Am amazed. Also shocked that the useless morons 'looking after' you went through all the trouble of fetching and setting up a monitor, but didnt have the presence of mind to examine you first. Please do tell more.